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lilangels
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| Posted: Jan 09 2009 at 12:31pm | IP Logged
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What a great thread. I remember long ago striving for gentleness and I think I just gave up at some point. I can be way too intense and blunt when I get in mode! Then I get run down and sick - like I am again now. Gentleness must be better for your health. Everytime I run myself down like this I feel it is God telling me to knock it off and start behaving right.  He's really telling me emphatically this time.
Elizabeth asked what inspires us in other people to holiness. The thing I find most inspirational are the mothers I meet who first look at people from the best possible angle. They see the good and don't gossip. I think it is holy when Mom's discipline their children calmly but firmly and teach them courtesy in public. I also think it is a holy thing to respect the personalities of children as the come from God as unique individuals. I find it a very unholy thing when I see parents push their kids to be something they believe is socially acceptable - for example, the pressure put on reserved kids not to "be shy". This inspires me to make sure I don't fall into the trap of concerning myself with what others think of my children. I guess this is a conquering of pride & a stregenthing of humility.
This is my best at the moment. I have a very bad headache. I am picturing Mom's in mind who I admire and am having trouble coming up with why. Is it just some sort of peace they exude??
Pax - Barbara
Mom to 5 ages 12, 10, 7, 5, and 21 months
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happymama
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| Posted: Jan 10 2009 at 8:53pm | IP Logged
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I often think of the mom in Little Women... one of the daughters is surprised to learn that her mother gets mad at all, and the mom replies that she learned to control her anger by biting her tongue instead of yelling. I need more of that self control in my life.
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monique
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| Posted: Jan 10 2009 at 9:19pm | IP Logged
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Lisbet wrote:
Lindsay, that made me think of something my dh said to me once a few summers ago "You are a much nicer mother in the summer when the windows are open."   |
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I had to read this twice before I got it! Sheesh. But wanted to say, yeah, me too!
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Monique
mom to 5
Raising Saints
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monique
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| Posted: Jan 10 2009 at 9:21pm | IP Logged
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dawn2006 wrote:
Claudia, a couple of years ago I was dealing with anger. I thought that if I just got LOUDER than the kids would surely know that I was serious. Of course, that never worked and the physical action of being louder only served to fuel my fire. Along with thoughts of "why don't they just listen?" Do you have the fear (as I did) that if you speak and act softly the kids won't take you seriously?
If so, then have hope! Things have changed around here for the better. Recently, I started being more consistent with discipline which in turn has helped me be more calm and patient and soft with the kids. I notice now that when I get the urge to chase after a defiant child or to raise my voice and yell, that I now, as a reaction, stop myself, lower my voice, tell the child "Eyes." (as in look in my eyes) and then I proceed to speak softly about whatever is going on in that moment. Since the discipline has been consistent they know to actually stop and listen when I calm down and speak softly like that.
If they don't then I will move in closer, sometimes get down on their level and tell them "I've tried to get your attention three times. I should only have to try once."
After about 6/7 months of this we truly have become a different family. It seems like with the discipline in place I CAN be more gentle with the kids. We are now in our proper spheres, so to speak, and I nurture, love, and connect with them more than ever. I just breathe them in.
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Thanks for sharing this Dawn! You have given me hope that things can change in this house also.
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Monique
mom to 5
Raising Saints
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MelissaClaire
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| Posted: Jan 16 2009 at 12:19pm | IP Logged
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This has been a very helpful discussion for me.
Can anyone provide some links to good Catholic podcasts that can reinforce this? I love all the wisdom in the different blogs concerning this, but what I really need is something I can listen to while folding laundry or washing dishes--not more time spent at the computer. Thanks!
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Melissa
Mom to a dd ('02), ds ('03), ds ('05), dd ('07) and baby due 9/01/09
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Jan 17 2009 at 12:11pm | IP Logged
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MelissaClaire wrote:
Can anyone provide some links to good Catholic podcasts that can reinforce this? I love all the wisdom in the different blogs concerning this, but what I really need is something I can listen to while folding laundry or washing dishes--not more time spent at the computer. Thanks!
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Melissa - I don't know of any podcasts and my recommendation costs $$, but I thought I'd mention it just in case...
A Mother's Rule of Life in the Domestic Church by Kimberly Hahn is my ironing buddy. It is a rich source of practicals in living a life of virtue within the Domestic Church. It isn't sugar coated - I find Kimberly to be very real in offering her experiences. It helped my perspective immensely when I heard it the first time. I always wish I could sit down and take notes and find the resources she mentions, and I really want to take the time to do that for myself one day...but life in the trenches allows for me to listen while I'm ironing. Listening like that allows me to internalize, pray, shift my way of thinking - it gives me time to digest it. It is sort of a companion to Holly's A Mother's Rule of Life, but I'll be honest, I found Kimberly's CD set to be more helpful to me in living out my vocation as I struggle to become a woman of virtue.
I'm sorry I don't have any recommendations for podcasts, but hopefully someone else will.
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
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trish
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| Posted: Jan 17 2009 at 3:05pm | IP Logged
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I second that recommendation of Jennifer's. I have that CD set and it is very inspiring.
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~ Trish ~
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MelissaClaire
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| Posted: Jan 19 2009 at 8:18am | IP Logged
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thank you!!
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Melissa
Mom to a dd ('02), ds ('03), ds ('05), dd ('07) and baby due 9/01/09
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: The Virtuous Woman
