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Essy
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Joined: Oct 12 2006
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Posts: 167
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| Posted: June 20 2007 at 10:03am | IP Logged
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I had forum set up sometime ago, but had closed it down because of lack of interest...but there is lots of good stuff there if anyone is interested in checking it out. I've re-opened it so that anyone can read.
http://simplylivingalifeofgrace.com
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Wife to Roy since Sept 1985
Mom to Sarah(May 2002)and Christian (August 2003)
Praying In the Moment
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Natalia
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Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Louisiana
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Posts: 1343
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| Posted: June 20 2007 at 7:58pm | IP Logged
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Kristine,
You are in a hard spot. I think it is very hard to perceive a need and not be able to meet. Don't loose heart!
I was thinking, what about an "in home" mother's sabbath? I wonder if when your dh is home, maybe on a Saturday, he would agree to let you stay in your bedroom, basement or some other room of the house, for a couple of hours. It is not ideal but maybe it could be done. Imagine, you could stash some chocolate, your favorite drink, some books, even a movie if you have tv in your room. You could read, take a bath, draw, write in your diary,write poetry,sleep, pray,or whatever you like to do when alone. What do you think? would something like that be a possibility?
Praying for you,
Natalia
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Cheryl
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Joined: Feb 20 2005
Location: Massachusetts
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Posts: 978
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| Posted: June 21 2007 at 6:07am | IP Logged
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Kristine,
I just read Natalia's ideas and I think they sound great. I was wondering also if you could try to have a quiet time during the day. This would probably only work if your 2 year old and your baby nap at the same time. I have a quiet time around 1:00 most days. I put the 3 older ones in separate rooms where they draw, play, look at books, etc. They are supposed to stay in the room and be quiet until the timer beeps (one hour later). When I first started this I had them stay in for 15 minutes. Then we gradually increased it. If my dd 1 naps at this time, then I get alone time without my dh's help. 
I should say that for awhile my persistent little dd 4 was not wanting to stay in. I started to tell her that she wouldn't get to have a treat after quiet time if she came out. Most days this works. So we've been in the habit of having sweets for afternoon snacks. 
My very active ds 6 actually seems to like the alone time. He's never completely quiet though. I can hear him humming. 
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Cheryl
Wife to Bob ('97)
Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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saintanneshs
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Joined: April 15 2005
Location: Virginia
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Posts: 591
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| Posted: June 21 2007 at 6:30am | IP Logged
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Thanks Natalia and Cheryl for the wonderful ideas! I'm using both of them!! 
Anybody willing to share how they keep the Partner P blanaced? How about specifically for husbands who are and are not home a lot?
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Kristine
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stacykay
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Joined: April 08 2006
Location: Michigan
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| Posted: June 21 2007 at 8:23am | IP Logged
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I appreciate the suggestions for the person P. I didn't even think of looking at taking "my time" in a different way ( I also think I would miss everyone too much to be gone allll day, ala Holly! ) She had great spritual needs, based on what she wrote, but then, I think to myself, don't we all, no matter where we are, have great spiritual needs, not that we're all falling apart, but that, even given what Holly shared about her younger years, her "need" isn't more than what anyone else needs? Ok, that was completely confusing! 
Kristine, you are not alone in having a dh who works many hours.  Mine is gone from the wee hours til 10P from Jan. til almost the end of April, every year, and from there on out, he works most Saturdays. Throw in many boys playing many sports, and he is nearly never home. We've been married 22 years, and I still struggle with this.
I don't know if this counts for the partner one, but in the past year, about once a month, when I am feeling somewhat at the end of my rope , I will have oldest ds watch the rest, while I "make" dh go out for an inexpensive burger, or something like that, just to talk-adult to adult, wife to husband (and vice versa) with no dc interrupting. We are gone 1-2 hours max. But it helps. Sometimes I make notes about things I want to discuss so I don't forget them!
Also, dh has never had more than a week of vacation each year, and one year he didn't take one. I think he (and we) all need the down time of being off of work, and relaxing. One year, I wanted him to take time off, and was busy making up a to-do list, as so many things need to be done around the house. I caught myself, and had to readjust my thinking, because we all needed the time of dh off, having fun, with no work! ( I am a slow learner.) Right now, I am making plans for short little trips this summer, and he has agreed to take the days off to make them happen. And as for the to-do list, I am looking at what I and the oldest 2 ds can manage.
We also don't have extended family available for babysitting, etc. or the funds to pay for someone to come in and babysit. And with oldest ds away at college, it was trickier this year. I keep reminding myself that in a few years, things will be different with older dc, and perhaps more time with dh and for myself. Sometimes it is just hard to see past the present joyful chaos.
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
dss 19, 16, 12, 9, 5, and 3
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Returning to MROL
