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Chris V
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| Posted: March 29 2011 at 8:40am | IP Logged
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I love your post, Sally - I loved everything you said because I can identify with so much of it! Right down to the family relatives that have chosen not to have children at all (my brother and his wife), and the feelings that you should have a quiver-full of children by now (when in the company of other Catholic families that have many more children than you) ... and like you, no other Catholic family has ever made me feel this way, those are feelings that only I can take responsibility for.
And *thank you* for saying that your hands are full, no matter how many children you have, and having only a few children does not somehow make you more of a part-time parent ... I love how you phrased this! 
SallyT wrote:
We are converts who contracepted for many years of our marriage -- I have (in the right company, mind you) joked that you can track our conversion process by the spacing of our children. We have four: a daughter, 17; a son, 13; a son, 8; and a daughter, 7. See what I mean?
This whole process, incidentally, was very fraught, with my husband and I not on the same page with regard to Catholic teaching (and for the sake of clarity, before anyone assumes anything, he WAS on board with it, and I was not). This is the kind of thing that I'm not about to spill to someone at coffee after Mass, by the way, whereas I'll apparently tell the world on the internet. Such is the weirdness of life.
At the time our youngest daughter was born, we were in a state of fairly severe financial hardship; going from artificial birth control to NFP, even, was an enormous leap of faith and felt very "open" to us by contrast. We'd have welcomed more children, and I had my fingers crossed for a long time, but felt that our reasons for at least making what felt like a token gesture towards avoiding pregnancy (and I know it's not a token, but that is what it feels like when you're coming from the "total protection" mentality) were serious and prudent.
I was 39 when my youngest was born and began intense perimenopause at 41. By 44 my cycles were done. So what we have is what we have. I put on some weight during that time, and people were continually asking me if I was expecting -- I always felt worse for them than for myself, because I knew that no matter how I tried to answer, I'd make them embarrassed. I did have a hard time letting go of the "one more baby" dream, but am pretty much at peace with it now.
Family size is funny, though: in my extended family, my generation reproduces at a rate of two children per couple, maximum. My brother and sister-in-law are childless by choice. So from their perspective, we're rabbit-breeding freaks, and we've gotten snide comments about overpopulation and "concerns" that we can't possibly give that many children adequate attention. Meanwhile, in homeschooling Catholic circles, for a long time I felt like a phony for not having ten children (and that was me making myself feel that way, not anything anyone ever said). Let me tell you, I'm far more comfortable surrounded by people with big families than by people whose default setting is to be "done" before they ever started.
I also think it's absolutely true that no matter how many children you have, your hands are full. When I had one child, I was consumed by her. When I had two, I was consumed by them. Ditto three and four. It's not like having fewer children makes you somehow more part-time as a parent, with so much more time to spare from the ol' mom job.
And I thought that post and comment thread at Simcha's were a great read.
Sally
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Chris
Happy Wife with my Happy Life
Mama to My Five Girls ('04~'07~'09~'11~'11)
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martinas6
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| Posted: March 29 2011 at 12:14pm | IP Logged
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We have 9... We struggle some days, other days are so joyful. I've learned to pray constantly throughout the day. It's all worth it. I'm not that easy to live with either, there are days where I think everyone who lives with me deserves a medal...remember, when we pray it's "give us this DAY our daily bread", not give us us this month or this year...
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Martina DeRose in IL
married in 93
mom to 10
http://www.mamax9.blogspot.com
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Erica Sanchez
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| Posted: March 29 2011 at 1:21pm | IP Logged
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We have 8 here with us and 2 lost through miscarriage.
I will be 44 next month and am just coming up for air after a very difficult year, well, years realy. Three babies in a little over 4 years, a miscarriage, the divorce of my parents, and another miscarriage. We would have gladly accepted our miscarried babies and done fine. And, we'll gladly (after a little grumbling from me at the beginning) accept another if God chooses to send one.
But, choosing ourselves to have another? I don't really know. When things are calm and the house and school running smoothly, I do think we should try. Then all heck breaks loose and I just can't see it. I am trying very hard to work on a few problem areas to bring more order to our days and I can feel and see things slowly improving. I am also trying to really look at the needs of the 8 we have. It's been a tough time for them, too, and things have slipped through the cracks (discipline academic, teen-related issues). So, what I mean to say is that we're choosing not to conceive this month. Next month? We'll see. And, really, God will decide whether we use NFP or not. At least that is how is has been for us. We're getting a little better at our charting, though, so it feels like more of a choice. And, I don't really know how I feel about that.
My last two cycles totally decreased in length, the shortest cycles I've ever had. I think the last one was 26 days. I've been more in the 34 day-range for many years. I assume this means menopause is near. I guess I need to read up on this subject. It's not even been on my radar.
Anyway, I apologize if this is way more out-loud honest thinking and sharing than what was asked. :)
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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Erica Sanchez
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| Posted: March 29 2011 at 1:25pm | IP Logged
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I loved your post, too, Sally. Beautifully said.
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Have a beautiful and fun day!
Erica in San Diego
(dh)Cash, Emily, Grace, Nicholas, Isabella, Annie, Luke, Max, Peter, 2 little souls ++, and sweet Rose who is legally ours!
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CelesteMary
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| Posted: April 11 2011 at 9:10pm | IP Logged
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We have seven, one due in June. Ages 11,8,7,5,4 2 b/g twins 21 months.
I just started to feel physically and emotionally taxed after the twins. A definte lack of nutrients, hormones or something. Just starting to come out of it.
I have really started respecting and appreciating my body a whole lot more, looking into natural ways to heal after so many babies.
We are looking to NFP after this next one, but I have struggles like you wouldn't believe with trusting God and the church on this topic. I am a recent convert and have always had a Catholic attitude , but we have never used NFP. It really takes strong faith. I look up to you ladies who just do it.
I am starting to learn to let go and let God, but some days.... I just want to take matters into my own hands. I know God knows what's best and will bring us out on the other side with a peace and joy we could not ever even imagine.
I pray for you at this time as I think we have all been there one time or another. We all have weak moments and strong moments. In the weakest moments, we need to hold onto God's word and not let go. God bless!
Celeste in Maine
Wife to Jeff, mother to seven and one on the way.
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Wife to Jeff, mother to Abigail 00, Thomas 02, Elizabeth 03, Charles 05,Amelia 07, Laura & Walter 09, Annie 11, one Angel in Heaven 2013,baby Maria Rose due 4/26/15.
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nissag
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| Posted: May 09 2011 at 4:02pm | IP Logged
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We have eight here on Earth and three in Heaven. We are open to more. I turned 40 last month, so I expect I'll be slowing down. We've always wanted to adopt and I find myself praying more fervently for that opportunity.
I also have a cluster of auto-immune diseases which make things tricky, particularly in the postpartum months.
Life is wonderful because of our children. I wish we could have two dozen!
Blessings,
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Nissa
Deacon's wife, mother of eleven, farmer, teacher, creator, cook.
At Home With the Gadbois Family
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stellamaris
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| Posted: May 09 2011 at 4:07pm | IP Logged
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Quote:
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That's what I thought at 40, too! I conceived 5 children after I turned 40! Three are here with me, and two are in the hands of God.
So you never do know... 
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: May 09 2011 at 4:35pm | IP Logged
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stellamaris wrote:
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That's what I thought at 40, too! I conceived 5 children after I turned 40! Three are here with me, and two are in the hands of God.
So you never do know... |
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umm.. yeah that.
I turned 40 before my youngest was born.. and I'm pregnant already. The closest spacing I've had. And I'm 12 weeks now so feeling more confident of this pregnancy sticking all the time.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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jawgee
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I have four here on earth (one of whom is adopted) and three in heaven.
We don't know what the future holds with regards to our family size. It's in God's hands. Whether we have another bio child, adopt another child, or end at four....only He knows!
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Mimip
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| Posted: May 09 2011 at 7:15pm | IP Logged
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We have four with us and one miscarriage.
JodieLyn wrote:
| and I'm pregnant already. The closest spacing I've had. And I'm 12 weeks now so feeling more confident of this pregnancy sticking all the time. |
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Okay totally missed that Jodie!!! Congrats!!!
Back to the thread, our four were really "planned" if you can say that? We really wanted our kids close but two years it was and 3 1/2 between the girls because of our miscarriage. I would LOVE to have more but hubby and I aren't on the same page with that. Way too many reasons to explain but I am through with the constant case pleading and really feel called to discuss it every month and then just put it in the hands of God. Praying for God's will in this department 
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In Christ,
Mimi
Wife of 16 years to Tom, Mom of DD'00, DD'02, '04(in heaven) DS'05, DS'08 and DS '12
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stellamaris
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| Posted: May 09 2011 at 8:19pm | IP Logged
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 Congratulations, Jodie! Prayers comin' atcha for a smooth and uneventful pregnancy!
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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stellamaris
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| Posted: May 09 2011 at 8:20pm | IP Logged
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The older you get, the better "uneventful" seems. 
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: May 09 2011 at 8:31pm | IP Logged
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uneventful works for me.. especially smaller head size and uneventful
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Chris V
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| Posted: May 09 2011 at 8:46pm | IP Logged
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Congratulations, Jodie !!! Prayers for you and baby
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Chris
Happy Wife with my Happy Life
Mama to My Five Girls ('04~'07~'09~'11~'11)
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wifemommy
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| Posted: May 10 2011 at 12:29pm | IP Logged
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Congratulations Jodie 
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mommy4ever
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| Posted: May 11 2011 at 9:03am | IP Logged
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I am a Catholic revert, my husband is non Catholic. We have 4 with us and 3 in heaven(2 early losses one midway loss). We had a 'complicated' delivery with our youngest, dh rushed out and had a vasectomy  He didn't really discuss it, he stated it, booked his own appointments and the whole bit. He knew I was against it, I stated it, and left it at that. He has regretted it. The youngest was only a few months old when he did it. Now he is kicking himself  Especially now that he is hearing me that the complications were a fluke, not something that will repeat itself necessarily. The youngest is fine, and I am fine, there was danger initially but our dr was right there to correct. There was no side effects after the fact.
I am open to a miracle and having another. I'd have loved 2 or 3 more at least. Stranger things have happened. I'm not yet 40!
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stacykay
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I've lost three babies  , but have six dss on earth. 
I am so sorry for all who have had to deal with judgment for having either small or large families.  Isn't it ridiculous the things that some folks think they have a right to flap their gums about?
In Christ,
Stacy in MI
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nissag
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| Posted: May 12 2011 at 8:23am | IP Logged
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Caroline and Jodie,
Goodness gracious! My paternal grandmother had 13, her last at 50. But the women on my maternal side had all sorts of what they quaintly called "female complaints" were all infertile by 30. They began having children quite young.
Perhaps I take after my dad's mother.
Congratulations, Jodie! I'll be praying for a lovely, smooth, and uneventful pregnancy and delivery.
Blessings,
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Nissa
Deacon's wife, mother of eleven, farmer, teacher, creator, cook.
At Home With the Gadbois Family
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mommy4ever
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nissag wrote:
Caroline and Jodie,
Goodness gracious! My paternal grandmother had 13, her last at 50. But the women on my maternal side had all sorts of what they quaintly called "female complaints" were all infertile by 30. They began having children quite young.
Perhaps I take after my dad's mother.
Congratulations, Jodie! I'll be praying for a lovely, smooth, and uneventful pregnancy and delivery.
Blessings, |
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My maternal Grandma had 18, not including miscarriages. I don't know how they managed, they had nothing, but no one went hungry and all were well dressed, thanks to donations and her unstitching and remaking things for the kids.
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BlessedWith3SNP
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We have 3, and although I'd love more, I'm very nervous to get pregnant again. I've had some very rough pregnancies. NICU stays with my middle being born 2 months early. My daughter caused me to have bladder prolapse that is still not corrected. I have RH negative problems and all sorts of things. I'm just very nervous to become pregnant again. My DH keeps hinting at it though. Saying things like, "Doesn't it seem that there is an empty spot here?". I don't know what to do. Perhaps I should pray on it. 
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~Mary, wife to Kenneth and mom to Sean Michael (10/03), Noah Gabriel (11/05), Piper Arwen (10/08), Adam Raphael (4/14)
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: How many children do you have?
