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stacykay
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Oh, Emily, my heart is breaking for Kaleigh!!!  and you!!!
I will be keeping her and your family in my prayers!!! Your daughter has an amazing presence of mind to have thought to seek the intercession of one who knows the fear she was experiencing! 
In Christ,
Stacy in MI
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anitamarie
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I will pray for your daughter and for you. How horrible! This is heartbreaking.
Anita
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amyable
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I'm so sorry - praying for peace for all of you.
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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Mackfam
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Emily,
My heart is broken, too.  And you'll forgive me, as the mother of a delightful and innocent 14 yo, I'm flaming  too !!!!! How dare he!!!!! That young man violated your daughter's purity and your trust! And all while John is overseas!!!
I too am so glad that you are going to a different Church so that Kaleigh is not reminded of this horrible violation every time she steps in the doors of the former Church.
What a comforting and reassuring indication of the help of the Church Triumphant in a time of need that they make themselves known to us --even when we are in a most frightening situation!! St. Maria Goretti, continue to intercede for this situation!
Both Sarah and I offered our Mass this morning for Kaleigh. I will pray as well for the young man involved, as well as his family, that they will be made aware of the situation and be able to address it with their son in a forthright way, out in the light, so that this behavior is never repeated with another.
I'm so glad that Nancy (guitarnan) knew the direction to point you within Army channels! Please do take advantage of the support available for you and Kaleigh, both military and civilian.
You are doing a great job, Emily! You put in place measures so that Kaleigh's safety and sense of being protected by her family are intact, and I know you will continue to do so!! I am praying with all my heart for this situation: for Kaleigh and you, for the young man's conversion, and for John, as well as for any further decisions you may need to make and act on in order to fairly deal with this young man's behavior.
Our Lady most pure, intercede for the Snow family and pray for Kaleigh.
St. Maria Goretti, pray for Kaleigh and the young man involved.
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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Chris V
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Emily, I just can't stop aching for your poor daughter, and I've been stewing on the horrific nature of this tramatic event all day. Simply suspending this young man from the altar hardly seems just for what he's done. I'm not sure if you've even considered crimal charges against him, and as a minor, I haven't any idea what the authorities would do anyway; but my thought is that if this young man is willing to so blatantly assault someone (your daughter), it's entirely possible that this is neither his first, nor will it be his last offense.
In addition to my continued prayers for you all, I will certainly pray for this young man, the error of his way, and that he recieve the guidance and help needed to turn his life over.
My heart is with you
__________________
Chris
Happy Wife with my Happy Life
Mama to My Five Girls ('04~'07~'09~'11~'11)
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Angel
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You have many prayers from me!
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Angela
Mom to 9, 7 boys and 2 girls
Three Plus Two
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Aug 11 2011 at 7:43pm | IP Logged
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Emily, I read this request early this morning and have been praying. I knew the ladies here would shower you and Kaleigh in prayer, provide sympathy, and show righteous indignation. Me too .
If I could be Kaleigh's cyber-auntie for a minute, I would say to her:
Quote:
Honey, some men do really stupid, insensitive, and even crimial acts against women. I wish it weren't so. Also, most women experience some situation where they are on the receiving end of boys/men behaving badly. I wish this wasn't true either. (I still remember the feelings of shock, freezing, rage, embarrassment, and dispair...all mixed up when at around your age I was accosted by a creepy old man in what should have been a safe environment.) But as a grown woman who has lived through a lot, I'll tell you a few things I've learned from being on the receiving end of harm.
It's not about me. Sure I had to take a blow for goodness, but I'm still standing. Sin devastates the sinner, not me.
No one gets a free pass (not even Catholics.) Each person must earn your trust over time. This doesn't mean to be cynical, fearful, or harsh. It means it is OK to be cautious and street smart as you grow in experience and wisdom.
Time takes care of even the biggest hurts. You'll feel out of sorts for a while but, in general, God helps heal our hearts within a year. Now, when I'm hit with a big blow, I tell myself, "Angie, next year this won't hurt so badly." I don't forget, but God transforms the hurt into wisdom when we let Him.
I only control myself. I learned a lot about self-defense and studied martial arts for several years (my daughter too.) I learned that I can do some things to protect myself, which builds confidence. I also learned, through practice, how to not freeze. Freezing is a natural inclination that needs to be overridden. Because of your experience, you are much less likely to freeze again.
Suffering happens. No matter how prepared I am, something bad can happen to me. But most people, most life experiences are good. I focus on the good.
I'm not going to let anyone or any fear rob me of my life! And I encourage you not to let one delinquent - and that is what he is - rob you of one second of your peace, trust, joy and beauty .
Sweetheart, be gentle with yourself. Keep talking and processing this with your loved ones. Consider praying and keeping a journal first thing in the morning to help sort things out. Then keep busy with your duties and joyful endeavors, those that energize.
I'm praying for you and just know that God is giving you all the support and grace you need to carry this cross and grow in wisdom. |
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Emily, my dd who is now 19 has had to deal with 2 supposedly "nice Catholic young men from good families" who have been anything but. My dh has had to discuss matters directly with the young men and their parents. I'll be honest, their families haven't been receptive or helpful. There can be a lot of pressure in some circles to minimize wrong behavior and this tends to protect these young men who behave badly. I really am sorry. Yet, in the end, our family has become much wiser, clear, and firm. Plus, we've grown closer to God and each other because of these messes. For this, I'm very grateful. I will gladly pray you and your family through this .
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
About Me
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guitarnan
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Angie is so wise!
I am really, really hoping that there's a way for your beloved daughter to talk with a professional counselor. We've had great experiences with military counselors, and if you tell them you are Catholic at the intake meeting, they will try to match you with an understanding and empathetic person (of religious persuasion).
Important points:
No one invites assault of any kind. That's why assaulters are called "perpetrators." It is never ever ever the assaultee's fault. ("Victim" is not my favorite word. Anyone who is level-headed enough to pray to a specific saint is no victim, ever!)
When assault happens, it is normally not personal. (Sadly, another girl could have been there and the same thing could have happened.) It's the perpetrator's fault, and the target of the assault/attack did not invite his (in this case, it's a "his") behavior. Unfortunately, the assaulter is just looking for opportunities.
The only assignable blame in this situation goes to the young man involved. He instigated the entire situation. No one else should feel guilty. Yes, his parents should be held responsible for correction of future actions - now that they know (I hope) what he's done, they need to be with him or know where he is at all times.
No one ever ever ever invites unwanted physical contact. Ever. Dress, attitude, situation, opportunity, etc. don't play into it. We are all, men and women, boys and girls, expected to keep our hands to ourselves. End of story. No excuses.
In situations like this one, counseling really really really can help. Please trust me on this! The Army will pay for this counseling. It's important to consider long-term effects of this experience before ruling out the benefits of counseling. (Please PM me if you are not sure...I am speaking from experience.)
__________________
Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Erica Sanchez
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Horrible! I agree with Chris that some kind of criminal charge would be appropriate. You might begin by reporting it to the police and see what they recommend. He is obviously a troubled (and bold) boy and I worry about what he might do in the future.
We will pray for your sweet daughter. I am so, so sorry that this happened to her.
__________________
Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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Gloria JMJ
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So sorry . Remembering similar situations in my past and wishing I had had the presence of mind (and the everyday practice of faith) to invoke her who could have kept me out of much trouble. God is good and is imparting wisdom and grace into the hearts of the both of you with this cross. Keep up the good work, Mom! Prayers...
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Smoothing Stones Holy Family Rosaries
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mamasue
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Oh, your dear daughter. She was so very brave to tell you. Praise the Lord that it was ended when it was, but I'm so sorry it went so far.
Now, some advice ;)
What I would do.
** Call the police. Who knows if they can do anything. I can't remember if you mentioned the boys age. BUT if other people have reported abuse by him.. You never know. This boys behavior HAS to be stopped. Yes, he was suspended. But what about the girls he runs into at school, the mall, the pool, his neighborhood, his friends sisters. He was bold. He's most likely done this before and will most likely do it again
** Dad will, no doubt, have a little talk with him once he gets home?
** Call his PARENTS. This will be HARD. But if they don't know what he is capable of, they need to be aware and find help for him, or this will be a lifelong sickness. If he doesn't get help he will, no doubt, prey on teenagers when he is an adult. I've seen it happen.
** please have your daughter talk to a priest. Hearing words of wisdom from someone other than yourself will be so valuable for her healing. Hearing that she was brave, and that the attack was not her fault, will put her heart and soul at ease. Of course, you will have to talk to him first to tell him the details. And it'll make you feel better.
** self defense classes. Help her feel prepared, so she won't be hesitant to go out of your eyesight
God bless and many prayers
Suzette
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stefoodie
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Oh my. Praying for you and your family, Emily.
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stef
mom to five
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Carole N.
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Praying for your daughter and for you as well, Emily.
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Carole ... in Wales
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mavmama
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I'm so so sorry! I will be praynig for you and for your daughter.
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Liz
Blessed by 4 wonders
dd11, dd911, ds9, ds8
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JodieLyn
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Praying for you and your daughter Emily
Not to belittle anything that happens to your daughter.
But from what I've been hearing. I would want to be VERY sure that I was willing to ruin the entire life of a 14 yr old boy being stupid before calling the police.
Seriously. There is a trend for trying underage "sex offenders" as adults. A conviction can mean time in jail (adult, not junvenile), listed as a sex offender for the rest of your life.. effecting where you can live, jobs you can get, and pretty much every area of your life.
What I am NOT saying is to ignore this or sweep it under the carpet etc.
I'm just saying that the system is going overboard with the punishment and the duration. There's no chance for any reform.
Is what happened here.. something that should be reported or not? I certainly can't say. But I would be looking at how the parents of the boy reacted as well as if it's something that I'd think is uncorrectable (that this boy would/wouldn't always be a danger to girls/women) vs something that he could reform from. Was it stupid and impulsive and he was copying someone or something he'd heard.. you know.. heard an older boy bragging about getting a girl alone etc and thought he'd try it out or is he really a predator and likely to remain so. Is he likely to get the correction and help he needs or would it be ignored or given a pass by those in authority over him?
I would just be careful in making that choice. Because the system is getting extreme.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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SallyT
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Praying for her and for you.
Sally
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MichelleW
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I am so sorry that this happened to your daughter; that this happened to you; that this happened at all. I am so thankful that she shared it with you instead of bottling it up inside. I am so proud of you for mothering her the way you do. You are listening to her and loving her to healing.
I have been praying since you posted this request and will continue to do so. The Lord really protected her, didn't he? It could have been oh so much worse. I am both horrified and thankful and will continue to hold your entire family in prayer during this year of healing.
__________________
Michelle
Mom to 3 (dd 14, ds 15, and ds 16)
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Servant2theKing
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Emily, I continue to keep you, Kaleigh, and your entire family in prayer, especially for ongoing wisdom and discernment.
Contacting legal authorities might not be best for your daughter's sake, from the standpoint of potentially having to subject her to testifying about the incident. It may also deter the young man from changing for the better if he gets caught up in the system. However, whether this young man converts or redeems himself is not a burden you or your dear daughter ought to carry right now.
One thing that may be helpful and important would be to formally report what happened to the diocese, as well as whatever program exists within your new diocese to protect young people and provide a safe environment in parishes. You may find it wise to make a written report to them, as well as sending follow-up written communication (or copies of your letter to the diocese) to the pastor, deacon/grandfather, and the young man's parents. Verbal communication doesn't always carry the same weight as a well-placed letter.
If nothing happens as a result of this incident, the young man could possibly be emboldened to go further in his actions. Being removed from serving at the altar isn't necessarily going to end such behavior. Silence can be one of the biggest contributors to repeat offenses. Written formal complaints may go far toward helping the young man realize the seriousness of his actions.
Contacting appropriate Church authorities and those people who have a moral obligation to deal with this young man's behavior is not only reasonable, but might also give you and your daughter some healthy closure from this incident. Counseling from a priest or Catholic or Christian counseler is another vital element in helping your daughter heal from an experience of this nature. You have already responded in such positive ways by removing your dd from the parish, listening to her, and reporting the incident to the pastor. May God continue to guide you, give you peace of heart, mind and soul, and bless you with wisdom, prudence and discernment in all aspects of this situation.
Keep praying to St. Maria Goretti, Kaleigh! You are living proof that the saints indeed hear our prayers and intercede for us in powerful ways! You had incredible presence of mind to call on St. Maria Goretti like you did! May she also continue to intercede for your peace of heart, mind and soul! Praying for you with all our hearts!
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All for Christ, our Saviour and King, servant
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4 lads mom
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So much love and wisdom on this board....sending my prayers, dear Emily, for your sweet family and precious daughter. Please know we are all here walking with you all...
__________________
Mom of four brave lads and one sweet lassie
Scenes From This and That
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Tina P.
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Angie, could you be my daughters' cyber aunt as well? That is a wonderful, from-the-heart letter.
Emily, I'm praying for you and Kaleigh! Time does heal all wounds.
__________________
Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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4Real Forums : We Pray to the Lord
Topic: For my 14 yo dd. Assaulted at the new ch
