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Mackfam
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| Posted: Dec 06 2011 at 10:49am | IP Logged
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SusanMc wrote:
| As for SeaStar's list of problematic items, I just ask myself, who am I to keep this perfectly good ***** for who knows how long while I don't like/need/use it when out there is a person who could really benefit from it. To the horrors of many it is this sentiment that helped me pass along my maternity clothes, toys, books, gifts, bequests, etc. For example, my grandmother was something of a collector in her lifetime. She had a love of beautiful and fine things. Upon her death I inherited a piece of religious art sculpture. It really wasn't to my taste and sat in the closet for about a year. FInally I released it to someone else who loved it. It felt so much more honoring of my grandmother to make sure the art was where it would be loved an appreciated and not tucked away in my closet. |
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My philosophy tends to be similar to Susan's. If an item is not assisting us in living out our vocation or in lifting the heart and mind to God through beauty, I pass it on to someone else that it might bless. I encourage my children to do the same thing as we purge rooms and toys each year. If they take ownership of making a gift of something then we don't go through the, "  You gave away my favorite toy " drama. And...I grant a concrete amount of space (bin, shelf, some concrete space) for their *must-keep* items so that the collection doesn't get out of hand. If it doesn't fit, it doesn't stay OR it must displace something else.
All this talk is motivating me to get into some closets and rooms and do some sorting and purging!!!!  My kids will be THRILLED!
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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CrunchyMom
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SusanMc wrote:
| It felt so much more honoring of my grandmother to make sure the art was where it would be loved an appreciated and not tucked away in my closet. |
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Along similar lines, I was recently inspired by this post Use It Or Lose It
I don't think this means you can't have special things saved for special occasions, but if you are never using them on those occasions, then perhaps it would be better to pass it along to someone who will?
Another thought about the Blessed MIL's ill-fitting sweaters There are so many tutorials available via the internet for repurposing things, perhaps find another way to hold onto a sentimental object in a way that it will be used? A pillow? A pair of mittens? A hot water bottle cover? Granted, most "sweater" options will still be out of place in the desert , but ykwim. 
But Melinda, I'd ditch the cookbook. If it was one of a few things I had to remember someone special who was gone, I'd probably find a space on the shelf. But you likely have many lovely gifts from your mom and many more to come.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Dec 06 2011 at 11:14am | IP Logged
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Theresa, you have such a big heart! You really challenge me to stay honest with myself and God. I like your example of asking the hard questions combined with the ability to answer them! So here goes my best attempt at tackling this tough topic.
Quote:
| I have learned to be content with whatever I have. I know what it is to have little, and I know what it is to have plenty. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being well-fed and of going hungry, of having plenty and of being in need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:11b-13 |
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It wasn't until I faced (all at once) great loss...loss of health, wealth, childbearing, and faced my greatest fear (my children being removed from my home via an out of control CPS investigation) that God blessed me with complete peace in the matter of my relationship to things. I am to be content and grateful in all things.
For me, it is less radical to consider giving up my material goods (which has come and gone over the years) than it is to consider completely trusting in God's perfect will for me...right now. While I can streamline and simplify, it is actually God who chooses...right now...what material goods I have. I do feel pretty detached from my goods, but freely admit to almost crying last night when my dog ate my chocolate truffles...
Quote:
| Naked I came into the world and naked I will depart. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. Job 1:21 |
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...but then I remembered that it wasn't the dog who took my truffles, it was God.
My dh provides for our family. When I am grateful for what his income provides, it fills his love tank and blesses our marriage. When he faced a big financial loss recently, we were grateful to have savings to cover the loss and he was proud to be able to continue on our plan to send our dd to college and help her to graduate debt-free. We are in the habit of tithing (a blessing taught to us by dear Mormon friends years ago) so we can rest in that peace. My dh's income, and loss of income, both contribute to us fulfilling God's will for us.
I've also been pondering all the angst surrounding "cultural consumerism and materialism." Never before has a society been so blessed with material good and perceived it as bad. Why? While I can't praise greed, I am so very grateful for the many people who provide me, my family, my neighbors, my community with a wonderful life. I find it an amazing cooperative effort to provide food, shelter, clothing, work, recreation and so much more to so many! When I consume, I support providers. I like that.
Prior to my great loss, I can be quoted as having said, "Now I get why people go off to live in a cave in Montana!" I can get so overwhelmed with...stuff, details, schedules...I mean REALLY overwhelmed. Then I'll have a lovely vision of me feeding starving people at a mission. Or I will dreamily consider the quiet and intimacy of the convent. I will actually covet those who are so called, if I let myself.
But the truth is, God isn't calling me to the lives of others. He his calling me to my here and now, to provide for and serve those closest to me/us, mainly my dh and children...and their friends...our parish....our neighbors...and our baseball teams.
When I feel angst or tension about money and material goods, I wonder what God is trying to tell me. I still think it would be a great honor and privilege to be called to serve the poorest among us directly - with my own hands. I also think that I'll just always have some angst and tension as a way to keep me open to His will and how it can be revealed in amazing, changing, and immediate ways. I definitely know that I consistently identify with St. Augustine:
Quote:
| Our hearts are restless until they rest in You. |
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So I really, really, just try to rest in Him today, enjoy what He has provided for us, and look forward to the promise of Heaven!
Thanks, ladies, for sharing your thoughts, experiences, and book recommendations. Obviously  this is a topic close to my heart...one that I look forward to learning about more. I'm praying for peace for all ladies who face this challenge and may the special grace of Advent be ours.
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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SeaStar
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| Posted: Dec 06 2011 at 11:22am | IP Logged
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CrunchyMom wrote:
Another thought about the Blessed MIL's ill-fitting sweaters There are so many tutorials available via the internet for repurposing things, perhaps find another way to hold onto a sentimental object in a way that it will be used? A pillow? A pair of mittens? A hot water bottle cover? Granted, most "sweater" options will still be out of place in the desert , but ykwim.
But Melinda, I'd ditch the cookbook. If it was one of a few things I had to remember someone special who was gone, I'd probably find a space on the shelf. But you likely have many lovely gifts from your mom and many more to come. |
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Ack- I've only had the cookbook a couple of months, and she keeps asking what recipes I've tried from it  .It's about the size of the Handbook of Nature Study- lots of pages for all those bran muffin recipes.
I have tried to be positive about it... I picked out a different recipe to try, and it required part of the dough to be made ahead the day before and refrigerated overnight. Noo!!!! Who wants to do all that just for muffins?
I do appreciate my mother's intention so much, but I am sad she spent $20 for this book. Do I tell her it's a lemon? That seems mean to me.
OTOH, I wish she would stop buying me things like that. We just had a big to do the other day because she wanted to buy me a rechargeable electric broom for Christmas, and I didn't want one. I have a swiffer, several regular brooms and a Dyson vacuum. I just don't need anything else along those lines.
I think this is the real reason the holidays can be tough... there is so much pressure to buy gifts that are "perfect", thoughtful, etc. And on the flip side, there is the stress from dealing with presents that are well meant but just not wanted or needed.
Wouldn't it be so much better to use half the money to cook a really nice meal for everyone and donate the other half to a food bank?
That's the direction I want to move in.
The sweaters will be kept for a season, a picture will be taken with each child wearing one and then they will be passed on. Our priest reminded me that although the sweaters are not useful at my house, they are very useful to someone else out there.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Dec 06 2011 at 11:31am | IP Logged
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Melinda, you are such a dear DIL. A friend of mine gave me great advice about dealing with others who have their mind set on something. She (and now I) respond, "Well, OK then" (verbally or mentally .) Your greatest hope is to honor your mother (in law) so I think it is fine to say, "Thank you" and as gracefully as possible to move on. There are SO many DILs who receive nothing. Praise God for her generosity. I've come to believe that some people really *need* to purchase gifts as a way of showing love.
Once the gifts are yours, I think it is fine to do with them as you see fit - no guilt - gifts are to be freely given. For example, you could give the cookbook to a friend who is a cook and tell your MIL (only if she asks), "The great cookbook you gave me was very time intensive so it wasn't a good fit for me, but it was a perfect fit for my dear friend. I gave it to her and it is such a blessing." That kind of thing.
I'm totally available for the electric broom  .
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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SeaStar
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Thank you for your wise words, Angie.
I always need to beef up my prayers for my own charity and graciousness this time of year. I realize that no one gives a gift hoping the recipient will dislike it.
The sweaters are a gift my MIL enjoys making; they are much more for her own enjoyment than for my dc. I know that and am working on accepting it. And there is always the hope that this time the sweaters will fit or the kids will want to wear them or we will have a very cold winter.
Pray for me!
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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JodieLyn
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Melinda if your MIL's sweaters are made with wool yarn, you can recover at least one or two with some felting projects.. you can make a purse for instance which would work for you and your daughter.. might be able to make a book cover.. like a carry case. you make them big and then wash in hot water and felt the item in the washing machine.. I haven't made them but I know someone who'll get sweaters secondhand to do these types of projects.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Dec 06 2011 at 2:29pm | IP Logged
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SeaStar wrote:
I always need to beef up my prayers for my own charity and graciousness this time of year. |
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Melinda, you are so charitable, gracious, and sensitive to the needs of others. I'm the one who learns that from you! As your "insensitive" friend, I just want to support you in not being too tough on yourself.
I'm available to receive any cool wool projects, too  .
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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SusanMc
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| Posted: Dec 07 2011 at 7:48am | IP Logged
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Thanks for that post link, Lindsay. It makes me think...it isn't use it or lose it so much as use it because you're still going to lose it...eventually. 
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Mom to two dear sons, '07 and '08.
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CrunchyMom
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SusanMc wrote:
use it because you're still going to lose it...eventually.
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Exactly!
I thought her rule about saying goodbye to things ahead of time was a helpful way to approach detachment.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: Dec 10 2011 at 4:18pm | IP Logged
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Well, I just finished reading "Happy are You Poor" and it was a great read. Really helped me to think through some of these issues, and to make a stronger commitment to helping the poor.
Though he leaves it up to the reader to examine his/her own conscience and decide what his/her own level of sharing should be, the author sure does make a case for a more generous sacrifice than I suppose most of us are comfortable with.
Definitely food for thought. Highly recommend the book. Thanks so much, Jen, for leading me to it!
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
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MichelleW
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Yesterday's meditation in my Magnificat reminded me of this thread. I'm not sure if I can re-type it here? Basically, God gives each person a different penance. It is not necessarily dependent on sins committed, but on the person's disposition and the character God is trying to develop. John the Baptist, for example seemed to be given an extreme penance that was clearly not dependent on sins committed and rather to prepare him for the task given him. You can not choose your penance, God sets it before you. The rich man's penance was to sell everything; Peter's was a change in vocation, Paul's was poor health.
Just some more fuel for thought.
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Michelle
Mom to 3 (dd 14, ds 15, and ds 16)
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Susana
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| Posted: Dec 27 2011 at 2:53pm | IP Logged
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I hope everyone is having a wonderful Christmas season. I just found this thread and thought I'd chime in.
For the past few years, my husband and I have been going to great lengths to get rid of stuff. We have found that it is just too overwhelming trying to raise and homeschool our kids, while dealing with too much stuff in the home. We are by no means rich, yet we have way more than we can handle! The children end up playing outside, reading, doing art, or just playing pretend most of the time, so our toys are very limited.
We have found that by eliminating clutter and being more conscientious of purchases, we are:
Definitely happier
Find things faster and easier
Have more spontaneous time to spend together
Have less stress
Less to clean
Appreciate what we have more
Produce less trash (Our bin is never full anymore!)
Have a detachment to physical objects
Give to others less fortunate more often
Have more time to read or try new things
etc.. etc..
I definitely think that having less stuff can make one happy! :) Stuff is actually a burden for us in our state of life right now (6 kids ages 9 and under).
For Christmas, the children drew pictures for each other, and we gifted each one of them with a story of their choice from Audible.com
I love the subject of minimizing to help you live life to the fullest! A couple of websites that really helped us get rid of the stuff quickly were, http://www.missminimalist.com/and http://smallnotebook.org/
One last note, The Blessed Virgin Mary and St. Joseph didn't have much materially. They had Jesus living in their home! :) What more could they want?!
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Mami to ds12,ds11,ds10,ds8,dd7, dd4, and ds 2.
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SeaStar
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That is very inspiring, Susana.
My biggest obstacle right now to having less stuff is my children... my ds having such a hard time letting go of anything. we could use prayers on that front!
On a happier note, I have been purging seriously for about 8 months now.
I have not been keeping track of how much I have let go of, but yesterday I wondered aloud to my mother how much I have given away. She smiled and said she had a surprise for me, and then showed me a list she has been keeping. Her friend volunteers at a thrift store, and so I give all my bags of stuff to my mom to take to her friend for the store.
My mom had kept an account of how many bags I have given her... 105 so far! And that does not include the many items I have given away to friends, sold on craig's list and Cathswap, donated to the library, taken to the Good Will, etc...
However, then I have to wonder quite sadly... what was I doing with all that stuff in the first place? It's still a work in progress....
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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CrunchyMom
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I saw this quote from Fulton Sheen today and thought it was appropriate for this thread:
Quote:
| We must not make the sentimental mistake of thinking Our Lord was just a poor man. He was a rich person who became a poor man. Rich he was in His Divine Nature because He was God and Lord of Heaven and earth. And yet despite that richness he became poor principally because he became man. That is poverty of the worst kind because it is limitation. It is no wonder then that the first to come to his crib were the rich Magi and the poor Shepherds. Two things happened to them-the rich lost their avarice for they gave their wealth to the poor; the poor lost their envy for they learned that there is another wealth than that which the rich give away. |
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: A tough question
