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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Jan 13 2007 at 8:22pm | IP Logged
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Mary Theresa, I have so enjoyed this thread. Thanks for starting it. I completely get what you are saying.
When I was pregnant with my first, I had a breastfeeding goal of 6 weeks. That's it. I wasn't nursed and had never seen a baby breastfeed. My only college friend who had a baby nursed for 6 weeks and went back to work. I read lots of books, over-analyzed, and thought 6 weeks was enough. Well... a goal of 6 weeks turned into 3 mos. turned into 6 mos. then a year then...
I, too, love to nurse and do what I can to encourage my nursing relationships. I do find that nursing on demand and through the night in the baby's first year helps.
Your point about relativism is very on and interesting. I agree that people can get pretty directive about how to mother. I have found it most helpful to gather good information and get support and encourgement to mother as best as I can. Sounds just like what you are doing  .
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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TracyFD
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| Posted: Jan 14 2007 at 10:37am | IP Logged
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What you are saying really resonates with me too. Before our first child was born we were completely gung-ho about NFP, ecological breastfeeding, co-sleeping, Bradley childbirth, attachment parenting, slings, etc. We were pretty self-righteous about this too - causing some conflict with family members still felt to this day. And I think you have a point that since so much of this parenting style harmonizes with Catholic teaching that there is a tendancy to see certain approaches as the "right" way or "Catholic" way to parent.
Well, when unexpected challenges came up with all these approaches I felt completely frustrated, disillusioned, and somewhat angry that the cons of each approach were not presented in a very upfront way. I felt like the victim of propaganda! I thought we had done everything "the right way" but my labor was not smooth at all, my baby was colicky for a year, my fertility returned early, the sling was hot and hurt my back - nothing was the way I imagined!
So now, expecting my 4th, I am much more relaxed. I still use elements of the approaches I started with, but greatly modified. This time I am going to try not to impose my agenda on my baby, but listen to her cues and try to remember those infant sounds discussed on the Oprah show recently. (Did anyone see that?)
There's a lot og good information out there about mothering - but take it all with a grain of salt! It has taken years for me to de-program and do what works best for us.
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Tracy
Mom to 3 girly girls,
1 absent-minded professor, and one adorable toddling terrorist.
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Jan 14 2007 at 11:31am | IP Logged
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teachingmom wrote:
| I actually set my alarm to WAKE HER UP to breastfeed her once at night. (Can you believe I did that??!!) Looking back, I would have been much smarter to choose the sleep and let my baby choose how often to nurse. |
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This is so interesting, Irene! With my first, she would sleep long stretches at night in her crib BUT I would wake up with over-full breasts which would quickly turn into mastitis. For this reason, I brought my baby to bed so that I could get an extra nursing or two in during the night while I still rested. Funny thing...as soon as I brought her to bed, she stopped sleeping for long stretches and we got into sinc with each other. Some people thought we were going backwards  that I was discouraging her from "sleeping through the night." Quite the opposite! This was a huge blessing for me - no more mastitis! And she eventually slept through the night just fine. In fact...as a teen she sleeps SO well that I have to laugh that "her being able to sleep on her own" was ever a concern.
Growing up through mothering is a humbling and awesome ride! I love sharing it with other moms like all of you  .
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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doris
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This is such an interesting thread. I'd just like to echo something that lots of people have said -- each family is different, and each baby is different. I *loved* nursing my eldest dd but when ds came along it was so different. He once nursed for ELEVEN HOURS non-stop!  Now, I'm in favour of bf on demand but eleven hours! I did give him a dummy (pacifier) in desperation and it really helped. Now, he's the only one of my 3 kids with straight teeth because the two who didn't have dummies discovered their thumbs and have been passionately attached ever since!
The other thing I wanted to mention to Mary Theresa is that there is a lovely book, 'What Mothers Do' by Naomi Stadlen. I haven't read the whole thing yet but it basically says that we do a lot even when it looks like not much. It's very good for giving you confidence in what you're doing. It might be a bit offbeam for the topic but I just thought I'd mention it.
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mary theresa
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| Posted: Jan 15 2007 at 2:59pm | IP Logged
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Thanks for mentioning that book Elizabeth! I will look for it at our library.
Tracy, Angie, Elizabeth -- I am glad this thread was interesting for someone other than me!  I am glad also that you understand or have experienced the "bossiness" of other people -- I was hoping it wasn't just the people I know!
I am finding there is a fine line between comparing notes on mothering and conversing about it, and letting it get to you and make you wonder if you should be doing what they're doing . . . etc. You know?
Thanks for all your posts! They help me so much!
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mother to 3 little girls --March '06, Dec '07 and Jan '10
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juststartn
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Mary Theresa...
I'm one of those women who can nurse once a day for months...and never get their cycle back til they completely wean. All of mine have weaned themselves completely by a year old. And I've gotten my first lovely visit from AF about 3 mos after that (altho not ovulatory)....
After three dc (not that that makes me an "expert" by any means! LOL), I have to agree with the other ladies...
Is it working for you and your family? Is your dd growing well, happy, etc? Are you not stretched so far you are "this" close to snapping? If all of the above is ok, then so are you!
Just like there is no "one" model of child that each mother delivers, there is no "one way" of taking care of those children that works for everyone. Personally, I cannot imagine sleeping with my dc, etc. Attachment parenting is NOT for me or my family. Not at all. And I've got three dds who are well adjusted, happy, and normal. Never carried any of them in a sling, did a modified scheduling of their days/feeding, and let them sleep in a crib/bassinet in another room from day one (all those little baby noises resulted in me not sleeping at all...I was always waking to see if the baby was getting ready to wake up..caught in the blankets, you name it)...
Now, does that mean I'm going to tell everyone that they have to parent my way, or they are wrong? Nope. Altho I do get some looks when I tell people I did the above, esp in Catholic circles. Its as if I have spoken some mildly heretical comment. LOL. I love my dc dearly, but I simply am NOT a "lets have nonstop body contact person". I get touched out fairly quickly, and I get maxed out just with the nursing sessions (which do usually take place on the bed, just cause I can doze or rest, or read, or whatever). AP would absolutely NOT work for us. But it works for others, and that's great. Glad for them.
So really, do what works. Do what gets you enough rest to function well...feed the baby as need arises. Mine seemed to thrive on a schedule, so we used one. It made transitioning from one dc to two, to three, alot easier in the end, for me. But that's not everyone. So do what works, and rest assured you are doing what works for you, regardless of what everyone else is saying you "should" do.
Rachel
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Lots of questions! I'm new at this!
