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Cindy
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Very interesting discussion- something I have often pondered.
I wonder if anyone might have some thoughts on this: I am fairly active and have always been on the floor playing with my kids while little and now we will often play tennis or basketball together. I am finding I like to dress in order to be able to participate at moment's notice. For me this means workout clothes - and there are some nicer styles I have bought. I guess (like Katheryn) I have always been more of a tomboy... enjoy being active.
For those who wear skirts, is this a problem for you?
Also- I really don't like to shop- is it difficult to find nice, stylish, comfortable skirts.. then all the shoes stocking, tops, etc to match?
BTW- I just watched Out of Africa, set in the early 20th century and the female character wore beautiful skirts throughout her work on her African farm and safari, etc. She looked beautiful= and modest. Found myself wishing we had that style today....
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Kim F
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<< is it difficult to find nice, stylish, comfortable skirts.. then all the shoes stocking, tops, etc to match? >>
Kim here. You raised two issues I am hung up on. One is being ready to do something active on short notice. We are getting horses and will be wearing jeans to ride.They also bike alot. I dont know how to avoid the girls getting the impression skirts are for *dressing up* when we are on the farm.
Also, leg wear. I HATE nylons. And have trouble finding some kind of tights/socks that match khaki and denim skirts. Navy is too dark for denim, white is too white for khaki. You need something in winter in a cold climate. I am a huge Duggar family fan but no way will my dh go for white tights and blue shoes.....
I did just go buy 4 nice dresses/jumpers. I have been totally dresses in the past but my dh isnt sold at this point. Its been on my heart again and I am trying. Which brings up another point - what if your dh prefers jeans?
Kim
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cathhomeschool
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Kim F wrote:
| I have been totally dresses in the past but my dh isnt sold at this point. Its been on my heart again and I am trying. Which brings up another point - what if your dh prefers jeans? |
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Good point. My husband likes it when I wear skirts (as opposed to dress pants), but he also likes it when I wear jeans and oversized t-shirts and sweatshirts. I rarely buy clothing, but when I do, I always make sure my husband likes what I'm choosing, as his opinion is most important to me.
Dressing for the occasion is another issue for me. Except for time spent in the kitchen, I spend most of my day on all fours or sitting indian style on the floor. I find this much easier with jeans. I get cold easily, too, even in warmer weather. It rarely freezes here, but I still spend much of winter double-layered in thermal underwear and jeans.
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JennGM
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MicheleQ wrote:
Thus, the body may be partially bared for physical labour, for bathing, or for a medical examination. If then we wish to pass a moral judgment on particular forms of dress we have to start from the particular functions which they serve. When a person uses such a form of dress in accordance with its objective function we cannot claim to see anything immodest in it, even if it involves partial nudity. Whereas the use of such a costume outside its proper context is immodest, and is inevitably felt to be so.
For example, there is nothing immodest about the use of a bathing costume at a bathing place, but to wear it in the street or while out for a walk is contrary to the dictates of modesty.
Karol Wojtyla Love and Responsibility pp. 189-192 |
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Thanks for the quote, Michele! I was going to look for that! This is a subject that seems like there would be a straight-forward simple answer, but when I'm asked about modesty standards, it's hard to come up with a "list." I watched that Duggar family...they all looked nice and neat, but I was turned off by the long hair and jumpers....simply because I don't think that "speaks" to others.
I love the standards that many Opus Dei members follow. We must look nice, neat, attractive, FEMININE, but not accentuating our sensuality. I find it easy to find clothes that are classic lines, modest. Go with a professional look and you'll find your wardrobe doesn't need too much updating! Get a few basic pieces, and then a few accessories or new shirts once in a while to bring you into fashion! I do wear slacks when appropriate...actually lately it's been more often than not...I've lost 20 pounds since October being on my son's allergy diet and I have nothing to wear!
Does Colleen incorporate the "Theology of the Body"?
My mother used a pamphlet called "The Marylike Standards of Modesty in Dress" by Apostolate of Christian Action, Imprimatur, 1956. It has some good standards that we followed..I never like to pass the flyer out, though, because I think the wording is too harsh and "old-fashioned" and not always useful in applying to certain situations. I think JPII is more realistic and practical! But I'll share it just in case:
THE MARYLIKE STANDARDS FOR MODESTY IN DRESS
"A dress cannot be called decent which is cut deeper than two fingers breadth under the pit of the throat; which does not cover the arms at least to the elbows; and scarcely reaches a bit beyond the knees. Furthermore, dresses of transparent materials are improper." --The Cardinal-Vicar of Pope Pius XI
1. Marylike is modest without compromise, "like Mary," Christ's Mother.
2. Marylike dresses have sleeves extending at least to the elbows; and skirts reaching below the knees.
[Note: Because of market conditions, quarter-length sleeves are temporarily tolerated with Ecclesiastical Approval, until Christian womanhood again turns to Mary as the model of modesty in dressing.>
3. Marylike dresses require full coverage for the bodice, chest, shoulders, and back; except for a cut-out about the neck not exceeding two inches below the neckline in front and back, and a corresponding two inches on the shoulders.
4. Marylike dresses do not admit as modest coverage transparent fabrics, laces, nets, organdy, nylons, etc. -- unless sufficient backing is added. However, their moderate use as trimmings is acceptable.
5. Marylike dresses avoid the improper use of flesh-colored fabrics.
6. Marylike dresses conceal rather than reveal the figure of the wearer; they do not emphasize, unduly, parts of the body.
7. Marylike dresses provide full coverage, even after jacket, cape or stole are removed.
*****
"Marylike" fashions are designed to conceal as much of the body as possible: This automatically eliminates such fashions as tight slacks, jeans, sweaters; shorts which do not reach down to the knees; sheer blouses and sleeveless dresses, etc. The Marylike standards are a guide to instill a "sense of modesty." A girl who follows these, and looks up to Mary as her ideal and model, will have no problem with modesty in dress. She will not be an occasion of sin or source of embarrassment or shame to others.
As to wearing modest dresses in church for weddings, I wholeheartedly agree! Every time that wedding issue comes out in the Herald our family comments on the immodest dresses! My youngest brother is getting married in October and MY FATHER is very upset that the bride will be wearing strapless! Don't know how to deal with that one! My mother doesn't even like us to wear sleeveless, so all my sisters and I wore sleeves for all our weddings (I have 4 sisters!). It was hard to find modest dresses...if they had sleeves, then it was dealing with plunging necklines. I had fun with my dress...I found a gorgeous silk 1930s wedding dress in an antique store in Leesburg. So modest, but feminine and elegant.
Thanks for the great topic, Elizabeth!
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Elizabeth
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I poked around the Land's End catalog yesterday, looking at knit dresses. I have been known to dress my girls in knit playdresses everyday all summer long. But the women's dresses aren't cut like little girls ones (and we'd look silly if they were). To me, the women's knit dresses looked like night shirts. I don't consider them more modest than capri pants and a blouse. I am more inclined towards feminine "activewear." I can look and polished and presentable, wear comfortable and functionable white keds, and be good to go almost anywhere from the grocery store to the dentist. Feminine khakis, well cut capris, and simple A-lined skirts can go almost anywhere. I'm not suggesting sweatpants, but I am not inclined toward ankle-length jumpers either. And this conversation has made me very aware that I am far too dependent upon jeans as my wardrobe staple. Might need to alter that thinking a bit...
I don't feel comfortable in shorts or in sleeveless shirts. For my daughter, longer shorts are allowed, but no tank tops, no spaghetti straps, no tummy showing (even in bathing suits), no skirts above the knee. I figure that if that standard is set now, it will just be a matter of "the way we do things" later. I can't see having one set of rules for little girls and another for teenagers. Mary Beth is happiest in a prairie dress and pinafore, truth be told  .
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Elizabeth wrote:
To me, the women's knit dresses looked like night shirts. I don't consider them more modest than capri pants and a blouse. I am more inclined towards feminine "activewear." I can look and polished and presentable, wear comfortable and functionable white keds, and be good to go almost anywhere from the grocery store to the dentist. Feminine khakis, well cut capris, and simple A-lined skirts can go almost anywhere. I'm not suggesting sweatpants, but I am not inclined toward ankle-length jumpers either. And this conversation has made me very aware that I am far too dependent upon jeans as my wardrobe staple....
I don't feel comfortable in shorts or in sleeveless shirts. |
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I agree about the knit dresses. I prefer shirts and skirts. I don't do the jeans...I find khaki pants more versatile and comfortable now for me, and that can dress up or down. But I have never found a pair of flattering jeans, so that made that decision easy! I do wear shorts for the right occasion, almost knee-length, but prefer the capris now that they are in style.
I shop Talbots more often, hitting their semi-annual sales, buying a few basic skirts and pants. I love button down shirts, especially these new wrinkle-resistant shirts. Wash and wear, a mother's dream! I merely like Talbots because most of their stuff is classic lines, with a bit of fashionable twist, but I have big hips, and their lines of clothing seem to fit my petite but hippy figure! One of my sisters was complaining about "Have you noticed that Talbots has that extra material in the thighs and hips?" and I laughed, because now I KNOW why I like their clothes!
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Cindy wrote:
Also- I really don't like to shop- is it difficult to find nice, stylish, comfortable skirts.. then all the shoes stocking, tops, etc to match? |
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You and me both! Clothes shopping is not my favourite way to spend time - though my 10yo dd, who is clearly going to be far more of a clothes person than I ever was, now likes to come with me which makes it more fun. I like long skirts (mid-calf or below), as they cover a multitude of evils and are comfortable and easy to wear. Also I can wear knee high socks underneath, which I prefer as I don't find tights comfortable. I'm mostly buying the nylon tights-type socks in either thick black (which last) or sheer black or grey (which don't). Not much sock shows, so it doesn't matter too much what I wear. I bought one pair of ankle height black boots with a slight heel - in fact, I think I bought them a bit before I bought my first skirt (yes, that is how bad it was. I didn't even possess a skirt at the time!). They are comfortable so I wear them all the time. In summer I will wear pumps or sandals. Finding skirts was harder than I expected, as there were very few in the stores where I usually shop. I found one very comfortable stretch jersey skirt which was my first buy. The second skirt I found looked nice, but once it had been washed it went static and I couldn't find any way to stop it clinging. In the end I threw it out in despair. Finally I discovered one particular store that had a good range of skirts and bought two winter skirts and a cotton summer one, so for now I'm alternating between three skirts. Compared to trousers or jeans, getting skirts that fit is much easier. I'm an in-between size, and whereas jeans tend to be either too tight or too loose, I can wear either size of skirt. I realised after I bought them that the winter skirts were the same, just in different colours and different sizes. Both fit! I'm hoping that by the summer I will be able to find a good source for skirts online.
For tops I am wearing sweaters (which, confusingly, we call jumpers ... I did finally fathom out what you all mean by jumpers  ). I have two cream ones which I can wear with all three skirts; a thick, stripey one which works with two skirts; a pink one which also works with two skirts and a black one which only works with one skirt. All the sweaters can also be worn with jeans. For doing messy jobs I sometimes wear the black jersey skirt and a long sleeved T shirt, or I change into old trousers.
I think skirts could work for most things, if they are fairly long. You need the length to get freedom of movement without needing to worry about modesty. I would tend to change into jeans for more physical things, but this may actually be habit. I'm not sure that it is really necessary. Mentioning Out of Africa reminds me of a book I read a while ago about women explorers and travellers. The title was something like "A Good Thick Skirt" and was taken from a Victorian lady-explorer's letter describing how her good thick skirt had saved her from injury when she fell into a thorn bush. Sadly the book was disappointing and didn't live up to the title. But it did demonstrate how little these ladies were held back by their skirts!
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Cindy wrote:
BTW- I just watched Out of Africa, set in the early 20th century and the female character wore beautiful skirts throughout her work on her African farm and safari, etc. She looked beautiful= and modest. Found myself wishing we had that style today.... |
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I watched a bit of that, also, and thought how lovely she looked. I visited my MIL over the weekend, and she had pulled out pictures of the family. Some of them dated from 1905...and here these people were camping, hiking, picnicking in the woods all dressed so nice and neatly. In some pictures the men were wearing ties! That's a big difference...not just that people were modest, there was a sense of decorum, what was proper for the place. Even being comfortable didn't mean immodest or sloppy.
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Interesting thread...
I have always been more of a skirt/dress person than a pants person. Just a personal preference and an awareness of what I look like from behind. I also spend a lot of time on the floor and with a denim skirt or jumper and I don't find it a problem. I buy a lot of stuff from Eddie Bauer and Talbots as well as Lands End. I have one pair of jeans that I do wear about once a week. I find that skirts and dresses are just more my style. I wear tights in the winter and in the summer I am usually bear legged except for Mass. I do like capris and I wear them in the spring/summer as well.
Several months ago dh and I were talking about this and he expressed gratitute for my dressing like a "girl". I was a little surprised that he even noticed but he said it is nice to have a wife who always tries to look her best. This pleased me because I do make an effort to spruce up before he comes home. I never thought he noticed.
As for modesty, I think a lady can be modest, pretty and feminine in pants. I think it is a matter of personal preference and style. Like Elizabeth I think well fitting khakis or capris can be a nice neat pretty look and if that is what you are more comfortable in then that is great. I think it is important to please God first and our husbands second when it comes to our appearance and demeanor.
I would encourage anyone reading this thread that if they are confirmed "jeans" people to just make the commitment to try skirts for a few days. You might like it.
I have often looked at Ladies Against Feminism. It is a Christian site that has a lot of nice articles about feminity and modesty. I am not familiar with Colleen Hammond but she sounds like a Catholic version of this site. I would like to get her book.
A friend just recommended
April Cornell for nice feminine modest clothes and the site looks really nice. Haven't tried it yet though.
This is a great discussion....
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I forgot to mention this. Last March my parents and brother ans sil were going to a formal party. I wanted a nice black dress. It took forever to find one that was not a spaghetti strap or halter type. I could not believe that even in Talbots and Ann Taylor all of the dressy dresses were very revealing. I finally found a nice selection at Nordstrom online. They do have wide variety, so the niext time you need a dress for a fancy ocassion try there first.
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MacBeth
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MEBarrett wrote:
It took forever to find one that was not a spaghetti strap or halter type. I could not believe that even in Talbots and Ann Taylor all of the dressy dresses were very revealing. I finally found a nice selection at Nordstrom online. They do have wide variety, so the niext time you need a dress for a fancy ocassion try there first.
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Hey Mary Ellen! I needed to find a dress for a recital (for Libby). What a nightmare! There is NOTHING out there. I went to Nordstroms, and the dress she liked best was $700, and it did not come in her size (good excuse, not that I would spend that kind of money  ).
We finally found an amazingly beautiful skirt at Penny's, on the discount rack unlabled, and got it for $10! It is mostly black, with dark red floral velvet...paired with a black sweater, and it's very elegant without being revealing.
Most of the kids wear strapless gowns for rectials...I do not know how they play the violin without worrying that the dress might not stay on. The nicest thing I have seen so far was on an Indian girl--an exquisite traditional dress of autumnal silk. Libby decided that only an Indian could get away with wearing traditional clothing like that...OTOH, she is auditioning to play "Scottish Fantasy" with the orchestra (prayers appreciated!), and might be convinced to wear a tartan  .
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MacBeth wrote:
| I needed to find a dress for a recital (for Libby). What a nightmare! There is NOTHING out there. ...Most of the kids wear strapless gowns for rectials...I do not know how they play the violin without worrying that the dress might not stay on....and might be convinced to wear a tartan.... |
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Oh, watch Brigadoon and make a dress like on that movie! I love the incorporation of the tartan for the wedding scene.
My piano teacher would always look for sleeves for her recital...and said many musicians felt the same way, because they don't like seeing their upper arms flapping away while they are playing!
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MacBeth
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jenngm67 wrote:
Oh, watch Brigadoon and make a dress like on that movie! I love the incorporation of the tartan for the wedding scene.
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Jenn, I just ordered the Brigadoon DVD yesterday!  Those costumes seem so perfect to me; Libby is a bit more "fasionable" (Annika's word for it) than I am...Maybe the film will make tartan seem "cool" .
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jenngm67 wrote:
| I watched that Duggar family...they all looked nice and neat, but I was turned off by the long hair and jumpers....simply because I don't think that "speaks" to others. |
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Which bring up another question I have.
What about hair? Is there a "standard" for length and style in regards to femininity and modesty? What do you all think?
FWIW, I wear mine just below my shoulders and styled (layered cut -- curled somethimes). If it gets too long it looks dumpy and like you said Jenn, I don't think that speaks to others.
God bless!
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MacBeth wrote:
Hey Mary Ellen! I needed to find a dress for a recital (for Libby). What a nightmare! There is NOTHING out there. I went to Nordstroms, and the dress she liked best was $700, and it did not come in her size (good excuse, not that I would spend that kind of money ). . |
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Good heavens! Neither would I. I think I spent about $150 which I thought was ok because it is just a nice black dress and I've already worn a few times. I am glad Libby found something appropriate, she is really a lovely young woman and I am sure she looked beautiful.
Meantime, here are some lovely tartans on young girls....
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Ok, I should have mentioned on that website the skirts are nice the tops are not so good. Why would you put a young girl in a tartan bustier?
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MacBeth wrote:
| I needed to find a dress for a recital (for Libby). What a nightmare! There is NOTHING out there. ...Most of the kids wear strapless gowns for rectials. |
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This also reminds me of my piano playing days. My sister and I were doing a duet for a recital, I think I was fifteen. It was February, and it was very cold backstage. While waiting for our turn, some girl was rubbing her arms and talking about her goosebumps...she was wearing spaghetti straps. I said something to her about "Maybe it's because of over-exposure to the cold."
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Elizabeth
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Here's a site with some links for prom dresses:Modest Prom Dresses
I'm sure they'd work for recitals. Apparently, the Mormons have given quite a bit of time and energy to discussing this issue as well.
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jenngm67 wrote:
MacBeth wrote:
| I needed to find a dress for a recital (for Libby). What a nightmare! There is NOTHING out there. ...Most of the kids wear strapless gowns for rectials. |
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This also reminds me of my piano playing days. My sister and I were doing a duet for a recital, I think I was fifteen. It was February, and it was very cold backstage. While waiting for our turn, some girl was rubbing her arms and talking about her goosebumps...she was wearing spaghetti straps. I said something to her about "Maybe it's because of over-exposure to the cold." |
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I should have mentioned that I was a little abrupt. Even my sister was surprised at my remark!
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Here is the article on wearing skirts rather than trousers, posted with the author's permission. It makes for a long post, but I couldn't see any other way to to do it ...
Who wears the trousers?
Some thoughts on feminism, femininity and the clothes we wear.
By Francis Phillips.
‘Why can’t a woman be more like a man?’ reasoned Professor Higgins in the musical My Fair Lady. One of the destructive features of the feminist movement, I believe, has been the (largely subconscious) wish on the part of many of its members to be just that: more like men. Instead of fighting against injustice at work, unfair discrimination, insulting treatment and so on, women have let themselves be side-tracked into thinking victory is won by imitating men – in their drinking habits, their dating practises, their sports and in their dress, to name just a few areas where it is apparent.
We might recognise that boxing, for instance, is intrinsically a male sport and be instinctively appalled at the sight of women punching each other in the boxing ring; or know that letting women serve in the front line in the armed forces will inevitably undermine, rather than enhance, male morale. But how often do we ever think that wearing trousers (or ‘pants’ as they say in the US) might be a more insidious undermining of women’s true dignity? It has recently come home to me that how women dress plays a much larger part than we realise in subtly influencing the milieu and the culture around us – and also the attitude of men. Might their behaviour, their courtesy towards us, or lack of it, be influenced by our appearance more than we realise?
What has brought these thoughts to mind? Being given a book to read on the subject, as a casual parting gift from a friend last Christmas.* Its theme is that modesty in dress is much more important than we think. So far so good. Like many other women I surmise, when I thought of the phrase ‘modesty in dress’ I interpreted it somewhat negatively as meaning wearing clothes that do not reveal too much leg, midriff or cleavage. When I was a Cambridge student in the sixties, the mini-skirt had just been invented and I am now ashamed of my youthful immodesty in this area. But trousers: what on earth is wrong with them? They are definitely more modest than mini-skirts; they are comfortable, convenient, stylish, sensible, smart, ubiquitous – you name it. So why should women not wear them? The author’s answer is profoundly simple: because we are women, not men.
She argues that until the 20th century almost every country in the world invariably distinguished between men’s and women’s clothing. After the First World War this state of affairs gradually began to change. The shift in female fashion in the early decades of the 20th century may be a portent of the developing women’s movement rather than a result of it, but it is clearly closely enmeshed in women’s growing awareness of their changing role in society. ‘Why can’t a woman be more like a man?’ Well, the answer is, in the matter of dress they gave wholehearted assent to this patently absurd proposition. But why should this matter? Dressing alike doesn’t really create a ‘unisex’, does it? No – but perhaps it does help create deep-rooted confusion and ambiguity. I sense that there is a definite subliminal ‘link’ between women’s behaviour and attitudes and how these are reflected in the clothes they choose to wear. And this will, in turn, affect in ways we cannot fully know, modern man’s ambivalent attitude towards women.
I do not know what it is like in the US, but in the UK the only people one ever sees wearing skirts or dresses are old ladies (not always these), and people going to a Buckingham Palace garden party; mainly those women who grew up before the last War, before jeans had been invented and before the more strident element of feminism had become so influential. The unquestioning ‘uniform’ of almost all women is invariably trousers. I exaggerate only slightly, to make the point.
Until I read the book in question I was hardly aware of this because I wore trousers nearly all the time myself. It was only when I made a definite decision to change to long skirts that I began to notice how masculine (and therefore unattractive) women’s daily wear now is. There is a tacit assumption that if you wear a dress or a skirt you must be either a member of a strange sect like the Amish, or a refugee babushka from rural Russia, or at the very least frumpish and old-fashioned. To be modern, sophisticated, well-dressed, trendy, like everyone else - is to be in trousers.
On a personal note, my husband asked me for years to ‘dress up’ when he came home from work. This meant, obviously, putting on a dress. For years I waged a secret battle against this quite reasonable and harmless request: was I going to look like a ‘Stepford wife’ (from the 1970s satiric film about a typical male reaction to feminism)? No no no! Wasn’t I much too busy looking after the children and doing all manner of household chores to have time to turn myself into a geisha? Yes yes yes! It has taken me a long time, in fact until I read this book, to acknowledge to myself that I was being heavily influenced in my obstinacy by the undertow of the feminist current. Imagination also played its part. In my youth I had read the novels of Ernest Hemingway avidly and, obedient to Professor Higgins, made a determined effort to blend into an imaginary, tough, male, ‘Hemingwayesque’ landscape. This meant wearing a Tshirt and jeans most of the time, and smoking Stuyvesant cigarettes. Even before this, watching the coronation on television as a child, I had decided I would join the Grenadier Guards. My husband’s simple request had much to contend with.
Yet I would wear a dress or skirt for Mass on Sunday. Why? An ancient instinct of respect, I suppose, and the ingrained habit of childhood when, if we girls were not dressed correctly for Mass – and this meant not only dresses but covering our heads with hats or scarves – my father would send us straight back upstairs to change into something more appropriate. But if one wears a dress out of respect for God on Sundays, why not wear the same out of respect for one’s divinely-given womanhood on the other six days of the week? As I read the book, so casually picked up, my thoughts on modesty in dress began to widen and deepen. Instead of interpreting it as simply covering up illicit areas of flesh, I began to realise it meant a complete change of demeanour, of attitude, of self-understanding. After all, I am a woman. So why not seek to reflect the dignity of my vocation as a woman by dressing as a woman rather than as a man? Having pondered this question, albeit with a certain sinking feeling (I would now never get to wear a trouser suit), I precipitately made a bundle of all my slacks, trousers, jeans and leggings (ugh! what an ugly fashion!) and took them to our local thrift shop. I made an exception of one special pair of black corduroys, which I couldn’t yet bear to throw out, and which I have kept in case I ever get a chance to go mountaineering. As I type this, I am wearing a long, blue denim skirt (nostalgia for the material of my beloved jeans?) and feeling slightly estranged from my former self. Exit Ms Hemingway.
I have now re-thought my entire sense of how I want to ‘deport’ myself both at home and to the world and have resurrected, ironed, repaired and re-hung, with some newly purchased accessories, my long neglected wardrobe of skirts and dresses.
This might seem an unimportant, even trivial, pursuit but I don’t think so. I began this article by referring to feminism. Feminism has influenced women to compete with men and to dress like men – but we are women. So why not dress differently, as women have done throughout the ages? There is nothing wrong with looking more elegant, more attractive, more graceful, more womanly than trousers can ever make us. Recently I happened to watch a video dramatisation of the novel Daniel Deronda, by George Eliot. What fascinated me as much as the story of the unhappy heroine, Gwendolen Harleth, was the beautiful clothes the women wore, and how feminine they looked in them. Feminists will be quick to point out here that this was an age when women were men’s ‘property’, had few rights of their own, and dressed like birds of paradise solely for the pleasure of the men they had to serve and obey. But surely this is too simplistic. Perhaps women’s dress also reflected their realisation that they were women, with their own role to play in society, quite different from men’s, and their dress sense reflected their sense of female identity and understanding?
As an English tutor, I have recently had the pleasure of rereading Jane Austen. Apart from the classical beauty of her prose style, I was struck by how carefully regulated, with so many delicate nuances, the relations between the sexes were in her world. Doubtless feminists will denounce it for ‘trapping’ women in domestic and sexual ‘slavery’; I am more inclined to see the wit, the humour and the natural and sensible distinguishing between men’s and women’s natures, and compare it to the social chaos of our present-day society.
The friend who gave me the book that has unleashed such untimely thoughts and actions on my part, always wears long skirts. The reason is, she tells me, because as an art student in her agnostic youth she sported a Mohican hairstyle and outrageously immodest clothes. Now, with nine children, she wants to atone for the sartorial sins of her younger days. So do I. If, by changing my whole attire, I can set a better example of true femininity to my daughters – and to my sons - atone for my own youthful poor taste, and better express my sense of what it means to be a woman, a wife and a mother, it can only be a good thing. If we Catholic women want to help our benighted and confused feminist sisters, and show them the supernatural dignity of our vocation as women, how better than to start by the visual aid of dress? We must fight the rigid mindset that equates dresses with endlessly baking cakes (though there is nothing wrong with baking cakes, I should add) and show that wearing dresses and skirts can reflect intelligence, humour, vitality, compassion, sensitivity, grace – in fact everything that God intended by the word ‘woman’.
The title of this article is a humorous question in the UK, to enquire who is the ‘boss’ of the household. It is always used in instances where a wife is seen to be bossing her husband and mildly suggests that perhaps he is a little ‘henpecked’ and should assert his authority more. The real answer, I now see, is that it is the man who wears, or should wear, the trousers, both literally and symbolically. He is, or should be, the head of the family, just as his wife should be its heart. Though we may often get this balance wrong through human weakness and frailty – the old Adam and the old Eve - this is the right marital equipoise. Our roles are profoundly different though, I hardly need say, equal in dignity before God. So why do we blur this vital distinction by dressing the same? Let us learn to celebrate our God-given sexual difference by rediscovering a distinguishing style of dress.
*Immodesty: Satan’s Virtue. By Rita Davidson. Copies of the book are available from her at RR3 Lanark, Ontario, Canada KOG 1KO. $14.95. www.lffa-ollmpc.com
Our Lady: most holy model of all women, wives and mothers, reveal to us the sublime dignity of our vocation; help us to recognize that only in embracing this vocation will we discover the joy of true freedom; and lead us from bondage to false gods towards unswerving devotion and fidelity to the One True God.
Francis Phillips is married with 8 children and lives in England.
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Kathryn
Dh Michael, Rachel(3/95) Hannah(8/98) Naomi(6/06) (11/07)
The Bookworm
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