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alicegunther
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Years ago, when we first began our homeschooling journey, the concern most often raised by others was the classic:
"What if you homeschool your children for a number of years and they become social misfits, unable, or unwilling, to relate to their traditionally schooled peers?"
This was, of course, a serious issue, and I admit tossing and turning the thought around in my mind, uneasily wondering if, after all my years of love and care, it could actually come to that.
Well, my oldest is in sixth grade now, and I can say with certainty that homeschooling does not turn the children into social misfits. She and all her siblings are warm and welcoming and seem to have no trouble making friends from a wide variety of social groups--whether it be the public school neighbors or the kids in the local play or the girls in the choir or our own beloved homeschooling group. As far as I am concerned, the curtain has been pulled back from around the monster of homeschool socialization to reveal a tiny, nervous guy working the controls and stammering, "The Great and Powerful Oz has, ahem, spoken . . . . " Well, you get my drift.
Still, homeschooling may have created another social misfit of sorts. A person who has no trouble dealing with all different types of people, yet, honestly, no longer really feels like it. A person very comfortable with the homeschooling circle she loves so well and not at all inclined to branch out.
That person is me!
The other night, I attended a scrapbooking "crop night." It was fun in and of itself, but one of the big draws of evenings like this is the camaraderie shared by the women who attend. There they were, with bags bulging and cutters clacking, happily chatting about scrapping and school and politics and new kitchens. They were nice women, and I felt perfectly comfortable in their company, yet I could not help longing for my homeschooling companions! I kept picturing other women around that table, the wonderful members of my local homeschooling group, not to mention the marvelous gals on this list. (Besides, I would have liked if the scrapbook place had sold holy cards to adorn my daughter's baby book!)
It occured to me during the drive home that, after all these years of homeschooling (the blessed idea came to me when my 11 year old was two), *I* was the one who no longer fit in, or more accurately, no longer really cared to fit in, in secular society. The ladies in the cropping room would not have known it, but I was miles away with all of you talking Faith and Family and Books and CM and . . . .
So, I just wanted to say "thanks" for being a great group of women! I love being part of *this* world.
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Love, Alice
mother of seven!
      
Cottage Blessings
Brew yourself a cup of tea, and come for a visit!
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amyable
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I've only been homeschooling 3 years, but I totally agree Alice. I typically feel alone in the type of crowd you described. Happy, but alone in my thoughts miles away.
Wishing we could all get together in real life!
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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Molly Smith
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So true, Alice! Thank you for writing this so beautifully!
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Molly Smith in VA
Mom to seven beautiful children, ages 1-14
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Mary G
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Amy and Alice -- me three! I think that's why I have such a time with going over to my dh's school -- up until this year my 2 olders attended. I have nothing in common with these folks anymore -- I can talk the talk, but don't want to. I get frustrated becuase they dismiss any input I migt have with "well, she homeschools" like somehow that's made me grow three heads or something.
Ah well -- even Santa had a place for the "Isle of Misfit Toys".....
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MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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amyable
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Mary G. wrote:
| Ah well -- even Santa had a place for the "Isle of Misfit Toys"..... |
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Dh and I joke that "Herbie wants to be a dentist! Herbie wants to be a dentist!" is replaced with us by "Amy wants to be a homeschooler! Amy wants to have 6 kids!"
I think being a social misfit is where it's at, really. 
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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Bridget
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I'm the same way, Alice. I'm always a little surprised and out of my element when I'm around non-homeschoolers. Doesn't everyone learn math in their pajamas and long for more babies?
I worried about this with my children for a few years. Then I realized that they have such diversity built right into our extended family because of my adopted sibs. My children have cousins of different ethnic backgrounds (Mexican, Chinese, African -American), they also have blind aunts and uncles, and aunts with multiple impairments.
They are quite comfortable and loving around all these people.
Still, our homeschooling world is our favorite one to be in.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Elizabeth
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I heartily agree! Thanks for giving voice to this so eloquently, Alice!
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Donna
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Oh, Alice.....I DO understand !!!
I belong to a Stampin Up club that meets once a month. I enjoy going so much because we work on scrapbooking pages and other wonderful projects that I never would complete if left on my own at home.
When I joined about 2 1/2 years ago, I was somewhat uncomfortable to learn that most of the women in the group were public school teachers. (If I had known beforehand, I may have thought twice about going.) Consequently, in the beginning I did alot of listening and not much talking. It was so sad to hear comments like, "Jimmy is such a brat. My class would be so much easier if he wasn't there."
One woman knew that I homeschooled and mentioned it one night. Suddenly they were the ones being rather quiet. One young mom, pregnant with her first child, was very interested. She had a lot of questions. She expressed an interest in homeschooling and wondered how it was done. Well....that's a night I won't soon forget. Not only did the homeschooling come out.....but, they also found out that I was pregnant with my 7th child....and over the age of 40 !!!!! Where in the world had this woman come from?
Even though I felt that I really didn't have much in common with many of these women.....much good came from that evening. A new mom was reassured that it's ok to have more than 2 kids, and that homeschooling was an option if that is what she chose. Also, when I was asked why I homeschool, my favorite answer seemed to shock many of the women. "Because I love being with my kids." They all seemed suprised that there was still someone out there who really enjoyed her children.
What was uncomfortable for me at first has really turned into a blessing. I feel God has used my situation to encourage one young mother who now says she wants "many" children. And....over time we are all becoming friends and others see that I am really just a normal person .
I am thankful, though, for those who share my vision and understand what I am trying to do to raise my children. The journey would be so much more difficult if I didn't have my friends to share it with me.
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Donna
DH, Keven
Jason, Stevie, Marie, Jackson, Clara, and Aaron
Jacob, Sam, and Regina with God
Grandbabies Leigha and Elsie
Moments Like These
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guitarnan
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Great thread!
As time goes on I become more and more convinced that I am going to be the Perpetual Homeschooling Football Bat...the mom who is less and less interested in shopping, reading fluffy novels, worrying about whether other folks think I'm a Perpetual Homeschooling Football Bat...!!!
I like this "new" me so much better than I liked the "old" me (well, except for the 20 extra pounds ) and I'm so much more at peace with everything. I really attribute it all to coming home with my children and learning together.
I'm able to hug my children all day long, find out more about special saints, read good Catholic stuff, and pray more often.
I don't fit in too well with the Culture of Consumerism. I enjoy sharing hobbies with (gasp!) my own children and my husband. I get all jazzed up about the latest Catholic magazines, rabbit trails and saints' bios.
(By the way...dd learns math in her pajamas, Bridget!)
Happily bizarre,
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Willa
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amyable wrote:
| I think being a social misfit is where it's at, really. |
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That's going to be my motto for this year
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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Sarah
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Often felt the same, Alice. Its nice to know others are in the same boat.
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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alicegunther
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I just love sitting down to my computer and reading this thread! You see, I told you you all were kindred spirits!
Getting the kids to bed, but I'll write more later!
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Love, Alice
mother of seven!
Cottage Blessings
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Karen E.
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Hmmm ... the Social Misfit Club. I'm in. Let's all be misfits together.
(I know I'm a little obsessed with this blogging thing right now, but wouldn't that be a good name for a blog?)
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God bless,
Karen E.
mom to three on earth, and several souls in God's care
Visit my blog, with its shockingly clever title, "Karen Edmisten."
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TracyQ
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Alice,
I've had the exact same feeling as you, Alice. Sometimes it's just this overwhelming sense of not feeling like I'm living in this world, especially when I'm with my sisters in law when they're all talking about my nieces and nephews in their different schools with their date dances, friends, and various things that happen in school. I kind feel like I'm on another planet!
I'm going to ponder this some more too.
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Blessings and Peace,
Tracy Q.
wife of Marty for 20 years, mom of 3 wonderful children (1 homeschool graduate, 1 12th grader, and a 9th grader),
 homeschooling in 15th year in Buffalo, NY
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alicegunther
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Karen E. wrote:
Hmmm ... the Social Misfit Club. I'm in. Let's all be misfits together.
(I know I'm a little obsessed with this blogging thing right now, but wouldn't that be a good name for a blog?) |
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LOL! LOL! LOL! Karen, I made practically the identical joke in a private email to MacBeth today, telling her I'd finally found the perfect name for my blog, "The Homeschool Misfit"!
Gang, by the way, I'm interested in discussing another aspect of this thread. How do you feel about your social life? We all worry about finding children to play with our kids, but do you feel that you have at least one bosom friend to share you hs'ing experiences with. Do you have real kindred spirits in your lives?
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Love, Alice
mother of seven!
Cottage Blessings
Brew yourself a cup of tea, and come for a visit!
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Chari
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alicegunther wrote:
The other night, I attended a scrapbooking "crop night." |
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Alice............I have often been a misfit.....not in a negative way.........but like you, sort of by choice.........I ended up attending 13 different schools before I graduated from high school.........so, I was always having to pave my own path........to my own drummer. Probably one part of why homeshooling is so appealing to me.
One thing I learned during all of those years was.......to CREATE my own niche....so I WOULD fit in....so, it is funny you brought up the scrapbook crop. I had the same experience last summer........so, I just stayed in my own little space.......and started my own book......smiling at everybody.
This Monday.........will be the first meeting of our new scrapbooking club.......that I started.....by looking for like-minded people.........and showing them my album.........and telling them how much they want to do this There are about ten of us!
we will meet once a month for a 4-6 hour crop......and every 3 months.......we will have a workshop.
So, I just created a special group for me to have fun with.........I have done it a lot in my life. A good example: our westcoastfun group that goes camping every summer!
See if you can get Macbeth to meet you at your own crop
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Chari...Take Up & Read
Dh Marty 27yrs...3 lovely maidens: Anne 24, Sarah 20 & Maddelyn 17 and 3 chivalrous sons: Matthew 22, Garrett 16 & Malachy 11
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Mary G
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alicegunther wrote:
Karen E. wrote:
Hmmm ... the Social Misfit Club. I'm in. Let's all be misfits together.
(I know I'm a little obsessed with this blogging thing right now, but wouldn't that be a good name for a blog?) |
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LOL! LOL! LOL! Karen, I made practically the identical joke in a private email to MacBeth today, telling her I'd finally found the perfect name for my blog, "The Homeschool Misfit"!
Gang, by the way, I'm interested in discussing another aspect of this thread. How do you feel about your social life? We all worry about finding children to play with our kids, but do you feel that you have at least one bosom friend to share you hs'ing experiences with. Do you have real kindred spirits in your lives? |
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Alice -- two other friends and I just initiated our first "literary club" last night. We had so much fun -- discussed Robert Frost poems to make it official, but also talked about hs'ing, being "social misfits" and generally venting with kindred spirits. It was wonderful.
I do have to say though that my dh is my "one bosom friend to share you hs'ing experiences with" -- so now I have three! Wait, plus my SIL who is my hs'ing idol -- she's the one hs'ing 10 kids and has been since the oldest (now a freshman in college) was in pre-k. And of course many of you lovely ladies here......
So, yes I have many
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MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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alicegunther
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Chari wrote:
| This Monday.........will be the first meeting of our new scrapbooking club.......that I started.....by looking for like-minded people.........and showing them my album.........and telling them how much they want to do this There are about ten of us! |
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You see, now you kindred spirits are just scaring me. This was another idea I had during my pensive drive home. I've already circulated it to a few local moms I ran into this week (MacBeth--I was going to mention it to you, but haven't spoken to you yet : )), and the response was amazing. We are blessed to have quite a large hs'ing group here, so there is never a shortage of "takers" on a plan like this!
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Love, Alice
mother of seven!
Cottage Blessings
Brew yourself a cup of tea, and come for a visit!
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Willa
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Chari is a wonderfully successful "misfit", I know from seeing her networking. Boy, do I admire her. If no one is living on your planet, make it look so delightful that pretty soon everyone is landing there.
My DH incidentally has the same success strategy: "create your own niche". In fact, the first time I met him at a dorm party, he literally found a niche for himself at the end of the hall, and bet me that soon the whole party would have gravitated down there. He was right!
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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Meredith
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alicegunther wrote:
You see, now you kindred spirits are just scaring me. This was another idea I had during my pensive drive home. I've already circulated it to a few local moms I ran into this week (MacBeth--I was going to mention it to you, but haven't spoken to you yet : )), and the response was amazing. We are blessed to have quite a large hs'ing group here, so there is never a shortage of "takers" on a plan like this! |
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Well I don't know about the rest of you, but I've decided that I just want to go and live at Alice's house . She has the BEST ideas!!  How about a CCM scrapbook weekend??
Printing out this great thread, thanks for starting it Alice!
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Meredith
Mom of 4 Sweeties
Sweetness and Light
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: HS’ing Creates a Social Misfit
