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Ruth
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| Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 12:40pm | IP Logged
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I’m sorry for the long post, but I wanted to respond to your kind thoughts. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I will print it and read this over and over again for courage.
humanaevitae wrote:
| Kindly suggest if they have concerns, it would be more respectful to discuss it with you? I think I would tend to be direct and need the matter to be discussed in order to move on with those neighbors. |
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She did talk to me about my girls not playing with her last Summer. Her daughter would come home crying about it, so I had the girls go over and apologize, and things were fine for a while. But the she started acting  again, so the girls started to keep their distance.
Lisbet wrote:
It is a very deep and painful violation when someone does this. It terrifies you right to the core.
It might just be my personality, but I have had a very hard time getting over it. It's way less of an issue for me now, but it still really stings when I think about it.
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That's exactly how I feel. Thank you for putting it into words for me.
Alice R wrote:
Calling SS is VERY serious. Your children could've been removed or a number of other horrible things. 
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My kids are still having nightmares about it
Servant2theKing wrote:
It may seem difficult, or nearly impossible, but if you can pray for the family who made that report, you will have greater peace with the situation. Praying for those who persecute us truly brings grace to seemingly impossible situations! |
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That's exactly what my dh said this morning. 
hylabrook1 wrote:
I really think the sense of discomfort you are getting is something that you should obey.
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Thank you. This is great.
guitarnan wrote:
Honestly, if the parents would take such drastic action because their child is upset about a cancelled birthday event, they have serious issues and you should be very cautious around them, IMHO.
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That's what scares me the most.
MrsKey wrote:
Children often tell their parents things about play dates. And as we all know children are often not very good observers or reporters and often misrepresent things. Even though such a misrepresentation would be completely unintentional ... the risks involved if the parents of this child take it the wrong way are just too severe to be ignored.
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Thats' why the comments she made yesterday sounded weird. 
Martha wrote:
I also question that they were genuinely concerned about food. If I was that worried about a neighbor, I wouldn't let them go hungry while I called SS to check into it. I'd take them food!
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That's what I said!!!!
Jen L. wrote:
This helped me when a similar situation happened to us:
I wrote a letter to the person - free form, no wordsmithing or editing. And then, I DID NOT send it. I ended up (probably a few weeks later) ripping it up.
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I'm going to try that with Bernie. We've been joking about what we would do 
Anne McD wrote:
I might be tempted to be blunt with the mother of this child if she comes over again. Just say sweetly to her that your children can't play right now, but you'll discuss with her mom when they'll be able to get together again. Then call her mom and tell her that unfortunately, someone in the neighborhood recklessly (sp?) and cowardly called SS on your family without coming to you first. Now, you have been forced into a situation where your trust in your neighbors has been ruined, and you will wait until the warmer weather for your children to play outside together, where everyone can be fully supervised.
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This is what we're going to do this weekend 
Sarah wrote:
PS I think you would be wise to get legal help ready because if they feel slighted they might get angry. Document everything you've told us thus far!!!!
Be careful. Ask St. Joseph what to do. He had to protect his family and I'm sure the Flight into Egypt was terrifying.
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The girls did that yesterday, on their own I didn't tell them to do this, but they're concerned.
I will pray to St. Joseph for guidance. I didn't think about the Flight into Egypt.
humanaevitae wrote:
Are you absolutely sure it was this neighbor? Can you trust that your other neighbors are telling the truth when they say they didn't do it?
I would ask the new neighbors point blank. If they did then kindly explain that obviously they don't consider you a fit parent and someone who is capable of supervising their daughter so no more playdates. |
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I did ask my neighbors point blank. I know my next door neighbor was very hurt We have no doubt about who it was. I pray we have the courage to talk to them this weekend.
JodieLyn wrote:
Do you even really know the parents? It seems to me all this "communication" is going through the little girl and she's obviously less than truthful (manipulative) even to her own parents. Sometimes people will think to call the "authorities" because they don't know how or can't for some reason approach the person involved.
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They have made so many cruel comments to us about the other neighbors, so they've shown their true colors. This is why my dh thought of them first. I went around asking the other ones first, just in case.
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Ruth
mom to 7 miracles
My family blog
Loreto Rosaries
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Lisbet
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| Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 1:00pm | IP Logged
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Ruth, the SS that came to our door was black, the next day my 3y.o. asked me, "Mommy, if the black lady takes us away, will we turn black too?"
My nine year old daughter asked me "Mom, do children who get taken away get adopted by other parents?"
I was forced to discuss things with my children that they were not ready for. Each night we prayed for Mr. W (neighbor) during our rosary. The kids would say, "for God to soften Mr. W's hard heart so he likes kids."
It ripples through the whole family, it shakes the security that we hold so dear. I was amazed at the re-percussions of that one phone call.
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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Ruth
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| Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 1:12pm | IP Logged
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Lisa, like you said before, "It terrifies you right to the core." My kids just asked me if the neighbor thought about what could happen when they made the call. I. too, am amazed at the re-percussions of that one phone call.
It's all we've thought about this week. We lost a week of school 
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Ruth
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Paula in MN
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| Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 4:49pm | IP Logged
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Well, now that I have read everyone else's comments, and really understand what happened, can I change my first comment??? NO WAY would I let the kids play together again. Calling SS is serious, and the way you are handling it is COMMENDABLE!!!
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 Paula
A Catholic Harvest
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Ruth
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| Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 7:16pm | IP Logged
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I just spoke to our priest tonight, and he said for charity's and our family's sake, stay away from them. I told him I feel bad for their little girl, but he said they'll have live with it. He agreed we need to speak with a lawyer. There should be some penalties for false accusations. Thanks, again for your advice. It really has helped us a lot!
God bless you all.
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Ruth
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Carole N.
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| Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 7:40pm | IP Logged
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I think that you are making the best possible choice. When this happened to us, I ended a friendship for myself and for my daughter. I was so certain that it was this particular friend (from our church). The DHS investigator knew too many details about our personal life.
Now, almost two years later, my daughter is mending this friendship with the daughter (they are in the handbell group together). Last night, they came to collect money for St. Judes. It was a very stilted conversation at first, but later she told me how sad she was over what had happened. She told me once again that she did not report me. It is so hard to know what to do.
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esperanza
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| Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 10:24pm | IP Logged
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good advice given..hang in there, Ruth.
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In His Peace,
Tammy Gonzalez in VA
dh-Johnny
mom to Tara-'85, Noelle-'88, Jeremy-'91, Elizabeth-'93, Emma-'96, Dominic-'99, Gabriel-'01, Elijah-03
and Jacinta-06
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Topic: So now, what do we do?
