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Diane
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| Posted: July 13 2006 at 2:49am | IP Logged
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Oh, Krisann, thank you for sharing. Your family has had to endure so much, yet you write without bitterness, anger, or despair. Your story is a good reminder that although our lifestyle and parenting decisions can have an impact, none of us is immune from heartache. So much of the world is competing for the hearts of our kids, and some of them seem more inclined to want to walk through the fire. How essential it is then to stay close to our Lord and His Mother so that we have help in carrying these heavy crosses. You seem to have done this.
I will pray for you and your family.
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Peace,
Diane
Mom to five fair lasses and one bonny prince
The Journey of a Mother's Heart
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momwise
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| Posted: July 13 2006 at 8:38am | IP Logged
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Leonie wrote:
...You know, I've been thinking it may be a good idea for all we mums of teens and older ones to pray a novena together, for our young people. |
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That's a wonderful idea Leonie.
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Gwen...wife for 30 years, mom of 7, grandma of 3.....
"If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life." JPII
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shartlesville
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| Posted: July 13 2006 at 11:16am | IP Logged
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teachingmyown wrote:
I had thought homeschooling was the formula. I know now that homeschoolers are not immune. That said, though, if I could go back a year I would not make the same decision again, sending Charlie to ps. He was already difficult and then he walked into a world where grave sin is normalized and nobody thinks anything is a big deal. In my exhaustion and fear, I sent my child into the lion's den. 
It's not cut and dry, and I am sure we would still have our share of trouble and sinful behavior, but he was exposed to so much. Like Krisann said "the cat was out of the bag"! There is nothing left of his innocence.
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Exactly! That is what happened with Elizabeth. She was already difficult and allowing her into that world only exacerbated, multiplied, and magnified the problems. If there was anything I could change in my life it would be the decision to allow her to attend PS.
You are right that we still would have had problems and sinful behavior but I am sure it would not have compared to what actually occurred. 
I have started praying the novena that was posted on the board. I am sure it will help many of our teens and I know it can't hurt. 
I would definitely consider finding a good Catholic counselor (a good Priest would be the best choice, imo). Not only will it help him but it can help you and your husband and give you reassurance that you are taking the proper direction.
I will continue to pray for you and yours as well as all the teens and parents on the board.
Blessings,
Krisann
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shartlesville
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| Posted: July 13 2006 at 12:07pm | IP Logged
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Diane wrote:
Oh, Krisann, thank you for sharing. Your family has had to endure so much, yet you write without bitterness, anger, or despair. Your story is a good reminder that although our lifestyle and parenting decisions can have an impact, none of us is immune from heartache. So much of the world is competing for the hearts of our kids, and some of them seem more inclined to want to walk through the fire. How essential it is then to stay close to our Lord and His Mother so that we have help in carrying these heavy crosses. You seem to have done this.
I will pray for you and your family. |
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Thank you for your prayers. I really do appreciate them.
I never really thought about it like that I guess. I have had to endure SO many horrific events in my life and each time during the event I am questioning why, not why me, just why; but after the event has passed I let it go. Occasionally I beat myself up or relive things but I have learned to just let go and let God.
I had a dream in 1994, a beautiful dream. I was floating in the clouds and Jesus came and hugged me. He wrapped His arms around me and I felt SUCH peace. Though I did not see His face, I knew it was Jesus. I was small and child-like for my face rested on His chest. I will always remember that dream and the peace I felt. I know He is with me through all my trials, I just have to trust Him.
Things happen for a reason and we have to trust God's plan. Now that is not to say that we are not responsible for our own decisions but when things happen that we cannot control we just have to hang on and trust the Lord.
Our Lady told Bernadette, "I cannot promise you happiness in this world, only in the next." I try to remember that when bad things happen. In this life we are being tested, like Job. Do we love God more than the things of this life? Do we trust in Him?
My father spent 20 years in prison and was just released last February. I visited him in Seattle last August. It was the first time I had seen him in 15 years. We had a good visit and I was looking forward to him coming here to visit and spend time with my children. I was also pregnant with Jack at that time and due in October.
In September, the day after Labor Day, my father took his own life. I was totally devastated. How could he do that? What was so terrible that he could not work through it. He survived 20 years in prison but only six months on the outside. I questioned why. I did not ask God why, he gave us free will. It was not God's choice, it was my father's.
I wanted to shut down. I wanted to hide in a closet and cry forever. I didn't want to deal with life or anything. But I couldn't do that. I have a family to care for. I have obligations to myself and others. Someday I will know the answers to all the "whys" but for now, life must go on. I must trust that God has a plan and things will work out in the end.
I was not able to go to Seattle for a service at that time because my Grandson was due any day and I was due within 6 weeks and since it was baby #8 my MW didn't think it would be a good idea to fly with all that added stress.
I was not able to go until last month but we had a beautiful service up on Mount Baker in WA. And while we were in WA we got to see my other grandchild, Kira, who was given up for adoption.
If we had gone last year, I might have missed the birth of my grandson, or I could have gone into labor up on the mountain, or we might not have been able to see Kira. God has a plan and that is how things worked out.
Especially during the darkest hour, turn your face toward Heaven and let God's love and light shine upon you. You may not see Him, but He always sees you.
Blessings,
Krisann
__________________
Krisann
DH Cris;
DC John, Elizabeth, Lilyann ^i^, Emily, Kate, Julia, Sam, & Jack;
DGC Kira, Auston, Travis, & Sarah.
My Blog: Isla del Esperanza
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: July 13 2006 at 1:31pm | IP Logged
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Krisann,
The experiences you have had (and continue to have) with your daughter are nearly a mirror to those I have had with my oldest.
She is 21 now and wavers between trying to do right and completely messing up her life once again.
At least I have the consolation of two beautiful grandsons.
There is no way to know what the cause is of some kids just completely turning from everything that is good and right and actively choosing chaos and sin. Like your daughter, mine was different from the beginning. Though I do have regrets about some decisions we have made with her, I am not certain anything we could have done would have made any difference. She is, as my husband says, "just wired differently." Though we have a very good relationship right now (finally) I will never really understand how her mind works, much less her heart.
No advice for anyone, just wanting to share and say I know where you've been at least a little.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Leonie
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| Posted: July 13 2006 at 5:24pm | IP Logged
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Wow, Krisann, your faith is inspiring - I will say some prayers for your family.
BTW, everyone, I put a sticky post at the We P{ray to the Lord forum,with the Memorare for our teens and young people.
Maybe we can commit to praying this for our teens/young adults, on whatever (regular) basis seems appropriate. [
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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shartlesville
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| Posted: July 15 2006 at 10:18pm | IP Logged
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Molly,
How are things going with your son? I hope they are better. I have been praying for him and all the teenagers. 
I wanted to apologize for my last post. I did not mean to make this about me.  I should not have made it so personal.  I went back and edited it slightly, taking out some of the details.
What I was trying to say was that sometimes when really crazy, scary, out of our control things happen sometimes we just have to trust in God's mercy.
Blessings,
Krisann
__________________
Krisann
DH Cris;
DC John, Elizabeth, Lilyann ^i^, Emily, Kate, Julia, Sam, & Jack;
DGC Kira, Auston, Travis, & Sarah.
My Blog: Isla del Esperanza
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teachingmyown
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| Posted: July 16 2006 at 8:50pm | IP Logged
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Things are going pretty well here. I haven't cut back his privileges as much as I probably should have, , but I am taking things as they come and evaluating them. He hasn't really complained, in fact he has been much nicer the last week or so. I don't know if that is because I have lifted a burden from his heart, I hope so. In the back of my mind is the possibility that he is up to something, even if that something is just trying to get me to let my guard down.
When I confronted him about the things going on, he seemed truly sorry and sad about it, especially the girl thing. From emails that I have seen, he is really kicking himself for behaving so badly. We took away his text-messaging since that is how she was contacting him behind our backs. He was glad to go to Confession and is receiving the Eucharist again. Praise God!
I have spoken with some of the parents from the drinking/fishing incident. I also spoke with the oldest boy involved who is 18. I stressed to him both his legal liability and his moral obligation to the younger boys who look up to him. He is a good guy and I think I really made an impression on him. By going to him before his parents, I wanted him to understand that we see him as a role model and adult and expect him to act as one.
So, for now, Charlie is on limited "house arrest". He is able to talk with friends and even get together with them, but all on my terms. I pick who and where. One false move and  ! The other night he had permission to go to the movies with two boys that are trustworthy, with one of the dads taking and picking up. When the movie plan fell through they asked that dad if they could go watch some girls in a swim meet. I had to explain to him that I approved a very specific activity and if he tried to get around it, then nothing would be approved. I don't think they were being deceptive about their plans, I think they just didn't see the difference. They do now.
I think my husband has agreed to let me try homeschooling Charlie next year! (I never really get a straight answer  , but he didn't say no.) My plan is to use Seton Home Study and complete three or four classes in one semester. This type of "block scheduling" is the way they do things at his public school. This way, if the semester is really painful and we decide that he needs to go back to school, he won't be in the middle of the year in those subjects.
Charlie hasn't complained. His main concern is missing football, which he enjoyed so much last year. I just really think that now is the time to keep him close to us. I am a little nervous as he has been hard to homeschool all along.
This is really so hard. I want to believe the best and I WANT to let my guard down and relax and trust. It is tiring work. 
Thanks for asking and for all of the prayers and advice. It is comforting to know that I am not alone and that I am not a failure as a mother. You all are great!
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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JennGM
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| Posted: July 19 2006 at 9:24am | IP Logged
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Molly, still praying for you. I was looking for a prayer and came across this one and thought of you. This is a little prayer book called "Mother Love". I found it interesting that the prayer is actually just for a son...seems to be a common problem of parents. There wasn't one for a daughter....
Prayer for a Son in Trouble
My son is in serious trouble. Dear Mary, everyobody knows that Your Son, Christ, never did anything wrong, but remember the anguish that you and your hsuband Joseph suffered when the Child Jesus was lost. Come to our aid and help my husband and me to handle this situation the right way. Our son needs us now more than ever. Don't let us turn away from him. Give us the courage to admit his faults and not to blame ourselves or others for what has happened.
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: We are lost!
