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ALmom
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| Posted: Sept 16 2006 at 7:47pm | IP Logged
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Nancy,
I am so glad that all is worked out well. One thing that I have learned is to never assume the weird stuff is coming from Father, even when that is what the person in charge is saying. I've objected to things before, explaining why and being told, "Well that is how Father so and so (usually the pastor) wants it or "that is what the Bishop requested". Upon asking further or seeking clarification (my attitude is that I want to be obedient, but I've been jerked around so much by false information that I want to make sure I understand before I go and inform my dc that we must do xyz or whatever. Often I have conflicting information on what the church has requested - ie a document from the Vatican and something the pastor is saying our Bishop mandated, for instance. I am well aware that I am not a canon lawyer and could simply be misunderstanding church documents or something, even though the new thing just doesn't seem right. So I don't act on an uncertainty. I bring up the information I have, explain how I want to obey the church, but I really am confused. So far, when things have been so unsettling, it turns out that this really wasn't what the Bishop said. The benefit of asking and seeking clarification is that you have greater peace because of the greater cetainty, and the erroneous situation becomes corrected for everyone - not just you. Anyways, being conflicted because of what I see as my duty to the children and my duty to the church or confusion in exactly what the church is asking of me, I've asked for advise or sought clarification (it has always been resolved with the pastor or below, although in one case the pastor sought clarification from the bishop) - and lo and behold, the very thing I objected to is not required. I hear bits and pieces that make me think that somewhere along the line someone was misinformed about what Father wanted (or what the Bishop had said). Generally, the priests are trying to be faithful, they have an obligation to obey the Bishop and there is a ton of confusion from just a handful of disobedience. Sometimes, too, you can have a very kind and new DRE that is just doing what she has been told by someone that Father wants - so I've learned not to jump to conclusions about where the message is getting garbled - just grateful that the situation is resolved.
I've found that by knowing the church teachings, staying up with what is being communicated from the Vatican and humbly and (for me at least it takes a bit of courage to step out, too) politely expressing my concerns, struggles, etc., things get better. I used to just try to not make waves and do the best I could by my children - but I guess I got so tired being alone that I've learned to communicate better and accept the fact that I might be rejected but at least I'm not going to be afraid to speak up. At some point we too, have an obligation to bring error to the attention of those in charge.
Janet
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MicheleQ
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| Posted: Sept 16 2006 at 8:47pm | IP Logged
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ALmom wrote:
I've found that by knowing the church teachings, staying up with what is being communicated from the Vatican and humbly and (for me at least it takes a bit of courage to step out, too) politely expressing my concerns, struggles, etc., things get better. I used to just try to not make waves and do the best I could by my children - but I guess I got so tired being alone that I've learned to communicate better and accept the fact that I might be rejected but at least I'm not going to be afraid to speak up. At some point we too, have an obligation to bring error to the attention of those in charge.
Janet |
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Janet this was SO beautifully said and I couldn't agree more! We do have to speak up but I find it so much more effective when a gentle approach is used. I do not agree on many issues with our current CRE but I make every effort to maintain a friendly relationship with her. If I have a concern I voice it, if we disagree I ask father about (who I have worked hard to maintain a good relationship with as well) and if there's still a disagreement I call the diocese and get clarification.
Keep in mind it really shouldn't be considered as going "up the chain of command" or "over the pastor's head" when you contact the Bishop because the Bishop is the father of the diocese - in a very real way. This excerpt from a Catholic Answers article articulates it so well: "In the Second Vatican Council's document on bishops, Christus Dominus, the Church, 'the Lord's flock,' is compared to a 'family of which the bishop is the father' (CD 28). Elsewhere, the bishop's office is defined as 'father and pastor' (CD 16). This identification of the bishop as father goes back to the earliest Church Fathers, such as St. Ignatius of Antioch (c. A.D. 115), who, in his Letter to the Trallians, described the bishop as 'the image of God the Father.'"
"This identification of the bishop's office as fatherly in turn derives from the witness of the apostles themselves. The apostles referred to themselves as 'fathers' of the faithful and to their flocks as their spiritual children. For example, Paul writes to the Church in Corinth, 'I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel' (1 Cor. 4:15)."
"This centrality of the bishop is reiterated constantly throughout our Tradition-through the Fathers, the Council of Trent, Vatican II, and up to the present."
"There is a temptation to view the expressions of the truths of our faith as metaphors or figures of speech. But this is a capital mistake. For example, when we hear the statement that 'the Church is the body of Christ,' we may be tempted to ultra-spiritualize it and turn it into a nice saying rather than recognize it as a profound revelation of our status as members who have been incorporated (literally em-bodied) into Christ and living in him. Likewise, when we say that the Church is a family, we mean it quite literally. The Church is not a reflection of the reality that is 'family'-quite the opposite. The family is a reflection of the reality that is the Church. We must always bear in mind that spiritual realities are more real, not less real, than physical or natural realities. In Christ we are more truly connected, more truly in communion with people than we are with our own family members."
I love this- it's so beautful! Of course I DO realize that sadly, some father's are better than others which is why we really must keep ALL our bishops in prayer.
Anyway now I'm off track now and will leave it at that.
God bless!
__________________
Michele Quigley
wife to my prince charming and mom of 10 in Lancaster County, PA USA
http://michelequigley.com
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ALmom
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| Posted: Sept 17 2006 at 3:52pm | IP Logged
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Michele,
Thanks for the reminder that it really is not going over the pastor's head or up the chain of command - my language was a bit loose. However, unfortunately, that is often how it is viewed. The same question coming from a priest rather than a lay person tends to be better received. Perhaps this has to do with a sense/judgement of lack of humility if you go to the Bishop. In general, the church likes to do things quietly, so often it may appear that your concerns are not being heeded - but they are quietly being addressed behind the scenes. Sometimes it is very hard not to get angry or impatient, especially when things seem to create difficulties for us personally. I know I hate every time I have to approach to ask for Sacraments for my children. I'm different - not in CCD, not wanting to do the whole crowd thing (because of the children's lectionary which totally distracts my children) and it is so hard to always feel like you are asking for special treatment (even though you are not, you are simply asking for the Sacraments which are your right as a Catholic). I'd much prefer to be with the crowd if I really felt I could. One priest told me that the metaphor of a shepherd and sheep is so appropriate. Whatever one sheep does, the rest want to follow. He gets lots of resistance on this because we are in a high tech area - just about everyone in the parish is a rocket scientist of some sort - we're not sheep, we're too educated for that. But then why does everyone have to dress alike, etc. Anyways, it really helped me understand why certain things are so uncomfortable to me personally. I hate being different, making waves - but that is what I seem to be required to do. Anyways, I diverge. But thanks for the reminder - and thanks to all the ladies for discussing and letting us think aloud here.
Janet
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: "Family Life" is mandatory. Ranting!
