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1Bookworm
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| Posted: June 20 2005 at 7:56am | IP Logged
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Good morning,
I need some help. I can't decide what would be best for my children.
We just recently moved to a new home with a completely unfinished basement. Previously, we lived in an area where no one had basements, so this is a real treat for us. My dilemma is that we can't decide what to do about our children and bedrooms. Currently, ds 11 has his own room, my three girls 8, 51/2 and 21/2 share one good sized room, and my newborn ds is in our bedroom. More children are still a possibility, although frankly, right now the thought scares the wits out of me.
We could put up to 3 more bedrooms downstairs. That would leave us with a decent sized family room. This way everyone would have a place to be "alone" when things get stir crazy around here.
OTOH, I have many friends who say that the joys of the "slumber party" effect in sharing rooms can't be bought and to leave them in the two bedrooms on the mail floor (eventually, I guess my baby will share with his very much older brother...that would be a 15 yr old and a 3 yr old). I also feel very weird about having some of my children on a different floor than mom and dad...maybe thats just not being used to 2 story houses, though?
Our other plan is to put one bedroom downstairs and the rest the basement would be a huge rumpus room where they could play rough during the long winter when its too miserable to be outside. It would have all the legos and little tykes toys and bean bags and big pillows for pillow fights, a cheap stereo and a video only tv...that sort of thing. That one bedroom downstairs would serve as as a guest room and also would have a desk for when someone needs a quiet place to work, and maybe a sewing table, to keep needles off the main floors where toddlers can eat them. If it really didn't work to have the two boys share a room with that age span, then ds could move downstairs. Also, this would be a place for ds to be if he lives at home while attending school after graduation (he wants to be a contractor and own his own business). I think thats a distinct possibility.
The downside of this, of course, is that sometimes sharing a room can be a real drag, especially when one is a moody preteen and wants to just be alone. I have a hs friend who regrets allowing her oldest to ever have her own room because when she got to be a moody 13-14 yr old, she just holed off for hours at a time in her room and now acts a bit like she is not really a part of the rest of the family (good hs family, so I don't attribute this to public school attitudes).
I don't know what to do. I would really appreciate some wisdom, especially from those who maybe came from big families and shared rooms as teens themselves (maybe even with a young sibling?), or who have older children than ours and have more experience with their children and bedroom sharing.
Blessings,
Bookswithtea
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: June 20 2005 at 8:15am | IP Logged
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I just spent four days--really, really long days--moving my teenager back upstairs to share a room after having had him spend a year with a room of his own in the basement. It's much more difficult to supervise a child in the basement, particularly when you have several other children upstairs and you want to sleep occasionally. This is a great kid--still, it was a mistake. And in the end, he seemed sort of grateful to be moved back up.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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JennGM
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Interesting, Elizabeth. That was going to be my observation. I think it's best for older children to be in the mainstream of the family bedrooms. I'm not implying terrible things will happen, but even smaller things like very late bedtimes, unmonitored TV viewing, unregulated computer time, abuse of phone privileges, etc. can lead to a downward spiral which breaks up some of the family bonding. My parents' house (7 kids) in VA is a split foyer, a floor plan which I abhor. We had no way around putting two bedrooms downstairs in the basement, 3 up. It wasn't (and isn't) a good setup...and some of the above problems did happen. Technically it was just the "downstairs" in that house, not 3 floors down in regular houses, but still, it was separate from the parents, which I don't see as good. I've also seen a few problems with other families whose children moved into the basement.
Bookswithtea I would also ask what is your basement like? Will they be "legal" bedrooms? Is this a walkout basement? Will all the rooms have windows? Is the basement prone to leaking or dampness? As I've been viewing MANY houses, I find homes with converted bedrooms in the basement, unless they have a *real* window, it gets stuffy and smelly in the rooms. PLUS, not to scare you, but there should be a fire escape plan. A Legal bedroom should have at least a full window in case of fires.
I didn't grow up with basements, either. I was from the South, in TX and LA, and nothing was underground. But my husband was from PA and it's a must...but not for living quarters. Hobby rooms (sewing), play area (like ping-pong), workshop for his dad and storage.
Just my little opinion.
I'll pray that you find the solution soon that God wants for your little home!
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1Bookworm
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| Posted: June 20 2005 at 11:03am | IP Logged
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***I just spent four days--really, really long days--moving my teenager back upstairs to share a room after having had him spend a year with a room of his own in the basement. It's much more difficult to supervise a child in the basement, particularly when you have several other children upstairs and you want to sleep occasionally. This is a great kid--still, it was a mistake. And in the end, he seemed sort of grateful to be moved back up.***
Elizabeth...Thank you for sharing. Your experience just confirms the squeamish feeling I had about bedrooms in the basement. Did he move up to share a room again with younger siblings?
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1Bookworm
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| Posted: June 20 2005 at 11:10am | IP Logged
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***. I think it's best for older children to be in the mainstream of the family bedrooms. I'm not implying terrible things will happen, but even smaller things like very late bedtimes, unmonitored TV viewing, unregulated computer time, abuse of phone privileges, etc. can lead to a downward spiral which breaks up some of the family bonding.***
I know two hs families who have had problems with teens having too much alone time...good families with kids still getting onto the internet when unsupervised, etc...but the bonding issue is a major concern of mine. Even though my 2 sons are far apart in age, I'd like to do what I can to cultivate a bond between them. I mean, how neat for a little boy to have a brother to toss the ball with and build train tracks and things like that. And good for a teen too, to be with a child who does not notice the things that teens are traditionally worried about, and to be hero worshipped.
***My parents' house (7 kids) in VA is a split foyer, a floor plan which I abhor. We had no way around putting two bedrooms downstairs in the basement, 3 up. It wasn't (and isn't) a good setup...and some of the above problems did happen. Technically it was just the "downstairs" in that house, not 3 floors down in regular houses, but still, it was separate from the parents, which I don't see as good. I've also seen a few problems with other families whose children moved into the basement. ***
Thank you for sharing your experience. These are things I had just never thought of before. When we lived in the West, all the houses we lived in were ranch style. This is a new experience for me, having stairs at all.
***I would also ask what is your basement like? Will they be "legal" bedrooms?***
Now see, I didn't even know there was a legality issue. I see what you mean about fire escapes, too.
Well, that settles it. No permanent bedrooms downstairs. Not a good idea, all around. Thank you.
Now I have a new question: What do you all think about children with a wide age disparity sharing a room? I'll be looking at them sharing when one is close to 15 and the other is 2 1/2-3 (thats usually when they move from my room). Am I crazy to even consider this?
Bookswithtea
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LauraRB
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| Posted: June 20 2005 at 11:34am | IP Logged
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1Bookworm wrote:
Now I have a new question: What do you all think about children with a wide age disparity sharing a room? I'll be looking at them sharing when one is close to 15 and the other is 2 1/2-3 (thats usually when they move from my room). Am I crazy to even consider this?
Bookswithtea |
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My big sis is 14 years older than me and we have always been really close. We never shared a room formally, but I was always in her room  ... Now I don't know if sisters might be different than brothers and the temperament of the child is important. I would think that the older child should have some privacy... It is hard to write poetry (as teenagers seem to do) with anyone looking over your shoulder...
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ALmom
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| Posted: June 20 2005 at 3:29pm | IP Logged
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Bookswithtea,
We had children with a 4 year difference sharing a room and it was a great way for them to learn a lot as the temperments were very different. We built a loft bed with a curtained area under the bed to allow for some privacy and a means to have her little girl stuff strewn about without annoying the teen's aesthetic preferences.
The main thing that the older son will need in sharing with a 2 1/2 yo is a high shelf or area beyond reach where he can store breakables or projects that he doesn't want torn up as 2 1/2 are still learning about asking before getting into someone elses stuff. With a basement they'll be spaces to get away from noise and have peace and quiet. Our children would change either in the bathroom or in the br closet for privacy and worked out a system where both had privacy for changing.
It will probably work fine. It took our dds with very different temperments about 6 months to work out all the kinks but there were no major problems before that as long as I kept reminding them to communicate.
There wasn't quite as much difference in age but right now we have a 2 1/2 yo in our room who will be moving into 11 yo brother's room as soon as he is ready. The 11 yo is looking forward to it as this is the one that looks up to him and thinks everything he does is grand.
Janet
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Elizabeth
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1Bookworm wrote:
Elizabeth...Thank you for sharing. Your experience just confirms the squeamish feeling I had about bedrooms in the basement. Did he move up to share a room again with younger siblings?
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He did. His room was trashed. Apparently, every time he was asked to clean up, he shoved in his closet, under his bed, etc, all over the basement. This shoving including laundry and plenty of dirty cups and glasses and silverware. Clearly, he wasn't supervised.I thought he was mature enough 
When we last had a basement, the laundry room was down there and the computer and all our schoolish stuff. I was down there all the time. Had that been the case in this house, I would have had much more incentive to be inspecting more regularly. But I just assumed all was well. Rally, it was negligence on my part.I just didn't want to go down there and so I didn't. Lesson learned, all the way around. My kids are pretty impressed by how well I clean when angry  .
I second everything Jenn said  .
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Bridget
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My boys 'clean' that way too. The girls don't. Instead they spread everything out to organize it. Then tire of the project and leave it.
Darn. I was hoping that by the time the boys got to be Michael's age they wouldn't need so much chore supervision. Maybe they need it till their wives take over?
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JennGM
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| Posted: June 20 2005 at 5:35pm | IP Logged
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Elizabeth wrote:
| My kids are pretty impressed by how well I clean when angry . |
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I do the exact same thing!! I work up quite a sweat and my house just shines when I'm steaming mad!!!
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Jennifer G. Miller
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Elizabeth
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Bridget wrote:
My boys 'clean' that way too. The girls don't. Instead they spread everything out to organize it. Then tire of the project and leave it.
Darn. I was hoping that by the time the boys got to be Michael's age they wouldn't need so much chore supervision. Maybe they need it till their wives take over? |
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All I kept thinking about was how this "child" would be old enough to own a house in a few years...maybe if he paid for it, he care not to attract mice to it
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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1Bookworm
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jenngm67 wrote:
Elizabeth wrote:
| My kids are pretty impressed by how well I clean when angry . |
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I do the exact same thing!! I work up quite a sweat and my house just shines when I'm steaming mad!!! |
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Make that three...when I am mad or feeling out of control, cleaning is the best distraction EVER...just don't get in my way, though! LOL
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momtomany
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1Bookworm wrote:
***Now I have a new question: What do you all think about children with a wide age disparity sharing a room? I'll be looking at them sharing when one is close to 15 and the other is 2 1/2-3 (thats usually when they move from my room). Am I crazy to even consider this?
Bookswithtea |
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I have some experience with this. My 19 year old shares a bedroom with his 10 year old brother. My John has a seizure disorder, so we want an older sibling in there. Peter understands that and is quite good about it. Then I have two girls, 15 and 8 sharing a room. There aren't too many complaints either,other than Sarah complaining about all the religious pictures Leah has up on the walls. But they both have lots of horse show ribbons up. Overall, I do think that it is a bonding experience. It's funny, but when my older ones went to college, they were amazed at how much worse their college room mates were compared to their siblings. 
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Kelly
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Although we have extra rooms, I still keep my boys in one room, my girls in another. I tell them they have the whole rest of their lives as grownups to be alone if they so desire, and how I miss my brothers and sisters living in different towns, and by golly, they (my children) need to just enjoy being together while they have the opportunity. Never say never---there may come a time in the distant future that the eldest (15) gets his own room, right next to the other rooms, but for now I second, third, fourth, fifth and so on all the votes against putting kids in a solo, distant bedroom, for all the same reasons!
Kelly in FL
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1Bookworm
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You know what? After reading all the wise advice here (thank you!), I told my kids that it turns out there are fire hazards with having bedrooms downstairs so we'll just have to cozy up on the main level. My almost 12 yr old son says, "So! When do I get to share a room with Matt!" Did I mention that Matt is only 12 weeks old? :-D
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TradCathMom
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I don't have much wisdom but we gave this some thought as we are in the process of building a house. We decided on a boys room and a girls room. Their bedrooms are for sleeping, dressing and reading. No toys (unless they have a special sleep toy of course). Their toys will be in the basement, 2 play rooms a boys and a girls one. Afterall the girls like things pretty and the boys like to bust stuff up LOL. School stuff (and office stuff) will be up in a big loft. We have 4 girls and they have (or rather will have) 2 trundle beds. The other 3 are boys (obviously!) and have a bunk and not sure what the baby will have he is still with us! We're just trying to keep it simple. The thing that has been a big annoyance to me is keeping their clothing (thrown all over the place) and their toys (currently mixed in with all those clothes) neat and tidy. It never happens so I'm *hoping* this arrangement will help. If they aren't in their rooms they can't mess it up, right?! LOL (ha! I know we have some kind of mess pixie and no one knows who it is either!)
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Elizabeth
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Kelly wrote:
Although we have extra rooms, I still keep my boys in one room, my girls in another.
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Kelly
What are the demographics of each room? I guess I'm wondering how many kids of what age of each gender per room. Even without storing toys in there, how do you manage clothing, etc? And what about study space for the bigger kids. My older ones like to take their work to their desks in their rooms, but we're running out of floor space...
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1Bookworm
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Along these lines, does anyone know anything about triple bunks, or have had any success with trundles? We just moved our third girl in with her sisters. Right now there's a bunk bed for the 8 and 5 yr olds, and a toddler bed for the 2 1/2 yr old, but thats not going to work indefinately. I'd like to save some floor space as we do allow a few toys in there (most are in the basement) to play with during quiet time.
Dh thinks a trundle will be too difficult to pull in and out every night and that the one on the trundle will get stepped on in the middle of the night. I can't think of anything else except a triple bunk, which I imagine would have to be made by dad. Dh thinks the children won't have enough head room though, with that.
Any other ideas???
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TradCathMom
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1Bookworm wrote:
| Along these lines, does anyone know anything about triple bunks, or have had any success with trundles? |
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We have a trundle bed. (and one more in the makings by Grandpa). It works great. They are very easy to pull in and out. Currently ours are in the shape of a day bed (so with 3 sides) but if we have more girls I was thinking we could saw off the posts flush and build a higher bunk. A trundle doesn't need head room and the bunk part would be a regular bunk. Unless you have very short rooms I'd think it would be fine. We don't allow ours to play on the bunk anyway (the boys have a bunk) because of the obvious.... the littles would fall off on their head with our luck! I really like the trundle bed. The trundle part is just a flat piece of wood with a 2x4 (?) on the 2 long sides to hold the mattress in place and then some wheels underneath, slides very nicesly. You'd just want to be sure the top part of the bed is a little wider than the mattress so you can slide the trundle in and out!
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Molly Smith
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1Bookworm wrote:
| Along these lines, does anyone know anything about triple bunks, or have had any success with trundles? |
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Our "trundle" is really just a mattress under Jeanne's bed that we pull out for Sarah at night. She just sleeps with her pillows and a blanket, so we don't need a frame with a top sheet. I know you can buy a rolling metal frame at the mattress store, if that would work better and you need to tuck in a flat sheet.
I've seen triple bunks online, but I don't know anyone who has one. I know the bottom bed sits directly on the floor, so that's how they squeeze in three levels. My boys would probably love it, especially if you could work out a fire-pole deal for the top bunk. I'm sure if you google triple bunks you will get some hits.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Number of Bedrooms...help please?
