4Real Forums: For a friend who doesn't want to hs

Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.

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Topic: For a friend who doesn't want to hs

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Tina P.
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Posted: March 13 2007 at 12:12pm \| IP Logged

I have a friend who doesn't want to homeschool anymore. she says she yells at her kids and her house isn't clean enough (whose is who homeschools?). Those seem to me to be paltry reasons not to homeschool. I've even offered, tentatively, to take her kids on as well as my own (she has 4 who hs). I say tentatively because she likes schedule and regiment. She uses MODG and I am afraid that she would not care for my more free and easy style. We can go off on a "rabbit trail" for WEEKS!

Anyway, I'm asking prayers for her discernment of what is really important in her life. I'm also asking for discernment for what is right in MY life as I am relatively at peace with my own kids now ... do I really want to rock the boat?

Thanks,

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Theresa
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Posted: March 13 2007 at 12:46pm \| IP Logged

I typed up a big reply but then felt that the Holy Spirit was asking me to not post it so I will just say, could you in love ask her how her Word life and prayer life has been? When those times in my life get neglected other areas of my life slip out of order. Encourage her to take some in prayer and cry out to God for Wisdom, discernment and understanding in this decision.

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Theresa

Paula in MN
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Posted: March 13 2007 at 4:25pm \| IP Logged

Well said, Theresa!

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Paula
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Tina P.
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Posted: March 14 2007 at 11:27am \| IP Logged

It doesn't seem that she *likes* to be with her children. It's so sad.

At one time, she took them on nature walks. Now that she lives nearer nature, she just lets them wander by themselves. She threw away (instead of giving away) clothes and a whole box of books (can you BELIEVE that?!?!?) because, "No one would want what we had." I could somewhat understand the clothes, as much of what we have goes through the ringer before we finally throw it away. But BOOKS!?!? And she's telling this to a homeschooling mom!

And she doesn't like to do crafts with her kids because, "I just end up throwing it all away." OK, so take pictures of it. Create memories with your children!

I'm afraid that I'm going to threaten our friendship because I have a tendency to speak my mind voluminously and without sparing others' feelings.

But it's strange, isn't it, that I am more interested in her children's futures than she is. I'm offering to teach her children in a Catholic environment when she is sending two of them already to a anti-Catholic Montessori school.

She keeps telling me that I'm a gifted teacher. What she doesn't realize is that it took me seven years of ups and downs to get where I am now. It took seven years, tons of money, and tons of time to realize what we want in a homeschool. And I STILL have some bad attitudes coming at me, just not as vehemently as before. It was a huge struggle. And sometimes, it's still a struggle. But here I am. I did not give up the fight.

I don't even understand this whole deal. And I don't think I like the idea of teaching her children anymore. I just want her to see what's right and do it!

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Taffy
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Posted: March 14 2007 at 11:35am \| IP Logged

You know, I wonder if she's battling depression? I've gone through these feelings myself and, usually, it's when I'm going through a bout with depression.

Just a thought.

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Susan
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Kristi
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Posted: March 14 2007 at 3:14pm \| IP Logged

Taffy wrote:

You know, I wonder if she's battling depression?

That was my immediate thought after reading Tina's second post. I am praying for her and for you Tina.

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Kristi

Erin
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Posted: March 14 2007 at 6:17pm \| IP Logged

Taffy wrote:

You know, I wonder if she's battling depression? I've gone through these feelings myself and, usually, it's when I'm going through a bout with depression.

Just a thought.

That was my thought too.
Praying for her and for you. I hestitate to give you advice

but do remember that as much as you want to save her dc YOUR first priority is your own dc. Will this be just a short term situation or a long term one for you to take on. A really tricky one when we also want to reach out in Christian charity. Hope I haven't said anything out of place.

Praying.

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Erin
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Nina Murphy
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Posted: March 14 2007 at 6:36pm \| IP Logged

Excellent replies, ladies. You have a lot of wisdom. This is a tough time this mom is going through---does she have a large family or a difficult marriage?

I think depression/burnout is playing a part (and I sniff the Evil One, no?); it sounds like she may *need* to take a big break, to take a breather, step back and smell the roses and take stock. I always miss the benefits of homeschooling when I do that...but sometimes really *need* to.

Some of us are more blessed temperamentally and circumstantially for this lifestyle. She needs lots of patience and prayer right now. She must be *really* tempted and tried....Someone who is using MODG doesn't discard her previous choices easily, on a whim. She feels helpless, obviously. And we can't see in to her life, truly, to know what challenges her.

I will pray for her, and please pray for me, as well. I understand (although I would never throw books out

)---sometimes those of us with the strongest convictions get the most tested.

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~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met

MarieC
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Posted: March 14 2007 at 7:35pm \| IP Logged

I'll pray for this family and for you...responding charitably can be hard in this situation.

Depression was my first thought, too. Could she take her summer break now and rejuvenate a bit and come back to it for part of the summer?

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Kathryn UK
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Posted: March 15 2007 at 4:50am \| IP Logged

Tina, it may be that school would be the right thing for her children just now, particularly if she is battling depression. Homeschooling isn't necessarily the right option for all families at all times. This family may need some time in school to allow the mother to regroup.

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Kathryn
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teachingmyown
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Posted: March 15 2007 at 4:35pm \| IP Logged

I agree with Kathryn and Nina. Homeschooling is a great thing, but there are times when families need to make other choices. What you are hearing your friend say and what she is really feeling might not be the same. It could very well be depression, or even just exhaustion and frustration.

This life, large families and homeschooling, is hard. For some of us, it is tremendously hard.

I would say, offer your friend loving support for her decision. Tell her that you are praying for her and will be there for her no matter what she decides. Like Nina said, she may just NEED a break which could then lead her back to homeschooling. Or, her family may thrive and grow just on a different path than that of your family. I have dear friends who no longer homeschool because after much prayer, they have discerned that, at this point in time, it is not the right path for their family.

I will pray for your friend.

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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today

Nina Murphy
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Posted: March 15 2007 at 4:41pm \| IP Logged

So beautifully put, Molly! (And everyone else, too....

)

*I* am benefiting from these comments!)

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God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met

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