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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 15 2011 at 1:24pm | IP Logged
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CrunchyMom wrote:
Every choice requires sacrificing. My economics major husband is always reminding us about "opportunity cost."
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I keep thinking about this and still can't wrap my mind around it.
If you are offered 2 jobs.. one is something you want to do most in the world and the other is just a run of the mill job with nothing special about it.
would you really think you're *sacrificing* to take the job you most want?
Now we/I have made sacrifices to parent the way we choose.. but homeschooling isn't something I feel is a sacrifice. Oh gee shucks, I gave up having another group of people besides those dh works for dictate my schedule. Oh gee shucks, I'm missing out on having other people get the credit for teaching my children while I spend the time teaching half or more of the information helping with homework when my child is tired and cranky.
Time when the kids are at school? I have lots of younger than school age children.. it is NOT easier to have only the 5 and unders at home.
 what am I sacrificing to homeschool?
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: April 15 2011 at 1:42pm | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
CrunchyMom wrote:
Every choice requires sacrificing. My economics major husband is always reminding us about "opportunity cost."
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I keep thinking about this and still can't wrap my mind around it.
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I'm with Lindsay's dh's perspective on this. I view everything in life as having a cost - intended and untended consequences...not just financial, but emotional, physical, spiritual, ethical costs. So with every choice I make, there is a cost. When I food shop, let's say I want milk. I can choose to (A) buy it at the convenience store now while I'm getting gas or (B) I can wait until I go to the food store where it is on sale this week. If I choose A the cost is extra money for the milk. If I choose B the cost is inconvenience. So either choice has a cost, a sacrifice. Either choice has a benefit, too.
For me, the "costs" of staying home are much, much, less than the costs of not staying home, of not homeschooling. But there are still costs, tolerable costs, totally worth it costs for me.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 15 2011 at 1:45pm | IP Logged
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then I guess I'm saying that the "cost" is so negligible that I wouldn't consider it a *sacrifice*.
certainly when you make one choice you're saying no to others.. but does that make it a *sacrifice*?
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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herdingkittens
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| Posted: April 15 2011 at 1:52pm | IP Logged
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agreed! i can bet that most of us feel that way, since we are all home with our children teaching them! 
we pray daily for daddy, who has to get up and leave the house by 6:15am every work day and be around people who do not adore him ALL DAY. my alarm clocks are little cuties who think i am the best thing since sliced bread (even if the alarm call is for me to wipe their bottom  ). certainly, taking care of a family is not often easy and involves a great many sacrifices, but so so pleasing in so many ways.
i heard ginny seuffert talk at a HS conference once and she said (in a comical way) something about how we don't need mortifications as mothers - our days are filled with them. so, we can take our hair shirts off, ladies!
love!
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: April 15 2011 at 3:07pm | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
then I guess I'm saying that the "cost" is so negligible that I wouldn't consider it a *sacrifice*.
certainly when you make one choice you're saying no to others.. but does that make it a *sacrifice*? |
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I think that what you're saying, Jodie, is that you find encouragement - a positive take - to see the costs as negligible. I find it encouraging and positive to see my costs as BIG  . I think that thousands of dollars over years is BIG. I also think that the domino effect of giving up time with my dh because he holds down 2 or 3 jobs at a time is BIG. I think that putting up with being misunderstood, undervalued, and being treated like an odd bird on a regular basis for years is BIG! This biggness, the sacrifices, contribute to our family feeling like we are doing something really purposeful and BIG by sacrificing BIG.
Our take isn't to be confused with feeling sorry for ourselves or making this even bigger than it is (it is truly doable!) We're not victims here. It's just that when we choose to live by our highest values and make the sacrifices that go with those choices, I don't want to minimize what we do do to make this work.
It's pretty cool that there are different ways to look at staying home in a way that is positive and encouraging. Finding a way to see life as meaningful, worth hard work, challenging, and purposeful is fuel for my fire  .
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 15 2011 at 3:22pm | IP Logged
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so.. the financial difference if I was working with 3 kids in day care would either be negligible or NEGATIVE.
I'm not undervalued by what I do. I'm more likely to make a comment about doing something because I'm not working (meaning I can find time during business hours easier than others) to be met with things like "I'm pretty sure you work harder than most of us". Even the teacher I'm in contact with tend to be encouraging. Not only have the speech therapists my daughter worked with been nice about us homeschooling at least one has outright told me that it's likely better for her because she can get individualized education beyond just being pulled out of class for speech.
I didn't have some big degree I was giving up working with.. my degree was for child development.. sure I could work with kids outside the home but I'm still using it staying home 
I'm saying that literally there hasn't been a big sacrifice for me to stay home.. for me to homeschool.
Now the fact that we don't leave our younger children for more than a couple of hours yeah.. I've never gone on any sort of retreat through the Church. I haven't attended any homeschooling conventions. I have had to give up the learning I could be doing about our faith (with others, obviously I can do things on my own at home) and other things because small children aren't welcome and many of those things last longer than a couple of hours. But that's how we parent our children.. that's not because I stay at home.. but then we couldn't parent that way if I didn't stay home either.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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kristinannie
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| Posted: April 15 2011 at 4:34pm | IP Logged
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Angie Mc wrote:
Financial.
I can't deny that each year our family lives more and more modestly compared to our peers who have 2 incomes based on advanced degrees. In the early years, there didn't seem to be a big difference but there is a big difference cumulatively now.
Rarely, it does bug me that even though I earned a BS and MPA, the degrees somehow don't count because I'm just a wifenmother. And somehow this all equates in some peoples minds that I'm a doormat - how not smart is that? I have to admit that when someone like a store clerk, little league coach, or the like treats me like an idiot, I can get prideful  . There is that part of me that wants to say, "Hey! I'm a smart person and I'm NO pushover!" But instead, I have to work to not be insulted and to not, ummm, show them the depth and breath of my opinions and well articulated arguments . So in the end, this part of the sacrifice is very clearly good for my soul  .
Financial...yep, that's pretty much it. Some days that feels like a lot. Most days, praise God, I can see that sacrificing money for the priceless family life we lead is really no sacrifice at all.
Love,
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This sums up exactly what I was going to say. The money isn't a big deal to me. My husband makes a good living. It would be great to go to Hawaii every year, but that isn't a reason for me to work. However, the one thing I gave up was my pride in saying that I was an attorney. People do look down on SAHM's...even when they say, "It's the hardest job in the world." It is hard sometimes to keep my pride in check and to accept my role as a mommy and housewife (aka chef and maid )
However, that said, I couldn't ask for greater blessings than the joy I get from not missing anything in my kids' lives. My sister works and misses so many of her kids' firsts and it breaks her heart. I can't even imagine.
I actually feel that HSing is God's way of giving me some purpose to my life. My education won't be wasted (as my above mentioned sister has said to me on more than one occaision). I will truly be able to give my kids the benefit of my education. We are so lucky to get to spend all day with our kids, to see those lightbulb moments as they learn, to go down rabbit holes and learn about things that interest our kids and to give them a foundation for a lifetime love of learning.
I guess the question is what would I be giving up to go back to work full time? The answer is EVERYTHING!
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John Paul 8.5
Meredith Rose 7
Dominic Michael 4.5
Katherine Elizabeth 8 months
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CrunchyMom
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Angie Mc wrote:
JodieLyn wrote:
then I guess I'm saying that the "cost" is so negligible that I wouldn't consider it a *sacrifice*.
certainly when you make one choice you're saying no to others.. but does that make it a *sacrifice*? |
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I think that what you're saying, Jodie, is that you find encouragement - a positive take - to see the costs as negligible. I find it encouraging and positive to see my costs as BIG . I think that thousands of dollars over years is BIG. I also think that the domino effect of giving up time with my dh because he holds down 2 or 3 jobs at a time is BIG. I think that putting up with being misunderstood, undervalued, and being treated like an odd bird on a regular basis for years is BIG! This biggness, the sacrifices, contribute to our family feeling like we are doing something really purposeful and BIG by sacrificing BIG.
Our take isn't to be confused with feeling sorry for ourselves or making this even bigger than it is (it is truly doable!) We're not victims here. It's just that when we choose to live by our highest values and make the sacrifices that go with those choices, I don't want to minimize what we do do to make this work.
It's pretty cool that there are different ways to look at staying home in a way that is positive and encouraging. Finding a way to see life as meaningful, worth hard work, challenging, and purposeful is fuel for my fire .
Love, |
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Yes, this! When I say the costs of homeschooling are big, it should seem clear that I think that the costs of NOT homeschooling are BIGGER. That's why I made the choice.
And some days the costs are bigger than others. Some days I think it would be so much easier if someone else would just teach my child to read while others I can't imagine missing the joy of seeing my child learn to read.
There is no where else I would RATHER be, but some days I wish I could have it all. I wish I could be at home AND free to do other things. I sacrifice doing those other things to stay at home, but I have no illusions that my life would be better under different circumstances, its just that my current circumstances come with their own limits.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
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[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 15 2011 at 5:24pm | IP Logged
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 hey.. why don't you all tell me what I've sacrificed because I certainly can't see it. (see post 3 up from here)
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: April 16 2011 at 11:24am | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
| I certainly can't see it. |
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So it looks like we're pondering 2 things, "seeing" which is to me "perception" or "philosophy" type ponderings and "it" which is the definition of "sacrifice."
Here's the first definition of sacrifice that I found via a quick online search, "the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim." Using this definition, my answer fits because I did sacrifice something that I prized - a literal prize - of my degree being used as it was meant to be used. I surrendered money and prestige connected with its direct use.
Yet, let's say I graduated high school, married immediately, and stayed at home. I believe that I can still use the word "sacrifice" to describe that decision because of my perception that everything has a cost, in this case, sacrificing the potential of other paths taken.
Dennis Prager, in his book Happiness is a Serious Problem writes:
Quote:
The Nobel laureate economist Milton Friedman was once asked if he could summarize the essence of economics in a sentence. "There are no free lunches," he reponsded. This is as good an understanding of life as it is of economics. Everthing has a price. With regard to happiness, there are three rules related to this law of life:
1. Make peace with the fact that everything in life has a price.
2. Determine what that price is for anything you desire.
3. Choose whether to pay that price or to forgo what you desire.
Unless you follow all three of these rules, happiness is unattainable - because you will constantly be angry at the prices you pay for everything you have and everything you do. |
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Prager goes on to use examples of to marry or not to marry, to have children or not to have children, to floss teeth or not, to watch hours of tv or not, to choose to become a lawyer or not, owning a home or renting, living in the city or country, and "There are prices paid for leading a religious life, and there are prices paid for leading a secular life." Then:
Quote:
| Some people may perceive having always to ask, "What price do I pay?" as depressing. It is not at all depressing; in fact, it immeasurably adds to your happiness. First, it enormously helps to prevent unhappiness caused by later shock and disappointment when you do become aware of the prices paid. Second, this rule makes it clear that whatever else you would choose would also exact a price, very possibly a much steeper one. |
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Quote:
| The list of prices paid is as long as the list of activities in which we engage, because each one exacts a price. Here, as everywhere else in life, therefore, happiness demands clarity (determining what the prices are) and maturity (deciding what to do and then not complaining - at least, not too much). |
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To the other point, in my previous post I was considering that 2 women can have 2 different perceptions, both leading to happiness (relative contentment.) Using the perception of "sacrifice to stay home" as an example, one can perceive sacrificing a lot to stay home and this sacrifice leads to happiness (me) and one can perceive sacrificing as negligible and this small sacrifice leads to happiness (you/Jodie.)
Something that we haven't considered (likely because those who chose to post are happy with their choice to stay home) is that a woman can perceive her sacrifice as big and not worth it, leading to unhappiness or can perceive her sacrifice as small and insignificant, leading to unhappiness.
Since I hope the goal we're striving for is to find a way to be happy, content, and fulfilled while staying home, then either of the 2 perceptions we've discussed can be true. It's nice to know that (if I'm seeing this correctly) we've identified 2 positive approaches.
*************
From all this pondering, I did think of another unanticipated cost and sacrifice of staying at home and homeschooling. Both of these choices were viewed negatively by those who run my state's foster care system. The system is predominantly run by women (I worked with only 1 man out of hundreds of encounters) and they all work and none homeschool. They would have preferred for me to work outside of the home because the foster children in my care would have "stayed in the system" of daycare and preschool for further oversight. Their anti-homeschooling stance was the subject of many encounters. So, although I viewed my stay-at-home status as a plus and objective measure of my commitment and experience to caring for young children, they perceived it as a negative. In the end, this negative bias (plus others closely related such as our religion, married state, ethnicity, politics, military affiliation, etc.) could not be overcome and our family stopped providing care. To not have children in need of care and/or a family in my family is a heart-breaking sacrifice, cost, loss.
Praise God that we can offer up all of our sacrifices - however we perceive them - in union with the sufferings of Christ. And how fitting to be discussing this topic as we strive to live deeply in Him this Lent, especially Holy Week. Praise God for the happiness and joy found ultimately in the promise of Easter!
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: April 16 2011 at 1:08pm | IP Logged
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yes this is exactly where I'm coming from.. if a sacrifice is..
Quote:
| "the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim." |
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Then I haven't sacrificed anything.. because I didn't give up (to my knowledge) anything prized or desirable.. that's what I was trying to say..
Not that everyone is the same way but to say that I must have sacrificed something.. whether I know it or not seems pretty odd to me when by definition it seems like I'd have to know what it is.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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mommy4ever
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I don't think I gave up anything, I became a stay at home mom when we realized that after professional fees, childcare and work wardrobe, we'd be losing money.
We have an older home, but actually big on usable space. We drive older cars. Do we have a car payment? Yup, usually one, about $700 one-time payment, dh repairs it, we drive it for a year or so, then sell it for more than we paid for it and get another.
We don't have a budget for trips. The kids have commented well so and so when to Mexico. Well, so and so's grandparents paid for the trip. So and SO has this. Well usually it is a grandparent that provides. We do know a few wealthy families, and ironically, THEY don't travel. LOL. Leading cardiologist in the country and his dr wife do not travel. They drive mid range vehicles, shop garage sales. They are so down to earth you forget they are literally millionaires. Need help, sure, can can they bring the kids they don't have a sitter..lol. GOod people.
I do run a home day care and have for 14 years now. THAT is a sacrifice in a way, it is a busy busy day every day. I would love to just be mom. But without that income, we'd be struggling, and really struggling. The daycare provides groceries, utilities, sports registrations and our seasonal campsite. One one and only vacation spot..lol. DS16 is now paying his way on a lot of things, he worked full time for 6 months as a 1st year apprentice electrician. He can pay for some of his own. That helps. He graduates next year so that will help the family some too.
I would LOVE to have time alone. Yet I want my kids safe more. We try to get me an evening here and there, but it doesn't always work out. Once camping season starts, I'll get a weekend home alone to just putter. Read, relax and recoup. Then I'll be set to go for another year. I don't resent being home, or homeschooling or having a home daycare. It's the season we're in. We're working hard at paying off the mortgage. 8 years and it's done! THEN a new season will begin, I can breath and just be a wife and mom, and possibly grandma too. It won't be a wealth 'retirement' a modest one, but with a roof over our head and healthy self-sufficient kids, we're going to be fine.
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Topic: Biggest sacrifice for you to stay home
