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Becky Parker
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| Posted: July 11 2006 at 2:12pm | IP Logged
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This is a silly question but which do you think is better, a big house with room to sprawl or a small house where everything is compact? I ask because this has been a topic of discussion for DH and I lately. We live in a large home in the country (sort of). We LOVE it here. We have the river and woods right out our back door and a HUGE garden, flower beds galore, and over 3 acres of LAWN TO MOW. We also have a huge basement that is where our classroom is, tons of storage and a room WAITING TO BECOME the "family room". We also have a living room, sunroom, and another "family room" upstairs as well as an office for my husband. What more could I ask for??? TIME!! Time to do something other than clean house, do yard work, and fix up rooms that need fixing up. I currently have 4 bedrooms in need of a paint job and many other sprucing up jobs that need to be done. I want to move...(sometimes!). But then I look out my window just in time to see a deer walk across the shallow part of the river with fawn behind or see the great blue heron that has made it's nest just on the other bank of the river. I just don't know what God is asking of me. I am so thankful that we have this house - it was a mess when we bought it, and it looks much better now, but it still consumes SO much of our time. I hate telling the kids that I can't play, read, whatever with them until I get the house cleaned...which seems like never. They help out but it is still overwhelming. I hope I don't sound like a spoiled rotten brat. I just can't believe this is how God wants things to be. Any thoughts on this? There's a really nice looking house in town with a small yard and only 3 bedrooms that sounds really great right now!
Becky
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Christine
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| Posted: July 11 2006 at 2:28pm | IP Logged
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I guess the grass is always greener. I live in a small house for our family size on a 1/4 acre. My husband and I would really like a large house on a bigger piece of property, but I know that this is not realistic, so I try to thank God for what we have.
My reasons for wanting a larger house ~ IT WOULD BE EASIER TO KEEP CLEAN! We have no room for anything. I am spending my summer trying to get rid of things (that if we had the space we would keep) to make more room. I spend the rest of the year being creative with my organizational skills. Weeding our front yard is virtually impossible because my youngest constantly leaves the lawn (if only he had more room to roam). Although we don't have a busy street, we do have a few neighbors who drive quickly through the neighborhood. All this to say that I am not whining and I am thankful.
Your post makes me realize that we truly do need to be thankful for where God has placed us because the "grass is always greener on the other side" and we never realize what we had until we leave it behind. May God guide you as you try to determine what is best for your family.
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Pretty Lilla Rose
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cvbmom
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| Posted: July 11 2006 at 2:35pm | IP Logged
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Becky,
If we could only trade for a few days/weeks 
Dh and I have been talking about moving out into the country to get 5 or so acres and some space. Currently we have an awesome house in a safe neighborhood on 1/3 acre. But the draw of space outside, fewer neighbors (not that ours are bad), etc. We are discerning where we are supposed to be.
Not that any of this helps, but just thinking out loud here.
(another)
Christine
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Sarah
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| Posted: July 11 2006 at 2:44pm | IP Logged
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We just moved to a slightly smaller house, but it was set up better.
We have 1400+ sq ft. on the main floor and that also in a walk-out basement-finished.
It appears to be the perfect house for us at this time in our lives.
I think lay-out is the most important thing.
Our other house was a multi-level and bigger than this one, but it didn't have space in the right areas.
My baby is running away. . .I'll try to post later
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: July 11 2006 at 2:49pm | IP Logged
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I have to apologize - I think I'm pms-ing or something. Nothing seems right. I re-read my post. Please don't think that I live in a beautiful mansion or anything like that. It is a big house, but it is nothing that you would see in Better Homes and Gardens. I guess I sounded pretty bad - didn't mean to. I think I am just so tired of having so much to do regarding this house and need to have more time for the kids and DH. I am jealous of a dear friend of mine that always does the neatest things with her kids and her house is always immaculate. Please don't think badly of me. I am truly thankful for what I have, I just don't know how God wants me to keep it all in perspective. I want to be a good steward of what I have been given, but I don't want to be so tied to it that it consumes so much of my time and energy...Just trying to figure it all out.
Becky
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amyable
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| Posted: July 11 2006 at 2:50pm | IP Logged
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Our situation is like Christines. I think our house is too small for us and our stuff. Many times I long to move, especially when I think of adding more children to our lives - but I think there is a middle ground here. We don't need to move from .2 acres to 3 acres, or 1200 sq feet to 3000 sq feet. Somewhere in the middle would be great, for the reason already mentioned - TIME. I already feel like I spend too much time on the house, adding more rooms would make it worse. What I think I'd really like are the same number of rooms (well, maybe a 1/2 bath somewhere, lol) but more space in each room, so that two children AND an adult can be in the room at the same time without bumping into each other constantly. (more like 4 children and 1 or 2 adults...I'm rarely without all 4 of them at my side)  
If you and your dh are serious about moving, I'd sit down and list what you LOVE about your house - things you'd want in your next house. Then don't move until you come across THAT house.
I think I'm rambling but I've got to run, baby is upset all of a sudden. Hope this made some sense! 
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The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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Christine
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| Posted: July 11 2006 at 3:05pm | IP Logged
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Becky,
You didn't sound bad at all and there is no reason to apologize. You did make it clear that your house needs work. I am so thankful that you started this topic. I have been wanting to ask how people cope with living in small houses for a long time, never dreaming that living in a big house could have drawbacks. You really helped me put things in perspective.
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Christine
Mommy to 4 girls, 5 boys, & 2 in God's care
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Pretty Lilla Rose
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amyable
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| Posted: July 11 2006 at 3:16pm | IP Logged
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Christine wrote:
| I have been wanting to ask how people cope with living in small houses for a long time |
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Please go ahead and ask that...I'm really curious too. 
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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folklaur
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| Posted: July 11 2006 at 4:34pm | IP Logged
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Christine wrote:
| I have been wanting to ask how people cope with living in small houses for a long time, |
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Not always very well
Our house is 1019 sf. It is a 3 bedroom, and there are 5 of us - me & dh, & a 16 yo, 7 yo, 4 yo.
We have a Living room/dining room combo, with a (stupid) fireplace that takes up a whole wall ( why in the world do you need a fireplace in the desert?  )
I could deal with all of this, really, but my kitchen is what will drive me to wanting to move. It is so so so tiny. Too tiny for kids to be in there helping me, which makes me sad, an no counter space big enough to even be able to roll out cookie dough or a pie crust.  We have a tiny backyard, but many people in the Phoenix area do. We are currently pulling up the carpet in the great room, since it is very old and three chilren eating over it for the past few years has destroyed it and we are putting in laminate floor this weekend. HOORAY! You have no idea how excited I am about this.
Now, please don't get me wrong, I love much of my house, and I thank God that we have a house.  I have considered putting all the kids into one room to sleep, in order to have a play room/school room, but the teenager rebels at the thought. However, that means that the the living room/dining room is also the playroom and school room .
It would run smoother, however, dh and oldest daughter are packrats. They keep everything.  They get upset that I don't - but I am the one who has to try to keep this place as a haven and not a mass of chaos -- and since it has gotten so hot and we are trying to do some projects, it is leaning more towards chaos.
You have to organize, and be creative about it. Shelves are my friends.
It also makes it easier to NOT buy things that I don't need. I always have to think, "where will I put it?".
We are converting one of the closest in the master bedroom to be a desk area for me, so I can set up my sewing machine. Right now, I haven't been able to sew in about 4 years since the only place to sew would be the dining/living/school/playroom table. You can see where this would be a hassle .
My other problem is trying to figure out what to do with paper! You know - those papers that you need, but not all the time?
Ideally we will get the garage done and I will be able to store stuff out there soon ( but see above note about dh and 16yo, and cleaning the garage becomes a nightmare.)
I do want to move a lot of the time, also becasue we would really like to adopt and where will we put anyone else??? But then I look at other countries and know I really have a LOT, and I try to be thankful for what I have. But sometimes I do want a bigger kitchen, or a school room, or something like that. sigh.
Smiles,
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ALmom
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| Posted: July 11 2006 at 4:57pm | IP Logged
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Bunkbeds, decluttering, mattresses tucked underneath beds pulled out to sleep on. It is not too bad if you do not save everything, if the space is well allocated and if you have good closet space. You box up lots of toys and rotate them in and out. You do get a bit rough around the edges when anyone has an emotionally rough day, because its hard to get that private space to just sort out the issue before facing the questions, or the toddler (sibling or child) that just has to play with you right now. But with some extra patience, you do learn to accomodate and work with what you have. The lower house payment is wonderful. The children learn to share. Things have to be picked up because otherwise they will be tripped on or stepped on, etc. This becomes internal motivatin for dc once something dear is crunched because mom just didn't see it.
Trying to study for a difficult subject or have a discussion with mom can become a nerve fraying event, as there is no way to avoid the piano practice (as lovely as it might sound, it does grate after a while), etc. so you get a bit more creative - discussion on the swing in the backyard, a drive around the block just to have a moments peace (with younger in tow, of course). And the bathroom that everyone shares cannot get overlooked - it does stay a tad cleaner.
But having space is nice. Every child has a space to retreat to - even if they do not have their own room (something I don't really want to happen too soon). Music practice can go on in one room, while we discuss in another with the door shut so we don't get distracted. We can all sit around the same table at dinner now and even have other families over for dinner and all be in the same room. We can sit and watch a movie together - and everyone has a seat. The child struggling with a subject can find a quiet corner somewhere. But you do have to guard against people getting lost in their own space - doing their own thing - or forgetting that consideration for the other members of the family is in order (just because the bathroom counter is a mile long compared to the last place, doesn't mean you should leave your hair dooh dads, your combs, etc. all over). The school books that always made it back to the desk/room before (because there wasn't any extra counter space) now ends up piled in various rooms in the house, unless I firmly insist on maintaining the habit of keeping up with our junk and returning the items to Home port. I do have to make a point of poking my head into the boys bathroom every now and again - or the smell will remind me that it hasn't been cleaned often enough. While cleaning involves more room, it really isn't more work for me as it all depends on what is being left out, undone, etc. But I do have an entry foyer that needs painting that we haven't gotten to, etc. I guess this stuff just doesn't bother me as much. We'll get to it eventually.
I also have a space for homeshoolers in the area to come gather (something that was always a headache in the past) and it saves me having to drive somewhere else . But, at times, the stress of the added housenote and taxes will make us second guess whether we made the right decision or not when we are at our lowest. We also have wasted space - rooms we don't use that much and tend to be bigger clutterbugs.
I think we can all tend to think - if only - then this would solve the frustration and make us and our dc perfect. Problem is - bottom line we're not perfect so whether we have a big or small house, the other isn't really going to solve the problems. I thought having a larger house would really make homeschooling so much easier. Well, it is nice to have the space - but the bottom line is that nothing really replaces the darn hard work of planning, organizing, being a parent, etc. Whatever little foibles and imperfections in our character, are going to show up one way or another in either kind of house.
Just my experience anyways - with both a very tight house and a very large one.
Janet
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Angela F
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| Posted: July 11 2006 at 5:18pm | IP Logged
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Can you get someone to come in and help clean every couple weeks?
I would looooove more space. We have seven of us in 2 1/2 bedrooms, (The 1/2 is also part schoolroom, part office) one bathroom (w/o a shower, only a tub) and an unfinishable basement! And I think I could actually cope with what we have if we only had some decent closet space. My dc don't really have much space of their own - but we have a big yard out in the country, so that helps.
Not sure if I'm much help. I'd also like to hear how others do with not much space!!
God bless,
Angela
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Dawnie
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| Posted: July 11 2006 at 5:46pm | IP Logged
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Someone asked about controlling paper...that has been a big peeve of mine, too, until recently.
I saw this idea on another thread here. It's basically a three-ring binder w/ pocket folders to put your papers in. So, last week I went down to Office Max and bought 2 1-inch 3-ring binders and two packages of binder pockets w/ divider tabs. I made 2 binders--one has pockets for bills, action (something that needs to be responded to, taken care of in some way), things to be filed, CCL paperwork, receipts, coupons, house sale, and wish lists. The other binder has pockets for homeschool, home improvement plans, a pocket for each family member, and invitations and upcoming events. Now my dining room table is free of paper, my refridgerator is clear (except for my pregnancy nutrition chart), AND I know where to find everything! I feel pretty proud of myself. I spent less than $20 on the supplies for these two binders. I even showed dh how to use it, so he can find stuff (and put stuff away!) too!
Dawn
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: July 11 2006 at 5:58pm | IP Logged
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Becky, I could have written your post!!
We also live in a wonderful rural area with 8 acres, a stream, barn, pastures, trees, garden space galore.
Our house, is a mess!!! I have found myself glancing at the house ads for places in town that wouldn't require the upkeep!
Unlike yours, our house is not big. It is big enough, but we are pretty packed in here. But we are renting, so this means no renovating and we must make due with what we have.
I have lived in alot of houses as we tend to move alot (dh has itchy feet!)and I've lived in small houses wishing I had more space and big houses wishing I had less to clean!
Truthfully, the easiest time I had keeping our home clean and having free time was when we lived for 6 months in an itty-bitty two bedroom trailer and all of our stuiff was in storage! I could clean that place top to bottom in an hour! And the kids liked it better, too since they all pitched in to clean their ONE bedroom, rather than each having to clean their own.
I think the real issues are layout (who in their right mind puts the laundry in the unfinished basement down rickety old stairs???) and STUFF. I know know that I have TOO much stuff. I lived without it for 6 months and now that I have it back I wish I didn't! I spend half my time just shuffling it around from one surface to another!
If I had the energy between cleaning and shuffling I'd de-clutter and I am sure it would help, but I am lucky if I can keep the floor cleaned and dishes done! Please don't even mention the laundry!LOL!
Anyway, all this to say I hear ya!
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Meredith
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I LOVE this, it's just like the "curly" or "straight" "long" or "short" hair discussions we women have, it always seems like one solution might be better than another!!
I could have written your post too Becky!! We moved from large, new and luxurious with acreage and much wild life, to small cramped and claustrophobic, talk about a spoiled brat (ME!), I would take big and dirty (or messy) over small and tidy any day Keep your chin up +, hugs!
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: July 11 2006 at 6:37pm | IP Logged
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My ideals for a place like yours, Becky, are groundless. I've tried, I've pleaded, I've coveted, I've begged.
My dh refuses to budge. 
Why? Because it gives us the luxury of living debt-free and planning for a debt-free retirement…barring no major catastrophes or illnesses.
We left an 1800 sq foot (3 bedroom, 2 bath) home three years on a lovely 2 acres of country space and moved into a 2,500 sq foot home (4 bedroom, 2 bath), which will be 3,000 sq foot when we close in the carport to make a study, on 2 acres of country road.
It isn't a new house but it's sturdy and tight and well-built. We bought it from my father-in-law. The other brothers agreed to sell it to us for mere dollars compared to other homes in the area. Our monthly note is the size of a nut compared to other families' mortgage notes and we'll probably have it paid for in 5 years or so.
My dh isn't going anywhere and all I can do is focus on remodeling and enhancing. My dh is capable of doing all the work himself and I'm eager to help him spend the money. I'm just waiting for him to give me permission to do so.
Large? Small?
I turned down my parent's offer of my childhood home because I didn't want to clean it anymore. It was a huge two-story. I had one baby at the time they sold. I wanted small. Now I find that small gets too cluttered. I'd like bigger and have friends building 4,000/5,000 sq foot homes. I’ve been jealous (I admit it) over their brand-new beautiful, modern homes. I’ve envied them (I admit it). Like Christine wrote: the grass is always greener elsewhere.
But I see wisdom in my dh’s choice. I’ve admitted my sinful coveting and found peace in knowing that my dh is planting his feet firm for us, not because of us. I see that he is setting aside vanity and pride and thinking of the future of his family. Just because we could afford a modernized, luxurious dwelling today doesn’t mean we can next year. He is providing a non-stressful lifestyle for us.
If we are blessed in our old age, it will be because of my dh's wisdom; not because of my greed.
And, pleeeeasse, I don't mean to imply that any of you are greedy. Please forgive me if it came across that way.
I really think that because we are housewives (and proud of it) and because we stay home most the time, it is normal to want something roomier and beautiful. Wanting is not a sin in itself. Wanting better is why we no longer live in caves and eat off stones.
I do think that a larger house affords you more space to tug and to throw. Our original house was 1400 sq foot before we added a huge family room to the back. That would be hard to go back to. I tend to think that 3000 sq foot on 2 acres is a perfect fit...though I wouldn't mind 4,000 sq foot on 3 acres would appease me more.
Ah, well, we always want more and more and more. I think once we finish the remodeling I'll be very happy and satisfied.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
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Sarah
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Becky-
Housework never ends. Ever. There is ALWAYS something to do!
Don't feel bad about your post. I have said that to myself so many times-How could God expect me to keep this place up? I've realized that HE doesn't. Our expectations are higher that we can achieve.
From someone who has just moved from city to acreage, I'd say that our quality of life has improved. . .because of the neighborhood we've moved from. We were in a very hostile environment for children and families. (So, I'm not saying that neighborhoods are bad--just our last one!).
I think your place sounds lovely. Deer, gardens and all.
This may sound dumb, but ever since I found Motivated Moms and that silly checklist, I'm able to say that I've done my work for the day and don't do more, even if the house looks chaotic.
Hang in there. . .
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ladybugs
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We have 6 people in a two bedroom, two bath duplex with 1000 square feet. Dh grew up in 3200 square feet with a view of SF bay. I grew up with 4 people in a 2 bedroom, 1 bath duplex after my dad left...that was the last place I lived with my mom, bro and sis. This has been quite a culture shock for my dh.
We've lived here 9 years and only now am I finding a format for how to work the space to fit my family. After that, I suppose we'll move.
All I can say is that we just do the best we can and make decisions of priority that best fit the moment. I don't suppose we'll always live here just as I don't suppose I can keep the house constantly in order. We live, love and learn here. Life is sometimes messy. I am trying to accomodate my dh's desire for less mess. I try to keep our room clean and the living room so that he is able to relax.
In my heart, I have longed for what you have described as your home, Becky. Perhaps I romanticize the notion that if we had space for everything we wouldn't have the mess. Maybe that's my excuse. But truthfully, I've been struggling with envy and greed. Could these be the reasons we're still struggling?
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Maria P
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Erica Sanchez
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| Posted: July 12 2006 at 12:00am | IP Logged
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Cay Gibson wrote:
We left an 1800 sq foot (3 bedroom, 2 bath) home three years on a lovely 2 acres of country space and moved into a 2,500 sq foot home (4 bedroom, 2 bath), which will be 3,000 sq foot when we close in the carport to make a study, on 2 acres of country road.
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This makes me , Cay, because we moved from a 700 sq foot rental to our 1800 sq foot 3 bedroom, 2 bath home - we felt like we lived in a mansion by comparison and so far it's still working.
The only advice I have, and it's been said many times before, is to declutter. I have no idea why this is so easy for me, but getting rid of stuff is what saves us in the small house! I perfectly balance my yard-sale-loving husband!
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Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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kristina
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There has been only about 1200 sf to live in for this house and our last one.
I wish we had just a bit bigger than what we have, with all of the well-thought-out-details. I could not agree more that it is more about design than size. If I could design a house for us right now.. I would have tiny bedrooms for the children with NOTHING but a bunkbed, nightstand and reading lamps. Maybe a small cabinet for their "treasures." Right now our boys have four bookshelves and a train table in their room and maintaining the toys and books is difficult at this age.
A playroom would really be wonderful. Even if it were combined with a dedicated learning area with shelving for books. Right now we have two tall bookcases and a 3 shelf bookcase in the living room, which is open to the kitchen dining area. Cozy, yes. Mess potential? Always!
Just last evening DH and I were contemplating moving for more space. Like Becky, I always coming back to the advantages we have living here. Our (very low traffic) road turns into a dirt road 2/10ths of a mile before our house and it is a dead end road (other than driving up the hiking trail when you are almost late to DS's First Holy communion because of the dam flooding  ). I keep in mind our trade off we have for living in what feels like a shoebox: we only have 2/3rds of an acre, but there is the lovely hiking trail right out of our back and side yard. Across the street is a 45 acre lake and we simply drive up the street to go swimming at a private beach.
So for now, I will just be thankful, while continuing to weed out in the basement to make more room for DH's woodshop. Also keep trying to thin out the bookshelves to make room for our next grade's curriculum. Overall, have less stuff. Most important, as Cay shared, keep working on trying not to covet the neighbor's phenomenally designed home on the lake across the street.
Blessings,
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kristina
yesterthoughts
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Katie
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I went from living in a tiny one-bedroom "house" (I use the term generously) in Alaska, with absolutely no storage space, to a big airy 3 bedroom house in Tbilisi, Georgia....with absolutely no storage space! So in amny ways I agree that the ddetails and the floor plan can make a small house seem much bigger, and a big house more organized.
My second realization is one that I am trying very hard to ignore, because it is too painful. Before our shipment arrived here and we were living with a very basic "welcome kit" and what we had brought in our cases, this big house was an absolute BREEZE to clean. It took me about 30 minutes to whizz through the chores - kitchen tidy, sweep, mop, bathroom clean-up, a load of laundry washed and put away, make the beds. Once our things arrived and I started buying more books, more homeschooling items, neat and wonderful things from the markets here, DVD's, more clothes, Christmas and stuff, stuff, stuff, it is so much harder to keep on top of it. This should be a lesson to me, but obviously it isn't!
Becky, your house sounds absolutely beautiful. I think being in a state of "remodel" is one of the hardest and most stressful.
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Mother of 5 in South America. No 6 due in April.
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Houses - big or small?
