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Angel
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| Posted: July 08 2008 at 9:05am | IP Logged
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I'm trying to think of the best way to put this, because I don't want it to sound like a lot of complaining or a vent (thought it might be  ). On the other hand, I do not have very many people to compare my situation to, so I don't know if what I am going through is normal for those with a large family or -- not, you know? Anyway...
I do wonder if you all ever get to a point of critical mass where everything is just "too much". I mean, not just the level of stuff, though that may enter into it. I mean, do you ever get to a point where the demands of being a wife and caring for the kids, the house, homeschooling, etc. just get to be overwhelming, and what do you do if there are no babysitters, no family, no close IRL friends, and no breaks?
Summer for us is so busy that I find myself wishing for fall and winter, but at the same time, winter comes so fast here and is so cold and gray and LONG that I find myself dreading it. The baby has been up every two hours (or every hour sometimes) since he was born, and he'll be a year old in August and shows only small signs of his sleep improving. I don't want to wish away his littleness, but my allergies are killing me and I am exhausted -- I've probably slept through the night ten times in the past 12 years. It's soccer season and that means I have to mobilize 4 kids age 5 to leave the house three times a week. I'm a homebody and this is utterly exhausting. I wasn't sure I could handle another responsibility, but my family (including my dh) wanted chickens and I felt like the Wicked Witch of the West for holding out, so now we have 13 juvenile chicks raising tons of dust in my laundry room and no chicken coop built, and my dh is stressed because *he* has too much to do and his job is not going well but we are still stuck here, and I'm thinking, "Ok, isn't this what I was afraid of???"
Argh.
Anyway, I find myself forgetting a lot of things -- like my dd is supposed to have light therapy for vision every night, but I've forgotten because we're trying to deal with her headaches, too -- and because my kids do not deal well with breaks, I'm trying to maintain at least a partial school schedule... but it seems like every one of my kids' special needs are dumping on me at once. I had an odd experience the other day; I told the baby "no" in a strong voice and he stopped what he was doing and started crying. I had to do a double-take. If I tell my 2 yo twins no, that means they're guaranteed to do it again. If I spank them, they laugh at me. I've never had a child who didn't do what he wasn't supposed to at least ten times, through whatever discipline measures I've taken. All my kids are especially strong-willed, incredibly active, and very intelligent -- which can be a dangerous combination.
It's not *just* this stuff, but these are a few examples of little things piling on big things until it all just seems like everything crashes into a big mess.  I *want*, very badly, to be a gentle, kind, loving wife and mother. I feel that God is calling us to have more children. I do not want to wish my life away. I want to enjoy the moment. But, frankly, I'm too exhausted and frazzled most of the time. I pray constantly, which seems to be the one thing that keeps me going, but -- will someone please tell me that things will get better one day???
--Angela
Three Plus Two
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Angel
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| Posted: July 08 2008 at 9:16am | IP Logged
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Ok, I'm coming back to add... I *know* that many of you do all these same activities and have all the same responsibilities, and so you're probably thinking, "What is *she* complaining about?" The difference is that you all seem to pull it all off with such grace, and I - can't. So maybe there's something I'm missing???
--Angela
Three Plus Two
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: July 08 2008 at 9:32am | IP Logged
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Angela, I totally feel for you. I don't have a super-large family compared to many on this board, but I have had my over-whelmed moments, too.
Do you think is there anything that you can do to improve your baby's sleep situation? I know that I NEED my sleep. Is he waking up wanting to nurse every two hours through the night? Is he in the bed with you? At one year he should be able to sleep at least three to four hours in a row. Can you make sure he is going to bed with a full belly? And if he is waking up is he really hungry or just used to getting comfort? If I know they just ate an hour ago I let them suck for a few minutes until they drift back off and then break the suction. This sometimes gets them to keep the bulk of their eating during day-light hours.
And I'm afraid I would have to be the Wicked Witch of the West about the chickens. Getting a chicken coop, even a very basic one, seems like a priority to me. If it was me I would have to demand some kind of chicken coop either made or bought within a few weeks or the chickens go.
I would see if there is anything you can do to lighten your load right now: simplify homeschooling (maybe just read alouds), give older ones more responsibilities, etc.
We all have down times (especially when we're exhausted), but they always work themselves out. I'll keep you in my prayers.
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Barbara
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MarilynW
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| Posted: July 08 2008 at 9:37am | IP Logged
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Angela - I am on my way out. I am praying for you - i have been pondering writing something similar - because recently at times I have felt that I am "living a life of quiet desperation" - I so dislike this - the allergies, the exhaustion, the crankiness
I will revisit - say a prayer please for my doctors appointment now.
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Marilyn
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: July 08 2008 at 9:53am | IP Logged
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Angela, sometimes a prayer novena to St. Joseph does wonders in these situations. I prayed for dh several years ago and he "stepped up" in a major way. My boys needed to know that if they were disrespectful to me, they would have to deal with Dad.
It might even help with the chicken coop situation! (I would be worse that the Wicken Witch of the West I'm afraid. I'd probably have to say they were going outside, chicken coop or not...but that's just me. I may live in the country, but I'm still a city girl I guess.)
I'll pray for you that you will have some peace.
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Becky
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Syncletica
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| Posted: July 08 2008 at 9:59am | IP Logged
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Have you by chance tried any calming herbs?
Is your baby by chance teething? Dr. Jethro Kloss, a famous herbalist of the early 1900s, spoke of catnip, "If every mother would have catnip on her shelf, it would save her many a sleepless night and her child much suffering." Rosemary Gladstar says she always suggests catnip and passionflower tea to the parents of teething children.
Bulk Herb Store sells "Sleep Tight Tea":
Sleep Tight Tea
That might be helpful.
There's also:
snooze tincture
The description sounds like something many of us could benefit from!
I totally hear you about needing a break, and feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes I get so discouraged I just want to quit and 'run away'. I'm praying for you...
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JennGM
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Angela,
When I first started reading your post, my first question was "is she getting any sleep at night?" which you answered further down.
My son has been sleeping through the night for 4 months straight, and now for the last 3 weeks he's been waking unpredictably. I'm tired, feeling overwhelmed, irritable...lots of what you are saying. Don't beat yourself up! Lack of sleep really makes everything else hard!
And it's very typical for rural/farm wives to feel very isolated. The National Catholic Rural Life Conference that was started in the 20s ministered to rural Catholic families, and this was one of their main concerns -- to reach out to isolated Catholics.
So I'm not giving anything concrete, just trying to be sympathetic. You have a LOT on your plate, and you need to be gentle with yourself. I'll send extra prayers your way!
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Jennifer G. Miller
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marihalojen
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Angela, you've had those chickens for a month now. They have got to go outside! If there hasn't been time to make the "perfect" coop, have Gareth and Katydid staple a chicken wire fence onto the brooding box. Just take it outside and turn it on it's side and fence in the top and the bottom too. Don't worry about nesting boxes, chicken doors, roosts or anything else right now, just get them out of your laundry room. Remember, this isn't their permanent coop, just their toddler home.  You have till Halloween or even Thanksgiving before they'll be laying eggs and an in between home will take the pressure off everyone untill then.
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4 lads mom
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| Posted: July 08 2008 at 11:15am | IP Logged
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Okay, like everytime I am feeling like your post...you post!! I am having one of those weeks, months..years as well...and was thinking right before I logged on, "I wonder if I am really burned out right now...or just really hungry and tired .
I have to second everyone else.....get the chickens out!!! Do you think your daughter's headaches coincide at all with the chickens? Just wondering if it could be an allergy thing?
I will pray for sleep for you, Angela....I bet that is at the heart of what is going on, along with a huge load...it is a really big load, don't minimize it....and it has been pretty much perpetual for a long time for you!! Is there any way you can take a (gasp) Saturday off? Just you....go to Mass....bookstore..coffee..chocolate? Something like that? Even just a Saturday morning?
Take care...praying for you!!!
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SeaStar
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| Posted: July 08 2008 at 11:24am | IP Logged
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Oh, Angela! You are not the only one in that hard place...
My ds will be 6 in November and has slept through the night on his own once. In his "prime" he was up at night every 45 minutes. My dd has never been a good sleeper, either, and now she has other problems that keep her up at night. Some days I just wonder if I will ever sleep again. The fatigue makes me irritable and so short of patience.
My ds is also a "spirited" child- stubborn, has to test ALL the rules ALL the time, which is exhausting.
I only have the two kids, but I often think: other people must have easier children; otherwise they just wouldn't keep having them. This is crazy.
And I wonder other things: will I ever sleep all night in a bed by myself again? Will I ever go out for dinner in a restaurant again? Shoot- will I ever be able to leave the house with or without kids and go somewhere after 6 pm at night? Will it ever get easier?
We have all been sick with a bad virus that has had us home and going nowhere for the past going on ten days now. Every time I think dd is finally better, her temp spikes up again.
I go through cycles- everything from feeling completely desperate to pretending I am a pioneer woman- and if those ladies could manage with far less help in the way of modern conveniences, so can I.
Mostly I pray a lot and try to remember to "muster my wits and stand my ground". I recently read "Emily of Deep Valley" by Maude Hart Lovelace, and that was a good inspiration for me as far as trying to make the best of a hard time.
Someone recently posted about how you can do anything for a season- that thought also has helped me.
And about more kids- my dh has been completely traumatized by the level of needs/attention these two have, and he says he can't fathom how he could work all day, help me at night, keep up with the house/bills, etc and take care of more kids. I keep telling him we're bound to get an easier one (like one who would nap or not have allergies/medical issues or sleep at night or not be into everything all the time or not whine or cry so much), but all he says is: That's what you said last time. And I am not young, so I don't see how we can work this out in the time we have left 
I will keep you in my prayers. Every time I feel I am at my wits end, God pops up to show me he is right there. I realize that only heavenly help is getting me through all this.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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amyable
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| Posted: July 08 2008 at 11:48am | IP Logged
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Did you doubt for one minute I would post here?
Whoops! I accidentally posted - new keyboard's got me all flummoxed.
Angela, your post title is something I've been crying out to God so often lately - "Lord, it's all too much!" You know we have many of the same concerns.
I so often wonder just what God wants from me. And just what is "OK" - like is He sitting up in Heaven wondering why I haven't just trained the baby to sleep through the night because sleep is a NEED? Or is he happier that I'm going nuts with the other children but not letting the baby cry it out... or is He up there shouting "This is what NFP is for, it's OK!" and I'm just not hearing Him? I don't know. And that makes it all that much harder. You too probably want nothing more than to do what you feel you should be doing, but you can't make it "work."
What gets me is that it seems like it's not "just a season". I know you understand - a "season" should be a few months, a year, two, maybe three - but when 10 years rolls around and you've gone from exhausted with a baby right back to pregnant and sick, now with toddlers who are up at 5 AM daily and a beligerent older child (or two ), baby's born and it starts all over again...
I so often wonder what I'm doing wrong. What should I be doing differently to be able to handle this.
I know I'm no help. I hope it is somewhat consoling that I feel the same way, word for word. I'll be following this thread with interest!! PM me anytime if you want to talk 
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Amy
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Lisbet
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| Posted: July 08 2008 at 11:57am | IP Logged
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Angel wrote:
Ok, I'm coming back to add... I *know* that many of you do all these same activities and have all the same responsibilities, and so you're probably thinking,
--Angela
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Angela, i only have a sec, i have th perpetually nursing chunk boy latched to me.
yes, i do many of hte same activities and the same responsiblities as you, and i'm sitting here thinking 'i hear ya sister'.
i know how you feel. i have suggestions for dealing, yet i don't have time right now... i'll come back to this and offer many ave's for you this afternoon.
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Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
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Henry, 7
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Mackfam
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| Posted: July 08 2008 at 12:15pm | IP Logged
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Listening with both ears...
All I can offer is to strip down to essentials, Angela. I am a bit of a homebody myself and I start to feel overwhelmed if I can't be at home long enough to maintain some sort of routine.
I concur...the chickens MUST move out of the house.
Make a list of those things that must happen during the day - and start pegging to meals. Therapy after dinner. Rosary after lunch. Garden chores after breakfast. Give yourself permission to cut out extras. Perhaps school needs to consist of habit training and read alouds for a short time in the afternoon and that's it?
Sleep is necessary to function, and I suspect sleep deprivation is one of your biggest challenges. Since sleep training is such a family specific issue I'm leary of giving advice. I'll just say that I had so much relief with JP (he was 1 at the time) when my dh finally put his foot down and said "no more all night buffet, he can sleep in his own crib." I was in pain, but it was a relief to sleep and be able to function. And the baby slept better on his own. Is the baby sleeping with you? Or just very close to you? Could he just need a bit of distance?
When I get overwhelmed, the quickest cure for me is to pull my children in close and just let myself love them and be with them. I forbid myself to think of the chores waiting for me and give myself a few uninterrupted minutes of time for focused attention on them.
I need to go take this advice right now and go make lunch and sit down and read to the children afterward. I'm praying for you, Angela. I'm praying that others can offer you realistic, workable solutions for your situation, that you can get some sleep, and that Our Lady will help you with your gentle mother's heart so that you can feel at peace in spite of the busy-ness.
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
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amyable
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Angel wrote:
| On the other hand, I do not have very many people to compare my situation to, so I don't know if what I am going through is normal for those with a large family or -- not, you know? |
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This is an interesting point you bring up. Large families are much more rare these days. Many of us have no one to learn from, no experience, and no help. Add on the nasty comments we get when we leave the house, or simply the people who avoid being friends anymore because they "don't get it", and it truly is a HUGE cross sometimes. I'm sure our reward will be great in heaven for carrying on peacefully, but it does leave me wondering...*must* we take up THIS cross? Am I doing this to myself because of my choices or does God want this for me...
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Amy
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The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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Mackfam
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| Posted: July 08 2008 at 1:00pm | IP Logged
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amyable wrote:
| the people who avoid being friends anymore because they "don't get it", and it truly is a HUGE cross sometimes. |
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Oh, Amy - you've hit on a big one for me right now. And, I still think of my family as small - there are only 4 of us! But, I have a dear friend who has decided to completely avoid us. It is painful. We've been friends since before I even met my dh!
This is a Cross!
I often meditate on Our Lady, imagining her in Egypt - hanging up sweet baby Jesus and Joseph's clothes, going about her chores - isolated from her family and friends which must have been so difficult for her.
I believe God created us for this challenging time for a reason, though I confess that sometimes I wish times were different and we were all more connected IRL. A dear IRL friend of mine and I were talking yesterday, and we were sharing about how our mother used to be able to visit and share "mother nurture" over the clothes line in the back yard with other mothers. Families and communities were connected in that way. Now, we're all spread out it seems. This electronic medium redeems itself by allowing us to "visit over the clothesline" and share experiences and ideas. It's not the same as running in to you at the grocery store and sharing a collective *sigh* and a glance that says, "I know right where you are!" But, it's something. And, I'm thankful for it.
Ok - this has nothing to do with Angela's original plea...but it struck a chord with me because I feel the sadness of loss when it comes to feeling judged (even within my own family.) There is a loss in that I feel I must be more guarded - any hint of being overwhelmed or not completely having a handle on every little thing seems to invite the, "see, I told you this is too much, I told you you'd be overwhelmed with all these children, now don't you think you ought to stop"
...and with you girls, I can be myself! What a relief!
Ok - back to advice for Angela - I'll stop hijacking!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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JenniferS
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(((HUGS))) Angela. I could have posted your post, almost right down to the chickens. Except our chickens are outside in a makeshift pen, where the German Shepherd has dined on a good portion of the brave ones that jump the pen. I wish that I could offer advice, but I am so overwhelmed, I can't even think. I will pray for you. God bless.
Jen
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Mare
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Angela,
I can understand some of what you are describing. I’ve hardly posted or blogged this year b/c it has been so busy around here. There is always one crisis after another.  It is tiring.
Can you make a list of the essential things that make you function happily and then try to work on those essentials? That’s what I’ve done. For me, I need 8 hrs. minimum sleep and daily time to myself. If I don’t do those things, it affects the whole family. I have always used sleep training for my children. It has been a lifesaver for me. Lack of sleep makes me feel horrible and non-functioning all day.  We also have one hour of quiet time daily while the one year old is sleeping. My older children and I use this as our personal reading time. Also, getting out for a walk after dinner will lift my spirits when I'm feeling low. These little things have really helped me.
Ironically, I’m able to get on here today because my dh told me this morning that I am not to do any work around the house today. He just wants me to rest. On one hand, it is hard. I see work to be done. On the other hand, I’m glad that he mandated this day of rest. There will always be work.
Praying for you,
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MarilynW
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Angela - I am back - and I have been in a position very similar to yours - so bear with me whilst I give you some tips on what has worked for me.
Firstly - some encouragement - you have 2 YEAR OLD TWINS - as a mama of twins - I am congratulating you for getting through the day!! When my twins were 2, a wise mama of multiples told me "if I get through the day and my twins are alive at the end of the day, I have done my job!!!" And I did not have a nursing baby at the same time.
Secondly - the sleep factor. I had a similar non-sleeping baby. (first one in 5!) - he just nursed through the night and I was a wreck. My wonderful dh and some lovely wise ladies on this board convinced me to "get tough" - this was not heartless - just encouraging my little guy (who was eating 4 solid meals a day and still nursing through the night!) to get some healthy sleep habits. It took one tough night only - and he slept better. I was like a new person - life suddenly seemed full of color. I did not compare myself to the many moms I know who can share beds and rooms with their children - I had to do what was best for everyone in the family. Anyway - my little guy started teething in the last couple weeks and we fell back into bad habits - mainly because I was staying up planning way way too late and not getting enough sleep. He moved into the nursery a few days ago - and since then has been sleeping 9pm to 7am or later. I am starting to feel better again with 5 hours of continuous sleep/
3) Allergies - I am having very severe allergies too - compounded by no sleep. I am not sure if you take medication - but I find that even the kid size (I take kiddie Zyrtec) knocks me out and makes me feel cranky and overwhelmed - I guess I am just one of those people sensitive to medication. I am going to try something like Claritin.
4) Try to figure out what it is that you need to get some peace of mind - for me it is a decluttered, tidy home - and I have some measures in place to achieve this with help from the kids and my dh - I just cannot function in mess - so for you maybe getting rid of the chickens
5) I have no help with kids or housework either - and it sometimes seems overwhelming - especially because of my perfectionist nature. Could you figure out a way to get some peaceful time - eg even a half hour rest in your room on your own with a rosary cd - put the tv on, put the twins in their cribs or room or whatever, can your older ones watch the younger ones?
6) Maybe get some kind of schedule or routine in place for summer if you do not have one - this might help you feel more in control
7)I think the isolation does not help either. I do not have that many close IRL friends that I see regularly where I live either - and many family and friends are not supportive of big families or homeschooling. I always have to give the impression that I LOVE what I do, and that our family life is perfect - because if I say I am finding it tough, everyone will be happy to chime in with "send them to school and stop having kids!" - I do not even like to tell people I do not feel well - as everyone blames in on the "stress of having 5 children and homeschooling" BUT - I do have kindred spirit friends on this board - and a supportive pm or phone call goes a long way. And getting to spend a morning recently with one (read Jenn  ) is such a wonderful luxury. I so miss my mom - she has not been well for a while - this is the first baby she has not come and stayed with me and I miss the companionship and help
8)I think summer is tough - for me anyway- because I get anxious about planning for the next school year - I feel I need to have an organized home and school before the fall - and although I love to plan and organize, it can wear me down and make me exhausted.
Sorry this is so long. I would really like to point you to Jen's post that I love Let us work wholeheartedly
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Marilyn
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joann10
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It had gotten easier in some ways around here because I have older kids to help out. I depend on them constantly. But at the same time, I will get feeling like you do now, Angela, and I feel like I have no right to feel this way because I have the help.
I am always amazed at the women "doing it" without big kids to help. You are one of the woman who amazes me, Angela. (although with the bigger kids, there are different, "bigger" worries always lurking around)
I certainly get overwelmed, but since I was sick a few years ago, I try to put into prespective what I want to achieve here--children raised to live forever in Heaven.
How we go about this changes day to day. Today it meant having fun with "science" outside while the inside of the house looks like bomb went off-literally. Keep in mind, this science is all we did today, except for feeding alot of hungry people and reading aloud. Tomorrow it might mean learning to clean a house joyfully or to clean a house because I said so.
Some days we miss ouside activities because it would be more detrimental to the whole family than beneficial to the child or children participating in the activity to venture out. I have always let coaches know that we will try our best to make all activities, but we might not always make it. So far-in 17 years-coaches have always understood this and not given us a hard time about it. Of course this is with younger kids, as they get big,(as in mid to late teens) if they were going to participate in activies, they knew sometimes they would have to find transportation themselves.
I can't give any advice on more sleep--I myself nap--but my babies, including my now two and three year olds, are just now starting to sleep consistantly through the night.
Chickens, I can't comment on chickens, except that I wouldn't want them in my house.
I will be keeping you in my prayers, Angela. I hope your days get easier.
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Maria B.
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Joined: Jan 16 2006
Location: Virginia
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Posts: 544
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| Posted: July 08 2008 at 2:38pm | IP Logged
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Marilyn, your post is so beautiful and from the heart.
God bless all of you ladies lending so much support and love to Angela. This board is very special.
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Maria in VA
Proud Mom to 10 Great kids!
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: When it's all too much
