| Author | |
RenB
Forum Pro
Joined: Jan 15 2007
Location: Canada
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 335
|
| Posted: Jan 30 2007 at 7:33am | IP Logged
|
 |
|
Cay, no worries about sensitivity towards me. Everyone has a different and unique walk. For me, I watched my sister flounder for two years. At first we were all concerned over her eagerness to "move on" in her life, her way of coping I suppose. She was given some strange advice by loved friends, and decided to join the game of internet dating. She couldn't wait to get online hour after hour to see if she had any "nudges" (laugh) to her carefully thought of screen name. The internet dating place she was pointed to was not Catholic, just one she thought to try out. She was shocked at what she called "baggage" of some of those also searching for just the right person, a possibility for her, but somehow the way she worked I called it "grocery shopping" and looking at the side bar on packages.
The one complaint my sister had was the lying from screen information, and always meeting for a meal, claiming she was going to get fat, again (she'd lost sixty pounds over a few years). Though she never found anyone, her son did and they are happily married and are great for each other! :-)
My sister was advised to another silly, called speed dating she said was seen on Opray, so she didn't waste her rare time off from her corporate job single dating anymore. Then, people felt they needed to step in, interferring all the time, setting her up with blind dates, which finally culminated to the point of her screaming out "enough".
After three years she wondered what the hurry was, and realized she hadn't had time to fully mourn her husband's quick and horrible death. She's at peace with herself again, and enjoying life alone, having filled the void with companionship of other kinds, simply good friends.
Watching what she went through seems totally undesirable to me. Icky! I just can't imagine the "time" to check someone out like she did, three to four dates a week for a long time. I could see her "glee" and "girly excitement" come to life during that time, her new experiences she hadn't had since being a teen, and since she lived alone without children, her life was completely different than someone "with" children still at home.
As everyone said here, God only knows what he has "already" chosen for us in our future. Good thing huh?
I've had a hearty laugh typing this up ladies, remembering the silly stuff my sister went through in the beginning and how worried we were for her, especially for her safety around perfect strangers.
The only thing I would add to this post is "what's the hurry" for anyone when widowed? Let go and let God.
Blessings;
Renee
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Mary G
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5790
|
| Posted: Jan 30 2007 at 7:47am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Cay Gibson wrote:
| Women like Mary G. gives us hope and assurance (and a very real proof) that we can (and will) survive if (or when) this cross presents itself. |
|
|
__________________
MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
RenB
Forum Pro
Joined: Jan 15 2007
Location: Canada
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 335
|
| Posted: Jan 30 2007 at 12:17pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Mary G, Cay is so correct! There are many "happily ever after" stories out there, thanks so much for sharing yours. Truly you are blessed!
I was in a fast flurry to type up my post above this morning, sorry if it appears that way too *blush*. Overall I just wanted to state, it isn't always a widow's personal desire to "hurry" out into the big wide world of finding another spouse, but rather the peer pressure of well intentioned friends who make them feel that way. That's what I was trying to express about my sister. She's let go and is happy right where she is at this moment, and no doubt, should there be someone else out there for her specifically, he will be sent along in good time. 
I also carelessly omitted to express my heartfelt thank you about some of the comments left in this thread to me, I was so touched! I've noticed it's been much more difficult to type or write on paper, this complicated health crisis we are facing, rather than only the mental outlook (being carried too for sure)when living it day to day. I'll hop over to the prayer corner soon, just have to compose my thoughts first. I get very emotional the past few days since my husband is now home permanently, though I'm actually a fairly tough cookie. 
Thank you kindly again.
Blessings;
Renee
PS, Loved the post about the long skirts, saggy boobs and all, but must add stretch marks, committment to many children (baggage some say, but what a lovely load huh?), then there's the grandchildren! hee hee.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Cay Gibson
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 16 2005
Location: Louisiana
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5193
|
| Posted: Jan 30 2007 at 12:34pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
RenB wrote:
| Overall I just wanted to state, it isn't always a widow's personal desire to "hurry" out into the big wide world of finding another spouse, but rather the peer pressure of well intentioned friends who make them feel that way. |
|
|
That is so true, Renee. Peer pressure is as great later in life as it is in the teen years, huh? 
RenB wrote:
| I'll hop over to the prayer corner soon, just have to compose my thoughts first. |
|
|
Renee, you have so inspired me with your strength towards life and trials. Your devotion towards your husband is beautiful for us to see.
I heard yesterday on the radio about one of the writers for the "I Love Lucy" show dying. One of Lucy's most famous lines is attributed to this writer (I forget the name). I wanted to share it as a thought for the day:
"So many times after we say 'I do", we don't."
Let's all remember our vows of "I do" so that we "don't" forget.
We do want to lift you and your dh up in prayer, Renee. We believe in the power of prayer around here. Miracles do happen.
RenB wrote:
| PS, Loved the post about the long skirts, saggy boobs and all, but must add stretch marks, committment to many children (baggage some say, but what a lovely load huh?), then there's the grandchildren! hee hee. |
|
|
 Lovely load indeed.
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Erin
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 23 2005
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5814
|
| Posted: Jan 30 2007 at 8:17pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Renee
You are in our prayers. 
As Elizabeth said we truly don't know what we would do in any situation until we are there. Obviously the thought of dating, being married to another man whilst still married is difficult to imagine. As is should be. However God has plans and we can't really say 'no' outright as we may be saying 'no' to Him.
To add to Mary G's story, there is a hsing mum here who lost her husband to cancer 18 yrs ago when her baby was only 9 months old  He was apparently a lovely Christian man, shortly after God sent another godly man into her life and they married and were blessed with another 5 girls. A lovely family.
Then there is the family who sits in the pew across from us every Sunday. He lost his wife to a rare anerusym when their twins were newborns, he was left with firve children to raise. Gae came to be the nanny and they eventually married Further to the story the father was not a Catholic but became one after his wife died as he knew she would want the children raised Catholic. And furthermore their new mum is Catholic. She is an absolutley wonderful mother there is no way you would know that she didn't physically give birth in fact most people in our parish wouldn't know. Sad to say she can not have children of her own. I always make a point to give her the first nurse at church of my newborns, she loves babies.
We have discussed what if? It was a discussion we had a few years back when I heamorghed. I really encouraged dh to consider it as I don't like to think of him being lonely. As for choosing a mother for my children I have complete confidence in his ability after all he chose me the first time
Do have to say he wasn't quite so forthcoming about thinking of me being married to someone else. I think it a man thing.
__________________
Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
hylabrook1
Forum Moderator
Joined: July 09 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5980
|
| Posted: Jan 31 2007 at 6:56am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Erin -
I don't know whether not being comfortable with your husband/wife remarrying is a man thing or not. My dh has said, with great rationality, that it would be too hard for me to be a single parent. I'm the one whose reaction is, "Not to my husband, you don't." Of course, as you also said, it's too much to view yourself married to someone else when you are married to your husband. I would hope that as I would look at my family on earth from my place (in purgatory or in heaven), I would be more merciful than to ask them to get on with their lives without a mom.
Peace,
Nancy
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
mom3aut1not
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 21 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 757
|
| Posted: Jan 31 2007 at 3:24pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Renee,
May God support you and your husband and give you the peace that passes all understanding.
In Christ,
Deborah
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
mom3aut1not
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 21 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 757
|
| Posted: Jan 31 2007 at 3:27pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I have thought about this topic. I decided that I wouldn't even consider such an idea until my son is grown. I also realized that in addition to my sagging and aging, there are very few men who would want to take on a widow with special needs kids (my poor husband didn't know what he was getting with me) so it would be unlikely to happen even if I wanted a second husband. Actually, my biggest decision if something were to happen to my dh would be where to live....
In Christ,
Deborah
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
juststartn
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 17 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1321
|
| Posted: Feb 01 2007 at 10:35am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I've sort of made myself think on this, since DHs line of work (Army paratrooper, deployed three years out of the last seven)is dangerous (not that other things cannot separate us from our spouses via death, but ykwim).
I decided that I wouldn't make any decisions on that at a short time. I've dealt with being a single parent before, with small dc (my oldest one isn't even 7 yet, and I have a fourth dc due in June). While I cannot see me marrying again anytime SOON, eventually??? Well, perhaps. As one of the pp said, "who would want to marry the woman with all the dc and the skirts to her ankles?" LOL.
We'd be fairly well provided for, as long as we didn't go crazy, after DH died.
If something happened to me, he'd HAVE to remarry. None of his sisters are single or would be able to come out here to help with the dc. We don't live near family. We do have some insurance on me...actually, it's not too much less than what we have on DH. But the hsing would end, the Catholicism would likely pass into oblivion...ugh. I think I will do my best to stay around for a long long long time.
I'm almost 9yrs younger than DH (in my early 30s) and so I am not too worried about me going before he does (although I know that that is always a possibility...). I suppose, being the SAHM/hsing Mom, currently pregnant woman that I am, it just doesn't seem as likely as something would happen to me, as opposed to him. I've told DH to remarry, if he can find a woman who would raise our dc the way I would. Now, he'd probably have to come someplace like, oh, I dunno, HERE to find that, lol.
But I'm really hoping I don't have to deal with it for a very very very very long time. Dh is the only man who could tolerate me, I think, so I doubt that there would be men lining up anyway.
Rachel
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Elena
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 13 2006
Location: Ohio
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 592
|
| Posted: July 02 2008 at 6:40pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
It took my 28 years to break in my current DH! I don't think I could take on another one!
__________________
Elena
Wife to Peter, mom of many!
My Domestic Church
One Day at a Time
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
juststartn
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 17 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1321
|
| Posted: July 02 2008 at 9:50pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I posted in this thread over a year and a half ago (almost)....and since then, well that "fourth" baby turned out to be two. I found that little fact out only days after I made that post.
Now we are living a few-several hours away from DH's family, one sister will likely be coming to live with us in the next few months, and so if something happened to me, well, while I am sure that DH might eventually remarry, I don't know when that would be. It would take a special woman--five children eight and under, Catholic in this state of few Catholics...shoot, my dh would have to come on here (or someplace like it) to find a decent Catholic woman...
We didn't get married til he was a couple of months shy of 30, he'd not been looking for a wife, his sisters (he has 9) had given up on him marrying, and then lil ol' 20 yr old ME walks into the picture...
Any woman who would marry my DH would have a hard act to follow...lol.
Rachel
__________________
Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Paula in MN
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 25 2006
Location: Minnesota
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 4064
|
| Posted: July 03 2008 at 7:04am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Paula in MN wrote:
| I don't know what God has in store for me, so I don't want to say yes or know. |
|
|
Yes, I quoted myself. I wrote the above waaayy back in January 2007.
I'm happy to report that dh and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary on Monday.
And I couldn't be happier!
__________________
 Paula
A Catholic Harvest
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Maddie
Forum All-Star
Joined: Dec 27 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1804
|
| Posted: July 03 2008 at 10:02am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Elena wrote:
| It took my 28 years to break in my current DH! I don't think I could take on another one! |
|
|
Same!
What a headache to train some new pup to put his clothes in the hamper!
__________________
~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
juststartn
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 17 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1321
|
| Posted: July 03 2008 at 10:41am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Well, I know that it took my DH almost 30 yrs to find me...and I cannot imagine anyone else putting up with me (I wonder, sometimes, how DH does it at all), much less with me and the dc!
I have frequently had the same thought, that some sort of religious vocation may await me after DH is gone and the dc have gone and formed their own families...With DH being almost 10 yrs older, and not a long-lived family, well, I don't see me having him til we're both close to 100. I may live that long, but I just don't see him being there much past 75-80.
Sigh...
Rachel
__________________
Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
LucyP
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 05 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 791
|
| Posted: July 03 2008 at 1:36pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I don't know. I do worry about which ever is left finding a new father/mother for our children. But I know that we took on "children that weren't ours" and in that process they become yours, so I suppose I would have to say to trust in God and know that He will work all for the good of the surviving spouse and children.
Personally, I could not imagine being without a husband but to even think about another man in my life feels so disloyal and wrong.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
aussieannie
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 21 2006
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 7251
|
| Posted: July 03 2008 at 3:07pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I'd be happy with a Josephite marriage for spiritual and emotional support and connection, but not a normal marriage in the traditional understanding of it.
__________________
Under Her Starry Mantle
Spiritual Motherhood for Priests
Blessed with 3 boys & 3 girls!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Would You Re-Marry?
