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Cheryl
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| Posted: Feb 07 2007 at 7:57pm | IP Logged
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Tonight my dh and I went to a psychologist we've been seeing since last fall. We started going to him because we wondered if our ds 6 had ADHD, but we've also talked about parenting in general.
There was something he said tonight that I keep hearing over and over. He said, "It would be hard for somebody to be everything...parent, teacher, chaperon on field trips etc. to someone without getting burnt out."
Well, I've not been sleeping very much, and I'm feeling really tired. Normally, I believe that when you're tired, it's not the time to be analyzing anything, it's time to go to bed, BUT...
here I go with a few thoughts anyway. I have been thinking that homeschooling is turning out to be much more difficult than I expected. I'm not considering giving it up, but I am surprised by this. I wonder if any of you would like to share your thoughts or experiences on:
What do you do to keep your energy up?
What do you do to take care of yourself?
Do you think it's realistic to homeschool a large family (or even four children) without getting burnt out sometimes?
__________________
Cheryl
Wife to Bob ('97)
Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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lapazfarm
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Cheryl, we all get burned out sometimes. It's part of the game. And part of life, really. I can remember being in college and going through times of burn out. I also remember going through it as a classroom teacher, big time. Now I am going through it as a homeschool Mom. It really is all the same. The only difference is that as homeschool Moms we tend to question our fitness more than others do. It's because we care so darn much and we want to do our very best 24/7. It is a hard life we have chosen. But all in all I think no harder than the work world, at least for me. Then it was guilt over how little time and energy I spent on my own children after using it all up on other people's kids. Now it is how little time and energy I have left to spend on my own kids after I spent all I have on...them!
Hang in there. This too shall pass.
__________________
Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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guitarnan
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To keep energy up...I remember that I have Seasonal Afective Disorder, to a certain degree, so I try to stand in the sunshine/sunlight eacy day, and try to allow for some Mommy Reading Time each day. I also feel much happier if I complete a household chore/task each day. (Most of the errands fall to me, but I don't find them fulfilling, although I recognize that they are necessary.)
Everyone gets discouraged at times. This is a great place to visit when that happens. Even if you're down about a small thing, come here and ask for advice, help, prayers, or more. You will never be let down.
Also, when you're planning a particular unit study or subject focus, come here. There are some great resources out there...and chances are, someone here knows just where they are. For example, my dd's Girl Scout troop decided to focus on Korea for their Thinking Day country. All I had to do was come here and ask about Korea...and we had crafts, food ideas and more...much easier than doing all that research myself. (Thinking Day is this Saturday. It's going to be great!)
Finally, when you are upset or worried or need prayer, come here and ask. We all have read the Gospel story in which Jesus tells us to seek, ask and knock...but do we???? Here, you can ask your fellow Catholic homeschooling families to pray WITH you for your intentions, large or small. All the ups and downs of life are difficult enough...but here, you have understanding, love and instant prayer. (I am not making this up. I have posted prayer requests and have seen five people read my request the first minute it was available for reading.) We are meant to worship in community and sustain each other in community. Here, you will find total understanding, instant prayer, and loving care.
I have found homeschooling to be my greatest blessing and challenge. Each time the challenges seem to great, I turn to these lovely ladies for prayer and advice and it is always there. This journey isn't meant to be a solo walk...you tread this pathway in community. We're all here to sustain each other.
When my son was 6, his teachers thought he was ADHD or depressed (?). I went through a lot at that time, consulting with various experts, and trying to figure out what my son's issues really were. We didn't end up homeschooling then, but I can imagine how I would have felt then if I'd been told what your psychologist told you. But...he does not know that you are not walking this path alone. (Actually, it sounds like he's anti-homeschooling, based on the one sentence you shared.)
You are NOT alone. We're all Catholic or Christian or questioning parents, with tons of parenting experience, much of which involves homeschooling.
Burnout happens...but it happens less often when the worries and concerns and ideas and questions are shared with like-minded people...and here you are!
Sleep is important. Certainly, if you're feeling exhausted, you should address that concern right away. For school, just stick with the basics (Religion, Reading, Writing, Arithmetic); you can use library resources such as Magic School Bus videos to add to those basics. Parenting littles is very draining.
We're here...ask!
__________________
Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Bella
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Hello!
To answer your first two questions....
Pray and offer up every little and big thing.
Sleep,sleep,sleep.
Eat a good breakfast.
Exercise at least 3xweek.
Take extra good care of my dh-cuz if my marriage isn't in balance I get super stressed.
Take a good multi-vitamin high in iron and B-complex.
I think homeschooling/educating is/can be very difficult with either one or 10 dc. So be easy on yourself.
I let my house go-dinner dishes on the table even- if I am behind on sleep-just to retire early.
Simplify everything.
Are you familar with Tom Armstrong's book about AD/Hd? That is a good read.
Ask for help. It is hard for me to do, but I am taking baby steps to do this!
I am getting a massage this Saturday at the local massage school-50 mins. for only $30!
Did I mention sleep? 
We Mama's have to put on our oxygen masks first to help/serve our family.
Christy
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Erica Sanchez
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| Posted: Feb 08 2007 at 12:14am | IP Logged
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Cheryl wrote:
What do you do to keep your energy up?
What do you do to take care of yourself?
Do you think it's realistic to homeschool a large family (or even four children) without getting burnt out sometimes? |
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Praying for you, Cheryl! I enjoy your blog and I think you're doing a great job! Don't be discouraged.
I started typing 'this is what I do', but that sounded like I actually have a plan about what I do....and I definitely have no plan! So, these are some things I have done when I could feel things getting away from me:
- get lots of sleep
- eat lots of fruit and vegetables
- exercise, by myself and with the kids
- take a multi and B vitamin (stress reducer, so I'm told)
- stay off the board and blogs for a few weeks (this helps me to just do what we are doing and not get caught up in the next project or idea)
- try to be more relaxed about the schooling in general (Lissa's blogs have been a tremendous help with this!)
- staying connected with local homeschooling moms (Bible study once a month, playdates, family parties)
- I have been known to get a facial or massage occassionally  , but going to the library with just my older kids is almost as good! 
I do want to be better about the actual schooling part of my days, but I'd rather let a day or two (or more!) go by with no formal schooling and have my kids home with me than in school. Accepting just this one thing has been crucial in keeping it all in perspective.
I have 4 in grades k to 6th plus an eager and active almost 4 year old. Did I mention the 'hardest' baby we've had so far added to that mix? Is it realistic? I don't know. It's my reality at the moment. It can be hard, but I LOVE IT!
__________________
Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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mom2mpr
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Hi Cheryl.
I am sorry you are going through this hard time. Everyone here has given you such good advice and support. I even needed to hear some of it--and need to post some prayer requests now 
I have 2 dc. One is 9(ds) and one is 4(dd). DD has just been so difficult lately. She wants EVERYTHING her way and it can be so hard. I am tired of fighting with her about teeth, brushing hair and yesterday I wanted to just rinse my poor car at the carwash and she launched into a tantrum. I too am burnt and not working with my kids the way I want too  My dh works WAY too much-out at 7am and home at 9 or 10pm. He is so out of the loop here--but that goes on to my prayer request list.
I have been working on getting enough sleep-my house is falling aprt but I am doing a little better. I take a multivit. I have been trying to get exercise. I do one decade of the rosary at night in bed and before rising,in bed. I have been trying to find some help--I do have a wonderful 19 year old homeschooled sitter I can use occasionally and (some may laugh) a wonderful doggy daycare where dear puppy can go run off some steam with a bunch of other labs and some really nice dog friendly people. It really helps me to have those 2 resources. We have been here 2 years now and I have finally realized my blessings in those areas. I have made sure we do what needs to be done for school each day--and for ds that is only math and LA. I make sure math is done first as he needs the most work there and leave the rest. That has helped tremendously and we do fit other stuff in--I just make sure those are priority. I am also farming out some stuff. I am putting dd in gymnastics, we all have homeschool co-op, ds has church choir and piano lessons, and he will start swimming in a few weeks and then soccer when swimmming ends. I really don't like to go out all that much but my kids need this and I need the break. I don't have the energy to poop them out everyday and the one on one with them is good.
I still think of my "back up plan" and realize as I pray it will come to me. The dear Lord will take care of my kids and help them even if they for some reason have to go tomorrow.
I think February is also known as the hardest month for homeschooling so hang in there. I will keep you in my prayers and I also love visiting your blog
Anne
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Cheryl
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guitarnan wrote:
(Actually, it sounds like he's anti-homeschooling, based on the one sentence you shared.)
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I thought the same thing.
Thanks you all for your advice and encouragement.
__________________
Cheryl
Wife to Bob ('97)
Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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Sarah
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Cheryl-
HSing so much harder than I thought it would be. I've felt a lot of burn out this year but I've also realized that this is what God is calling me to do.
Here is my plan for sanity:
1-"Keep my eyes on my own work!" Blogs and forums are great but only if you don't compare yourself and try to be something that doesn't work. I don't do a fraction of what is done on people's blogs.
2-Workbooks: there's nothing wrong with using a couple here and there
3-SIMPLE: we are learning to read, write and basic math. We are also learning to love learning. I've decided that since my kids are young we are not learning latin and some of the other things that MODG recommends. I'm not Laura Berquist and my kids are not Berquists either. She recently wrote and article about how she was on bedrest and schooled the kids on her bed. My kids couldn't calmly gather around my bed for school without fighting, falling off, stepping on me, ripping a books, spilling water, etc. They just are not calm. Our youngest is part monkey! (That's just one example of where I have heard an "expert" voice in my head telling me who I should be).
4-We cannot do Montessori. We do our own "Montessori" with sticks, bugs, pets, gardens(not well-kept ones), rocks, safety scissors & paper, water messes, etc. We are a "multi-piece-toy challenged" family. This simply means that we cannot funtion with lots of pieces to care for. I'm trusting God to provide those opportunities for play through our lifestyle.
5-Finally, I have hired help to keep my house up. I have a lady that scrubs once a week (only scrubs & sweeps--no dusting, vacuuming because it costs more and the kids can do that). Then I have a girl who daily comes to pick-up, fold and put away laundry, and help with dishes. My kids still have tons of chores but we just needed HELP! This was the greatest thing I have ever done. She is a HS girl and the oldest of a big family. Her house is chaos, too, so she isn't judgemental. I have time to read to the kids and work with them and I have more energy.
Hang in there Cheryl. Remember your kids are SO YOUNG and much of what you might be pushing yourself to accomplish can wait or they can pursue on their own later. I worried when my oldest was 8 that we weren't doing certain things. He is more independent now as a 10yo and has pulled out some of that stuff on his own and learned it: geography (maps), history chapter books, science books, nature books, music, etc. I feel better now knowing that since he can read the world of learning is at his fingertips. And I wouldn't call him a super-motivated kid. . .just a regular (hyper) nice boy.
__________________
Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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Betsy
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+JMJ+
All of the advice is so right on and good!!
This is my expansion on the advice to exercise……
Everyone always says *exercise* but for me that has been a challenge since ds #3. I prayed a lot about how to do this and I feel like this program was an answer to a prayer for me. There is a lot of information on her web site and a lot of free exercise to try before you buy. It is a wonderful exercise program that it's *too* expensive (at least compared to memberships, etc) and I can do it in 15mins in my home. My husband even does it with me. I haven't had the "lost 200lbs. results” but I have regained a lot of energy and mental clarity! And, my back is pain free, which tends hurt after carrying a baby all day!
So, this is just my two cents to try and help.
Betsy
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Lisbet
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Cheryl, I just wanted to point out the flaw in his statement. If you were a working mom, of say 2 children, you'd have a huge job description also. So, maybe he's not anti-homeschooling, he's just realistic in that if you are a homeschooling mom, or a mom and a kindergarden teacher, your bound to hit rough and tiring spots.
I'll think about specifics I do to help with burn out...
__________________
Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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MarilynW
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Cheryl wrote:
What do you do to keep your energy up?
What do you do to take care of yourself?
Do you think it's realistic to homeschool a large family (or even four children) without getting burnt out sometimes?
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__________________
Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
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MarilynW
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Cheryl wrote:
What do you do to keep your energy up?
What do you do to take care of yourself?
Do you think it's realistic to homeschool a large family (or even four children) without getting burnt out sometimes?
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Cheryl - I am praying for you. I think Jan and Feb are the hardest months - I keep thinking that I will get more school done in the winter - but find I am less productive and more tired.
To keep my energy up - I take good vitamins, try and get 6 hours of sleep a night, try and exercise for 10 minutes a day - and always hope for an afternoon rest (but it never happens!)
To take care of myself - there are a few things I try and do to keep sane - I always have a long hot bath with bath salts and relaxing music before I go to bed. I always wake up earlier than anyone to have my tea and pray and read. My husband helps me out in a couple of ways which make a huge difference to me - he makes sure that our 2 year old gets dressed and plays with him before breakfast - so I can get time in the morning. He also cleans up with the kids after dinner. ( a lifesaver now - as I am pretty sick after dinner - even at 16 weeks)
Re burnout - I always have to watch out for this as I am a type A perfectionist and I always feel I am not doing as well as I should. I find out that I am more miserable when I compare myself to others - whether other homeschooling moms or to kids in school. I am trying (not there yet) to find my style and realize my limitations eg. I am not one who has my kids in hundreds of activities - just find it too stressful. So my kids do a couple of well chosen activities and I try to combine when possible. Right now I am still so sick - so I have stopped feeling guilty and we make sure basics are covered and I have lots of independent activities for the kids - eg audio books, board games, self-correcting learning centers, and good science dvds.
I think homeschooling can be tough (and I have had a lot of tough days recently!!!) - but I would never even think of sending them to school - homeschooling is now our lifestyle - and so just as pregnancy or life can be tough. so schooling sometimes is. I am always a little irritated by family members who will make comments like "so you will send the kids to school when #5 arrives" or "you look run down - why don't you send the kids to school" - they just do not seem to get that this is our lifestyle, not a "decision"
And I second all the posts above about "pray pray pray" - the days we do not pray you can really tell in our house (and especially in mom's tone of voice!)
__________________
Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
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Cheryl
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I'm going to print this out. There are many great ideas. I think my main problem is the lack of sleep. I'm such a night owl and I'm getting up often with my dd 11 months. I decided not to do the family bed with her because I did it with my dd 4.5 and she's still nursing. Now sometimes I try to bring my baby into the bed with us, because I'm so tired, and she won't sleep. She climbs on us and talks in cute baby babble.
Last night I read the Real Learning burn out chapter. I'm taking some of that advice. I went to bed at 10 last night, so I think I got about 6 1/2 hrs. of sleep. My dh wants me in bed at 9 tonight. I went outside today for 10-15 minutes in the blustery winds and I did feel good! I do pray in the morning and night most days, but praying more would certainly help.
As for homeschooling, I don't think I'm trying to do too much. I'm mostly going for the reading, math, religion, CHC spelling and a few read-alouds. Ds 8 dawdles to do 2 pages of math, then he rushes through it. I graded his chapter check-up today, which I have never done before, and he got a 68%. 
Housework is a problem. I hate clutter. I have to learn to let things go, or hire help. I'll talk to my dh about it. One thing I'm finding, that's completely new to me, is that I don't have the desire to scrapbook anymore. (I am blogging I guess.) But I've always scrapbooked regularly at home alone or out with friends. We'd do scrap nights. They are asking me to make plans with them and I know whenever I go out, it wipes me out the next day, and I am behind with the housework, etc. Even taking the baby out with me to just hang out and talk does not appeal to me right now. I like to have the kitchen clean at night and the downstairs picked up, but when my dh is alone with the dc he plays with them and the house often looks bad when I come home. I don't want to complain because he takes good care of the dc.
One more thing... I think I may be going out or having people over too much (for me) during the school week. Wednesdays are our day out to dance, library and gym & swim. I've been going to homeschool events on Fridays some weeks because I really want my dc to meet some homeschoolers to play with. Then, often times my sister and/or friends of mine want to make plans with me and their younger dc. It's fun for all of us having them over, but many things don't get done. And I may miss out on quiet time.
I hope I'm not complaining. I thought some details might be helpful.
__________________
Cheryl
Wife to Bob ('97)
Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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marihalojen
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This is a VERY hard month for everybody, Cheryl, teachers at home, teachers at school, students at home, students at school, February is just tough!
The last school I taught at the month of February was designated Fun Feb. or some such name and everyday was given a theme for students and teachers to follow, like PJ Day, or Mad Scientist Day. A huge chart was put up in the Cafeteria to track each class's participation with prizes give daily, weekly and monthly.
It gave us something else to think about than stuffing the cracks in the wall where the snow would blow in and who had recess duty in the gym that day 
I don't know as this is very helpful, but I hope it illustrates that you most definitely are not alone in the blahs!
__________________
~Jennifer
Mother to Mariannna, age 13
The Mari Hal-O-Jen
SSR = Sailing, Snorkling, Reading
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mom2mpr
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GO CHERYL!!When my head hits the pillow tonight at 9pm I'll be thinking of you!! We should start the Early to Bed Mom's Club--a new revolution. Mothers who actually get their 9 hours a night. Then we can all post our, "it is what it is" photos--because right now it really IS something here. My nativity is still out, stockings are still hung by the chimney with care, BUT the tree is gone! I get my zzzzzz's though
And sometimes you need to get out with friends. If you are burnt out I wouldn't feel too guilty. We need each other When you are feeling a little better and "withdraw" I am sure your good friends will understand. I find it helps me to get out and be with others when I am burnt out. My kids enjoy it too! Let us know how it goes and remember spring is right around the corner.
Hang in there!
Anne 
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Erica Sanchez
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Cheryl,
I just wanted to add that for me to get enough sleep it needs to be about 8 hours total for the night. If I have a few 6 hours nights in a row, I get grumpy! Maybe you just need an hour or two more. It's my feeling that we just don't get enough overall. Once in a while I'll go to bed early with Cash and get maybe 9 hours! Unreal! But, I feel so good the next day! Just a thought. Oh, my sleep is interrupted by a nursing baby mostly in our bed all night. If I nurse him in bed, I feel like I hardly wake up.
Just some thoughts.....God bless you today and I hope you're feeling better. Hey, it's FRIDAY!
__________________
Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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Bridget
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Cheryl wrote:
| One thing I'm finding, that's completely new to me, is that I don't have the desire to scrapbook anymore. (I am blogging I guess.) But I've always scrapbooked regularly at home alone or out with friends. We'd do scrap nights. They are asking me to make plans with them and I know whenever I go out, it wipes me out the next day, and I am behind with the housework, etc. |
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Cheryl, a few years ago I decided not to go out at night if I could help it. Besides the work not getting done, I noticed that everyone was bent out of shape the next day. Even Kevin, although he was always supportive of it. Just something about mom being gone was hard on the whole family.
Maybe, sometimes, getting out is the best thing for burnout. However, for me, it is better to keep things flowing around here.
__________________
God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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benedicta
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[QUOTE=blessed2Bmom] Hello!
To answer your first two questions....
Pray and offer up every little and big thing.
Sleep,sleep,sleep.
Eat a good breakfast.
Exercise at least 3xweek.
Take extra good care of my dh-cuz if my marriage isn't in balance I get super stressed.
Take a good multi-vitamin high in iron and B-complex.
I agree with this sage advice. Also....be gentle to yourself and know that one of the hardest (yet most rewarding) jobs in the world is yours. If you need a break.....a little vacation from school.....know that that is OK.
Pray for wisdom, perseverence....and patience with yourself
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hylabrook1
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Cheryl -
I don't know whether the counsellor was being anti-home schooling in saying that it's tough to be everything in your children's lives. When I read that in your post I thought that *everyone* (except SAHMs and homeschoolers) thinks that we don't have very many demands on our lives because we're not going out and working a *real job*. You see magazine articles aimed at helping work-somewhere-else moms to be good to themselves, while the cultural attitude is that we get all sorts of chances to rest and take our days slowly. ( ). Maybe your counsellor was trying to be supportive and telling you that he knows, and thinks it would be good for you to recognize, that you give so much and should not forget to give yourself a little something as well.
(At least this is what my therapist has been telling me lately ).
Peace,
Nancy
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Cheryl
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I went to bed at 9:30 last night, so I got 10 interrupted hours of sleep, which is about 8 1/2 hrs of sleep.  I feel good. I wasn't planning on going to the homeschool bowling today because of being so tired this week, but I changed my mind this morning. I took the kids to lunch at the bowling alley and we had a great time. I got to talk to a couple of moms. I think it was good to get out of the house with the kids.
About the counselor... I'm not sure where he was going with this, but he asked my dh if he ever took all the dc anywhere. There was only one time after Christmas when he took them all to the mall. He asked how it went. I think he may have been trying to show my dh that it is tiring???
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Cheryl
Wife to Bob ('97)
Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: How do you take care of yourself?
