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Maryan
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I remember as a child reading the story of St. Thomas More and wondering, "How could he remarry SO quickly if he loved his first wife SO much!" Now after having kids...
If I died, I would want my husband to find as quickly as possible a good, loving, Catholic woman to raise our kids -- just like St. Thomas More did -- albeit I would hope my husband would find a wife that was a little more suitable (I'm sorry that I can't get rid of my childhood bad view of the second wife  ).
If he died...I can't imagine remarrying. Through life insurance, my husband will provide for our physical needs for quite a while. Following that, having taught for ten years before marrying, I would imagine that I would return to teaching after my children had grown. I just can't imagine trying to recreate our life with someone else...
But I'm not in that position (thankfully!!)
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Maryan
Mom to 6 boys & 1 girl: JP('01), B ('03), M('05), L('06), Ph ('08), M ('10), James born 5/1/12
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msclavel
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I don't know if I would remarry. I think the problem for me would be the whole dating thing. Especially if most of my children are still small.
If I died I would very much want him to marry again, of course a good Catholic woman who falls in love with the children as well.
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Jacinta
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Well, as others have said, I can't really know the future, but my strong feeling is no. My dh and I have actually talked about this, and neither of us can even imagine being able to even THINK about re-marrying. We have never met another couple who have the kind of intense relationship that we do (this is not to say they aren't out there!). We spend hours every day talking about absolutely ever little detail that goes on in our lives, and we know each other inside and out. Apart from not being able to imagine that being possible with someone else, the thought of trying to rebuild it from the bottom up is just exhausting!
I could be wrong, but does not the church actually say that having only one spouse is in a way better? I can't remember where I read that. The reason was because marriage is a sign of Christ and the Church, and the sign is stronger if you don't repeat it. Anyone else remember this?
Jacinta
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JSchaaf
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I think I would remarry. Especially if the children are still young, and I'm still of child-bearing age. Nick and I are unable to have anymore biological children-but I would love more babies! It would be hard to find a man as wonderful as Nick, though.
Jennifer
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shartlesville
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I can say almost 100% no. God would have to hit me with a lightening bolt and say "Marry this man" for me to change my mind.
First, I don't trust any man not the father of my child to raise them. There are too many "con artists" out there who go after the mom to get to the kids - I know from experience growing up. 
Second, I have an almost overwhelming desire to become a contemplative,  which I cannot fully do if I am married and while I have young children - so if God decides to call my dh home, I believe it is because he wants me to devote myself to Him. 
Great question! Thanks for asking.
Blessings,
Krisann
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Krisann
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MrsKey
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My initial response is "No way!"
Then the rational part of my brain kicks in and I have to admit that I don't know. It would depend on a great many things. Not the least of which is how old am I when my husband passes away.
But I can say without doubt that I would not remarry until my daughter was grown and out of the house. There are simply too many factors and problems with the idea of "blended" families. Not to mention the idea of dating while parenting just scares the heck out of me. And if I make a horrid mistake in judgment, I would not want my daughter to suffer for it.
So while I might remarry it wouldn't happen until my daughter was grown and on her own.
Edited to add:
I realize this sounds really selfish at first glance ... but I would not want my husband to rush out and remarry if I should pass away.
I would hope that at some point he would move on with his life and be happy. But I wouldn't want him to marry too quickly. Marry in haste repent in leisure.
Not to mention the idea of someone else raising my daughter. Can't say I'm thrilled about that thought.
I would hope that my husband, like me, would put the well-being and emotional comfort of my daughter ahead of his social needs and postpone the process of dating/courting until after my daughter was grown and on her own.
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J.M.J.
Carole
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kingvozzo
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There are many reasons that I would say that I wouldn't marry again if I were widowed. Dh and I have talked about this, and I've told him that I wouldn't date if he were to die. He never tells me the same, so I imagine he feels differently than I do. I would hope that he wouldn't just rush out to try and find a mommy for his kids. I jokingly tell him to beware any woman that wants to marry him (if I'm dead), because she'd have to have problems to want to take on 4 kids that aren't hers!!  Many of my reasons have been touched upon in other posts. I don't know how to qoute from multiple posts in a response, but the ones that speak to me are (in no particular order) bolded
--First, I don't trust any man not the father of my child to raise them. There are too many "con artists" out there who go after the mom to get to the kids
it does seem that many of the tragedies I read about in the paper involve "the mother's boyfriend." I know this is a HUGE generalization, but one I can't ignore
---I think the problem for me would be the whole dating thing.
---But I can say without doubt that I would not remarry until my daughter was grown and out of the house. There are simply too many factors and problems with the idea of "blended" families...And if I make a horrid mistake in judgment, I would not want my daughter to suffer for it.
What I have seen from many parents who are dating is that dating tends to be a very selfish thing, and one that takes away from the children. When my dh and I get a sitter to go out for the night (not that that's happened in over 1.5 years  ), or have the children spend the night with their grandparents or aunt, they are direct beneficiaries to that, because it strengthens my relationship with their father. I can't see how they would benefit from my dating someone.
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Noreen
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Cay Gibson
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shartlesville wrote:
Second, I have an almost overwhelming desire to become a contemplative, |
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I've had the same thoughts for the past couple of years. St. Therese's mother (Zelie Martin) also wrote about having this desire.
My dh has mentioned entering the priesthood if something happens to me (once the children are grown, of course). I would have a very hard time being away from the grandchildren so I'm thinking more a single-life, contemplative lifestyle rather than a community thing.
All this is to say that I deeply hope we grow old, old, old together and live to celebrate at least 75 years of marriage together (that would put us into our nineties).
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Cay Gibson
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ChristinaK
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I don't think anyone can know how they will feel about this for sure unless it happens to them. My gut instinct is no but I can't say for sure.
My mom died 3 years ago and my dad remarried last year. Frankly, I was really surprised when he decided to sign up for EHarmony and then got engaged in a month and married in six months. She's lovely and I don't have a problem with their marriage at all but it has been strange. Before he told me that he had signed up with EHarmony I would have said that I didn't think he would date or remarry. I think he was terribly lonely. I think that men tend to remarry more often then women do after a spouse dies.
My greatgrandmother became a widow in 1949. She's 98 now and has never remarried. My grandfather died in 1989 and my grandmother has never remarried either.
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Bridget
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Ladies, i don't really think they are gonna be lining up at the door to marry 'the widow with all those children, and her skirts down to her ankles'.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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kingvozzo
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Bridget wrote:
| Ladies, i don't really think they are gonna be lining up at the door to marry 'the widow with all those children, and her skirts down to her ankles'. |
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Noreen
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aussieannie
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Bridget wrote:
| Ladies, i don't really think they are gonna be lining up at the door to marry 'the widow with all those children, and her skirts down to her ankles'. |
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hylabrook1
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A couple of things.
1) Renee -- You, your husband, and your family are in my prayers at this very difficult time in your lives.
2) Sometimes I think it is *being untrue to the memory* of a husband or wife when the widow/widower remarries. Then I think of a dear friend who married a year after his most beloved wife died (they were in their 60s, children grown). It seemed to me that his desire to remarry was in fact a tribute to his first wife. She had loved him so well that he deeply felt the loss, not just of her personally, but of a wife. To me that said something very beautiful about the way she had fulfilled her vocation.
Peace,
Nancy
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SuzanneG
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Bridget wrote:
| Ladies, i don't really think they are gonna be lining up at the door to marry 'the widow with all those children, and her skirts down to her ankles'. |
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I wonder how many laughs we are all going to get out of this thought!
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Suzanne in ID
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SuzanneG
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shartlesville wrote:
| Second, I have an almost overwhelming desire to become a contemplative |
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Hmmmmm....me too.
I have had this conversation with a few IRL friends. So it's not an atypical convo.
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Suzanne in ID
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guitarnan
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Nancy has a great point. My mom has always told me that she believes that a happily married man will remarry a year after his first wife dies...because he loved being married.
(She has a list of items that, in her will, are supposed to go straight to her children...in case this happens with my dad. She hopes that means that the grandmas' china will stay in the family.)
My m-i-l says she has no intention of ever remarrying or of being one of "those women" who pursue every eligible widower in town.
My dh says he'll never remarry. (Correlate this with my mom's theory... )
For myself, I just don't know. I can't imagine remarrying. Certainly I would be thinking about all those military health benefits I and dc would lose if I did remarry. (Don't laugh. It's great health insurance.) Having spent many, many months on my own while dh was deployed, I know what single parenthood is like and I know it's a difficult cross to bear. I'd hope I'd be open to God's will, whatever it was, but I know I would want to put my children's welfare first, no matter what. Dh and I have tried to do this all along, and I'd try my best to give them the learning/living environment I thought was best for them.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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mrsgranola
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Bridget wrote:
| Ladies, i don't really think they are gonna be lining up at the door to marry 'the widow with all those children, and her skirts down to her ankles'. |
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Hey, I thought your sentence was going to end with "her breasts down to her ankles". That would be more like it for me, anyway!
JoAnna, running and ducking for cover...
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mrsgranola
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kingvozzo wrote:
| I jokingly tell him to beware any woman that wants to marry him (if I'm dead), because she'd have to have problems to want to take on 4 kids that aren't hers!! |
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Well, I know you were joking, but my grandmother married a widower with 5 little children and then went on to have 10 more with him! My dad was in the middle of the ten. She was very particular that they NEVER, ever refer to each other as half-silbings and it was just simply NOT spoken of in that way.
For their upbringing, I don't know how she did it! My grandfather died before I was born but from the stories I hear, she was a saint to marry the man, much less with the 5 children!
JoAnna, who's a bit giddy after filing my taxes today!
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Mary G
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Honestly folks,
If it happens -- and it might -- God will show you the way and will let you know whether you (or your spouse) should remarry or stay single or go into a convent!
God is wonderful at only giving us what we can truly handle -- we might not think we can, though!
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Cay Gibson
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suzgallus wrote:
Bridget wrote:
| Ladies, i don't really think they are gonna be lining up at the door to marry 'the widow with all those children, and her skirts down to her ankles'. |
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I wonder how many laughs we are all going to get out of this thought! |
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I just have to add my own:
Yes, I'm sure if someone comes to our door desiring "the widow with all those children, and her skirts down to her ankles" we will know he is our lighning bolt striking us from heaven.
On a more serious note, folks, I really would hate the thought of having to go through the dating game again.
Please, no tomatoes. I think it's comforting to have a good laugh. This can be a depressing, emotional, devasting subject and I don't want to be insensitive to Renee and her husband. I would never desire that.
I'm really trying to laugh at myself so that, in fear of it ever happening, I won't be in the dark. Women like Mary G. gives us hope and assurance (and a very real proof) that we can (and will) survive if (or when) this cross presents itself.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Would You Re-Marry?
