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Lynette
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| Posted: June 28 2010 at 12:50pm | IP Logged
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I'm going through the exact same thing with my 10 yr old daughter. I've purchased 4 types of bras for her to choose from with not much success. She says they are too tight and give her a stomache ache. We might have a winner though--one of the 3 different types I purchased from Kohl's. I bought extra large in size so that they would not really hug her ribs.
She also says she doesn't understand why she needs to wear one. I'm not sure what to tell her. I just said a bra is for modesty and to protect that area of your chest. Then she wants to know what modesty is...
Are there any good sources for me to use with my explanations? I do have the American Girl body book but I haven't brought it out yet. My daughter is a worrier so I can't give her too much info too soon.
But I don't want her to start her per*od and have no idea what is happening. And I want to talk to her about modesty--But I am just clueless as to what to say!
Lynette
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: June 28 2010 at 12:55pm | IP Logged
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In a basic sense.. modesty is keeping the private areas of our bodies private.. which means we don't draw attention to them.. which means we wear clothes that cover sufficiently so as not to attact attention.. and not wearing a bra WILL attract attention so it is not modest to not wear one.. unless you have enough other clothes to conceal without a bra.
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CatholicMommy
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| Posted: June 28 2010 at 12:59pm | IP Logged
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Lynette,
Have you ever seen "The Joyful Mysteries of Life"? It's a nice little book (with some of my own personal caveats) and can be a great resource for ideas on *how* to discuss certain things, even if one doesn't read it word-for-word to the child(ren).
Here is my LONG review of it.
Other than that, I would focus on women being the nurturer of life that grows within their wombs, and that life is later fed by the milk produced by our own bodies and those areas (everything from collarbone to the upper thigh) is absolutely sacred space and the surrounding areas lead to that and should also be appropriately cared for and protected.
(and men, then, are the protector of that life-giving ability of the woman - if you want to get into it with any male children of yours  )
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Karen T
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| Posted: June 28 2010 at 5:05pm | IP Logged
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Mackfam wrote:
Make it a special mom/daughter day. Take her to lunch. Discuss modesty issues and tell her you're going to take her shopping and offer her a couple of options, but that you'll be leaving the store with 4 bras that she picks out. Wearing them is not an option, but definitely work with her to make them as comfortable and wearable as possible!
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this is what I was going to post when I started reading it. Explain that even though she may be a little earlier than her friends, eventually all of them will be wearing them too and she gets to be the first! make it really exciting (most girls can't wait to get bras once a few others are wearing them - I'm remembering a few girls in my 5th grade class)
And definitely make it a big special day, breakfast out or lunch, maybe get your nails done together, etc.
Karen
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imcatholic
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| Posted: June 28 2010 at 6:18pm | IP Logged
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Wow - Being the mother of 4 ds - I almost didn't read this thread! I am so glad I did. I was looking for a comfy under my pajamas bra and just ordered on from decent exposures. I can add I feel for her - I developed and had to start wearing a bra pretty early (9 yo). I know how uncomfortable it can be to be the first one. That was years ago and we had to wear the white school blouses so everyone knew you had on a bra. I am still very protective of my "girls" and am always concerned with cleavage. I tend to wear over-sized t shirts. If she can wear a sports bra/tank top underneath she can pull off the cute layered look the kids wear. It really is important for the tissue to be supported even at this young age. She could start to develop stretch marks.
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mama2many
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| Posted: July 02 2010 at 7:11am | IP Logged
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oh wow.. I just got my 9yo her first little bra's yesterday.. it's not so much "breast" as.. um.. n*pple 
I can see them now and I wanted her to get used to the idea before there were real issues. 
She's been SO MOODY I worry... other things are happening. I was 9 when I got my "gift" 
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Syncletica
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| Posted: Aug 12 2011 at 11:32pm | IP Logged
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I hope no one minds if I bring this back...
Question: Would you buy one for your 10 year old dd who desperately really and truly wants one, but, honestly does not need one?
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Aug 12 2011 at 11:55pm | IP Logged
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This is usually about the time we start with undershirts. And an explaination of just what/why you need a bra and how for the moment the undershirts fulfill that need.
But... I have two girls very close and the younger one in more need of the bras so both got them rather than draw more attention to the older one being "behind".
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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Martha
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| Posted: Aug 13 2011 at 12:22am | IP Logged
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Ducking for cover -
I wouldn't make her wear a bra.
There is no health reason to do so.
If her clothes are modest, a bra won't make her more modest.
In fact. I do not understand that argument at all?
Most bras are designed to accentuate the breast, not conceal. They lift and pad.
If the concern is bouncing or being cold, a cami or tank under her clothes will usually solve the problem just as well with more comfort.
I'm not saying I think ya'll are wrong for thinking different.
Just offering the suggestion that not wearing a bra isn't necessarily immodest or unreasonable to consider for a 10 yr old.
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Aug 13 2011 at 12:29am | IP Logged
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Opposite thinking here Martha.. it's not the parent making her.. it's the girl WANTING to. Do you provide bras for a *want* when there is NOT a need?
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Aug 13 2011 at 12:51am | IP Logged
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oh.. I see.. you're responding to the first post.. sorry about that Martha. The OP was from last year.. the new post.. was asking about the girl that doesn't need one but wants one.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Aug 13 2011 at 8:33am | IP Logged
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Syncletica wrote:
I hope no one minds if I bring this back...
Question: Would you buy one for your 10 year old dd who desperately really and truly wants one, but, honestly does not need one? |
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I probably would. Like Jodie, around this age we go to tanks/camisoles anyway for extra modesty. You can find some simple cotton bras in the girls section of stores. I would probably NOT do anything padded as that is really only necessary when a young lady has developed more and serves to offer extra fabric protection for discreetness in that area.
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SuzanneG
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Syncletica wrote:
Question: Would you buy one for your 10 year old dd who desperately really and truly wants one, but, honestly does not need one? |
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Yes, I would. Simple cotton "training bra." No padding or anything. I think it's very normal for this age girl to "want to be older" or "want to grow up."
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Suzanne in ID
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Syncletica
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| Posted: Aug 13 2011 at 9:47am | IP Logged
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Ok! Thanks, ladies! She'll be so excited when I tell her.
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Martha
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JodieLyn wrote:
| Opposite thinking here Martha.. it's not the parent making her.. it's the girl WANTING to. Do you provide bras for a *want* when there is NOT a need? |
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Doh! My error.
No. I wouldn't.
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Topic: How to get daughter to wear a bra?
