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mamaslearning
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| Posted: Nov 01 2011 at 2:34pm | IP Logged
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seeker wrote:
 When did you find the time to sneak over here and crawl around in my skin for a while?? This completely describes me!  |
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HAHA!  And here I thought I was all alone in my craziness!
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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KauaiCatholic
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| Posted: Nov 01 2011 at 9:44pm | IP Logged
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what a great post. really needed this today. around here, it's between me and the only other female, who has picked up a particularly snippy tone that goes directly under my skin. if I'm at a weak point, I bark at her for it, then she cries, then I feel horrible and cry too (or at least berate myself for not being a more gentle, loving mother), and the men in the house look at us like we're both nuts. 
thanks, as always, for the wisdom and comfort to be found here. I've been away for a while and wow, have I missed it.
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 Viviane
Grateful mama of Jonah Augustine ('01), Sophia Marie ('05) and Luke Dominic ('10)
We can do no great things; only small things with great love. -- Blessed Teresa of Calcutta
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MNMommy
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| Posted: Nov 05 2011 at 3:07pm | IP Logged
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You described me perfectly, too. I seem to be in a never-ending cycle.
I have started realizing that part of my problem is not being fulfilled with my role as homemaker, mom, and teacher.  I need something more or different, but I'm not sure what that is. Maybe I just need a good friend.
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Jennifer
Tired mom to - 10yo dd, 7yo ds, 6yo ds, 4yo dd, 2yo ds
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Nov 05 2011 at 3:13pm | IP Logged
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MNMommy wrote:
I have started realizing that part of my problem is not being fulfilled with my role as homemaker, mom, and teacher. I need something more or different, but I'm not sure what that is. Maybe I just need a good friend. |
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I need good friends and I'm willing to work for them. And I have to admit that I need little happy making things in my life on a regular basis that don't appear to be directly related to my vocation but none the less help me to fulfill my vocation. That's why following baseball, foodie fun, Twitter, and learning about craft beer are so appealing to me! They don't replace my highest priorities...then help me to meet them with a happier heart.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
About Me
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Kathryn
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| Posted: Nov 05 2011 at 4:35pm | IP Logged
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WOW...who knew this was a common issue! Glad to know I'm not alone either. I actually find myself most snappy with my DD 12 who honestly is a very kind and loving child who gives me little problems. Therefore, in quick reading replies, this one came to mind for me personally:
MichelleW wrote:
| As to the specific example you gave, I wonder what is at the heart of your ds's question? I find it hard to believe that he really thinks you are going to eat all the cookies yourself. Is he afraid he won't get a cookie if he waits? Does he struggle with possessiveness in other areas? Does he think that you withhold good things from him generally? Just some questions I would ask myself--but I tend to overthink things. Please ignore if none of this sounds like your situation. |
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For me, I think I get defensive because she is such a bright, sharp child and she's growing into a wonderful young lady and frankly it feeds my own insecurity and shortcomings. I also do think based on Michelle's response that sometimes her remarks are a bit of a challenge to my authority and the fact that she is the oldest and sometimes does feel a little "outside" what the other children get because of her maturity. So, I think some of it is her own struggle between being a child and yet being the oldest with more responsibilities.
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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Erin
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| Posted: Nov 05 2011 at 6:17pm | IP Logged
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Angie Mc wrote:
MNMommy wrote:
I have started realizing that part of my problem is not being fulfilled with my role as homemaker, mom, and teacher. I need something more or different, but I'm not sure what that is. Maybe I just need a good friend. |
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I need good friends and I'm willing to work for them. And I have to admit that I need little happy making things in my life on a regular basis that don't appear to be directly related to my vocation but none the less help me to fulfill my vocation. That's why following baseball, foodie fun, Twitter, and learning about craft beer are so appealing to me! They don't replace my highest priorities...then help me to meet them with a happier heart.
Love, |
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Jennifer and Angie, I so relate to what you are sharing, I travlled this journey last year, just started a new thread to share further. 
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
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Angel
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| Posted: Nov 07 2011 at 3:42pm | IP Logged
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You know, I think I am much less defensive when I realize that it's ok to have needs sometimes, too. For instance, I decided that I would not make cookies or cakes that I couldn't eat, too. That's WAY too much temptation for my weak will!! So any cookie or cake that I make has to be grain-free and sugar-free so I can eat it, too. And if my older kids are baking for everybody, I ask them to bake for EVERYBODY as well, not making it hard on me (especially) by using regular flour and sugar. Fortunately, there are lots of really yummy things you can make with almond flour, but that's just an example. It can happen in any situation when a mom (and this would be me a lot of the time) thinks she is doing her job by sacrificing when really nobody asked her to sacrifice in that way and honestly, it makes her feel left out and annoyed and sad and angry and worn out (etc., etc.)
You know, and as I've begun to do this, especially in the arena of food, I've begun to realize how much of a blessing it is to others outside the family when you go to potlucks or dinners, etc., and you bring the food that you, on the weird diet, need to eat. Because chances are there is somebody else out there who also needs to eat that way, and they thought they would have to forego dessert!
Ok, so this was all about food and not so much about defensiveness. Maybe I'm hungry, too!
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Angela
Mom to 9, 7 boys and 2 girls
Three Plus Two
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Mom on the Defensive
