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kristinannie
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| Posted: March 31 2011 at 8:42am | IP Logged
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I don't know how I missed doing reading this book together! I'm going to order it today so I can read along!!!
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John Paul 8.5
Meredith Rose 7
Dominic Michael 4.5
Katherine Elizabeth 8 months
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mamasue
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| Posted: April 02 2011 at 11:32am | IP Logged
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In chapter 1 Dr Meeker wrote:
The most important people in a boy's life are his parents. You should never feel powerless with your son. No one is more important that you are.
of course, I KNOW this. for some reason reading this just made it sink in and, honestly, I burst out crying like a baby.
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JennGM
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| Posted: April 02 2011 at 4:12pm | IP Logged
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SeaStar wrote:
Right to Chapter Two:
The question is, however, is happiness enough? Is aspiring to raise a son to be happy more important than raising a boy to be good?
I think this is a crucial point. Do I want my son to be happy... most parents want their kids to grow up to be happy. Or... do I want him to be "good"?
What if we look at it this way: I want my son to know God and do His will- because what makes us truly happy: doing our own thing or following God's plan for our lives?
Then the next question is: how do we teach our sons to learn what God's will for them is?
I think when you get to that question you sort of enter a whole different realm of thinking as far as how you raise your son. The answer can't be found in sports or video games or buying more stuff for him.
I think that is where you really get into the whole issue of how you spend your time and the examples he sees to follow. |
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It's taken me a whole week to get to this discussion--just one of those weeks!
When I read that quoted section, I viewed it as one of those trick questions. I want both -- I want my son to be happy and I want him to be good. I also know that we raise him to be good, he will be happy.
Giving or buying things is just temporary happiness, and as adults we know that empty feeling. We long for eternity, we long for good. When we set our goal on the short-lived goods of this world, we're left with unhappiness.
I remember my mother having a book on her shelf that I never read, but the title always intrigued me: Love God, and Do What You Please (by St. Alphonsus Liguouri). I used to think about that title all the time! When we love God, we find true freedom and happiness. And the book I'm reading right now, Children of God talks about this.
I think some of the "difficulty" raising our boys to be good is that we have so many worldly things that distract from the ultimate goal. We all have this problem in different degrees, of course.
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Jennifer G. Miller
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Family in Feast and Feria
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SeaStar
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| Posted: April 02 2011 at 5:06pm | IP Logged
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I think also, that in this day and age it is very hard for boys to be "good".
What is "good", anyway?
Boys today can't climb trees, run, talk loudly, walk on the grass, rough house, ride their bikes through puddles.... everywhere they turn there are signs and people telling them no, no and no.
Basically, everything a boy likes to do is a No in our society.
I am not a boy, but I know how I feel when people tell me no all the time- very frustrated. I can't imagine how the average boy today feels. 
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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JennGM
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| Posted: April 02 2011 at 5:23pm | IP Logged
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SeaStar wrote:
I think also, that in this day and age it is very hard for boys to be "good".
What is "good", anyway?
Boys today can't climb trees, run, talk loudly, walk on the grass, rough house, ride their bikes through puddles.... everywhere they turn there are signs and people telling them no, no and no.
Basically, everything a boy likes to do is a No in our society.
I am not a boy, but I know how I feel when people tell me no all the time- very frustrated. I can't imagine how the average boy today feels. |
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I've been thinking along the same lines, Melinda. Like MaryM, I just finished reading Free Range Kids which has that kind of thinking -- there are so many restrictions "for safety".
I think about a classroom setting, too, which doesn't usually take the physical needs of boys.
This is an area I often have to examine myself on how I deal with my boys' behaviors.
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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JennGM
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| Posted: April 02 2011 at 5:25pm | IP Logged
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I should interject, I'm writing as the din in my kitchen gets louder and louder. I saved two coffee cans full of baby jar lids (my "baby" is 3, and I started with my oldest). The lids are careened, shot, and sliding across the floor.
This is an instance where my first reaction is "Stop making all that noise!"
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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kristacecilia
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| Posted: April 02 2011 at 6:01pm | IP Logged
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This discussion has gotten me so interested in this book that I had to run order it.
So... hopefully it gets here soon! I am dying to read it now.
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God bless,
Krista
Wife to a great guy, mom to two boys ('04, '06) and three girls ('08, '10, '12!)
I blog at http://kristacecilia.wordpress.com/
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stellamaris
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| Posted: April 02 2011 at 7:32pm | IP Logged
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JennGM wrote:
| This is an instance where my first reaction is "Stop making all that noise!" |
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Yeah, boys are definitely louder than girls!
On the subject of good vs. happy, I keep thinking about the BC answer to the question:
Why did God make you?
To show forth His goodness and share with us His everlasting happiness in heaven
So, I say, it's both. If we are "good" (and what is that but doing the will of God and glorifying Him?), then we will be happy. The problem is pursuing happiness without goodness, without God. Then happiness becomes an empty, hollow, worldly and ultimately destructive end.
It's important that we don't communicate to our children something along the lines of, "You can be good OR you can be happy...can't have both!" There is great joy in the Lord, the martyrs even rejoiced in their deaths! So the idea I want to convey is more like: "Be good and then you WILL be happy, because God knows exactly how to make you happy...stick with Him, kid!"
I see a parallel to this in the Theology of the Body--love and openness to children go together. Try to separate them and you have sorrow, loss, mortal sin. Same thing for goodness and happiness--you can have both together, or neither.
One last thought, we need to not confuse "good" with "well-behaved". Our boys may be very rowdy and wild at times, very loud and physical, but that is quite a different thing from moral corruption. St. John Bosco put it well: "Run, jump, make noise, but do not sin!"
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to  dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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4Real Forums : Book Club
Topic: BOYS SHOULD BE BOYS - WEEK 1
