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Katie
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| Posted: June 19 2006 at 10:16am | IP Logged
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Yes Mary Ellen, that does sound sensible. I loved reading about Kelly's childhood household, too. I would have been one of those kids who adored coming over. My sil has a messy house and makes no excuses for it. As a busy mother of 4 (one autistic), she figures it will get done some time or another. My brother often comes home from work and gets out the vacuum and starts tidying up. The amazing thing is, though, is that there is no guilt or pressure on either party. Is this an English thing? I wish I didn't care, but I do, and dh has this theory that a dirty house stresses him out, though I'm beginning to realize he's all talk and no action on the decluttering front. 
My motto and goal is for temporary mess only. If it's short term, I refuse to feel guilty about it or apologize for it. This would include laundry that was folded today but not put away yet, toys the kids were recently using, dishes from the previous meal in the sink, piles of laundry sorted on the bathroom floor that will be washed that day, etc. I would have no qualms if someone came over and saw that. I would be embarrassed if the sink obviously held more than a day's dishes, or if there was any other kind of mess that was festering, figuratively or literally.  I really hated Flylady, but she did at least teach me about Hotspots and my tendency to create them. I'm embarrassed to admit that when I notice one overflowing (usually the mantel, the schoolroom table, or the windowsill at the bottom of the stairs) I bribe myself with the reward of a hot cuppa and a little rest if I get it cleared off. Usually it only takes a few minutes.
I do have one disastrous closet in my room that is filled with boxes of clothes and other items I can't decide whether to keep. Also off-season gear and suitcases. I hate going in there. Remember Zaboomafoo? Everytime those brothers opened that closet my dh would grin at me knowingly.  
I would decide what bothers you the most, focus on that daily, and decide not to aplogize or feel too much guilt about the rest. I strive for cleanliness in the kitchen and bathroom, a welcoming entryway, and a decently picked up living room. Those are my focus areas, and I hit the other stuff like the schoolroom and the kids rooms when I can, though I do my best to maintain a bit of order with daily tidy-rounds, bed-making, toy sweeps etc.
Not sure I helped, but it is a reminder to me not to get too down on myself for not having a spotless house after a day in the trenches with four children 8 and under. I should be patting myself on the back for the fact that we are all alive and the house is still standing!
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Mother of 5 in South America. No 6 due in April.
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MEBarrett
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| Posted: June 19 2006 at 11:09am | IP Logged
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Elizabeth wrote:
 mary Ellen, I wish you could come help me get my house ready for this baby! This all sounds so sensible and balanced. Instead, I'm so desperate for help, I've asked my mother to come  ! |
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Sweetie, if I could I'd be there in a minute. I could help with he house and you could help me be better at healthy eating/cooking and stocking my pantry.
One of these days......
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Mary Ellen
Mom to seven beautiful kids
Tales from the Bonny Blue House
O Night Divine
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: June 19 2006 at 11:36am | IP Logged
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MEBarrett wrote:
Elizabeth wrote:
| mary Ellen, I wish you could come help me get my house ready for this baby! This all sounds so sensible and balanced. Instead, I'm so desperate for help, I've asked my mother to come ! |
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Sweetie, if I could I'd be there in a minute. I could help with he house and you could help me be better at healthy eating/cooking and stocking my pantry.
One of these days...... |
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It is rather comical to even think about how this would work right now . You can't move. I can't seem to stay vertical more than a couple of hours at a time. Our kids would have a great time though! And we'd have great "belly photo" opps!
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: June 19 2006 at 9:22pm | IP Logged
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No surprise...I, too, am taking a good look at my home and how it functions. This has come to the forefront of my thoughts for four reaons. My brother's family is coming to visit this week. My oldest two are out of the home more than ever (with dd preparing to start highschool at home on July 1.) We have been in our home for two years. And, JP is a toddler (need I say more?) So, yep, I called a family meeting and produced...another grid .
2006-06-19_172620_home_yard_environment.doc
Some thoughts...
Our family members agree that we have differing views of what constitutes a comfortable home. We also agree that we need to try to find something that works for everyone. We need to sacrifice...some of us need to "loosen up" (you know who THAT is) and some need to contribute more. We need to have an objective standard that we all agree on. To this end, we produced the grid and have it hanging on our family corkboard.
On the grid, we wrote our two goals...to be a welcoming home and to have a home that functions well for our family. (Not every family is called to have their home ready for uninvited guests. For better and worse, we are  .) We asked ourselves, at a minimum, what areas do we need ready to welcome guests. This resulted in all the #1s. To be VERY welcoming (to stay an extended amount of time) we added the #2s. That's it for guests  .
Next, we asked what we needed for us. We went back to the list and bolded what was important to us then we added all the #3s. Then the poor #4s are the other areas of our home that need our attention, but not as regularly.
We added a new middle management layer, the supervisor, to our organization. This is the child who checks on his/her areas daily and communicates with the worker and/or manager if action is needed. This is an effort to help everyone to "look" for what needs to be done without "not seeing" because they don't want to do what needs to be done .
We also made notes of areas that need to be better organized and skills that need to be honed. Bottom line, when life is running smoothly, we may have the whole list in good order. When we are in a transition, or ill, or dh is deployed, or we have company or...we may have to settle for just having the ones and twos in good order. The main thing is that we are currently in agreement about what is expected and we know what we need to work on.
Hope this doesn't seem to tight or fussy or like I think this is THE answer (sheesh, at this point I just want to fell like we are moving in the right direction!) Our goal is to infuse flexibility, joy, and peace into our lives by controlling what we can...like our expectations about our physical environment.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: June 19 2006 at 9:53pm | IP Logged
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Yikes! After reading all of these I am beginning to feel like I am a little TOO relaxed about our home's appearance. Truthfully, if we are not tripping over things, the bathroom is clean, the dishes are done and the surfaces wiped, I'm feeling pretty good. If beds get made and laundry put away I am in heaven!
I was raised in a pretty relaxed home-messy but not dirty, and that is how I tend to keep ours.
Ours is a very old farmhouse on a very old farm. It has peeling linoleum and cracked countertops, windows with missing screens, and the wood floors have gaps and stains. There is a bucket for muddy boots on the porch next to grandma's rocker and the dog likes to sleep in the front flower bed.
And I love it all the same!
I feel like I can welcome friends at any time. They will get a warm smile and a hot cup of coffee or a cool lemonade. And if they judge me based on my housekeeping skills then I don't really need them as friends anyway! I am too busy living my life!
Just another perspective, that's all.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Taffy
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| Posted: June 19 2006 at 10:07pm | IP Logged
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I love it Theresa! You and I are two peas in a pod as far as housekeeping goes! And our dog likes to sleep in our front flower bed too!
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Susan
Mom to 5 on earth and 1 in heaven
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Tina P.
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| Posted: June 19 2006 at 11:41pm | IP Logged
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PDyer wrote:
Elizabeth wrote:
| I need to know what a healthy house image looks like. Just how clean and organized does it need to be? |
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What a great question and how timely. I am Born Organized (and so is my husband) and I have a small family. |
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Oh please can you help me organize my house when we move?
PDyer wrote:
| I have strong childhood messages about what constitutes clean. When I was growing up we weren't allowed in the living room, and if we as much as walked through the space the vacuum fairy would remove the evidence (our footprints) from the carpet. |
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This reminds me of the plastic runners on the floor from the kitchen to the stairs and the afghans with which my mother covered her loveseats. She still has the loveseats I grew up with about 30 years ago and they look awesome in the formal living room that people rarely use.  As far as vacuum fairies, I thought that was all delegated to the children. At least in my house it was. As soon as we could pick up a dust cloth, we were taught how and then expected to use it.
Ladies, our mother's houses might have been tip top as far as cleanliness goes. But let's remember that we went AWAY FROM THE HOUSE to school for 8 or 9 hours a day. Not only do we keep our children home all day, but we have to attend to them ... in some cases (and I know in your particular, Elizabeth) MANY of them.
We're currently living in a possibly 1500 square foot house with seven children. I say possibly because it started out at 2200 square feet and then the basement flooded several times due to sewage back-up. They've cleared up the problem, but the carpet in about 2/3 of the basement was ripped up and we don't use that space at all. We only use two tiny bedrooms and the bathroom. We have absolutly nowhere to hide anything. We're moving in a few weeks to a lovely LARGE home. But I still wonder what we're going to do with school clutter. We'll have a school room (completely surrounded with bookshelves ). I'm considering adding some cupboards to stash the papers and binders that don't look perfect on a shelf ... but then again, that'd have to be for most of my books, which are from library sales. And what if the kids hang on the cupboards and pull them out of the wall? Our schoolroom is *not* a walk-through room, thankfully.
By the way, when I mention a schoolroom, I mean that we'll be doing our table time there. We'll read in the family room sprawled all over, I'm sure. We'll experiment and do messy projects in the downstairs kitchen.
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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Donna
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| Posted: June 20 2006 at 5:07am | IP Logged
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lapazfarm wrote:
I feel like I can welcome friends at any time. They will get a warm smile and a hot cup of coffee or a cool lemonade. And if they judge me based on my housekeeping skills then I don't really need them as friends anyway! I am too busy living my life!
Just another perspective, that's all. |
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 !!!
I read a quote once that said something like, "A clean house is for those who have nothing better to do."
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Donna
DH, Keven
Jason, Stevie, Marie, Jackson, Clara, and Aaron
Jacob, Sam, and Regina with God
Grandbabies Leigha and Elsie
Moments Like These
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PDyer
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| Posted: June 20 2006 at 8:12am | IP Logged
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Tina P. wrote:
PDyer wrote:
| I am Born Organized (and so is my husband) and I have a small family. |
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Oh please can you help me organize my house when we move? |
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I'd love to because I love to organize, but my family might object. I still have unpacked boxes from our move, and my husband gently suggested last night that our bathrooms could use more regular attention. I'm still working on what constitutes clean in this new house, and apparently I haven't quite figured it all out yet.
Tina P. wrote:
| As far as vacuum fairies, I thought that was all delegated to the children. At least in my house it was. As soon as we could pick up a dust cloth, we were taught how and then expected to use it. |
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We had very few chores to do, growing up. My mother did most everything. I learned how to do my own laundry only a few weeks before leaving home for college.
Tina P. wrote:
| By the way, when I mention a schoolroom, I mean that we'll be doing our table time there. We'll read in the family room sprawled all over, I'm sure. We'll experiment and do messy projects in the downstairs kitchen. |
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We'll be using the spare bedroom (called the guest room in the realtor's materials) on our first floor for our school room. The school room in our old house had floor to ceiling built-in bookcases that housed many of our books. Since the move, most of our books are still in boxes for lack of storage space. My husband has asked his uncle to install shelving in the standard closet in our new school room. Until then, the books are in boxes in the basement until we feel we have to dig for one...
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Patty
Mom of ds (7/96) and dd (9/01) and two angels (8/95 and 6/08)
Life at Home
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: House image?
