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folklaur
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| Posted: March 18 2011 at 8:48pm | IP Logged
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ladies, can I humbly ask for prayers (which seems odd to my mind considering my current state...)
I am fully versed in Catholic teaching, Catholic apologetics, etc. I was immersed in reading most anything on the topic from solid Catholic authors, and with solid Catholic teaching, for quite some time.
The problem?
I just...don't think I believe it anymore.
I wish I did. My life was so simple in that aspect before. My faith in Catholicism was strong.
I believe in the Divine. I just don't know if I believe in the Church, or Catholicism, anymore. This came to a head while preparing my youngest dd for her First Holy Communion, and where before certain things had made sense or seemed beautiful, I was now seeing them as repugnant.
If this is TMI, the mods can freely trim and just leave up the "prayer request" aspect.
sigh.
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guitarnan
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| Posted: March 18 2011 at 9:01pm | IP Logged
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I am praying mightily for you, my friend!
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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kingvozzo
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| Posted: March 18 2011 at 9:03pm | IP Logged
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This is a tough spot to be in. I am surely praying for you. I'm sure some of the wiser ladies here have some great advice or resources for you. I just have prayers...
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Noreen
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4 lads mom
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| Posted: March 18 2011 at 10:06pm | IP Logged
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I am so sorry you are going through this.....what a tough spot to be in.....please know I am offering my prayers!!! Can you talk to a good holy priest?
Many 
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Mom of four brave lads and one sweet lassie
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ladybugs
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| Posted: March 18 2011 at 10:24pm | IP Logged
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I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think people's faith is being tried and tested mightily right now.
Even though you don't feel like you believe, I would encourage you get your home blessed and to pick up the rosary and pray it. I would also encourage you to go to a Church and tell Jesus how you feel. He's not going to be shocked or anything.
I think there are many people who have felt like you, one way or another. But I would encourage you to not give up....  . I know that when I can see light again, I look back and see how far it is that God carried me.
You will be in my prayers, friend.
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Maria P
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Chris V
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| Posted: March 18 2011 at 11:29pm | IP Logged
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Offering many prayers for you in this most difficult of times. As with Maria, I also would encourage you not to give up. Pray for your unbelief.
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Chris
Happy Wife with my Happy Life
Mama to My Five Girls ('04~'07~'09~'11~'11) 
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: March 18 2011 at 11:33pm | IP Logged
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I'm praying for you Laura
Please try and remember that feelings (even from inutitive thinking) can be deceptive and that belief is an assent of the will, not a feeling.
I know you said that you've done lots of apologetics and Catholic reading. You might consider looking for something about a "dark night of the soul".. multiple saints have mentioned this.. Saint John of the Cross, Saint Thérèse of Lisieux and Blessed Mother Teresa (or is it more correct to say Blessed Teresa of Calcutta?) are some I know of.
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: March 18 2011 at 11:44pm | IP Logged
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ladybugs wrote:
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think people's faith is being tried and tested mightily right now.
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So painfully true.
Laura, you have been through so much and life can be so difficult. Please do be gentle and caring with yourself as you face this spiritual battle. Many here will pray and love you through this difficult time.
Ideas to bring relief? Right now, I'm finding relief from my struggles by reading about St. Theresa of Avila in Fire Within . She used her reason and will to a great extent. At first, she didn't even want to become a religious, but reasoned and willed herself to do so. Her story, and this book, are fascinating.
In the past, and I've returned to it often, I've found Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence very encouraging. It is very plain-spoken, direct, and succint. When I'm emotionally overwhelmed, it cuts directly through my emotions to tap my reason, bolster my will, and bring relief.
God loves you very much and our family will pray for you and your intentions.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: March 18 2011 at 11:50pm | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
| You might consider looking for something about a "dark night of the soul".. multiple saints have mentioned this.. Saint John of the Cross, . |
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I was cross-posting with Jodie. Dark Night of the Soul is another read that is very helpful...brief and, honestly, the first half is plenty to ponder for me at this season of my life. St. John of the Cross is the second saint explored in Fire Within.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: March 19 2011 at 7:14am | IP Logged
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Praying for you, Laura!
In reading your post, I keep thinking of the verse in Mark 9 where the father of the possessed boy says, "I do believe, help my unbelief!"
There have definitely been times in my life where I had to will myself through times of doubt.
I pray that you will continue to seek our Lord in the sacraments and the mass and that their graces will soon offer you the consolation of spirit you have lost.
I have friends who would say, "Fake it 'til you make it." But I really don't think that "faking it" is fake in the least. Willing oneself to pray when it is hardest and act as if you believe when struggling most with unbelief is, imo, a much greater act of faith than doing so when it "feels" right.
I second Angie's recommendation, too. Fire Within is a powerful read, and reading more of the darkness experienced by both Theresa of Avila and John of the Cross (or Blessed Theresa of Calcutta--her letters were recently published) might help you feel less alone in this trial.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
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cathhomeschool
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Praying for you, Laura! I believe that it is when our faith is being tested that it is most important to hold on and keep looking toward Christ even if we don't "feel" it. There is a spiritual battle going on but you have the best warriors (St. Michael and the angels) on your side! St. Therese of Lisieux came to my mind as I read your request -- close to her death she did not "feel" the presence of God or believe at all, yet she kept writing poems of God so beautiful and sure that none of the nuns ever suspected that she was having a crisis of faith. This test shall pass! Praying mightily for perseverance for you.
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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mamaslearning
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The Journey Toward God has been a help for me this year. I also pray the verse suggested above Mark 9:24 - "I do believe, help my unbelief" daily.
It's hard to struggle and I wish I could have no doubts like a child, but knowing that Saints and others (Bl. Mother Teresa comes to mind) struggled and did not always have peace helps me to keep up the fight.
I will say many prayers for you and offer up today's struggles for you.
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DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
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Carole N.
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I am praying for you, Laura! I know how hard it must be to go through this struggle. All the advice you have received has been wonderful. All I can add is that when I feel detached or distant from my faith, I stop to count my blessings. And as I count, I remember that they all come from God. And I found God in the Catholic Church. I know that my experience is different from yours, but I would go to the Blessed Sacrament and just have a nice chat with Jesus. Tell him what you are feeling and perhaps he can help you. I know that this always helps me. I will keep you in prayer.
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Carole ... in Wales
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florasita
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I struggle too with this ,lol I even thought I might be a witch and wiccan a yr or so ago !
You are absolutely not the only person going through this !
remember lent is a time of struggle also for unbelief and conversion .Please also remember the many changes that came to our church and church family because of holy people / saints who did question . Our church has expereinced conversion all along and will continue to experience it .
there have been actions & wrongs within the church which happened and were changed !
Take it all to Him ! stay with those saints He sends to you and remain in silence . if I can suggest stay away from political church concerns on forums etc. these often bring up disturbances etc.
I am praying !
Rox
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folklaur
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| Posted: March 19 2011 at 2:47pm | IP Logged
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Thank you, Ladies, for all the prayers and advice.
I do so need them.
One of the biggest problems is not that I have lost faith in God, exactly. I absolutely believe in the Divine.
I just am finding that I less and less agree with Catholicism. (I am a cradle catholic, who spent some time away from the Church in my late teens, and then "re-verted" with an on fire faith by the time I was 21 or 22.)
That what scares me. I've read stories of the saints my whole life. I know the teachings of the Church. I know the reasoning behind the teachings. I know all the "right" answers to apologetic questions. I just think some are....wrong. Contrived. (and don't I sound just like my own little pope? UGH!!  )
But how do you make yourself believe something when you just...can't?
I have a friend coming into the Church on this upcoming Easter. She is coming from a STRONGLY Fundamentalist background. She never thought she would *ever* even consider that CC - and now she is so excited. I am SO happy for her. I have spent this last year helping her with questions, knowing I was helping to bolster her faith in the CC - while at the exact same time, not even agreeing with the answers I was giving her. I *know* the "right" answers. I just don't believe they are really right anymore.
Sorry for the babbling. And truly appreciating the prayers.
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Angie Mc
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folklaur wrote:
I *know* the "right" answers. I just don't believe they are really right anymore.
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When I was at a point like this, I stopped and rested. I gave the Lord a list of specific things that I didn't believe, couldn't grasp, or honestly disagreed with. Then I just kept going to Mass, receiving the sacraments, and learning how to pray, especially the rosary.
While I wasn't looking...the major issues resolved in my mind and heart. Grace. Mystery. His time.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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JennGM
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I am praying for you, Laura.
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Jennifer G. Miller
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juliana147
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praying here, too, Laura. I wish I had words of wisdom, but I think the other ladies here have had beautiful things to say. I will say, though, that I think faith is definitely a struggle at times. Hold on in prayer. Know that we will pray for you, too.
juliana
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hylabrook1
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Adding my prayers, Laura.
Peace,
Nancy
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amyable
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Praying, Laura! Nothing to say that hasn't already been said.
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4Real Forums : We Pray to the Lord
Topic: loss of belief
