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alicegunther
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| Posted: March 17 2007 at 11:29pm | IP Logged
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Years ago, I remember awkwardly trying to explain our reasons for wanting to home educate and doing my best to field questions about socialization and all the rest, as well meaning friends expressed concern over our decision not to send my eldest to pre-school and, later, first grade.
As the years went by, I heard fewer and fewer questions and began to feel that maybe times had changed and hs'ing was now so socially acceptable that my defensive days were behind me.
Sadly, this is not the case. I had forgotten about the dreaded rite of passage looming over us, loud and clamorous as a production number from "Grease!"--high school! 
My eldest is now in seventh grade and suddenly we are in the spotlight again. Everyone is asking when/if/where we will be sending her to high school, and that dogged old monster is rearing its ugly head--socialization! I am beginning to realize that some of my acquaintances didn't really stop thinking this was a bad idea--they were only biding their time for another chance to point out the folly of my ways!
Anyway, dears, I just thought I would share this experience, one that is extremely common, no doubt. I am sure this has already been discussed here many times, so do not feel you need to respond. (Also, as I type this, I do not mean to imply that hs'ing is the only way to go for high school--I know we all travel many paths.)
Just say a prayer for me that I can show others that home education is not just for little ones!
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Love, Alice
mother of seven!
      
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Brew yourself a cup of tea, and come for a visit!
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Mary G
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| Posted: March 17 2007 at 11:36pm | IP Logged
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Oh Alice -- I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this one again. Can't people trust us to make the right decisions for our kids. So many parents put their kids in high school rather than home schooling them -- usually because the parents buy into the socialization, college and other issues. As parents on here have shown, it can be done!
I'll keep you in my prayers and know that you will weather the coming storm with grace and wisdom (and a soupcon of determination!) Blessings dear
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MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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mariB
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| Posted: March 18 2007 at 6:55am | IP Logged
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Alice,
We are homeschooling our first highschooler this year and let me tell you what a blessing it is! People ask this question to us all of the time but then they always like to ask, "You don't plan on having another baby, do you?"
This is part of our "little suffering" and these people who think our children are missing out will not be converted to our way of thinking any time too soon. The largest part of this is their lack of understanding homeschooling or else they'd be homeschooling too!
But on the upside, when you are following God's will in your life, "If God is for you who can be against you?"
My husband and I often talk about what a blessing it is to be respected and loved by our teenagers.  What an incredible privilege!
I hope this helps. God bless and I will be praying for you.
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marib-Mother to 22ds,21ds,18ds,15dd,11dd and wife to an amazing man for 23 years
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: March 18 2007 at 7:46am | IP Logged
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I have to say I am shocked! I would think that anyone who took one look at your beautiful life with your children would be able to see how right and good it is. After all, I can see it all the way from here!
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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chicken lady
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| Posted: March 18 2007 at 7:52am | IP Logged
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Dear Alice, Since I have a habit of being blunt  I always hear this and I simply ask back," Since when did socialization become the goal of complusory education"? Stumps them everytime! Then again, I cannot imagine you being anything less than charitable, so perhaps I will let others advice
If I am REALLY tired of it from say my mother.......I say I DON"T want my children socialzing with X! And that is my right and duty to protect these dd's innocence. I realize you have probably aleady thought all this through, I just feel it is so intrusive to butt into my life, that I bluntly have at them!
I remember a priest friend telling me after I explained to him that I did'nt want or intend to offend when being put on the spot about HS'ing, and he told me "Well Molly maybe they need to be offended" Point being that people think they have the right to all sorts of personal info. of your familiy and we have every right to set that boundry.
Again I KNOW you say it much nicer, do give me hints on how to pull that off
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Maria B.
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Alice, I remember this when our first was entering 7th grade. Everyone just assumed now that the kids were junior high age we would put them in school. To make matters worse, many homeschoolers in our area did that, so the pressure was even greater, along with the assumption. I now have graduated one from high school and have two in high school, all at home. I still get the questions about when I am going to put the kids in school. One lady last summer at the pool asked me what I was going to do for college. "Is there a homeschool college?" she asked. "Will they even go to college?" Just yesterday, hearing that my son had just been accepted to the Naval Academy, one neighbor said, "Gee there really must be something to that homeschooling!" What a shame that we have to prove ourselves and be under such scrutiny.
I feel sorry for people with this kind of thinking. They have no idea what a blessing this time with our children is. I would not trade any of the struggles of homeschooling my older kids with putting my kids in high school. I treasure the time I have had with my son, Billy, and consider it a privilege to have taught him and helped form him. It has been such a blessing for all of us.
I will pray for you Alice.
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Maria in VA
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Bridget
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| Posted: March 18 2007 at 8:05am | IP Logged
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Well, if Alice is getting grilled about it, there is little hope that the rest of us will avoid it.
I'm sure people are thinking that high school is preparation for college and college is preparation for that almighty career. They also seem to have a romanticized vision of prom, sports and other high school events.
There may not be much we can say to explain our greater goals regarding faith and family, but we can summarize all the fabulous opportunities our hs highschoolers have. That seems to be what folks are concerned about.
In the end, having to explain and defend ourselves is just another small suffering for living God's calling. That is actually not a bad thing.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Maria B.
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| Posted: March 18 2007 at 8:14am | IP Logged
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I have been thinking about this since my post ...
Funny thing, when my oldest daughter who has learning disabilities graduated and started working at a grocery store, none of these "critics" took notice. Now that I have a son headed for the Naval Academy, they notice.
So sad! The standards to "judge" whether a person is a success are all based on worldly achievements. Forget the heart of the person, their morals and beliefs, their charity and concern for others, etc.
These are the same people who always tell me my kids are so polite, kind, well-behaved and helpful. How do I do it, they ask me!
I think Bridget is right.
Bridget wrote:
| In the end, having to explain and defend ourselves is just another small suffering for living God's calling. That is actually not a bad thing. |
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Our witness is the best thing we can give these parents, families who are really searching.
What a blessing that we have each other for support and encouragement!
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Maria in VA
Proud Mom to 10 Great kids!
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Courtney
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| Posted: March 18 2007 at 8:24am | IP Logged
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My children are only 6 and 9 and I'm already getting the, "well, you WILL send them to high school won't you?" We live in a district with a very high rated (by whose standards?) school system. The high school has won state in football several years in a row. This all adds to the thinking that it's the BEST place for our kids. I think some people think that there are experiences that kids can ONLY get in a high school. I disagree!
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Courtney in Texas
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Mom to Candace 10/97,Christopher 4/00 and Connor 11/11
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: March 18 2007 at 8:36am | IP Logged
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It NEVER ends. I can guarantee it from a personal front.
My oldest dd is in high school (and doing extremely well). Which is why I can't completely blackball the school experience. No, it doesn't always turn out tragic.
But, still, here we have our dd in school and in Jan. I was at my cousin's house visiting and we were talking about college and I was telling her that Kayleigh was perfectly happy to stay home and drive to school each day and how relieved I was because I didn't want her living in the co-ed dorms (even though her test scores were high enough that the dorm would be paid for).
And my cousin, who moved away and went to the University of Colorado and lived in co-ed dorms after high school said, "Well, you have to let them go at some point. You can't keep them home forever."
Hello! We were talking about the child who is already in school.
I think people, no matter where our children go to school, know that we have a certain mentality and certain expectations of our dc. And, to them, it's an entrapment.
I'm so sorry you (of all people) have to go through this. But, thank you for sharing, Alice. It assures the rest of us that if you are being questioned about your decisions then the rest of us are in excellent company. 
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
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Karen E.
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| Posted: March 18 2007 at 9:28am | IP Logged
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I have a friend going through this with her 8th grade son -- a friend of hers has always been supportive of hs'ing, but is suddenly concerned about "the one going into high school next year."
My oldest would be in 7th grade in school, and I just keep telling people (who ask about high school), "It's all going great so far -- we'll keep doing it as long as it keeps going great."
They probably leave that conversation assuming, "It will soon *not* be going great ...."
And I leave it assuming, "It'll go great all the way through, with God's help."
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God bless,
Karen E.
mom to three on earth, and several souls in God's care
Visit my blog, with its shockingly clever title, "Karen Edmisten."
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stacykay
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| Posted: March 18 2007 at 11:39am | IP Logged
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Alice,
I am sorry you are having to defend the hs'ing, again. I can't talk too much here, as my oldest did go to high school and 16 yods is also in high school. And they didn't go for any great noble reason, but to play sports.
But I did get the same talk from my sister, that Cay got from her cousin, and this was regarding my oldest ds who is away at college! My sis, obviously, thinks I still have too much of a "hold" on him!
I think hs'ing for high school would be such fun. We have many in our local homeschool group who do, and these children, no, young men and ladies, are such wonderful people. Confident, intelligent, faithful, and fun are the words that come to mind in describing them.
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
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Mary G
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| Posted: March 18 2007 at 1:11pm | IP Logged
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Cay Gibson wrote:
My oldest dd is in high school (and doing extremely well). Which is why I can't completely blackball the school experience. No, it doesn't always turn out tragic.
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Cay, we're putting Catie in as a junior to the diocesan high school here (Rick teaches there too) primarily because she does do better in "school" and we know what we're getting into....
Now, with my littles -- I will homeschool at least till high school -- will be a different thing because they've ALWAYS been homeschooled (whereas Joe and Cate have been in and out due to our circumstances).....
Alice, you're in my prayers -- why do people feel it's there business to advise on personal, family matters anyway? I always feel like saying, "if I want advice I'll ask for it" -- I'm sure you'd say it with your way of saying things always with polite, but firm, care!
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MaryG
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my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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guitarnan
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Please allow me to offer a word that makes dubious folks ease up...it's "outsourcing."
As in, "How are you planning to do biology lab?" (Or computer programming? Or speech class? The list is endless!)
I say, "I'm outsourcing a couple of classes. My son takes archery lessons for fall and spring P. E. and he takes homeschoolers' computer classes at the local community college."
The crazed questioner usually relaxes visibly and says something like, "Oh, that's all right, then," or, "I was wondering how you were going to handle that," and then they leave me alone.
I don't think I should have to answer all the questions people present to me, but my "stock answer" seems to let them know that I have thought through the whole process. It also saves me from justifying my program to them.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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momwise
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| Posted: March 18 2007 at 4:57pm | IP Logged
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guitarnan wrote:
I say, "I'm outsourcing a couple of classes. My son takes archery lessons for fall and spring P. E. and he takes homeschoolers' computer classes at the local community college."
The crazed questioner usually relaxes visibly |
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I hesitate to post this since I would never want you to think like the cynic that I am but you could always cite the dr*g ab*se/s*x assault/drop-out/you-name-it rate at your local high school and question why anyone would want to socialize there. We lived near a high school so bad you wouldn't want to walk within a mile of it and noone *ever* asked us if we were going to send the dc there.
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Gwen...wife for 30 years, mom of 7, grandma of 3.....
"If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life." JPII
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MaryMary
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| Posted: March 18 2007 at 5:08pm | IP Logged
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Alice, I could have typed Theresa's response word for word. From my chair, your family is a beautiful and brilliant witness of everything that is good about the homeschooling lifestyle.
This is really only my second year of official homeschooling, but I am starting to sniff out homeschool critics a mile away. God bless them, many of them really mean no harm, but sometimes fielding questions from them can make you feel like you are a circus sideshow.   
I have broken the homeschool critics that I have encountered into groups...Hope you get a giggle out of this list!
The INSULTED: Those that feel that your decision to homeschool is really a judgement on THEIR lifestyle or decisions (Classroom teachers and Principals fall into this group)
The OVERCONCERNED: Your decision to homeschool increases these people's blood pressure. They worry about your kids, and they worry about your sanity. They attempt to woo you out of this stress-inducing lifestyle with shameless bribery. They sigh woefully when one of your children says or does something remotely worrysome, and they are quick to blame it on homeschooling. (Grandparents are biggies in this category)
The SKEPTICAL: The "I don't know about this homeschooling thing, but I'll be watching you and your children VEEEERRRRRRYYYYY closely over the next few years for signs of normalcy" friends and neighbours we all know!
The NOSEY: They Just. Want. To. Know. Why? How? Why Not? How Come? Your explanations have little or no effect on their opinion of your family, or of homeschooling. They think you're loopy anyway  , but they derive great amusement from hearing the itty bitty details of your day!
The UNSURE: Not against homeschooling, not for, sometimes they applaud and encourage you, sometimes they look at you as though you just sprouted a second and third head before their eyes!
The CYNICS: Not in a million years can you convince them of the merits of homeschooling, they are adamantly against it, and they are never, ever, WRONG!!
The MISTAKEN: Somehow they have been given poor or faulty info about homeschoolers/homeschooling. Well meaning but not properly informed(The ones that gasp in a horrified tone, "You HOMESCHOOL? Can't you go to JAIL for that?")
If I detect that the question about our decision to homeschool comes from one of the overconcerned, or skeptical or unsure or mistaken types, I am glad to give them reasons for why we chose this way of life. If I know that the person that questions me is just looking for juicy material for gossip sessions, or they are cynical, or personally insulted by this way of life, I try to make my explanation kind but brief. Ultimately I know my reasons do not penetrate with some types, and I am glad to leave it at that.
Sorry that you are going through this, Alice, and sending you sisterly support hugs across the miles! 
(We loopy, head-sprouting types need to stick together you know! )
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Mary
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MaryM
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Mary,
What a great analysis of the possible questioning individuals. It was amusing to read that.
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Mary M. in Denver
Our Domestic Church
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alicegunther
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Many, many thanks to all of you for chiming in on this thread, for the kind words and excellent advice. I always know I will be understood here!!!
Mary, your list of homeschool critics is one of the most hysterical things I have ever read! Great insight.
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Love, Alice
mother of seven!
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vmalott
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Interesting thread. Oddly enough, we've not gotten this question about our oldest (12.5), but about her younger brother (10). He plays select baseball and has aspirations of being granted an athletic scholarship. Some coaches and parents have asked us if we will send him to high school so he can be more "visible" to the college scouts. We even went so far this year to look into local private schools (for further on down the road) that would allow him to play in high school if he enrolls in one or two classes.
Finally, though, we found out this won't be necessary, especially if he stays in the baseball organization he's in right now. We attended a seminar that the founder of the organization offered, and he stated that it did not matter what high school a boy attends if he is playing "summer ball" with a highly visible organization. Sounds good to us! This guy has the connections we need to make sure our son is seen by the right folks.
Thank goodness we have 6+ years to figure out the whole NCAA thing...
Valerie
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Valerie
Mom to Julia ('94), John ('96), Lizzy ('98), Connor ('01), Drew ('02), Cate ('04), Aidan ('08) and three saints in heaven
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MacBeth
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| Posted: March 18 2007 at 8:39pm | IP Logged
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Alice, I love it that you get this question. Do invite these folks to see our kids in their latest theatrical production.
FWIW, my father is always asking these questions of me, but I know his heart is in the right place. And he usually gives up pretty easily, and moves on to his brother who has kids the same ages as my kids. He asks his brother why he sends his kids to public school. Yes, my cranky old atheist father thinks his brother should send his son to BC High instead of the public schools.
Some people, as MaryMary pointed out so neatly, just like to have something to say.
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MacBeth in NY
Don's wife since '88; "Mom" to the Fab 4
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Here we go again
