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Nina Murphy
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Dear Ladies,
Please advise me (throw anything out there!) on what courses of action have brought you relief and vitality during pregnancy, or during any very strained, weak time in your lives. I know we have had the vitamin thread already, but if there is a specific herb or supplement or "secret" you have found that truly bosters you, I would love to have the info to investigate it.
Elizabeth's wonderful article on Catholic Exchange today about Busyness made me want to discuss it more: how DO we slow down? How DO we strenthen ourselves when we are so weak we don't want to move or can barely drive to get out of the house. When God has given us XYZ that *must* be attended to...there is only so much we can simplify or eliminate. Priority Lists, cutting down extraneaous activities and responsibilities still often leaves us with so, so much on our shoulders that can not in all honesty be removed.
SO: we must strengthen ourselves. That is what I am in a quandary about. I must, I must be "up" for all that is and all who are depending on me. There is no out. I need advice on how to best fortify and strengthen myself mentally and physically. (You all are handling the spiritually part, right?  ) How do you protect yourself so you will be there for your family?
Thank you for any and all responses.
With love and gratitude,
__________________
God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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JodieLyn
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Where's the vitamin thread? Don't want to repeat about that, though I have some pretty strong opinions on what sort of vitamins actually help
And I'll have to find Elizabeth's article..
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Nina Murphy
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Fireside Chat:
I wasn't sure where to post this question...perhaps it should have been Fireside Chat. Regardless, I hope what I'm seeking came across. Comfort. Practical Helps. Success with self-care. (Why am I bad at that?) 
Elizabeth's article at Catholic Exchange
vitamins and other supplements
ETA: I fixed the links, Bridget.
__________________
God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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jdostalik
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Nina,
Thank you for asking this question...I am pregnant with number 7 and though I am in my middle trimester, I haven't had the "energy boost" that I have always had by now! 
I am 40 this time around and am wondering if that is a factor along with of course, more children to care for and more schooling to get done and more messes...I'm not complaining (well, not really!  ) but what does help me is to try and take a 30 minute rest when the baby naps. I don't always do this and I rarely fall asleep but it does give me a boost to get through the rest of the day...
I eagerly await all the wise responses to this question!
__________________
God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: Sept 19 2006 at 10:49am | IP Logged
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Nina Murphy wrote:
Dear Ladies,
Please advise me (throw anything out there!) on what courses of action have brought you relief and vitality during pregnancy, or during any very strained, weak time in your lives. I know we have had the vitamin thread already, but if there is a specific herb or supplement or "secret" you have found that truly bosters you, I would love to have the info to investigate it., |
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Nina,
I really didn't find anything. Frankly, I've felt pretty awful this entire pregnancy, despite a good diet and vitamins. Somewhere around the middle I just figured God wanted me still and that's why He wasn't "allowing" me to move. I began to accept that this is the way my life is for this season--painfully slow and not a little lonely. But there have been so many, many graces (I'll write about those when I have the energy ).
I don't have a way out for you. All I can do is empathize and tell you that surrendering can be sweet. Oh, and I have a hunch I'll have some serious pain to offer up very soon. It's all yours!
__________________
Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Nina Murphy
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Okay, you can tell it like it is, sister.
Elizabeth, I am so deeply moved at your offering. I love you for it, but I do not feel worthy. I know there are so many who need it as much, starting with your own family....and of course, our Holy Father, every woman on this board...
But in gratitude, I accept; and I make a reciprocal offer: I am going to try harder to offer up my sufferings as well. Thanks for reminding me: if there is no way out....what will our response be?
But Ladies who are reading:
There may not be any physical relief due to our ages, our multipara status, our lifestyles; but can we talk, then, about the decisions we need to make to care for ourselves in other ways in the best interest of our family...what have you all come to? How far do you go to try to eliminate toxic influences? What do you do to cope emotionally? (Besides prayer, of course. )
__________________
God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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Sarah
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Nina,
Somedays (more than others) I am so tired I can barely get the basics done. I have nothing like your situation, but even so, I feel that I have the work of ten people on my shoulders.
I am trying so hard. Sometimes I feel like I'm paddling upstream as hard as I can and I'm just staying in the same place. If I back down on the "paddling" I start to go backwards. 
I have started a weekly holy hour, I never lose sleep to housework, my kids aren't getting fancy courses taught by me (or anyone else), and I stay at home, stay at home, stay at home. I cannot get into the run around. My kids are in very few things.
Honestly, this forum is one of my coping stratgies. I am forever grateful for it. Obviously, the forum, too, has to be done in moderation, or I get discouraged with myself for spending too much time of the computer while I could have done something else.
Another thing that helps me it to remember that every really trying time had a light at the end of the tunnel. My pregnancies that are so hard, are passing times and God has rewarded me after those times with periods of consolation and life feeling easier. Don't despair.
It occurred to me the other day: Why don't I just live and deal with each moment as it comes? Why do I always freak out and think I'm out of control? I need to take things as they come each day and stop living several steps ahead. Each moment has enough in it without worrying about the next. I think some saint already said that and I just recalled what I had already read, because I'm certainly not holy enough to have though of it myself!
I'm not much help Nina. I like what Elizabeth said about surrender.
PS, I'm not pregnant, just a struggling mother!
__________________
Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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Helen
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Nina Murphy wrote:
| How far do you go to try to eliminate toxic influences? |
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Dear Nina,
A long time ago,I knew someone who spent a few years with the Missionaries of Charity. I believe they were donated an extraordinary amount of fruit cake. So, the missionaries ate fruit cake and only fruit cake for days.
I am not fond of fruit cake and the thought of eating it for days ... well ... that might just make it into my personal dictionary for "heroic penance."
This example from the Missionaries coupled with St. Francis's example of accepting any meal provided to him, has helped me (when I've needed to) lower my standards regarding food and my standards for "eliminating toxic influences."
(I don't think my standards are very high to begin with.) But, perfection can be the enemy of the good. Sometimes, good or even "good enough" is really enough.
I couldn't get your plight out of mind when I was on retreat. I prayed often for you.
Is there anything that I can do for you?
__________________
Ave Maria!
Mom to 5 girls and 3 boys
Mary Vitamin & Castle of the Immaculate
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amyable
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I've been wondering lately about the ability and necessity of our children doing more for the family (my family in particular, but maybe other readers also). I don't have any real wisdom on this, but was hoping we could talk about it, and as mothers of many it really ties in to this thread, I think. If I'm wrong, just ignore me.
I know I tend to shy away from asking more from my dc because I fear they will resent coming from a large family. And in my case there is only so much my particular kids can do. But I don't think God would give me my family just so I could drown in the difficulty of it all, especially when sick and pregnant...same for you Nina and every other mother out there.
Is it wrong to really make them "hoe the row" at times like this? Even if it's only 4 able bodied kids out of 8? Even if they are the youngest? I have no answers...just pondering.
My prayers are with you, Nina, and all of you.
__________________
Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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Nina Murphy
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Oh, thank you for writing, all! I just checked in and saw 3 inbox and got really excited! (Pathetic or what?) Hee, hee, hee. I am so simple to please, really.
Seriously. Sarah: Do not underestimate the power of just writing a few words to someone....you are MUCh help. This woman appreciates any and all outreach, let me tell you. I take something away from every single comment made to me. Just to know in your humility that you were willing to share your similar upstream paddling, and to be able to let down....it's comforting. And everything you said is right.
Helen, there IS something you can do for me. Keep writing! I love, love hearing from you. Keep the advice coming. I thrive on it. And you always say the right thing. You're right: in many areas, I'm probably my biggest downfall. For instance, I have wanted for so long to live on our own (we live with an in-law), thinking so much stress would be eliminated, but my husband always comes back with: "You have to be happy where you are...wherever you go, Nina, there YOU will be". Of course, I want to kill him, but he makes the point that it is not often about everyone and everything else outside of us (our circumstances) but INside of us.
Yes, Amy! I'm so glad you brought this up. I told my children this morning: we are entering into the-children-must-be-able-to-run-things-mode again. Even though I am still doing most everything they expect, I am certainly slowing down already and back to afternoon rests by myself in silence. (Which they hate.) It doesnt' help that I have relatives who have VERY strong opinions about the children having their own lives. So, yes: let's talk about this! What can we, should we expect from our children? Where is the balance, the boundary?
As Eliz. said in her article, we need to be able to make a home where there is peace and stillness and order and beauty...a refuge. But that requires constancy and effort and fulfilling expectation, correct? I know for one, my family REALLY needs that. They hate disorder; they freak at instability or irregularity. And Mommy in this state often results in that.
So...more food for thought. (I've always got more than I need.  If I could have a partial lobotomy, I mean if they were elective... I don't know if it would be all bad....  )
__________________
God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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Dawnie
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Nina,
My pregnancies are not any harder than the usual, normal "discomforts" and all my children are healthy, so my situation isn't the same as yours...I feel a little silly responding to this, kinda like a child giving advice to a teacher...BUT what really helps me is making sure I'm making self-care a priority. I'm talking about taking care of myself so that I can take care of the people who need me...making sure my "pitcher" is full so I can fill all the little "glasses" around here.
So, I take a nap just about every day. This is really important for me. My dh works 2nd shift, and doesn't get home until after 11pm most nights, so I don't have someone to come and "relieve" me at the end of the day. I have to have a nap so I can get through the evening and bedtime routines and still be a sweet mommy.
I try to let my dh know when I need a break...I get out of the house of a little while, run some errands by myself, maybe treat myself to an icee (it's a small pleasure ), go on a walk, go to Adoration, whatever I need to lift my spirits, get some perspective, and return home "ready for duty."
I surround myself with supportive, inspirational people: the ladies on this board! Seriously, coming here for encouragement and support has made a HUGE difference for me. It's hard for me to make it to homeschool support meetings (they're at night, when dh is at work) and it's also hard to talk on the phone during the day. But I can come here before the dc wake up, or after they're asleep, and chat and read with fellow Catholic mothers. You guys helped me re-charge this summer--I was feeling sooo frustrated and burned out at the end of last year.
Another big lesson I'm learning this year is how to be realistic about what I can do in a day. I tend to make these outrageous to-do lists in the morning and then, when I can't get it all done, I feel horrible and beat myself up and get into a really bad mood. Not good! Last spring, I wrote down everything I felt I needed to do in a day, everything I was trying to fit it AND how much time I estimated it would take to do each thing...guess what, I was trying to fit 27 hours into a 24 hour day! I also try to follow a loose order of the day...it's been falling apart lately, so I need to get back on it, as everyon seems to function better. I don't schedule everything into 30-min. time slots, like Managers of Their Homes suggest, but I try to have meals, naps, and bedtimes at regular times. I do household chores around the meals, then we homeschool in little bits throughout the day. This works very well for us right now.
I thought you might also like this
old thread...it contains a letter from St. Frances de Sales to a pregnant woman who was frustrated w/ her lack of energy.
You've been on my heart a lot, Nina...know that I am praying for you!
Dawn
__________________
Mom to Mary Beth (99), Anna (02), Lucia (04), Clara (06), and Adelaide Victoria (2/28/09)
Visit my blog!Water Into Wine:Vino Per Tutto!
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Elizabeth
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Dawnie wrote:
I thought you might also like this
old thread...it contains a letter from St. Frances de Sales to a pregnant woman who was frustrated w/ her lack of energy.
You've been on my heart a lot, Nina...know that I am praying for you!
Dawn |
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Wow! I missed this the first time around. What a great, great letter!
__________________
Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Nina Murphy
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Oh, Dawnie. I've had this book for years. Why doesn't this wise counsel ever sink in?
Thank you for admitting that you must take a nap, and that you feel it is fair to take personal trips and to do whatever you need to lift your spirits. And thank you for saying you surround yourself with people who support, uplift, and encourage you and that that is crucial. I could never stick to a MOTH schedule...I don't think I try to do too much, I just think perhaps I just have too much for one person to do? Is this possible or do I have the wrong attitude---that God wouldn't give me too much. Perhaps that is where I must prayerfully reflect on training the children to do even more and expect less or to discern if I need to get additional help in the form of outside schooling, take-out meals, etc. Hard deliberations.
Thank you again.   Off to serve the potpie and salad to the troops. 
Oh, and I feel more honest...I updated my avatar to a very recent photo. Ha ha.
__________________
God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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Helen
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Nina Murphy wrote:
What can we, should we expect from our children? Where is the balance, the boundary?
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Isn't it part of maturity and a good education to know how to manage your laundry, the cooking, and cleaning? How does it feel to attend an ivy league school yet not know how to host a dinner party? (Is this a good example?) (Wasn't this type of thinking behind the writing of Home Comforts?)
I also discovered a few years ago, when taking my newly adopted children to occupational therapy that many household chores were an excellent supplement to their therapy.
Three cheers for changing sheets and making beds.
__________________
Ave Maria!
Mom to 5 girls and 3 boys
Mary Vitamin & Castle of the Immaculate
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Rebecca
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Nina Murphy wrote:
| Oh, and I feel more honest...I updated my avatar to a very recent photo. Ha ha. |
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Oh Nina, You made me laugh! I recently removed my avatar because I did not think it was honest to put one up that was two years old. You are a gem!
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Cay Gibson
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Nina Murphy wrote:
| As Eliz. said in her article, we need to be able to make a home where there is peace and stillness and order and beauty...a refuge. But that requires constancy and effort and fulfilling expectation, correct? |
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Nina, I wasn't going to post originally because I'm not pregnant at the moment. But this thread seems to be engulfing a lot more than pregnancy-related.
Then I thought, well, I'm not pregnant now but I have been bedridden with a pregnancy and I have suffered a miscarriage and I have suffered PPD, so I can relate.
Even now there are times I'm so weary. I tend to get stray headaches...I call them stray because I never know when they will hit. They don't keep me from functioning but they drain me of all energy. I began having them after my episode with PPD and sometimes I beg God to please rid me of them. They're exhausting.
Something I have struggled with is the older I get the more I want the peace and quiet and contemplative life. But my children are at an all time energy level. I have three teenagers in my home now. Jennifer commented on this picture of my four-yr-old sleeping that "She looks like she fills her days brim-full."
So true.
But even cutting everyone's outside recreation to one thing each, that's still five activities that I am obligated to.
So, while I seek a more contemplative, monastic lifestyle, my children have not been called to that...yet. And, even in the longing, I don't long for any life other than the one I have---this wonderful, chaotic family life.  But I think, for my coping, I do need to focus on contemplation.
Last night I read a small pamphlet entitled "Getting Started in Contemplative Prayer" by Gloria Hutchinson. It was really very good.
Hutchinson says we have to "Dive into it (ie: contemplative life)!" We have to become one with the sea, we have to let the ocean engulf us. We have to learn to "pray without words" because if we don't "we are like children who can't swim without life preservers."
Nina, you mentioned "toxic influences". Would you define this as people, occasions, events outside the home as well as things we put into our body?
I take a weekly adoration hour and have begun making a yearly personal retreat under the oaks for my own yearly/weekly revitalization.
Of course, my situation allows it. The focus here is when your situation doesn't allow it. And I was there once...not that long ago. Five children (including a baby) all under the age of fifteen plus an elderly father-in-law with Alzheimer's. We moved into his house to take care of him. I was "homeless" for eight months, leaving between two house but confined to none.
My need for stability and predictability were threatened. My emotions ran rampant.
How do we cope emotionally when we are in the thick of things as you are? How do we take care of our inner being while being very available outwardly?
Do we "dive into it" so deep that we loss our focus of those around us, literally right under our feet, who need us to come outside ourselves? No, we need to stay afloat and take charge of the ship yet still embrace/engulf the ocean of contemplation around us.
How do we focus am called to be "of" this world but not "in" it while our dc pull us outside our comfort zone and right "into" the thick of things?
And now I think I've gone to deep to follow my own train of thought.
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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Nina Murphy
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I am speechless. I don't know why, but while reading your post, tears came to my eyes.
All I can say is: thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, Cay for writing this.
__________________
God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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Nina Murphy
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Cay,
I was not thinking of anything entering my body that would be toxic but all that surrounds and enters the heart and mind.
BUT as a beautiful priest said to me once, "You have necessary occassions of sin" that can not be eliminated.
Still, I would love to hear from others on what decisions they have made for themselves to make sure, as Dawnie said, the pitcher is "full" and not drained.
Keep those depths of thought coming, Cay---you're speaking to my soul!
__________________
God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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Nina Murphy
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Dear Rebecca,
1. I love you, too.
2. Well, we think alike....
3. What are you waiting for?
__________________
God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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Willa
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Nina, you look beautiful!
I would just recommend prioritizing SLEEP!
I think sleep is way under-estimated in our society... somehow associated with laziness, possibly.
They've done studies that show how fast performance, mood, energy goes down with even a mild sleep drain.
I know that we moms often have interrupted night-time sleep but to me that's a reason to justify an afternoon nap, earlier bedtimes and a bit of lying in during the mornings, particularly when facing physical challenges like pregnancy, nursing or medical issues with kids.
I think Dawn is right -- surround yourself with people who love and support you; don't listen to anyone who's a drain. If you're faced with one unavoidably -- I definitely felt a little pressure from the medical community when I was pregnant with Paddy -- then meditate on that "sign of contradiction" passage in Scripture-- you are a living, heroic witness to the culture of life. Our Blessed Mother's struggles -- being a pregnant mother without a husband, her visit to Elizabeth, her road to Bethlehem at full term -- never seemed so very real to me as when I was pregnant with a seventh child at advanced maternal age who needed frequent medical interventions pre- and post-term -- so many people were just uncomprehending and I treasured the few voices who supported and affirmed our blessing.
__________________
AMDG
Willa
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Take Up and Read
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Seeking advice for pregnancy
