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Martha
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| Posted: March 16 2006 at 7:37am | IP Logged
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Rachel May wrote:
| I'm curious if anyone lets their children weigh in on the decision to have another? If you feel that it will be a burden on them, do you make their views a part of your prayerful decision making? |
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No. Our attitude is we don't get to decide who gets to join the family and neither does anyone else. lol God decides life here and we accept whatever He decides. That's pretty much how we say it to the kids too. We don't like the idea of letting them think there is any choice other than accepting life.
We don't talk constantly about having another either though. We just say things like, "We'll love whatever God sends our way just like we do you guys."
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Martha
mama to 7 boys & 4 girls
Yes, they're all ours!
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ALmom
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| Posted: March 16 2006 at 10:04pm | IP Logged
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We are kind of like Martha in involving dc in decisions for another - other than when they express the desire for a brother or sister, we ask them to ask God to send us one. While we don't ask - I know their answer if we ever did ask. Our dc were talking one day and indicated that they thought it would be great if there were - and then proceeded one upping one another with how many babies our family should have. The numbers were astronomical - beyond the realm of the physically possible - like a hundred million thousand  . It has never even occured to them to be jealous or have any thinking that they lose anything at all in a sibling - they only gain and that really is how it is!
Janet
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Martha
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| Posted: March 16 2006 at 10:12pm | IP Logged
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ALmom wrote:
| one upping one another with how many babies our family should have. The numbers were astronomical |
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I have a similiar tale to tell!
We've been looking at houses on and off lately trying to decide if we can afford to move into a home much bigger.
Last week my almost 10 year old came up to me with a picture of what he thinks a our new house should look like. There's a view of a kitchen and dining room, replete with a dining table to seat "all 19 of us kids mom".  I asked him if those were supposed to be MY children or HIS children? He says they're all mine, but it's okay because he'll help out.
Suddenly, 8 doesn't seem like that big a family after all.
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Martha
mama to 7 boys & 4 girls
Yes, they're all ours!
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Meredith
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| Posted: March 17 2006 at 3:28pm | IP Logged
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What a wonderful and heart-warming set of stories, testimonies and advice. WE are looking forward to more children and I am so honored to have been a part of a forum that is so open to life and respecting each other's desires for large families as well. Bravo, and now can ya'll go here  to answer a question, thanks so much for ALL your wisdom, it is so much appreciated! 
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Meredith
Mom of 4 Sweeties
Sweetness and Light
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saintanneshs
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| Posted: March 17 2006 at 4:44pm | IP Logged
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I wasn't sure whether to add on to this thread since it's already so long...it's taken me 3 days to find chunks of time long enough just to read through it all! And what a blessing to have such wonderful, wise women discussing "making the leap" here! I can't even begin to tell you how the pages of this discussion have been pulling at my heart.
For months now dh and I have been having a very painful monthy discussion about whether or not we're ready to bring a new little life into our circle of love. We do use NFP and to be honest, I never even gave it a second thought as to whether or not we were using it with a contraceptive mentality. In the past we've always been excited and joyful and ready to plan another little one after what we considered a nice space of time. This time it's different and yesterday a lightning bolt hit me...
Lately I've been so inspired by the moms in our home schooling group who have had babies over the course of many years. For my vocation, they are living, breathing testaments to ultimate selflessness in the service of God. (Not that women with few or no children are less selfless! Everyone's true vocation is a worthy one and for motherhood, can be embraced in an attitude of service no matter what the number of children, right?) I guess I am just saying that the call for being willing to accept another child has been on my heart for months now and so these wonderful, joyful moms I see are something of a mystery to me. Here I am feeling torn and unsure about my willingness and they've already been willing and have accepted!) I guess that the leap for me will take some more prayer and thought. I'm already on the fence and I think I can see the other side (thanks to all of you! ), I'm just a little scared at how embracing true "open-ness" will really change our relationships...
I mistakenly thought that the large family I was raised in was "open to life" but in light of some of the very negative discussions about family size that have ensued lately, I realize they are not. NFP can be used with a contraceptive mentality, even in a family where there are lots of kids.  The "But clauses" are alive and well around here. This is all so new for me. What's worse, that's the path dh and I might be heading down if not for some of the discussions over the last few months. And now I realize that I'm not the only one who is trying to make "the leap," dh is going to have to make that leap too and we are not on the same page. So...
Last night I posed some hypothetical questions in the midst of yet another painful discussion and I'm wondering if any of you wise women of experience can answer them.
Does there come a time, when in a spirit of being open to life, there is a call to move from "joyfully planning" the next baby (as we have with our 1st four children) to just accepting that things will never be easy again and this is where the challenge lies? Is this where "the leap" is made? In not "expecting" to have more children but more so in "accepting" them???
And is this permanent? Is anyone with a large family ever able to joyfully plan another baby or is the willingness to accept another baby enough of a reason for joy?
Or have I missed the boat completely? 
Oh, and I just wanted to congratulate you, Elizabeth. I didn't realize you were expecting again ...it takes me forever to catch up with everything. 
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Kristine
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Rachel May
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| Posted: March 17 2006 at 5:16pm | IP Logged
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saintanneshs wrote:
| Does there come a time, when in a spirit of being open to life, there is a call to move from "joyfully planning" the next baby (as we have with our 1st four children) to just accepting that things will never be easy again and this is where the challenge lies? Is this where "the leap" is made? In not "expecting" to have more children but more so in "accepting" them??? |
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We have never yet joyfully planned a baby, but we have accepted all of them with joy and the knowledge that it will be a challenge. Starting with twins made us accept that right away! I pray that someday we will be able to joyfully plan, but for now I am content that we can be happy and not overwhelmed with what God has given us...most of the time. For us the real "leap" will be with another pregnancy as I think we are both feeling at our limit in a different way than we have felt it before. But God has always given us the grace we've asked for, and I know He will again if He chooses to bless us with another.
Those discussions can be so painful. I'll be praying for you.
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Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)
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Erica Sanchez
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| Posted: March 17 2006 at 5:36pm | IP Logged
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Kristine, your questions are so deep and incredibly thoughtful. The way you worded them is powerful and leaves much to think about. Having only consciously tried to conceive one out of six of our babies, I would have to put us in the "joyfully accepted" category...but that almost sounds a little negative. For us it has never been about numbers as we always wanted a bunch, it has been about the timing with some coming a little quicker that I wanted. I'll pray for you and your husband to know God's will and to be on the same page about all of this.
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Making the Leap
