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mumofsix
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Joined: April 07 2005
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| Posted: May 31 2006 at 8:47am | IP Logged
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I have been blessed with many good friendships and they are important to me. My best friend is my husband and my siblings are also good friends, two sisters in particular, but I have and need other friends.
Most of my friends are committed Catholics like me, but by no means all. I have friends that Saint John Bosco would presumably describe as "indifferent" in that they are at an earlier point on the Christian journey than I am, at least superficially speaking. I still love them and value them: Catholics do not hold the monopoly of virtue and I can learn from them. Perhaps they can also learn from me: I hope I can try to be a good example of a Christian to them.
I am very careful of my children's friendships and keep them close: they are young, less discerning and need guidance. They mostly mix with children from other committed Catholic families, and we do not do sleepovers or even play dates where the children go alone: we use Catholic organisations such as the National Association of Catholic Families and family to family visits for fostering children's friendships for the most part.
Two caveats: while it is essential to be careful about friendships, the danger is in lapsing into judgementalism. I have spoken to good Catholic parents whose criteria for friendships are so strict as to rule out almost everyone. These families tend to be quite isolated and somewhat harshly unChristian in their willingness to write off other human beings: not a good thing.
On the other hand, it does pay to be careful at first and not to assume that a family that has the "hallmarks" of Catholicity are going to be fine. I have always been very discerning about non-Catholic homeschoolers, for example, but assumed a "good Catholic" homeschooler would be de facto completely trustworthy. (Actually this will USUALLY be true.) We had a very bad experience in 2005 when I befriended a new Catholic homeschooler who turned out to have severe mental health problems and had dabbled in the occult in the past. This "friendship" did us no good whatsoever, was difficult to disengage from and it was only by the grace of God that we have emerged largely unscathed. The (genuine) Catholic credentials of this person left me completely off my guard. I would say, reach out, make friends and do not be unthinkingly judgemental, but also pray to Saint Michael every day and be sensibly watchful. Let a new friendship develop slowly.
Jane.
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Elizabeth
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Joined: Jan 20 2005
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| Posted: May 31 2006 at 2:42pm | IP Logged
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Wow!Such a lot to ponder! Of course, we are called to love our neighbor. We should be examples of genuine Christian charity and hospitality. There is a difference, though, between neighborliness and the sharing of heart and soul. The latter calls not for judgmentalism, but certainly for prudence. I know that I am influenced by the company I keep. If I want to hold myself to a high standard, I must guard my heart against shallower priorities.It's easy to get sucked in and at the very least, waste precious time or even worse, engage in sins like gossip and envy. Perhaps some other people can hang out with and share intimately with people who are not aspiring to holiness and it does them no harm. But it confuses and distracts me. I'm not talking about a chat on the soccer sidelines or even a cup of tea in the afternoon; I'm talking about the genuine sharing of heart and soul. I think the saints are warning us not to bare either quickly or to too many people. They are calling for serious prudence and pointing to friendship as a serious matter.
I agree with so many points here. There is a golden quality to older, proven friendships. Thanks God for friends from our youth who have grown with us!
There can be a false sense of someone if the relationsip is limited purely to the internet (though I would argue that that happens all too often in real life, too). Conversely, some people are easier to get to know in writing. I know a woman whom I consider a good friend (even approaching an old friend) who has told me that speaking is difficult and she prefers to write. I met her on CCM and I think I know her well. I also know people who contribute here who have to work really hard to make themselves understood in writing. In real life, they are very social. It all goes back to taking time to really know the heart of someone, whatever the means.
And Catholic homeschooling "credentials" are absolutely not a guarantee of trustworthiness. It takes time and effort to cultivate a true relationship of trust. In many ways it's like a marriage. In a really good, mutually beneficial friendship, you both look out for the good of the other and you both want the same goal: to be together in heaven. Like in a marriage, you don't sell the other out; you don't air dirty laundry; you don't hesitate to speak honestly with love; you assume the best about one another and grant each other grace;you work together to become better people. But in a friendship, you don't have those things that hold a marriage together: the grace of the sacrament, the shared love of children, the solemn vows professed, the spoken commitment that it's forever. Kind of makes you realize how rare a true friend is...
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: Faith and Friendship
