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missionfamily
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| Posted: Dec 26 2007 at 8:57am | IP Logged
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I posted it here. I hope it brings many blessings for all your dear husbands.
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Colleen
dh Greg
mom to Quinn,Gabriel, Brendan,Evan, Kolbe, and sweet St. Bryce
Footprints on the Fridge
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knowloveserve
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I can surely relate to the husband concerns too. But I just wanted to mention a book that has been very convicting for my family and has really "revolutionized" the way we look at money. It is not a "finances" book in that it discusses debt or credit etc. But it's exactly the type of attitude I think more Catholics would do well to adopt.
Happy are You Poor: the simple life and spiritual freedom by Thomas Dubay.
This was our poorest Christmas to date by way of finances... but I have to say that it was the most peaceful and joyful.
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Ellie
The Bleeding Pelican
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Michaela
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This thread has been a blessing for me. I've realized that since my DH is such an easy going man that I have some improvements to make in my home. My focus has changed and my biggest goal is to create a haven for my husband. I discussed this thread with him over the past few days.....or at least what I've finally come to realize.
Every day I ask myself, "How can I bless my husband today? How can I show him he's appreciated?"
I also ask my children to find some way to bless their father that day. Even if he doesn't notice. (He always seems to notice though  ) They also needed to stop focusing on themselves, but make an effort DAILY to show their dad he is appreciated.
Thank you for starting this thread, Cay. We've made quite a few changes since I read your post almost a week ago.
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: Dec 26 2007 at 4:14pm | IP Logged
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Since we're "in the season" I thought this was a fascinating connection which I read last night at Domenic Bettinelli's blog:
It's a Wonderful Life as an Economics Lesson, the concept was conceived here: It's a Wonderful Life.
Ellie, I'm anxious to see a copy of the book you mentioned. Can you give us some examples of how it revolutionized your home and how it promotes a simpler life?
And, Michaela, something I have been thinking of but you put it into words, was how to show my husband more appreciation. I need to focus more on teaching my children to appreciate their daddy. To make a daily effort to do this would certainly help them stop focusing on themselves so much.
Great starting block... 
Dh just drove up. Gotta go...
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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missionfamily
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I'll comment that Happy Are You Poor was also a life-altering read for me. I read it as we were preparing to become foreign missionaries and embrace a life of total poverty. I embraced the concepts in that book with my whole heart. I wanted so much to live the life described there, detached from the world and its trappings, my focus on God and service to Him, a heart willing to go the extra mile in love for the poor, in self-sacrifice. We lived it as best we could, but I must confess that in the end, it was my need to be in a comfortable space with my fourth baby almost due that brought us home from mission. I have felt torn since then between my desire to be that person who gave up all for Jesus and my desire to be for my kids the best me I know how to be, part of that is being in a space where I know how to create a warm, cozy home amd life for them. The sacrifice of life in mission took all I had. There were no night time read-alouds, no tea with crafts, no warm robes after hot baths...all the ways I know how to make my love felt in a tangible sense were gone. Were there new ways I could have found? Yes, I'm sure there were, but just getting food on the table and clothes on the line took all I had. I had nothing left to give.
Since we have returned home we have constant converation and struggle over how to live a life completely impoverished of our own will and our own ambition, a life wholly dependent upon God's provision and detached from earthly things, a life whose primary purpose is service to Him and still be totally open to life and raise a large family well. It is a constant inner struggle for me. I miss the ideal I embraced as a missionary, but in all truthfulness, the reality was less than ideal and so was I. Now, I'm home and still often find myself falling well short of who I desire to be.
I want to live the Christian paradox. I want to be materially poor and spiritually wealthy, yet I want health insurance. I want to be so detached from things that if God told me today to sell all I have and move to a mission territory, I would go gladly, but I am want a home that is warm and inviting and that my kids never want to leave. I want to want nothing, and yet in wanting to serve Him well as a wife and mother, I find so many things to want.
Sorry, didn't mean to go on for so long...but this is something I've wanted to talk out for so long. Thanks for being my sounding board. And at least you can just skip me if I'm talknig too much 
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Colleen
dh Greg
mom to Quinn,Gabriel, Brendan,Evan, Kolbe, and sweet St. Bryce
Footprints on the Fridge
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missionfamily
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| Posted: Dec 26 2007 at 5:17pm | IP Logged
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Okay--I was just standing at the stove picking my turkey carcass for soup and feeling totally lame for the above post which seems to make very little sense when the thought finally came together for me...
Here it is: It is not the big things I struggle with. I don't want a bigger or better house, a new car, jewelry, or even clothes. My kids wear hand-me-downs and thrift store clothes. I drive an ex-military van bought at auction. And I'm happy and content. I would move to a smaller house if needed, give up one vehicle if we had to.
My struggle is in the little things. I like to being small "treats" into my home. It's my way of loving, and it's what I'm best at...4 small snowman plates that cost a dollar each for winter lunches. Vintage tea cups for each boy. Lovely fresh ground cinnamon instead of the cheaper stuff. Wonderful English teas instead of Lipton. I WANT the cathedral cake pan and tons of gorgeous picture books. Not because I want more things, but because of what they being to my home.
I know how to sacrifice. If the grocery budget doesn't allow for imported tea and fine cinnamon this month, that's okay. But should it never allow for those things? Am I being attached to things in wanting those things. I can't find it in me to give up all those little comforts. It takes away from my abilty to be a wife and mother the way I best know how.
SOOOOOO....the question left to grapple with becomes:
What does it mean for an American homeschooling mother with modest yet comfortable financial provision to embrace a life of poverty? If you guys can help me answer that one, even it means no more organic cinnamon, I'd be grateful...the soup needs celery...gotta go!
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Colleen
dh Greg
mom to Quinn,Gabriel, Brendan,Evan, Kolbe, and sweet St. Bryce
Footprints on the Fridge
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msclavel
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Colleen, all of what you posted resonates with me. And Fr. Dubay's books also changed me in so many ways. In fact I've recently felt the pull to read it again. I felt all he same things this year at Christmas. I didn't get a Christmas present from my dh or children, because I would rather spend that money on the best ingredients to make amazing Christmas cookies. I like to get excellent coffee to make dh a wonderful cup in the morning. I think your question is excellent. When I had just read the book, I was talking with a friend and posed the very same question. He reminded me about St. Thomas More who was by all means a wealthy man materially. He wanted little for himself, but he never ceased to indulge his children, especially in regards to their education. Oh, I have so many more thoughts...but the tea kettle is whistling and I promised dh a cup of tea and a game of Pictionary with the kids...
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Theresa
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Cay what a wonderful post, thank you so much for sharing and starting this thread. I have enjoyed reading what all of you have shared.
I am prayerfully seeking guidance and direction from the Holy Spirit in many of these same areas for the new year.
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Theresa
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Cay Gibson
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Colleen,
I wrote this early this morning then my Internet server crashed. Dh just came home to the rescue. 
We have a visit to one of the godmothers this evening (Christmas celebrating continues  ) so I'll post this real quick... 
Colleen,
Your post wasn't lame at all. In fact, it was brilliantly right "on-the-money" (pun intended) .
I have a lot I want to say. I'm having quite a few God-probings and conversations these past few days.
I need to focus on this in a big way.
msclavel wrote:
| ... a friend...reminded me about St. Thomas More who was by all means a wealthy man materially. He wanted little for himself, but he never ceased to indulge his children, especially in regards to their education. |
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I read the same thing about St. Therese of Lisieux's mother, Venerable Zelie Martin. Her daughter said that while she denied herself of many things, she never denied her family or servants the very best she had to offer.
I'm thinking again of the broken donut incident and how Mother Teresa's nun handled it. Oh, that I could be more like one of those nuns. Is there an online training guide?
We should offer everyone around us...especially our husbands...the very best of ourselves and whatever we have at our disposal.
Yet I am so weak and spoiled... 
We have to remember to focus on our own spiritual journey, sanctify the home around us, and allow the Holy Spirit to guide our family members on their own spiritual journey.
It's so simple. We make it so tough.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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hylabrook1
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I often think about those same kinds of things as mentioned by others: how can I live a simple life while I still enjoy various luxuries? One thought that has come to me is that there is a difference between appreciating the loveliness of certain things and being defined by those things. To me, appreciating things, even using and enjoying nice material objects, isn't based on my being *too good* to use cheaper, more run of the mill things. Instead, I enjoy the gifts the talented artist shares or the beauty of a perfectly formed fruit or the special qualities that attach to whatever luxury I might have. I see each of them as a beautiful gift, and they enrich my life. But if, on other hand, I just wouldn't be living up to some image I have of myself if I didn't have access or money to buy those things,that would truly be a problem. If I didn't have these *finer things of life*, there would still be plenty of beauty in simpler things. The pleasure in a cup of supermarket brand tea would be sipping it while I watch a beautiful sunset. There are so many gifts that God gives us that are pleasurable and free at the same time! I try to keep my life simple and not confuse needs with wants. What I'm trying to say is that simplicity is defined more by an outlook that says you don't have to keep up with the neighbors as far as material things go and that your deepest longing is for spiritual wholeness. It is a constant balancing act and I find myself examining my choices pretty often. Especially in 21st century America, what we consider to be basic needs would be unfathomable wealth to many people in other parts of the world.
Just my rambling thoughts....
Peace,
Nancy
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mandamum
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I think part of the poverty has to do with *attachment to* the things, sort of along the lines Nancy mentions "being defined by" the things. I struggle with this in regard to aquiring nicer toys, etc--when we have just cheap, 2nd hand things in our home, I worry less about accidental damage or misuse, but I have difficulty letting a child enjoy something that is "nicer" (say, a wooden states puzzle that still has all the pieces, but won't unless I hover and put up high). On the one hand, it serves its purpose better when cared for carefully; on the other, its purpose (and the child it teaches) are more important than this *thing*.
There was an article recently (in Faith and Family perhaps?) written from a father's perspective, on how sometimes you might feel more comfortable living a spartan life of poverty, but that one's state in life may call you to something else. His example--being a father of a bustling family will necessarily involve *stuff* in your life, and accepting that can be a sacrifice of its own (perhaps giving up your attachment to your idea of "poverty"?).
I'll have to check out the book mentioned.
One thing just occurs to me. Regarding beautiful things you use to form your children--if we are little domestic churches, and by creating beauty, we teach our children to love Beauty, isn't that sort of akin to the beautiful Church buildings that some decry, saying "it would be better to give the money to the poor"? But the beautiful building and the beautiful tea cups both do something important, albeit on a different scale.
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Cay Gibson
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Sometimes the best plans are the ones never made.
An impromptu date with my husband on the Feast of the Holy Family gelled this discussion into something tangible and wonderful.
Now I'm praying that I can keep the wheels oiled well.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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Tina P.
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I hope you all don't mind if I interject with my thoughts, quite different from monetary thoughts, but with a heavy feeling of owing, nonetheless. We had a "family" get-together (many families out here don't have family close enough to visit for the holidays, so we are each other's family) yesterday.
I haven't been in top form lately, so my husband has been cleaning the house from top to bottom. Not only that, but after the party, while I slept, he cleaned, scrubbed, washed the dishes and the floor. So, not only for our financial security but also for his staunch support and workhorse attitude, I have to show my appreciation.
My mom once sent me a framed quote that asked what parents could do best for each other. The answer: become more worthy of the love you're already freely given. Now, if I only knew how best to do that ...
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Husbands at Christmastime
