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Kathryn
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| Posted: Feb 21 2014 at 5:13pm | IP Logged
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pumpkinmom wrote:
Taking notes as I finally read through this post!
I had something to add about the scouts and male mentors. This may just be something with our group, but we sometimes have to ask for the adult leaders and other dads to actually confront ds when necessary. Almost all the dads in our group won't say something to a kid that isn't their own (unless it needs immediate attention). People in our area take on a mother bear attitude and their kid does nothing wrong and you better not say anything to him or me about it. Dh and I don't believe this and will call out the other kids as needed at events. Some parents have received unkind words from these "mother bears" and know don't say anything. We are always clear that if something needs to be said to our children, I expect them to do it. So, in short, make sure the "leaders" know they need to lead. I even let them know of problem areas so that they can look for those and really be on the ball about saying something.  |
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Yeh, kinda long, huh? I agree about people not confronting something/someone unless it's a "need to" at the moment. And honestly none of these dads would be able to know the kind of issues we face at home. DS is usu fine at these events but asking them to address something more generally like "use your strength to be helpful to those younger/smaller than you esp in your family" is a good lesson for them all w/o spotlighting anyone and coming from a man might have more meaning.
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Feb 21 2014 at 6:35pm | IP Logged
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I would stop the younger sister from pointing out the scout law. It will just annoy him and make him ignore it more.
It should be instructive not punitive. Which is why you should point it out when he does one well too.
And it's also good for helping him decide what to do next or next time. The trick here is.. you point him to it but you don't need him to spell it out for you. If he's going to internalize it, you've got to let him determine that himself, just keep pointing him back that way.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Kathryn
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| Posted: Feb 21 2014 at 8:24pm | IP Logged
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Excellent, Jodie! I will do that.
On a positive note now, DH came home and once I clarified the particular incident, he was NOT passive AT ALL! He, in no uncertain terms, gave him the "what for" (southern expression?) in regards to that particular action against his DD 6. Then he addressed many other issues and so my *HOPE*  is that at least if I tell DS his behavior is such that I will need to call dad during the day he will believe it and believe that there will be a much greater consequence from dad than me. This was actually addressed to all of them b/c it's something they all needed to hear.
Now, to remember to use the "I'm going to call dad" line only in "emergency" situations to know he/I mean business.
Last, I asked DH to PLEASE get the list of chores written that JenMack suggested a few weeks back so in the heat of these moments I can say...dad said when he's away, this is something you need to do... So, after our tour of the new local jail  (coincidental huh? that our city is giving a tour of the new $6+ million dollar police dept and jail tomorrow only from 2-4!), let's hope for some improvement. DH thought that would be a great family field trip.
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Feb 21 2014 at 9:12pm | IP Logged
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A jail field trip? That's a first here at 4Real, I think!
Praying for you and yours, Kathryn. It's not easy to parent in "tough love" mode, but your children will appreciate the firm boundaries you and your husband have set/are setting. They really do want to know where the limits are.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Impulsiveness, sneaking.adhd.UPDATE..good
