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MicheleQ
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| Posted: June 12 2006 at 10:50am | IP Logged
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I've been following this thread somewhat and just happened across a few articles on the subject from the Feb. 06 edition of This Rock magazine:
Hospitality Is Biblical - and It's Not Optional by Emily Cook
My Hospitality Conversion by Ruth D. Lasseter
Probably old news to some but good timing for me as I have been thinking a lot about this issue.
God bless,
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Michele Quigley
wife to my prince charming and mom of 10 in Lancaster County, PA USA
http://michelequigley.com
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Meredith
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| Posted: June 12 2006 at 3:31pm | IP Logged
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I especially am trying to think on this issue as it relates to this excerpt from the Emily Cook article:
In The Fullness of Time
"That distance was bridged by Christ. In the New Testament, when Paul calls on the early Christians to show hospitality to strangers, he links hospitality to Christ’s commandment to love, which is the New Law. Paul, perhaps thinking of Abraham, writes, "Let brotherly love continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares" (Heb. 13:1–2). Paul’s encouragement of brotherly love implies that the distance between the foreigner and host can be bridged. For the Christian, the stranger is also a brother or a neighbor who represents Christ and who also may be a messenger from God. In the story of the Good Samaritan, Christ broadens the concept of "neighbor" to define it more by actions than by proximity."
This kind of sums it up for me and how I want my family to think of hospitality. 
Thanks for the links Michele!!
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Meredith
Mom of 4 Sweeties
Sweetness and Light
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lilac hill
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Living in the "wrong side of town" apartments, being under constructin for 9 years, then having a house fire and construction for another intense 9 months Rick and I have thought about this hospitality thing. In less than ideal circumstances we have had people over. It was that or have no one for years--Sawzalls make huge amounts of dust
I think hospitality happens in our HOMES with us-less than perfect humans- it can be great, quiet, dusty, and cluttered but it is the people that matter , the relationships, the sharing even when there seems to be little to share.As mentioned above it is also very personal.
Entertaining happens in HOUSES and is about the "show" and that is what we see in magazines.
Don't get me wrong sometimes the two situations can occur at the same time and it can be lovely if you use a magazine article as a visual reference point.
Look at how much we love sharing pictures of a table set for tea or a liturgically significant centerpiece.
Magazines have to sell to stay in business and they cannot sell hospitality month after month, it just does not photograph well.
They sell entertaining and unfortunately it seems to be our frame of reference too often. After all how can any of us live up to a photo shoot with multiple designers with unlimited access to decorations. And don't forget the clean up crew to take care of the very real crumbs.
To share our homes seems to be a very personal thing so it is hard sometimes but I doubt that the people we would consider sharing this hospitality care about dust, dirty dishes, ripped out walls, plywood flooring and a calico curtain bathroom doors. Since it is so personal I also think that each family decides what it looks like--the big party, the few friends, the close or extended family, whatever.
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Viv
Wife to Rick (7/83), Mom to dd#1(6/87), dd#2(1/90), and dd#3(6/94) in central PA.
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: June 12 2006 at 5:58pm | IP Logged
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Meredith wrote:
This is amazing to me as I just read the Martha story in More Once Upon a Time Saints to my children this morning and we had quite a discussion about being hospitable and charitable, especially since we are in a completely new community that seems to have an "open door policy" with the neighborhood children. I am having a really hard time with this as we like to have our own thing going with regulated playtimes, and for the neighborhood kids, it's carte blanche at anyone's house for the summer it seems  |
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I have been thinking about this aspect of hospitality, indeed of ministry. Are we always to have an open door policy? Is it inhospitable to refuse to host someone's children (babysit?) during your school day? Is it wrong to try to have schedule and keep playtimes more regulated? Seems like this might fit into the same category as having the answering machine pick up the phone when you are simply unavailable to talk (during the typical school day, when you are putting children to bed, etc). Is it inhospitable to guard your time and protect your space and your privacy? There are true needs all around us, true opportuities to extend hospitality in our homes every day, as well as those opportunities to bring a meal or offer a service outside our homes. Those things could keep us so busy that our own homes and our own families begin to feel the strain, to say nothing of our energy levels. We could do nothing but throw open our doors and answer our phones and never get anything academic or family-oriented done. Are we to look at every single opportunity to live hospitably and say "yes"? Isn't that a sin against prudence?
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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SueW
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Hi,
We were a Navy family for so long, away from relatives, and we have happy memories of our parents or siblings flying out individually for a week or so at a time. The result was that our visits were deep, rich, satisfying and intimate (well, as long as I wasn't in the throes of morning sickness )
I've noticed since we moved back four years ago to the area where both sides of our big families live, it seems we see each other mostly at hectic seasonal get-togethers. Which are fun, but not as intimate as they were when we lived far away.
I am one of these shy people who like having people over occasionally for visits or dinner but don't like to feel stressed.
Our house isn't suited to 'crowd' entertaining in the winter- our rooms aren't that big and we don't have an open floor plan. So... we entertain in the summer and early fall when the weather is beautiful here in the NW. We put in a volleyball court on our acre, and have hosted many get-togethers on Sunday afternoons or evenings in the summertime. Simple beverages like lemonade, and everyone is outside, so we don't have to clean the house too much- just the guest bathroom Each of the older kids gets a room to straighten a bit.
So, we have a long dry spell in the cooler months and try to have people over more when the weather is nice and we can hang around on the back porch and watch the kids run around.
It will be interesting to see what our next situation in Virginia will be, especially if we have a small yard. But currently most of my hospitality is just my immediate family/siblings, and my socialization is with my dh and children....and through email 
~Sue in WA (dh Mike, 9 blessings)
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Sarah
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| Posted: June 13 2006 at 1:49pm | IP Logged
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Elizabeth wrote:
| Are we to look at every single opportunity to live hospitably and say "yes"? Isn't that a sin against prudence? |
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This is really what I'm struggling with. Not all moms are energetic and some of us have less help than others. I know its not all about presentation, but there is an energy and time factor, that I think Elizabeth is talking about.
A priest was talking recently to us about this. He was using the example of a family that always had an open door policy and how that really started to backfire on them because EVERY occasion, feastday, holiday meant that there were people in the house, not to mention frequent weekday meals, people living with them that needed a place temporarily, etc. Some of the family issues were not being addressed because there was always a guest ear listening in. In the end, the family had to close their door more and some of the regulars felt shunned. It is a difficult balance.
I've have seen other examples where families opened their doors to individuals that have moved into our diocese and have not found housing yet. We often get people that read about our diocese and Latin Mass situation and just show up, hoping to live here. Anyway, this backfired badly for this family because the guest ended up being very strange and wouldn't leave. He seemed nice at first, but soon it was realized that he was inappropriate and a freeloader who never really intended to find a job or get a house. These are hospitality horror stories and certainly not the norm, but do you just open your door to anyone that seems a little down on their luck, new to the parish or lonely? I tend to say no, because your family HAS to come first. If you have bad vibes about a person, you should probably follow that since I don't think we are always meant to deal with the "baggage" of others, especially when there isn't much we can do to change someone's spiritual problem or mental health problems.
Couldn't we argue, too, that hospitality, if we're calling it "serving with love" can be extended to your children, your husband, your own parents (who are NOT always easy to have around)? And therefore, if you aren't able to SERVE them first, then maybe you need to evaluate your priorities. That is not to say, that occasionally your family has to come second when you need to meet the needs of friends and out-of-town visitors.
I don't think you can say that there is a blanket open door policy. There just couldn't be realistically.
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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jdostalik
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I ordered the book Open Hearts, Open Home and am really gleaning a lot from it. One quote from the author really hit me square between the eyes..."Do not let pride get in the way of your hospitality." Yikes--that is me, to a T. How many times, have I not invited someone in because I feared my house wasn't in tip-top shape? Shame on me!
One thing that the author mentions to help rid yourself of this pride thing is to purposely invite someone over and then make sure and leave the dirty breakfast/lunch dishes in the kitchen sink...I don't know if I could do that! How OCD am I???
I have really gotten a lot out of the conversations on this thread and agree with so much of what you all have said...There is a definite time where hospitality outside the immediate family does have to take a back seat...like for us, right now, just caring and being kind to the kids is a full-time job with this nausea eating away at me.  I never knew how patient I was until this pregnancy...I have been so snappy at my poor kids. I hope they survive my first trimester.  I know that working on extending my love to my family is all I can do for now...but I really am looking forward to trying to be a better neighbor and friend and opening my home more frequently in the near future...
Thanks, Sarah, for starting this thread; it has really helped me!
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God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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SueW
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I read a book recently about Dorothy Day and her Hospitality Houses. I think she was the perfect example of the 'ideal' in hospitality, but she had a totally different personal life (no husband to speak of and one daughter).
I always liked the hospitality exhibited in the book "Karen" by Marie Killilea- they seemed to have a heart for young people *they knew* who needed a temporary place to stay. Some of them seemed to become beloved members of the family.
Another model of hospitality was the "Tia" (auntie) in "My Heart Lies South" by Elizabeth Borton deTrevino-
the never-married older 'aunt-angel' who traveled around, helping relatives who'd had a baby, who'd just had surgery, etc. Her state in life was different as well.
There are some parents of grown children who, as part of their pro-life work have opened their homes to unwed mothers... so many ways to be generous.
At this point in our lives, we can help each other out with prayers and meals during crises, in difficult pregnancies, babysitting for each other now and then....that sort of thing. Once my children are grown and gone I'll have more time and will be able to open my home more...
~Sue
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MaryM
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Bumping...
It's been quite a few years since this discussion. Bumping it today on the Feast of the Visitation, as it is the feast day associated with hospitality.
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Mary M. in Denver
Our Domestic Church
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Hospitality & Reality
