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Angie Mc
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Congratulations, Michaela!
What helped me with my most recent pregnancy anxiety was to be grateful for each moment that I was physically united with my little one. I would say, "Hi Baby! I'm so glad we're together! Guess what I'm doing right now?..."
I've been through enough to know that the truth can be painful, but that does not mean it isn't purposeful. I am not guarenteed or entitled to the next moment with my baby. Yep, it was cool and less anxiety and easier when I just assumed I would become pregnant and just assumed that I would carry to term and just assumed...but that was never the truth. Since Christ has told us he is the Truth, I was comforted by knowing I was closer to Him by being closer to the truth.
I really felt that I was wrestling with evil at times, especially when brought to my knees with physical discomfort and fatigue. So I made a pact with myself, I would nip ANY distracting thoughts from my mind ASAP! To this end, I would immediately say to the thought, "In the name of Jesus, be gone!" Then I had a list of things that I could do to keep me on the right track. I can be pretty bull-headed! I was determined to not let evil take one precious moment from me...better said...I was not going to GIVE evil one precious moment of my valuable time with my baby.
Well, I hadn't planned on writing this much. Thanks for listening all. Thanks for starting this thread, Michaela. You have all helped me to sort out something I've been struggling with for a few months. I'm going to post about it over at The Teenage Years forum    .
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Cay Gibson
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I never completely relaxed.  After the babies were safely born, I worried about SIDS.
My second pregnancy was similiar to Elizabeth's. Early in the pregnancy I had terrible bleeding and was sent in for an ultrasound. It showed an empty twin sac and Kayleigh's little heartbeat nearby.
Kayleigh had actually torn out of the lining and drifted further down in the uterus. There was even a risk of the placenta being too low and they thought I'd need a C-section. Everything ended well. I carried her full-term. She'll be 16 the end of this month.
My third pregnancy ended in miscarriage on Palm Sunday 2002. That's when I began to worry if I'd ever be able to carry a baby full-term again.  I thought something was wrong with me.
I got pregnant three months later and carried full term, delivering a 9 lb. 11 oz bouncing baby boy.  But the whole pregnancy I worried everytime I went to the bathroom.
Now, looking back over my last three pregnancies, I don't know why I didn't turn it over completely to God. I said I did at the time. I prayed alot. But, really, I wanted to be in control...and I never was.
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Cay Gibson
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Jerin's Zoo
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Congratulations!
I don't think I stopped worrying with my last one (fourth live baby, eighteenth pregnancy) until she was on the way to the nursery (she ended up being an emergency c-section -- a scary end to an already scary pregnancy). Like some of the other stories here, we saw twins on the early ultrasounds, one viable and one not, and I passed the non-viable one at 10 weeks. One of my previous miscarriages was twins and when I passed the non-viable twin, the viable one came with it.
I never relaxed with my first live baby (third pregnancy). I couldn't even bring myself to discuss names until 32 weeks with him. He was born at 35 weeks.
Someone once told me that my room or house in heaven is going to have to be pretty big. I was able to relax in the sense that after 11 miscarriages in a row, I KNEW there was nothing I could do but accept God's will, so I wasn't QUITE as nervous as I was with some of my previous pregnancies, but the what ifs and not wanting to deal with another loss were definitely in the back of my mind the whole time.
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Jerin
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Angel
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Jerin's Zoo wrote:
Someone once told me that my room or house in heaven is going to have to be pretty big. I was able to relax in the sense that after 11 miscarriages in a row, I KNEW there was nothing I could do but accept God's will, so I wasn't QUITE as nervous as I was with some of my previous pregnancies, but the what ifs and not wanting to deal with another loss were definitely in the back of my mind the whole time. |
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Jerin, how did your family deal with so many miscarriages? My dh isn't Catholic and we have been having many discussions about family size (again), but one of the things which worries him is the fact that there may be future miscarriages and if not, there will definitely be future C-sections for me. I can only imagine how so many miscarriages must have been for you and your family -- and what joy your live births must have brought you. I'll pray for all your little ones (and all the little ones mentioned in this topic) today.
--Angel
Mom to 5 
Three Plus Two
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Jerin's Zoo
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We just had to offer it up, really. That wasn't easy. Still isn't, but our only choices were to trust that God has a plan, and that the experience of the miscarriages were going to work for good later in our lives, even if we didn't (and still don't understand why or how) OR we could just totally close up and be closed to life, but with that probably not fully live our own lives, being in constant fear. We chose to keep on repeating the words from Job 1:21, not even really understanding. I think the key is that while it can be healthy to have some degree of fear, it's also important not to let the fear consume you, and to give some it over to trust, because WE'RE not the ones who are really in charge anyway.
We both really felt we were called to have 4 children, and while we were open to adoption, that door always seemed to be closed (or rather, get slammed in our faces, we had some experiences that were worse than our miscarriages.) We'd actually moved to a position where we were re-evaluating whether we were really called to 4, and had just about come to acceptance that maybe 3 was God's plan for us when our last pregnancy happened. (I'd stopped charting, as it was just too painful to stay that aware.)
For now, we're charting pretty carefully to avoid, as I have some birth defects that as I age (and I'm only 34), along with having had 4 term or near-term pregnancies, we need to decide whether we need for me to walk (another pregnancy could make me permanently wheelchair bound) or whether I could continue to give our existing children plus more the care they need while dealing with serious physical disability. We're not sure yet, and are researching. It's serious enough that our Catholic doctor has suggested that we apply for a dispensation, but since we don't have a bishop right now (and I've heard one may not be named for a year), there's definitely time for us to research and pray.
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Jerin
wife to Dan since 1994
mom to ds (6/98 ) , dd (7/99), ds (1/01), dd (2/05) and 16 more
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Bridget
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Dear Jerin, I could be misunderstanding what you wrote, but it looks as if your Dr. wants you to get a dispensation so that you can use artificial birth control.
I understand that your health problems are serious and it is a challenge to deal with. But the Church teaches that birth control is always a sin. It is not something you can get a dispensation for.
You can read more at Catholic Answers
I'm sure your priest and any NFP teaching couple would help you through this. Not to mention all the prayer support you can get here.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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MEBarrett
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Elizabeth wrote:
| I've been offering these anxiety ridden medical things for Mary Ellen's twins (also conceived after a miscarriage).When she announced twins, I had this weird sense that I was pregnant with twins, too, and I didn't even know I was pregnant at all at the time. Today, you and your baby will join them in my prayers. |
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Isn't she wonderful?
Michaela Congratulations on your new baby.
When I miscarried it was a grief that shocked me in it's depth. I had honestly never felt anything like it. When I discovered I was pregnant this time I was very nervous. Then I discovered it was twins! Such joy! Of course then it became the doctor's job to explain to me how high the risk of miscarraige and pre-term labor is for twins. Especially for an old lady like me. I'm 39.
I came home and made the concious decision to find joy in everything. Two years removed from my grief I thought with joy of the perfect soul in heaven that was there because we were open to life. I thought with joy of those people who called or wrote me with words of comfort and understanding. I thought with joy of Our Lord trusting us again, not with one but with two more souls.
When I went to the doctor two weeks ago he told me that I was in the "danger zone" for pre-term labor with twins. He scared me half to death. Then when I got to the car I decided that if that what was going to happen I would just have to find joy in having had the privilege of carrying them as far as I could. I would rejoice in whatever life they had. I would trust God to know what is best for my family.
Try not to let anxiety shadow this time. Put it away in a far corner of your mind and lock it up. Let the joy of these days shine forth and let each moment bring you happiness.
Every moment of nausea will bring you happiness, every backache, moment of heartburn and exhaustion. And those kicks! How wonderful that will be. It is our time on the cross, giving our bodies for that which we love best - new life.
There is no guarantee that this will work out but there is a surety that your child will pave your way to heaven.
Look for the joy Michaela, it's there - all over.
I'll be offering up my discomforts for your wee one.
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Blessings,
Mary Ellen
Mom to seven beautiful kids
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jdostalik
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Congratulations Michaela and Caroline!!
All these wonderful ladies have given such great words of wisdom and support...I have taken it to heart, as well. I lost my firstborn baby, Will, to a heart defect the day after he was born (fullterm). Since then, I have had 3 miscarriages--two in 1999 and recently in Feburary of this year.
One realization that has hit me recently stronger than ever is that no matter the outcome of a pregnancy--a beautiful soul has been created for the glory of God...whether or not God calls my little one home before he or she is born or I am blessed to be able to hold and nurse my baby--it doesn't change the fact that an immortal soul was created. And ultimately, our goal is to get our children to heaven. Our miscarried babies and babies who died early are already there in heaven interceding for us in a powerful way...
I pray to my St. Will, often...I know he has a vested interest in seeing me, his daddy, and all his siblings join him in the heavenly kingdom with his three little miscarried brothers and sisters...
Yes, and my prayer when I am pregnant is "Thy will be done."
Again, congratulations to you both and to all pregnant moms on this list--you all are in my daily prayers.
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Jennifer in TX
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Jerin's Zoo
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Bridget wrote:
Dear Jerin, I could be misunderstanding what you wrote, but it looks as if your Dr. wants you to get a dispensation so that you can use artificial birth control.
I understand that your health problems are serious and it is a challenge to deal with. But the Church teaches that birth control is always a sin. It is not something you can get a dispensation for.
You can read more at Catholic Answers
I'm sure your priest and any NFP teaching couple would help you through this. Not to mention all the prayer support you can get here. |
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My priest is actually aware and supportive of our situation, as are my parents, who are a NFP teaching couple. We would probably be looking at taking my uterus during a total pelvic reconstruction, as it would no longer be stable enough to sustain a pregnancy after the surgery.
It's a big surgery and our fertility is only one of many of the different angles we're looking at. It IS possible that a dispensation could be given for the one aspect of the surgery by the bishop (probably after a hearing by a tribunal appointed by the Holy See by people trained in matters of Canon Law).
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Jerin
wife to Dan since 1994
mom to ds (6/98 ) , dd (7/99), ds (1/01), dd (2/05) and 16 more
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Molly Smith
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Angel wrote:
if not, there will definitely be future C-sections for me
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Angel, I hope I'm not speaking out of turn, but I don't want the possibility future c-sections to discourage you from future pregnancies. I've had 5 rather uneventful c-sections with a 6th coming in September. We take it one pregnancy at a time, and each time God has provided for healthy pregnancies and deliveries and I know God has blessed me with an excellent OB and surgeon. I'd be happy to talk about it further with anyone interested.
My prayers are with you all!
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Bridget
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Jerin's Zoo wrote:
My priest is actually aware and supportive of our situation, as are my parents, who are a NFP teaching couple. We would probably be looking at taking my uterus during a total pelvic reconstruction, as it would no longer be stable enough to sustain a pregnancy after the surgery.
It's a big surgery and our fertility is only one of many of the different angles we're looking at. It IS possible that a dispensation could be given for the one aspect of the surgery by the bishop (probably after a hearing by a tribunal appointed by the Holy See by people trained in matters of Canon Law). |
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Oh Jerin, it sounds painful and complicated. I'm so sorry your going through this. I guess I'm not completely understanding it all but it's obvious that you are seeking to understand and be obedient to Church teaching. I'll keep you in prayer.
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Jerin's Zoo
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Molly Smith wrote:
Angel wrote:
if not, there will definitely be future C-sections for me
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Angel, I hope I'm not speaking out of turn, but I don't want the possibility future c-sections to discourage you from future pregnancies. |
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I currently have a friend who's working on cooking twins (babies 13 and 14). They'll be her 10th c-section (they're her third set of twins). She says her inspiration is Ethel Kennedy, who had 11 c-sections in the old days when they did the more fragile vertical incisions.
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Jerin
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Angel
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Jerin's Zoo wrote:
Molly Smith wrote:
Angel wrote:
if not, there will definitely be future C-sections for me
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Angel, I hope I'm not speaking out of turn, but I don't want the possibility future c-sections to discourage you from future pregnancies. |
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I currently have a friend who's working on cooking twins (babies 13 and 14). They'll be her 10th c-section (they're her third set of twins). She says her inspiration is Ethel Kennedy, who had 11 c-sections in the old days when they did the more fragile vertical incisions. |
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Well, I guess this *is* a little off-topic, but... holy cow, 3 sets of twins! My husband's gunshy after the first set!  I've only had 2 C-sections and 1 D&C so far. My family -- dh and my father mainly -- tend to worry a lot whenever I get pregnant because my mother died of an amniotic embollism almost immediately after I was born. It's not a hereditary condition, but a mother's death in childbirth reverberates for generations, I think. On the one hand, my dh felt better that I did have the C-section with my twins; on the other hand, every one of my pregnancies has been very stressful for him. When I had my first miscarriage, I lost a lot of blood with the D&C, and we've had a couple of difficult births as well. So these are some of the issues that we have to work through, and dh tends to worry about me a lot.
-Angel
Mom to 5
Three Plus Two
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Jerin's Zoo
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But she had 5 singles with her first husband (who died while she was pg with #5) and then 2 more with her current husband before the twins. And I think that all of the twins were after she turned 40 (the oldest set is 2 1/2 year old identical girls, she also has 18 mo old fraternal b/g twins, and a single girl born in August or September).
So between the high number of previous births and advanced maternal age, plus so many pregnancies in such close proximity -- all contribute to her "risk" of twins.
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Jerin
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Erin
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Jerin's Zoo wrote:
| So between the high number of previous births and advanced maternal age, plus so many pregnancies in such close proximity -- all contribute to her "risk" of twins. |
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I have heard before that the more children you have and the older you get the more chance of twins! So is this really true? I've had some one else tell me this is not the case.
Btw who is Ethel Kennedy?
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Erin
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Jerin's Zoo
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Erin wrote:
Btw who is Ethel Kennedy? |
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Ethel Kennedy is Bobby Kennedy's (JFK's brother's) widow. Her oldest son, Joe, needed to be born by c-section, and since she had a classical incision (this was 1950 or 1951), all of her other children were born by c-section, as well. The youngest daughter, Rory, was born several months after her father was assasinated while running for President in 1968.
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Jerin
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teachingmom
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Erin wrote:
| I have heard before that the more children you have and the older you get the more chance of twins! So is this really true? I've had some one else tell me this is not the case. |
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I don't know how the number of children you have already plays into it, but I did ask about the higher incidence of twins among older moms at one of my OB appointments this time. If I remember correctly, fraternal twins can sometimes occur in older moms because some women's bodies sort of hurry things along and start releasing multiple eggs some months as they get close to the end of childbearing years.
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MEBarrett
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teachingmom wrote:
| I don't know how the number of children you have already plays into it, but I did ask about the higher incidence of twins among older moms at one of my OB appointments this time. If I remember correctly, fraternal twins can sometimes occur in older moms because some women's bodies sort of hurry things along and start releasing multiple eggs some months as they get close to the end of childbearing years. |
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This is exactly what the doctor told me about my twins. Last summer I had been having some heavy bleeding and other odd symptoms. After biopsying every reproductive organ, many sonograms and taking quarts of blood I was told I was peri-menospausal. The doctor was very kind and told me that my fertile years were winding down and that I was unlikely to concieve again. Four months later I conceived twins. My ob said that this was not unusual for a woman "my age". He then slapped a BIG orange sticker on my chart that said AMA. Advanced Maternal Age.
Sheesh.
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Mary Ellen
Mom to seven beautiful kids
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jdostalik
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Yikes, Mary Ellen! You're still in your thirties, aren't you?? 
I *hate* the way my doctor automatically checked the "high risk pregnancy" box when he handed me my patient form to check out last pregnancy...I have to give him a bit of credit; he checked "routine pregnancy: first, then stopped, asked me my age, and scratched that out and checked the other category!
I know I'm not a spring chicken, but man!!
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Jennifer in TX
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JennGM
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MEBarrett wrote:
My ob said that this was not unusual for a woman "my age". He then slapped a BIG orange sticker on my chart that said AMA. Advanced Maternal Age.
Sheesh. |
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LOL! My first pregnancy was at age 36. I was reminded over and over again that I was AMA...there is another technical term for it...to be a Primigravida at that age...well, I should have had my hearing aids and walking cane with me!
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Jennifer G. Miller
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: ? for anyone who had miscarriage
