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amyable
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| Posted: March 15 2007 at 3:01pm | IP Logged
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You'd think after 4 kids I'd know this stuff...  My others didn't seem to need to "experience" their food to such a degree though! 
I'm wondering when it is developmentally appropriate for a child to stop playing with their food so much? My dd just turned 22 months, and she takes apart all sandwiches, smearing spread around, paints her hands with oatmeal/yogurt, etc, etc...nothing is safe. The worst part is that she then hates when things look "wrong" and won't eat the sandwich she just demolished. She *has* to be at least a little hungry, as she says she is hungry/thirsty/wants to nurse all the time, and my milk supply is way down.
It *really* bothers me, so I tend to go back and forth between telling her "No, you may only eat it nicely" (which never really works for long) and thinking I'm being an evil mother asking something inappropriate for her age.
What are your kids like in this area? What about utensils? Any neat tricks or tips to share? 
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St. Ann
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| Posted: March 15 2007 at 3:57pm | IP Logged
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I have never really given the girls free reign over their food. If the toddler started playing with her bread or stuffing too much in her mouth at once, then I only gave her bite size bits one at a time. As soon as they were physically able to manoever a spoon, they got one. My 3yr old eats with a fork and a knife, but needs help cutting most things. I never allowed playing with food, so it never got to be a problem. At that point I always took control of feeding...you know, the tendency to fingerpaint with food...that got nipped in the bud real quick! Of course, then I usually had a plate full of cold food to enjoy afterwards.
My sister has a dog just for the purpose of cleaning up the floor after her babies eat. We don't have a dog, so I had to find a different approach 
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Fuzzy
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| Posted: March 15 2007 at 3:59pm | IP Logged
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You might try a bib with a BIG face on it, and call him Mr. Messy. Tell her that Mr. Messy is the ONLY thing that is allowed to have the mess on it, and see how she does. It may not be the best solution, since she is "experiencing" her food so much, but she may not want to get soo messy, because that is *his* job!
I was all about HUGE bibs for my kids, the kind that their arms go through and tie in the back. Makes it much harder to get off too 
HTH
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Angel
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| Posted: March 15 2007 at 4:27pm | IP Logged
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Like Stephanie, I tend to give food in small amounts to minimize the temptation to play. Then, as soon as they start playing, I say, "Oh, you must be done!" and either take the food away or get them down from the table.
I do make some allowances for messy food -- I mean, it can be tough to manuever that spoon -- but if it's clearly *playing* and not trying to eat, they're done. (I don't *think* a toddler will willfully starve! LOL)
I don't think you're being an evil mom for not allowing her to play, though. After all, little ones have to learn manners somehow.
--Angela
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 15 2007 at 4:29pm | IP Logged
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and you might want to try doing things that give her that exerience at other than meal times.. playdough.. rice with scoops and funnels and such.. playing in the water.. finger painting (for ones liable to put paint in their mouth.. let them paint with pudding but set it up like for painting)
That can help meet her need for the tactile stimulation and make it easier to correct at mealtimes.
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: March 15 2007 at 5:02pm | IP Logged
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St. Ann wrote:
I have never really given the girls free reign over their food. If the toddler started playing with her bread or stuffing too much in her mouth at once, then I only gave her bite size bits one at a time. I never allowed playing with food, so it never got to be a problem. At that point I always took control of feeding...you know, the tendency to fingerpaint with food...that got nipped in the bud real quick! Of course, then I usually had a plate full of cold food to enjoy afterwards.
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This has pretty much been our approach too.
I always tried to not get mad about these things, which was always very hard for me. We just simply stated the same things over and over again in a regular tone. "Eat nicely" or "We don't play with food" or "Eat now, play later." "If you make a mess out of your food, you will leave the table." And then followed up, of course. I guess some would consider me a "table/food nazi"....but we have fun too!
I do not think you're being unrealistic.
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: March 15 2007 at 5:05pm | IP Logged
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amyable wrote:
| She *has* to be at least a little hungry, as she says she is hungry/thirsty/wants to nurse all the time, and my milk supply is way down. |
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Question: Do you let her eat / drink at other times of the day (non-meal time) when she says this?
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Rebecca
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| Posted: March 15 2007 at 5:41pm | IP Logged
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I really try not to reinforce undesirable behaviors at the table by paying them much attention. I think most kids will imitate what they see around them as they grow older. Right around three they seem to really want to behave like their family members.
As far as using utensils correctly, I think until they are developmentally ready to write with a crayon or pencil, a utensil can be pretty challenging. I still give them one but don't really expect them to handle it really well until they are preschool age or so.
The food smearing and demolishing sounds pretty normal for that age, Amy. I am kind of laid back but I really think it is better not to give it much attention. If my kids start to throw food, I remove it without chastisement, wash their hands and take them out of their seat. They are obviously done if they are tossing food. I did find that if they had a signal or sign for "done", they were less apt to throw the food.
It also could be boredom if she is tired of the same foods. Maybe a little variety, either in the food choices, the way you slice things or in the way you present them.
When my oldest was a baby he used to play alot with his food until I started making him "Smiley Face" meals. I basically made the same foods I normally would but presented them in a smiley face. Grapes for eyes, kiwi for nose, sandwhich half for mouth, etc. He loved that and ate much better, making mealtime more pleasant after that.
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Philothea
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St. Ann wrote:
| I have never really given the girls free reign over their food. If the toddler started playing with her bread or stuffing too much in her mouth at once, then I only gave her bite size bits one at a time. As soon as they were physically able to manoever a spoon, they got one. My 3yr old eats with a fork and a knife, but needs help cutting most things. I never allowed playing with food, so it never got to be a problem. |
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Pretty much what she said. My son is 2 1/2. The first time dinner gets played with, he gets a warning. If he plays with it again, it's gone. He knows this and doesn't push his luck (too much, anyway). His big temptation is to turn his food into a construction site, with the utensils serving as bulldozers, backhoes, etc., occasionally complete with sound effects. I simply will not tolerate it. Food is for eating, not manipulating. Construction play is for the front yard, not the dinner table.
We've had these rules since he was old enough to use a spoon, so since he was about a year old. Before that, he was too little to understand and he had his hands in his food anyway, but if it was clear he was playing and no longer eating, I'd simply remove the food and say "all done?" Based on his reaction at that age, I'd either feed him a few more bites myself, or continue cleaning up. But at 22 months ... yeah, that's too old to be playing in food, especially with hands.
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: March 15 2007 at 8:45pm | IP Logged
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SuzanneG wrote:
amyable wrote:
| She *has* to be at least a little hungry, as she says she is hungry/thirsty/wants to nurse all the time, and my milk supply is way down. |
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Question: Do you let her eat / drink at other times of the day (non-meal time) when she says this?
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Blah...sorry, someone pushed send and i wasn't finished. I meant to say that if she is eating throughout the day, then maybe she isn't really hungry, hence the playing with food???? Only a thought....a friend always has to remind me to rule out the "biological" or obvious (or sometimes not so obvious ) reasons first.
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Martha
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I'm the same as others about habit forming and no playing and small portions.
Also, they don't need much to be full. Their stomach is not much bigger than the size of their fist.
Also keep those itty attention spans in mind. We come to a ready table, say grace, then plates are served youngest to oldest. Small portions help here too. They have to do something while they chew and there's that pile of mashed potatos and peas and corn....
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Elizabeth
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I do things the way Rebecca does. I don't make a huge deal of it and if they start throwing or dropping food, I whisk it away. I don't think a child will starve herself because she's made a mess of her food.If she's hungry she'll eat even if she's made her food messy. A child that age WILL nurse or snack too much between meals. If you weren't pregnant Amy, I'd suspect she was filling up on breastmilk. But that is unlikely now.
Their tummies are tiny and they both fill and empty quickly. It sounds like she might have too much food in front of her at once during meals. And...Snacking is appropriate as long as the snack is nutritious calories. It all counts towards nourishing her.
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Angie Mc
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Something that has helped our family tremendously is a family goal for meal time...zero tolerance for anything unpleasant or controversial at the table. Each of us is expected to leave the table until we get back to a pleasant place. This has been very hard work for each and everyone of our family members  . For three and under, this usually means our family working to make meal time attractive so that the child wants to join us. So we all work to be polite and pleasant, smile and laugh (gently,) tell stories, etc. while including the little. When they act as small children do (throw/drop food, smear food, spit food, build towers with food, etc.) we all need to be pleasant in our manner of correction. If I become frustrated, *I* need to leave the table until I can correct in a pleasant manner. My words need to be positive, "We keep our food on our plates or in our mouths." "We sit in our chairs." All members of the family need to practice "We encourage right behavior." So when the little guy does something the older children think is hilarious (but is not acceptable) *they* are expected to not laugh...wow is that hard work. If not then they leave the table until they can collect themselves. If the little throws a temper, he is gently removed, encouraged to collect himself (most often with the presence of a parent,) then given the opportunity to rejoin us.
Currently, my little guy will use a spoon but one of my boys couldn't (still struggles with) utensils. Much of this has to do with fine motor coordination. He looks forward to being at the table with us and we serve him small amounts of food, often off of a parent plate a piece at at time, onto his plate. Since our dining space is connected to our living space, when he is "done" he can get down from his seat and move about the room while we finish our meal.
My dh is the quiet foundation of our zero-tolerance rule. He and I were both raised in situations where table time could not be counted on to be a pleasant experience. We want our children to count on it...to want to come to the table and trust that their encounter there will always be pleasant. As my dh says, "We can deal with all problems away from the table." From him, I have never heard a word of complaint about work, the house, the children, or anything else at the table. He really sets the tone and expectation. Our table manners still aren't what I would like them to be but our time together is consistently pleasant and we see signs of improvement which cheers us on...
Love,
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: When to expect more neatness at meals?
