| Author | |
St. Ann
Forum All-Star
Joined: Oct 20 2006
Location: Germany
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2137
|
| Posted: Jan 19 2007 at 11:48am | IP Logged
|
 |
|
Or how do you prepare your daughters to serve in some way at Mass?
We have good friends who live in Rome. They have 2 boys and a girl who is 3yrs old. The 2 older boys have gone through an Good Shepherd-Atrium type of Catechism and are allowed to serve at Mass on special occasions. (they even know Sofia Cavaletti)
My girlfriend asked me how I plan to handle the Altarboy question with my daughters. She does not want her daughter to do this, as she believes it to be something reserved for boys as a stepping stone on their journey of discovering their vocation. Before this conversation with her I had really never given it much thought. Dd1 is old enough and many classmates do serve at Mass, but we were not happy with the particular situation of this group of girls and the way the meetings were held to prepare them for this service. We were lucky to have a good excuse to pass on the opportunity, as dd1 has cello lessons at exactly the same time this group meets. 
So we just got lucky and have never had to seriously deal with this issue. A cop out!
Do any of you have thoughts on this topic? Especially, how do our daughters learn to serve (in one way or another) at Mass? Singing in the choir? Ideas ideas ideas
__________________
Stephanie
Wife and mother to Hannah '96, Maria '99, Dorothea '01, Helena '03
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Lisbet
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2006
Location: Michigan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2706
|
| Posted: Jan 19 2007 at 11:53am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I love that it's not even an option in our parish. My daughter has never even questioned the matter.
__________________
Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
MicheleQ
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 23 2005
Location: Pennsylvania
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2193
|
| Posted: Jan 19 2007 at 1:19pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
St. Ann wrote:
My girlfriend asked me how I plan to handle the Altarboy question with my daughters. She does not want her daughter to do this, as she believes it to be something reserved for boys as a stepping stone on their journey of discovering their vocation. Before this conversation with her I had really never given it much thought.
Do any of you have thoughts on this topic? Especially, how do our daughters learn to serve (in one way or another) at Mass? Singing in the choir? Ideas ideas ideas |
|
|
We too feel it should be something reserved for boys as a stepping stone on their journey of discovering their vocation. While not every young man is called to the priesthood I do think serving at the altar helps those who are called to perhaps hear that call more clearly (and in this culture they need all the help they can get!). Since no girl is ever called to the priesthood it's not an issue for them. My daughters won't be serving at the altar and that's fine with them.
Let me say that I have observed two things at our parish that make me sad. One is that we have so many servers that younger boys who are eager to serve have been turned away and told to wait a few years until there is room. This is not right and boys should be given priority in this area. Secondly, some boys don't like serving with the girls. 10, 11 & 12 year old boys tend to be a bit girl shy while 10, 11, & 12 yr. old girls can be a bit bossy and agressive (this is a generalization of course!) and I have seen boys bow out because of this.
I also find it VERY distracting to see the girl altar servers playing with their hair and nails all through Mass. . .but maybe that's just me. 
__________________
Michele Quigley
wife to my prince charming and mom of 10 in Lancaster County, PA USA
http://michelequigley.com
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Mrs.K
Forum Pro
Joined: Aug 13 2006
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 298
|
| Posted: Jan 19 2007 at 1:47pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I agree with Michele. My two teen boys serve daily at the church where we attend daily Mass, and then occasionally when they are scheduled at our own parish on Sundays. My daughters have never expressed an interest, and like Lisa said there has been no need for explanation. I cracked up when I read the thread title! Kind of self-explanatory!
I also agree with Michele on the boy/girl thing. I really dislike my boys serving with girls. I suggested at my parish that they either have all girls or all boys (unless they are siblings) at each Mass but they didn't go for that. It disturbs me to see a boy and a girl have to share a kneeler together. Particularly for the preteen boys, that could be a deterrent for the boys like Michele said, and a downright distraction for the teen boys. On the altar is the last place our boys should have to be distracted by girls!
__________________
Blessings,
Mrs.K
My rosariesBeads of Mercy
My blogPondered in My Heart
 Jesus,I trust in You!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Elizabeth
Founder
Real Learning
Joined: Jan 20 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5595
|
| Posted: Jan 19 2007 at 2:15pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Stephanie,
You might be interested in this thread.
__________________
Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Tina P.
Forum All-Star
Joined: June 28 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1638
|
| Posted: Jan 19 2007 at 2:43pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
St. Ann wrote:
| Especially, how do our daughters learn to serve (in one way or another) at Mass? Singing in the choir? Ideas ideas ideas |
|
|
Our daughter sings in the choir with me. I don't think it is appropriate for a child to sing in a choir without a parent. In our choir's case, the children were put up front, right in front of the microphones. I don't know if it was lack of self-confidence, but no one heard them, not even those standing right next to or behind them. They lasted all of three weeks. I barely hear my daughter singing now! But she faithfully attends practice and masses. And I think the director is helping her with exercises.
__________________
Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Jan 19 2007 at 2:56pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
small parish here and they're often scrambling for alter servers so both boys and girls are encouraged to serve.. and I see that it IS both boys and girls not some of the scenarios of boys not wanting to do it because girls are taking over and such. It seems to fit why girls have been allowed. So we are allowing our daughters to serve in this way. Only our oldest is serving and she just started. Next year our oldest son will be the age they train them and start serving.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
PDyer
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 25 2005
Location: Ohio
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1043
|
| Posted: Jan 19 2007 at 3:07pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
My son started serving Mass last year. Our parish allows female servers. I don't have a good feeling for how many altar servers are "enough" or "too many", but we don't appear to be lacking for qualified servers at this point. My son isn't bothered by serving with girls at all. He's only ten, so that may change over time as far as I know. More will be revealed, right?
__________________
Patty
Mom of ds (7/96) and dd (9/01) and two angels (8/95 and 6/08)
Life at Home
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
MacBeth
Forum All-Star
Probably at the beach...
Joined: Jan 27 2005
Location: New York
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2518
|
| Posted: Jan 19 2007 at 4:39pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Tina P. wrote:
| Our daughter sings in the choir with me. I don't think it is appropriate for a child to sing in a choir without a parent. |
|
|
How come, Tina? None of the members of the choir that Libby directs has a parent who even stays through the rehearsal, except the hsing moms.
__________________
God Bless!
MacBeth in NY
Don's wife since '88; "Mom" to the Fab 4
Nature Study
MacBeth's Blog 
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
guitarnan
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Maryland
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 10883
|
| Posted: Jan 19 2007 at 6:17pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
My dd wants to be an altar server, but I am trying mightily to distract her via music ministry. She is still too bouncy to serve, IMHO, plus she is a girl, which I think is reason enough to find a different ministry.
She sings with our contemporary music group (which dh and I are both in), because we don't have any permanent children's groups at our church. Fortunately our director is totally on board with the idea. He is against "children's music" at Mass (me, too!).
I'm praying I can stall off long enough for her to really fall in love with music ministry. We'll see how things go.
__________________
Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Donna Marie
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: New Jersey
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2530
|
| Posted: Jan 19 2007 at 8:02pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
My eldests (twin dds 13) are altar servers with my ds(11)..no rotten tomatoes please
They dress modestly and are extremely respectful. They will defer their spot to any boy that wants to serve. I held off allowing them for a long while. When I heard that it was ok to do so, I let them after they had been begging me for months and after our parish priest asked me several times.
They do serve mass with the chatters and hair flippers, but they always try to convert their friends to have propper manners while serving in a nice way without being too pushy. It is true that they are called on to serve many of the special events...not to take the place of a boy, but because they do their job very well.
I pray this does not make me liberal in any way 
God Love you!
Donna Marie from NJ
hs momma to 7dc
__________________
God love you!
Donna Marie from NJ
hs momma to 9dc!!
Finding Elegant Simplicity
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
8kids4me
Forum Pro
Joined: May 03 2006
Location: New York
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 328
|
| Posted: Jan 19 2007 at 10:24pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Donna Marie wrote:
I pray this does not make me liberal in any way
God Love you!
Donna Marie from NJ
hs momma to 7dc |
|
|
My girls also serve(ages 11 and 8). They serve one morning a week at the 7:30 Mass, and one Saturday night a month. They are very respectful, modest, and reverent. I have noticed this about all the servers in our Parish. The kids tend to get paired with siblings first, then with older kids/younger kids. We have a lot of strong families and the kids sometimes continue to serve into the high school years. I am very conservative in general about my faith, and my 11yo prayed for almost a year about this before coming to me and asking to be a server. Then it took me a good while to agree to it. I am happy that my girls serve, and while they would never dream of thinking they could be priests, they have thought of religious life as an option for them.
__________________
Cindy B, mama to 8 great kids, and 5 grandbabies!
http://www.magnolialane.wordpress.com
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
St. Ann
Forum All-Star
Joined: Oct 20 2006
Location: Germany
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2137
|
| Posted: Jan 20 2007 at 1:02am | IP Logged
|
|
|
In our Parish, being an altar server is more a social activity than a service out of faith. The weekly meetings consist of playing games together and the big highlight is the summer camp for the servers which lasts 2 weeks. Naturally, there are children who have very sincere motives, but in general I think not. The older altar servers are older teenagers and young adults who have served their whole lives and do set a very good example. I just don't see a real, faithfilled guidance of the younger ones. The children attend Mass only when they have altar service for the most part, and even then the parents do not remain at Mass with them. More girls serve in our Parish than boys. It is a sad situation. I sit here and criticize, but do nothing to change it. I just don't have the strength to do extra groups outside of my home. My health is unstable at the moment and I rarely leave the house as it is...
I still have to read the thread Elizabeth mentioned above, which I am looking forward to...
You all are giving me a lot to think about. Thanks
__________________
Stephanie
Wife and mother to Hannah '96, Maria '99, Dorothea '01, Helena '03
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Kathryn UK
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 27 2005
Location: England
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 924
|
| Posted: Jan 20 2007 at 8:58am | IP Logged
|
|
|
JodieLyn wrote:
| small parish here and they're often scrambling for alter servers so both boys and girls are encouraged to serve.. and I see that it IS both boys and girls not some of the scenarios of boys not wanting to do it because girls are taking over and such. It seems to fit why girls have been allowed. So we are allowing our daughters to serve in this way. |
|
|
Ditto. My 11yo dd has been an altar server for the last three years. The Mass she serves had has mainly girl altar servers, but this is because they had a big push for more altar servers the year after she made her First Communion and a number of her fellow First Communicants also wanted to serve. It was a very unbalanced First Communion year with 16 girls to 6 boys - hence more girl altar servers. The other two Masses have more boys than girls.
__________________
Kathryn
Dh Michael, Rachel(3/95) Hannah(8/98) Naomi(6/06)  (11/07)
The Bookworm
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Leonie
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 28 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2831
|
| Posted: Jan 20 2007 at 10:56pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Donna Marie wrote:
My eldests (twin dds 13) are altar servers with my ds(11)..no rotten tomatoes please
I pray this does not make me liberal in any way
|
|
|
I don't have dds but my sons serve with girl altar servers in our parish - and there has really been no issue. There *are* more boy servers than girls - not sure why...
__________________
Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Paula in MN
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 25 2006
Location: Minnesota
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 4064
|
| Posted: Jan 21 2007 at 9:43am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Mine aren't old enough yet to serve, but we do allow girls. It is a small church/town, so I know that is the reason. I can't help it, I was born in the 60's. It just *looks* wrong to see a girl up there!
__________________
Paula
A Catholic Harvest
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Elena
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 13 2006
Location: Ohio
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 592
|
| Posted: Jan 21 2007 at 4:49pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I have four sons and two daughters. The girls are only 7 and 1 so they are too young so far to serve.
I agree with many who have already posted. I think it is inappropriate to have young women serving. It does discourage young men from stepping up and doing it. Having girls serve also means that younger boys have to wait to serve. In our parish you can't serve until the 5th grade because the ranks are filed with young ladies who want to serve.
Also, you get the "thanks for serving" letter as the boys enter 9th grade. So basically they ony want the young men to serve between 5th and 9th grade and they discourage it in high school.
It's wrong and it is part of the vocation problem in this country.
My son was confirmed on Friday night and I wanted my other son to serve. He was told he could not because all of the spots were taken. They were- we had five little altar girls there with flowing hair and high heels. Frankly it made me a bit angry. My son might have been moved, inspired, or in someother way influenced to serve with the bishop, but he could not.
I really feel this is wrong and I will forbid my daughters from taking this role when they are of age.
OK, climbing off of my soap box now.
__________________
Elena
Wife to Peter, mom of many!
My Domestic Church
One Day at a Time
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Jenny
Forum Pro
Joined: Dec 20 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 489
|
| Posted: Jan 21 2007 at 11:35pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
We attend the TLM so this is not an issue. If it were, I would not allow my dd's to serve as an altarboy. An altarboy should be a boy. I do not think it is appropriate for girls to be in the sacristy while the priest and the boys are preparing for Mass.
The girls and I serve our parish and our priest by helping to clean the Church, cooking meals for new moms/funerals/the priests, eventually my girls have said they want to join the schola/choir.
__________________
Jenny
Chris' wife and momma of 7. My blog: The Littlest Way--Bible Journaling, Inspiring Bible Quotes, Daily Affirmations, Prayer Journaling & photography
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Carole N.
Forum All-Star
Joined: Oct 28 2006
Location: Wales
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 4484
|
| Posted: Jan 22 2007 at 10:30am | IP Logged
|
|
|
We do not allow our dd to serve. She serves the church in many other ways. She sings in the Junior Choir (and occassionally plays the flute), helps with the Arts and Environment (this would be like the Altar Society), and helps me to prepare meals for funerals, the elderly homebound, and special events.
Our two ds serve. The older ds (14) used to pop up everytime they need a server. He no longer does this. Like many other boys his age, he does not care to serve with girls. It was quite disheartening to me one Sunday when two older hs boys served with a cute little 5th grade girl. Her father asked her to serve over her older brother or any of the other boys in the church.
We believe that serving is a step toward discerning a vocation. My dd is considering the religious life, but she understands that the altar during the mass is reserved for the priest, the deacon, and altar boys. In our parish, there is no shoratage of boys (and we also have three seminarians who are home at certain times of the year). But it is sad to see that the older boys stop serving because they are not comfortable serving with girls.
__________________
Carole ... in Wales
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Jan 22 2007 at 3:51pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Wrong? That's rather strong when it IS allowable. We can all have our opinions on whether it works in a particular situation or not.. or whether it's something for our family or not. but "wrong" implies that it's always to be avoided.. and since that's not the case, I would have to conclude that it is not inherantly wrong.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Are your daughters Altarboys?
