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Wendi DeGrandpr
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| Posted: Jan 02 2007 at 2:02pm | IP Logged
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Hi all - I am in desperate need of some encouragement and advice. I am totally burned out. 2006 was a wonderful year with so many blessings but also a very challenging year. I think this "fog" that I am existing in started in August and now I simply can't get out of my own way. I have always been pretty energenic, somewhat creative (crafty), I love to read, knit, garden, care for our animals, cook a meal for someone, I used to run a Little Flowers group etc etc. No I am not superanything, but I have always done fine being busy. This past year we added two new children to our home through the gift of adoption and one of my biological dd's was diagnosed with diabetes. We took about a week of "down" time when our ds came home last January, but by April when our dd came home we were in full swing with school, basketball, horses, trips, a traveling dh, planning a camp we help run in June, and just life in general. I don't think I took a breath and then in June it was diabetes. Now, please don't think I am complaining because I prayed, I begged God for these children and I love them with my entire being. By August I was in high planning mode for school - I have always been a planner so planning for four insead of two was a happy challenge for me. August and September were huge adjustment months for our new dd as well as our diabetic dd - every day was draining - physically and emotionally. I backed off on all I had planned, I read CM, I read Elizabeth's book, I read everything I could find on burnout, I tried to make the holidays joyful but only did what felt managable. Now, I feel empty, I cannot pray, I cannot stay focused enough to read, I cannot summon up the energy to cook a descent meal, or be the fun and creative mom I want to be. Other than the past week or so I have been eating pretty well. I take a good variety of vitamins, I was exercising regularly up until September when I began to feel drained. Please pray for me because I don't seem to be able to focus on what I need to ask God for long enough to get a prayer out. I am sorry this is so long and I pray it doesn't sound whiney. It has taken me a long time to summon up the courage to post because I really feel like I should just be able to suck it up and deal with all of this.
Thank you for "listening".
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God Bless,
Wendi
Mom to four blessings
"We can do no great things - only small things with great love." Blessed Mother Teresa
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Bridget
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Dear Wendi, I just prayed for you and will continue to do so. You had a huge, life changing, exciting year and you were running on adrenaline for a while.
I know your not complaining about your children. Those of us that did not have to go to such great lengths to increase our family go through this too. It's not ungratefulness.
I can't type anymore without my toddler 'helping'. hang in there. this will pass.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Taffy
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Wendi, I don't have any useful words of consolation except to say that I'm in the same boat you're in. Caring for a child with special needs is draining - both physically and mentally. My son has PDD (a form of autism) and it takes a HUGE amount of effort to push him into learning, participating in the family, being active, etc. as he is very withdrawn. When I look for support from my husband, he tries but he simply doesn't understand what I go through everyday. You'd think he would as he's a teacher but his students are generally bright and communicative. Our son is bright but not very communicative.
With your dd, you are dealing with the stress of maintaining a diabetic diet, regular exercise schedule, monitoring insulin levels, and possibly daily injections. Besides all of this, I'm betting that you are also feeling isolated from your friends as they don't understand that your life has changed now. I know that I often feel isolated as others don't understand how I still have to monitor my 10 year old and take so much longer to commincate with him. Or, they simply back off as they are scared of my son - as if he were contagious or something.
I've been doing a major clean up and decluttering this past few days as my husband is still on Christmas break and it's been lifting my spirits somewhat. Now I can actually find things again! 
One other thing that I know lifts my spirits but I've not been making time for lately is a daily walk outdoors - no matter the weather and alone with only my dog. It's my time to be with God and to relax. Is there a time you can do this? It makes a world of difference but it does take a bit of time.
Are you fitting in time for yourself? Doing something just because you enjoy it?
Be gentle with yourself. And allow yourself some quiet and solitude to simply empty your mind and be.
I'm not sure that I've helped. I will be praying for both of us.
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Susan
Mom to 5 on earth and 1 in heaven
Susan's Soliloquy
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Rebecca
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Wendi,
I am praying for you right now.
Love,
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Sarah
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Wendi-
I'm in the same boat as far as burnout. I became pregnant in October and had incapacitating nausea. Although the severe nausea has subsided, I've never felt so unenergetic before.
I woke up today thinking about starting a thread on burnout (I'm serious, even ask my dh what breakfast was like here with me burdening him with my feelings of being absolutely wiped out), but I was afraid it would sound whiny and my New Years goal was to be positive and look at the bright side. I'm so glad you reached out and started this thread. Just getting dressed and taking care of the little people is all I can do then I feel so bad that the other kids need the old excited Mom who could accomplish things.
Like you, I started a Catholic Boy Scout Pack, baked, cooked, gardened, etc. Now I can't even imagine doing those things. Last Christmas I made homemade tamales. Not too long ago I installed a vinyl bathroom floor, painted, packed up a house to move, made meals for people who were in need, etc. Now just getting meat out of the freezer is a chore.
I can't understand what has happened to me, but its funny you should write something so similar. My dh keeps reminding me that I'm pregnant and I'll get energy back, but I was never this drained and overwhelmed before.
Enough about me! I don't think you are ungrateful. I'm certainly am grateful to God for the little person we've been given. We just need some sort of replenishing that I think only God can give. For whatever reason He has allowed people this darkness at times. Praying for you Wendi.
Don't worry, the holidays here were nothing like I had wanted them to be. It was SO Hard to muster up the energy to put tape on a gift. Its like someone is holding my arms down.
Hang in there Taffy, Wendi and all you other mothers that feel as we do. Many a tear has fallen upon the pages on Elizabeth's Burnout chapter. I believe she wrote it feeling much the same as we do now. We have to keep persevering and asking God for the graces to get through this trial. Even if it is a one line prayer.
A priest told me once when I told him I could not pray that the DESIRE I was feeling to pray was indeed a prayer in itself. Somehow God would see my longing for Him and for consolation. I wasn't anywhere feeling as low as I do now at that time, but I thought the words were helpful.
At this point here, I'm considereing the rest of the year to be unschooling, which is funny because I was the last person who would even consider such a lifestyle. Putting my kids in school won't solve anything.
I hope there is light at the end of this tunnel soon and for you all, too. . .
__________________
Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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doris
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Praying for you, Wendi. Asking for help is not whining.
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Home educating in London, UK with dd (2000) ds (2002), dd (2004), ds (2008) and dd (2011).
Frabjous Days
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kingvozzo
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Wendi, I have nothing to offer but prayers, and I offer you many of those! I will say that you do NOT sound whiny at all. Even the most joyous events in our lives can be stressful, and overwhelming, and it's okay to just do the minimun for a while.
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Noreen
Wife to Ed
Mom to 4 great kids and 10 sweet ones in Our Lady's arms
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Tami
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Oooohhh, Wendi, you are not whiny at all. Just real - and that's what you need to be in order to get through this.
You said (I can't figure out how to get a quote box - sorry):
August and September were huge adjustment months for our new dd as well as our diabetic dd - every day was draining - physically and emotionally. I backed off on all I had planned, I read CM, I read Elizabeth's book, I read everything I could find on burnout, I tried to make the holidays joyful but only did what felt managable. Now, I feel empty, I cannot pray, I cannot stay focused enough to read, I cannot summon up the energy to cook a descent meal, or be the fun and creative mom I want to be. Other than the past week or so I have been eating pretty well. I take a good variety of vitamins, I was exercising regularly up until September when I began to feel drained. Please pray for me because I don't seem to be able to focus on what I need to ask God for long enough to get a prayer out.
You've been through so much in a short amount of time. Any one of those scenarios - adoption (doubling the # of children to care for), diabetes, lots of little one, plus homeschooling could shake up any life for a period of time. The image I have of you is one of delayed reaction - or of an aftershock to an earthquake. In nature, aftershocks can be more devastating than the actual quake! I don't believe that's the case for you, but I think it's important to acknowledge the strength of the aftermath.
You said:
It has taken me a long time to summon up the courage to post because I really feel like I should just be able to suck it up and deal with all of this.
You have been sucking it up and dealing with it, you're just spent at the moment. You need your reservoir filled up again. You mentioned exercise - you probably need it now more than ever, so if you can get a walk in each day, preferably in the sun, you may begin to experience a difference. And reaching out to others is key - I'm proud of you for doing that, it will keep you from feeling so isolated.
And don't worry about not being able to focus well enough to get a prayer out. We'll do that for you. 
Please keep us posted so we can support you as you need it.
Hugs! 
Tons of prayers coming your way...
God bless,
Tami
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KellyJ
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Oh, Wendi, I think the best help I can offer you is my prayers. And, pray, I will.
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KellyJ
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stefoodie
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Praying for you, Wendi. That's a lot to handle, not surprised at all that you're experiencing burnout -- I experience it on a weekly basis if I don't watch it.
Hang in there....
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stef
mom to five
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Maria B.
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Praying for you Wendi. Don't despair. Each day of your suffering is working towards your healing.
God bless you!
Maria
Proud Mom to 10 great kids!
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alicegunther
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I am praying for you, Wendi. You have been through so much, but with all of us praying, I know God will send some blessed relief to you soon.
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Love, Alice
mother of seven!
    
Cottage Blessings
Brew yourself a cup of tea, and come for a visit!
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teachingmom
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I'm praying for you, Wendy!
Sarah wrote:
I've never felt so unenergetic before.
. . . .
Now just getting meat out of the freezer is a chore.
I can't understand what has happened to me, but its funny you should write something so similar. My dh keeps reminding me that I'm pregnant and I'll get energy back, but I was never this drained and overwhelmed before. |
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Hi Sarah,
I just have to write you also to encourage you. I felt exactly as you described above during this past pregnancy. I had never had such complete exhaustion and such feelings of being overwhelmed with normal life during my previous pregnancies.
The encouraging news is that my energy levels returned to normal immediately after the birth of my 3 month old dd. I'm not exaggerating to say that I felt better as soon as she left my body! I could do things at 2 days postpartum that I would have been completely overwhelmed with halfway through the pregnancy.
So ride this out as best you can. Things will get better!
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~Irene (Mom to 6 girls, ages 7-19)
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4 lads mom
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God Love you, Wendi! I have been where you are, (okay, I am still sort of there being newly pregnant as well) but don't worry about "not praying right". God loves you, He made you, He is intimately aware of all the heroic things you have done in the last year....maybe He is saying, "rest my dear one, rest and be still, and know I am God". When I was completely frozen in my prayer life, my kindly priest said, "Imagine how much God delights in hearing His Son's name, say "Jesus" many times through the day in a loving way, if that is all you can muster, that is your prayer for now, and a perfect one!"
I will pray, Wendi...do get a little exercise if possible, even if it's just walking down the block and back and taking a few more steps each time...let the Communion of Saints carry you...
Please keep us updated,
4 Lads' Mom with one due in Sept.
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MamaJen
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| Posted: Jan 03 2007 at 9:41am | IP Logged
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Oh, I'm so glad I found this thread! I came here this morning looking for - well, exactly this! I, too, feel burned out. For me, I know I am still recovering (perhaps just beginning to recover, actually) from long years of massive stress and turmoil (beginning with dh's critical illness almost 6 years ago now). Now, I am on several medications trying to address health issues that have caused multiple miscarriages. The medications alone are making me feel completely out of it and not myself. At the moment, I am either very newly pregnant and already sick, or else the last medication I've added is making me feel newly pregnant (a possibility). I find myself wondering - either I could be feeling like this every month with this medication, or else I am pregnant and I could feel like this for 9 months straight! How will I cope?
I'm overwhelmed, to say the least. We take 2 weeks completely off from school for Christmas, and we are due to begin next Monday. I need to get to some planning and organizing, and I've had all these great thoughts and insights the last few weeks (about visual-spatial learners - thanks, Willa! :-) and I still need more thought on the matter...but this morning, the idea of actually getting out of bed Monday morning and getting something educational accomlished is just overwhelming to me!
So - what are steps that you take when you feel like you can barely get out of bed? I've started taking a walk every other day or so - that should help eventually, but right now it just exhausts me further! ;-) My dh is very, very wonderful at letting me take time for myself, so I am able to do that as I feel I need to (why doesn't it help more?) Taking one day at a time would probably help - my thinking about "doing this every month" or "the next 9 months" is not helpful, I'm sure. Do you create a list of "bare minimums", and let the rest go? What's on your list? I am trying to make more time for prayer, because I'm just *longing* for that - but every day, I can't seem to manage it.
I guess if anyone has any kind of concrete steps to take when you're feeling this burnout, I'd love to hear them! Sometimes knowing what others have done in similiar situations is very helpful!
And thanks again for bringing this up. Today I will try to say a special prayer for moms who feel overwhelmed and burned out!
MamaJen
mommy to 4 boys (9.5, 7, 6, 4)
Aquinas Academy Adventures
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Sarah
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MamaJen wrote:
So - what are steps that you take when you feel like you can barely get out of bed?. . .Do you create a list of "bare minimums", and let the rest go? What's on your list?
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Lately each morning I open my eyes and wonder how I'm going to do it. If I don't get out of bed the kids start jumping on me and I can't stand it. They force me up!
I dropped any ideas that I saw on people's blogs. Its not our season.
I did make a list of bare minimums actually:
Laundry
children dressed
food
I've also got the kids on some jobs to help (that's hard though because they need daily reminders or they just don't do it!).
When I hit low enough I finally hired a hs teenage girl to pick up, fold laundry, wipe counters, load dishes, read to little ones, etc. I look at her and feel sometimes like I wish I could do what she does, but I literally feel like I'm 100 years old! She is a gift from heaven. She comes every day and EVERY DAY I'm humiliated when she walks in, but she always reassures me that her house looks similar. She has a whole bunch of little brothers and is the oldest of 8! She is about the same price as hiring a cleaning lady once/week. She's here for 2 hours.
Dh does all the grocery shopping and we have dropped all outside activities except for those that dh can go to: piano, altar serving,
School: Ds10 reads. Ds8 plays. We're working on kindness and being positive (I can do that from the couch  ).
A noon Mass has started at our parish and my goal is to go to that. Just getting ready for that and recovering from is major. I went for the 1st time yesterday and felt very refreshed mentally (not physically  ). No one attends it so my ds10 has a great responsibility setting up the altar and serving Mass. Ds 8 sat in the front row in hopes of learning to serve, too.
That's all I can do right now. I don't feel like God is expecting more.
PS Thanks, Irene. You give me hope!
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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Willa
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Wendi,
Have you ever had a long period of the doldrums before?
During previous times of overload in your life, how have you usually handled things?
I was just wondering because it might be a clue as to whether you should rule out physical systems problems... like say, thyroid issues. If this feeling is not typical for you, then perhaps there might be some physical cause.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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MaryM
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Praying for you. Wendi, and everyone else facing a similar experience of burnout- we all need to pray for each other all the time, because it could be any of as an any time.
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Mary M. in Denver
Our Domestic Church
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momwise
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WJFR wrote:
I was just wondering because it might be a clue as to whether you should rule out physical systems problems... like say, thyroid issues. |
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Wendi,
From some of the things you've said, I'd strongly encourage you to have some thyroid tests. when I finally received help with my thyroid after ds #5 I could barely get up off the couch after 10 a.m.
I have really struggled through this year also. Worst of all have been some very strong temptations to just quit trying. I agree with MaryM that it's really important to pray for one another. I'll add you to my prayer list.
__________________
Gwen...wife for 30 years, mom of 7, grandma of 3.....
"If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life." JPII
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chicken lady
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Wendi I promise to pray for you. I have nothing new to add, except perhaps, I would suggest running to adoration, don't walk run, I do, and do, and do!! It will, I promise bring you answers!
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Burn Out
