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Tina P.
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Ugh! We did it. I don't like the deception, but boy, do I like the wonder in their eyes on Christmas morning. Would that I could have had a forum like this one when I first had children so that I would know how to handle Santa Claus / Christ Child / or Mom and Dad giving gifts on Christmas morning. I know when I found out as a child (at 6 yo) ~ my mom didn't want my brothers or sisters to spoil it for me so she spoiled it for me herself ~ I was devastated! I really liked my little dream world Santa Claus and by golly I was a behaving fool for all of December because of him! 
My oldest is completely in-the-know. My second thinks she's got it figured out (she does know, she's just not sure she knows). The others are all starry-eyed. How do you manage your Christmas Eve? How do you explain to a child that a baby whose birth it is wants *us* to have gifts? I mean to a little child, that just does not make sense. When it's your birthday, you get gifts, you don't give them, right?
I *do* try to downplay the secular santa and emphasize St. Nicholas on his feast day and the Christ Child on Christmas (if only the kids didn't know that Santa comes on Christmas, ugh!). Then we also celebrate Holy Innocents and the Epiphany to spread gifts over several days so that it's not just one big jolly elf depositing loads of gifts on one day and then it's over, you know?
But I wonder whether this whole santa thing has made my kids more greedy...? We don't watch television or listen to the radio, so it can't possibly be commercials ringing in our ears.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
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JennGM
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Tina,
I'm only a novice mom, but when I grew up we didn't do Santa. We knew the gifts were from Mommy and Daddy, knew that it was Jesus' birthday. Later we played up St. Nicholas on his feast, but basically Santa was just ignored. As children we knew about him, but since it wasn't important in our house, it wasn't something we missed. I'd say the only time it was "hard" was at school, when people would talk about it. Some of my siblings told other children Santa wasn't real. 
I tell my son about "St. Nicholas" so if he sees Santa, it's St. Nicholas to him. We give gifts on Christmas. He still has the stars in his eyes and wonderment at the beautiful decorations and wonderful presents from Mommy and Daddy. We're not trying to be vigilant or anything, but at a young age they are surprised by what's in the gifts, not necessarily at the process of how they got under the tree. Does that make sense?
Or maybe since I never had Santa I don't understand what I'm missing????
I'm just sharing what we do....I'm sure others will give better advice.
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Sarah
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This is the year for ds 9 to figure it out or be led to figure it out. I'm getting nervous because I don't know how he'll react. When I found out at age 7 or 8, I understood that it was for my happiness that my parents did it and I was okay with it. We've modified the myth by calling him a saint- St. Nicholas and I told them right off the bat that the North Pole, reindeer thing wasn't true, but I know what you mean. . .it seems wonderful to have them believe. . .then, is it really? I don't know, but I'm in deep here with the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, and all. Incidentally, I heard them discussing the Easter Bunny-that he is an angel or delivery person. I don't what was right on this whole fairy idea. I often get wrapped up in doubt that what I do is good.
I guess we need to emphasize the Christian part---Mass, family Navity set up, a Christmas play are all important parts of our Christmas. We, too, stay out of stores and away from TV and commercial nonsense for the most part. That is, without getting to extreme about it.
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JennGM
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On the same theme, I picked up Polar Express to give to my son, but I keep hesitating because I don't want to confuse him. For those that don't do "Santa" at what age would this book be appropriate? Or would it be okay as just a "nice story" and explain it's not real?
Again, this reality vs. fantasy discussion keeps popping up in my life!
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Mary G
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See, now I was raised in a very conservative Catholic family and yet we did do Santa -- as a matter of fact, Dad kept the mystery going through to his death ( I was in my 30s and still getting something form Santa!). Even though we were all in the know, Christmas was always a very magical time for us -- one of the few times Dad would be home for more than a day or two! It was also the only time he smoked a pipe or cigars!
I'm keeping the "myth" going becuase I stress the magic and mystery of the season -- one of my all time favorite Chirstmas movies is "Miracle on 34th Street" -- I love when Kris says "Christmas isn't just a day. It's a frame of mind". That's how I see Santa -- we don't commercialize it -- we allow the kids to dream and hope that they'll get one thing they really want. Rick and I do the other things, they only get one from Santa, but it's always something that they think we wouldn't "spring" for.
Christmas and the holidays after (we do stockings on Little Christmas and DON'T take down the tree till after January 6th!) are a special, family-based time of good memories and lots of fun....
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Mary G
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OOPS, I forgot that one of the reasons I like the Santa model is that as the older ones "figure it out" they learn a bit of charity by helping to perpetuate the myth for the younger ones. They also see the sacrifices of the parents when they realize that what they were crediting Santa for, their parents were actually doing -- I know when I realized how much work Mom and Dad put into making Christmas special for us, keeping the myth alive when it would have been much easier to spill the beans! I was in awe of my parents' love and desire for us to dwell in the mystery a bit longer....
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Tina P.
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My husband *did* mention something to the kids about Santa delivering the goods from the Child Jesus one year ... thereby decreasing Santa's importance and increasing Jesus' role ... but it's not Jesus who give the children the tangible gifts either, is it? So what's the right thing to do?
Jenn, I just witnessed the wonder my two year old experienced when he was sitting in front of an olive wood nativity set, organizing the pieces. And the kids are in awe of our little tree. Those seem so huge when you're a child, don't they? I'm not saying that there is no wonder if there isn't a Santa Claus. I guess when I was young that after I knew, there was no mystery (little did I know at the time that one of the greatest Biblical mysteries is celebrated every year on December 25). I could always go peep in my mom's closet if I *really* wanted to know what we were getting for Christmas. I never did...really, I didn't!
We had neighbors in Arizona who duped their 12 yob for yet another year by dressing up and videotaping "Santa." That was over the top for us even then.  For my kids, I have a hard time deciding whether to just tell them all and get it over with or whether to just keep letting the oldest ones in on the secret as they reach about 10 years old.
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Tina P.
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Mary G. wrote:
OOPS, I forgot that one of the reasons I like the Santa model is that as the older ones "figure it out" they learn a bit of charity by helping to perpetuate the myth for the younger ones. They also see the sacrifices of the parents when they realize that what they were crediting Santa for, their parents were actually doing -- I know when I realized how much work Mom and Dad put into making Christmas special for us, keeping the myth alive when it would have been much easier to spill the beans! I was in awe of my parents' love and desire for us to dwell in the mystery a bit longer....
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Wow! I think this was what I needed to hear. I'm feeling much better now. I think I can actually go to sleep (it's 1:12 a.m. here) However, I'd love to hear others' opinions about this matter. Keep talking!
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Rachel May
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From the beginning I decided to emphasize St. Nicholas over "Santa", but I chose to have him work the way he did in our house when I was little. Santa brings one religious gift (CCC saint video) and 4 or 5 pieces of candy for their stockings.
We do talk about St. Nicholas on his feast and last year because I had clogs,we put them out and he did leave a little candy, but we mostly save him for Christmas day since it's "common knowledge" that that's when he comes.
I have used The True Story of Santa Claus to guide my approach about what to reveal. The kids know that he lives in Heaven and does not drive a sleigh but visits us like Mary or other saints do. Jesus has asked him to do this special work, to help children of the world know Him.
Then when they ask Santa questions I base my responses on what I think a saint in Heaven would or would not do. Would he sit at the mall? No. Would he bring you a gift about Jesus? Yes. Would he come down the chimney? Well, probably not, but this is our first year with one and the kids are insisting that he do that. I have explained to them that even though St. Nick is a real person, people like to make up stories about him too (this took care of questions about the Polar Express)and that we can enjoy all the made up things about him as long as we remember what his real work is. One little problem is they have a tendency to use their loudest voice when we're at the amall and they say. "Mommy! I saw a guy in a Santa suit!"
And here's a funny idea they have: after watching the Miracle of Marcellino, the kids have decided that St. Nicholas wants bread and water not milk and cookies. 
We haven't had the issue of anyone figuring it out or being told yet, but I hope that by emphazising the REAL St. Nicholas they don't have the let down of finding out that Santa isn't real because he is!
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momwise
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Mary G. I love your thoughts on this. I grew up in a Catholic family and we always had Santa on Christmas but our family grew further away from the faith (always keeping with the basics though) as I grew older.
I married a non-Catholic during a time of no faith and I simply perpetuated what I was brought up with. As I went through a conversion about 10 years later I really changed a lot of things in our faith life and customs but I kept Santa.
Each year I emphasized the religious aspects a little more and the Santa things a little less. But we still have Santa for the 2 youngest; I have tried to tie him into St. Nicholas and that is what they believe. There was no point at which I could "break the chain" without telling a little one before they were old enough, so I've just kept it.
Materialism is not tied to him but it's still present in our Christmas celebration at some point since to my dh, that's what Christmas is about. We plug along...what else can you do?
I do not wrap gifts until 12/23, we celebrate Advent until Christmas eve and we celebrate Christmas until Feb. 2. We don't do visits with him or send lists to him. We focus on our "Secret Christ Child during Advent. Actually, my dh is warming up to everything the Catholic way  .
Santa is the least of our problems when it comes to a non-commercial, faith-filled Christmas. I'd sooner get rid of the Sunday paper with its 100,000 products we all need in living color (in fact I am leaning heavily in that direction), and right before Mass at that.
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humanaevitae
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I think all families need to find out their out way based on their needs but this is how we do it.
We start by learning about Advent being a time of preparation and penance. Then we celebrate St. Nich's Day with stockings and lots of other fun Santa things. The children are familar with the St. Nick's CCC video where he secretly goes around helping others. There is even a scene where he is "up on the housetop"! On this day we then talk about ways we all can sacrific and do small acts of kindness for each other just like St. Nick. Sometimes even in secret.
So when a child finds his bed made and wonders who did it...we all smile and say it must have been Santa! This all applies to Christmas when we discuss why St. Nick did those generous things for people---to be like Christ. So we imitate Santa, who tried to imitate Christ. Everytime we see a "Santa" the kids are encouraged to be like him (happy, generous, patient,etc). So we do try and be extra good during Advent, not so we can get presents from Santa, but so we can be Santas to each other. And on Christmas we "give" these thoughtful acts to Jesus as a present for his birthday.
Lately we have decided to move most of the children's gifts to Ephiphany. They get stockings on St. Nick's Day and a small present from us at each Xmas Family Gathering. This has helped them enjoy seeing what others get and they are more excited to see people open gifts they have given or made for them. It also is less to haul home (they get some from other family members. I like how it makes Christmas more about family time and Jesus/Mass.
And if you give them most of the gifts on Ephiphany,(ours get three each) you can pick up on the good sales!
I have also explained to my older son why society is all about Santa but seems to have forgotten about Christ.
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Leonie
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We do Santa - Father Christmas here and yes, we do the whole shebang.
My kids also know the true meaning of Christmas. In a Catholic family, celebrating the Sacraments, how can they not know about St Nicholas and the Nativity?
There has never been a conflict here - as they grow, they learn to distinguish truth and fantasy, the olders get to be big and help plan the Christmas surprises for the youngers.
We give gifts to the needy and make presents, too, so the Santa thing is about giving and getting.
But, I am an incurable fantasy play person - we have the tooth fairy, too and the Easter Bunny and all my early readers had a Reading Fairy.
Funny thing, but in this house of boys, the dc always assumed that the tooth fairy and the reading fairy were male.
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Rachel May
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Leonie wrote:
But, I am an incurable fantasy play person - we have the tooth fairy, too and the Easter Bunny and all my early readers had a Reading Fairy.
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We have the tooth fairy (I could write a kids book based on my ideas of the tooth fairy when I was a kid) and the Easter Bunny brings fish, but I want to hear. Who is the Reading Fairy and what does he do?
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mrsgranola
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LOL, just so you know, I'm going to have to unsubscribe from this topic's notification so this subject line won't keep popping up in my e-mail!
Yes, this family "perpetuates the myth" of Santa...
JoAnna
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Leonie
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LOL! Joanna. 
Rachel, the reading fairy leaves a new word or sound for the new reader on a little blackboard/easel each night. The first thing the child does in the morning usually is to race to the blackboard to see what the Reading Fairy left for that day. As they progress, they write words and then notes back - and older brothers who are past this stage also get to help be the Reading Fairy.
I first read about this when my eldest son was three, in an early reading book by Felicity Hughes.
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Mary G
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Leonie wrote:
We do Santa - Father Christmas here and yes, we do the whole shebang.
My kids also know the true meaning of Christmas. In a Catholic family, celebrating the Sacraments, how can they not know about St Nicholas and the Nativity?
There has never been a conflict here - as they grow, they learn to distinguish truth and fantasy, the olders get to be big and help plan the Christmas surprises for the youngers.
We give gifts to the needy and make presents, too, so the Santa thing is about giving and getting.
But, I am an incurable fantasy play person - we have the tooth fairy, too and the Easter Bunny and all my early readers had a Reading Fairy.
Funny thing, but in this house of boys, the dc always assumed that the tooth fairy and the reading fairy were male.
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Leonie -- as always you said it better than I can express! Are we sympatico or what?
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MaryG
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Leonie
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Mary, I loved your description, of growing up Catholic and having Santa visit. I didn't grow up Catholic so it is nioce to hear stories from Catholic childhoods.
WRT Santa - perhaps we are long lost sisters?
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Bridget
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We just tell the kids it's fun to pretend about Santa. St. Nicholas is a much bigger deal here. He will actually visit tonight in full regalia and hand out chocolate coins and holy cards.
We say that Santa fills the stockings and the kids will put out a plate of cookies for him. They all know it's just in fun. Last year my oldest, with a big grin at his dad, decided Santa would rather have a dark beer than milk and put one out with the cookies.
ETA: I LOVE the kneeling Santa, that sums it up for me.
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Erica Sanchez
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Bridget wrote:
| Last year my oldest, with a big grin at his dad, decided Santa would rather have a dark beer than milk and put one out with the cookies. |
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Very funny!!  My dh would approve!
I like what everyone has shared. We do Santa, but very simply, one gift and the stocking from Santa on Christmas morning (with 2 gifts from Mom and Dad to make a total of 3 like Jesus received from the wise men). This year we decided to draw names and "do" the stocking for that person, all in secret. I was surprised that only my 10 year old, who is already in the know, said anything about Santa normally doing the stockings. If one of the kids directly asks me about Santa or the Easter Bunny, I can't lie but I don't really want to "ruin it" either, so instead just ask, "well, what do you think?" I'll then add something religious or whatever is needed to remind them of the true meaning of whatever holiday it is. They will figure it all out eventually. We're really trying to focus on Advent this year and save the big celebrations for Christmas and after. We'll do something simple for the first time for St. Nicholas' feast day tomorrow. I also remind them that instead of saying "I want", to say "I wish for". It is a "wish list" for grandma and just because something is on list doesn't mean they will get it. Overall, we try to keep it very simple and free of too much commercialism. Gifts are typically pretty humble. For the second year in a row, they will get a "big" gift meant for all the kids or the whole family. This year it a trompoline! In the end, they all end up with tons of stuff because they receive gifts from both sets of grandparents and all aunts and uncles!! Still working on that! Trying to request family gifts.....
One question - it has been my understanding that "Santa Claus" has come to us from 'Sinterklaus' or something like that! Which I thought was from St. Nicholas somehow. I'm obviouly confused!! I've always thought that Santa Claus was really St. Nicholas - just a newer, Americanized version. I've been confused more so lately because of some Protestants complete rejection of Santa Claus (and Halloween). They would probably reject St. Nicholas, though, too.
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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Rachel May
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Erica,
Our book says that the Dutch turned the name St. Nicholas into Sinter Klaas and finally to Santa Claus. I had heard Norman Rockwell first popularized the image of Santa as fat with a pointy snow hat instead of a miter, but this page from the St. Nicholas Center on the origin of Santa Claus explains the whole transmorgrification from St. Nicholas, Bishop of Myra to the fat jolly old elf.
I would guess that the protestants are trying to focus on Jesus by stripping away what they see as confusing the point, somewhat like the way they downplay Mary. However, I am happy to be corrected by someone who really knows.....
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Rachel
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Perpetuation of the SANTA myth
