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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 4:43pm | IP Logged
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Cheryl wrote:
I went to bed at 9:30 last night, so I got 10 interrupted hours of sleep, which is about 8 1/2 hrs of sleep.  I feel good. I wasn't planning on going to the homeschool bowling today because of being so tired this week, but I changed my mind this morning. I took the kids to lunch at the bowling alley and we had a great time. I got to talk to a couple of moms. I think it was good to get out of the house with the kids.
About the counselor... I'm not sure where he was going with this, but he asked my dh if he ever took all the dc anywhere. There was only one time after Christmas when he took them all to the mall. He asked how it went. I think he may have been trying to show my dh that it is tiring??? |
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Yeah!!! Keep it up--or try to. I slip occasionally and feel it. Brings me back to reality. We do need to take care of ourselves a little. I am hoping to rally the troops this weekend to work on "OUR" neglected house. Wish me luck.
Anne
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Nina Murphy
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| Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 5:46pm | IP Logged
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Cheryl,
Everyone's advice has been so right on!
I just want to add that we must KNOW OURSELVES. Someone mentioned the comparison to other moms thing as being a major discourager. Yes, but even to the ideal. We can set ourselves up to be a kind of woman that maybe we really *aren't*, maybe God doesn't want us to BE.
I have lived this vocation for almost 20 years, homeschooled for 13 1/2, had 8 children, miscarried two...and all along through the entire thing I have fought and struggled with it. I really didn't choose it freely. I have to work so hard to persevere and I feel very attacked at times---very compromised. Like: what am I thinking? This is not ME! This is those other wonderful virtuous, mellow, trusting, contented, well-formed women that I am reading about and trying to be! Who am I trying to fool---I've just set myself up for constant failure and depression.
And it has taken me so long to look at myself and my marriage and MY family and live MY own charism, MY unique call---even if it looks very odd or doesn't seem to fit. I, for instance, drool with envy when I read women saying they have to be really good and make sure to get those 6 hours of sleep! Ha! I PUT MYSELF to bed when I was a child! I have always needed a lot of sleep (and inherited very-uber-light sleeping genes as my dad, brother and sister all have problems with it) in order to function properly and cheerfully. And to realize that my constitution may be this way.
I may have "special needs" and they don't necessarily get out-grown! Maybe they even intensify as an adult with adult stressors. Wouldn't we treat a child of ours with such mercy and tenderness if it were suspected he or she had special needs and perhaps were "out-of-sync"? So: treat yourself well by allowing yourself to eat enough, sleep enough, rest enough, laugh enough.
And my thing is: if you HATE making yourself exercise and it is becoming almost a source of frustration---that you think about it and worry about getting it done and center your day around it---maybe it can become more of a negative. The pressure of it. Just go outside and walk around if you want or get in the sun. Or dance with your kids to music in your house (which is what I love)---but do what makes you happy and is not a chain around your neck. My dad made me exercise every day as a child---go for a jog, he'd say---and for most of my marriage, I have obsessed about needing to fit it in. I finally just don't. It's not always the easiest thing to do. And funny thing---my weight is actually less now. Yes, I probably "ought" to for my sleep, my digestive system. But I'm at a stage in my life where I am just into what is NECESSARY for the day and what comes naturally.
Simple things are enough for me---I've realized this about myself and it has been quite a shock. I have more on my plate than I can really handle. You asked if not everyone is cut out for this lifestyle. I am presented with that constantly by family and neighbors. And I can't even defend it to them, because they SEE me, they see my husband. We are what we are. "But for the grace of God go I....." Sometimes we're a mess. And I periodically go through the It's A Wonderful Life moments of "how did we get all of these kids?". And just WHEN did I think I could keep my sanity and teach them at home, staying in the home all day---squeezed in on top of each other? 
Not everyone has the resources. Not everyone has the gifts. And I DON'T believe every one is called to it, per se. I used to. But I have seen too much. We can not be on that horse....we don't know other people's circumstances, interiorally or externally. We just don't. Compassion and gentleness will get you far....
What is my point? Not to discourage, but to encourage to a *realistic* view of this challenging life. If you can't embrace it as such, you often sabotage yourself psychologically. I have. By wanting it to be anything more comfortable than the outright Cross. And to say: God knows what I can handle and maybe I need a break. That's OK. You are not a failure for not living up to the IDEAL---God wants your faithfulness, that is all, not the "success" of attainment.
My Ideals?
1. Total nursing-on-demand, sleeping with the baby, extended nursing.
2. Healthy food, homemade with as little chemicals introduced into our systems as possible.
3. Allowing God to send babies if HE plans to---not trying to plan at all, or avoid at all, unless medically necessary.
4. Fresh air and outdoor time every day.
5. Keeping your children at home.
6. Putting your husband #1 and making his happiness and the stability of your union your top priority.
7. As little electronics and media as possible.
Again: these are what I have set up for myself as righteous living over the years, as being who God wants me to be, the wife, mother, and woman God expects me to be for my family and for eternal salvation. Each one has been challenged. I just want to honestly share that with you. I have fallen off of each level and ended up low and frustrated and questioning. What do you WANT, God? What do I do? And I've had to rewrite things a little and tweak the ideals. They are still ideals---we must have them----but we can be baby stepping our way there and not be all of it at once or even all of it--ever. That's the fact.
And we must know our own temperaments, and our own dispositions and accept our own limitations knowing we still may be quite faithful and actually ON the right track even though we think God expects this or that. Follow the teachings and rules of the Church and BE FAITHFUL and you are good. All is good. "Love and do what you will..." (St. Augustine).
Discern between what is the ideal or a high standard of perfection and what is acceptable and permissible and possible. We may not end up being the superwoman everyone wants us to be---Danielle Bean had a great thread about this a few days back---but we may end up more compassionate and "little". How refreshing to see other mothers admitting their limitations and that they are not perfect! I'm sure everyone breathed a GREAT sigh of relief.
----Because we CARE about how we are doing, how the children are doing, we are so susceptible to doubt and anxiety that we are not living up. Because we ARE conscientious. But we can get very demoralized, and end up burnt-out, giving up. And right at the very opposite place we should be.
So, here's where I'm at right now at this juncture. I am making my life VERY simple. I am focusing on pleasing my husband and being in concert with him, one mind, one heart--- which is actually a HUGE expenditure of energy for me and very difficult, I wish I didn't have to add. (But I am doing so so that those out there who don't feel things come so easily will feel know that there are those who understand.) And I am hoping that the rest of the day falls into place around that, that the children's needs just get met and there is peace all around, even if things aren't perfect.
Cheryl, I'm sorry this turned into a tome. I am always extremely sensitive to mothers who may fear they are on the edge of burnout. I want you to feel built up in what you are doing as a mother and that you are GREAT and that God loves you SO MUCH!!!
__________________
God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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Cheryl
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| Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 7:54pm | IP Logged
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Nina,
Thank you very much for taking the time to write this post. I agree that it is very important to know oneself. You've reminded me that I have more clarity about myself when I spend the time I need in prayer and meditation. When I'm just running around on empty, I get confused and easily overwhelmed.
I like what you said about exercise. I LOVE to dance, but I don't usually consider it exercise. It's something that makes me feel good, but I don't often do it. I often think of my chores... I need to finish the laundry, sweep the floor, etc. before I can "have fun".
I'm going to go to bed now. (around 9:00  ) I thank you all for your support.
__________________
Cheryl
Wife to Bob ('97)
Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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almamater
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| Posted: Feb 09 2007 at 11:09pm | IP Logged
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I primarily find myself in a foul mood when:
*the house is messy or clutter is building up
*I have focused to much on household duties to the neglect of cuddling and playing with my children
*dh is gone too many evenings in a row
*I haven't had a balance in my social life
Regarding that last point, there was an interesting study recently that showed women actually release endorphins when they converse with one other (not true when men and women converse). So, there is physical value and change that can come from calling up a girlfriend or getting together with the girls when you are down. Of course, all things in moderation. As several have wisely pointed out, things really fall apart at home when Mom isn't fulfilling her role. Balance and prudence.
__________________
~jennifer in tx
mommy of ds(11),dd(8),dd(6), dd(3),& ds (6/08)
Soul of the Home
Soulful Learning
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: How do you take care of yourself?
