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CatholicMommy
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| Posted: May 11 2010 at 4:11pm | IP Logged
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Definitely her words to you are a cry for help.
I know the best thing for me when my son was an infant and I was in school full-time and working part-time - before I started running the family daycare in my home - I just needed breaks. I needed friends to just come over and play with the baby or hold him or otherwise just monitor him so I could sleep for 40 minutes.
One young lady at the college would come over Saturday mornings and play with my son so I could pull the house back together.
I was a single mom through it all - but I didn't have PPD or anything similar. And it was hard enough and I needed help.
It was very difficult during the times when others couldn't help, I shouldered everything and I would send out cries for help that would go unanswered - tension built FAST. Again, that was without the PPD or anything like it.
She is likely feeling lost, desperate, spiritually-sapped, and overwhelmed.
Listen to her.
Visit her routinely.
Take the baby for an hour or two so she can nap.
Those things right there will go a LONG way.
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CatholicMommy
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| Posted: May 11 2010 at 4:13pm | IP Logged
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As for the original question - about how moms of many portray themselves as busy. The best way to overcome it, is to make a point of being available - almost "too" available.
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: May 11 2010 at 5:01pm | IP Logged
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LucyP wrote:
| If she is spanking and yelling at a tiny baby I would be alarmed and seeking to help immediately - but if she is admitting to shaking the baby, I would be phoning social services. ... And if she is admitting to shaking the babe "a little" then goodness knows what else is going on.. |
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Lucy, I agree that no one wants a baby in harms way and I understand - and encourage all mothers to know - the moral and legal obligations to call in suspected abuse when necessary. I'll try to tread carefully as not to be misunderstood...In the situation described, no abuse has been witnessed, what information there is has been gathered verbally via the phone, "shaking" hasn't been defined, and we can't speculate. I defer back to Michaela, because of her close proximity to the mom and baby, to discern whether or not this specfic situation constitutes the serious step of reporting. To get help discerning this step, once again, ask for local help from locally recommended resources.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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LucyP
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| Posted: May 11 2010 at 5:42pm | IP Logged
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Angie, I think you and have both lived/live with the reality of children who had to wait for help, and everything I have read says that shaking a baby is a categorical act of abuse, whether the mom "means" it and is rational or not. In the UK you don't have to actually witness abuse to report it - and the person who has done the shaking has admitted it, so I have my adoptive mama hat on and think "get that baby and that mama some help NOW"
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JennGM
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| Posted: May 11 2010 at 5:49pm | IP Logged
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*********Moderator's Note***************
Giving advice on whether or not something is actually child abuse is outside the area of expertise on 4Real.
Online conversation is fraught with miscommunication because of the lack of visual cues and the different meaning applied to the same words by different people.
***************************************
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Jennifer G. Miller
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: May 11 2010 at 8:15pm | IP Logged
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LucyP wrote:
| I have my adoptive mama hat on and think "get that baby and that mama some help NOW" |
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You betcha! It appears that Michaela and others who have chimed in here agree that help is needed...the question is what intervention and who is in the best position to make decisions about that intervention.
LucyP wrote:
| Angie, I think you and have both lived/live with the reality of children who had to wait for help, |
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This is very true. Thanks for giving me a chance to clarify. I am not advocating waiting, I am trying to share from my experience, the most direct way to get help that is helpful...
LucyP wrote:
| everything I have read says that shaking a baby is a categorical act of abuse, whether the mom "means" it and is rational or not. |
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Yes, this is true. The complication comes in when a mother says that she has shaken her baby, but she hasn't. I have known of mothers who, in a depleted and anxious state, believe that they have harmed their baby - when they haven't. Either they have become detached from reality or they became convinced that any movement of the baby is "shaking." These moms absolutely needed help, but their admitting - their words - weren't valid. Ideally, someone close to the scene can work with this mom to tease out what is actually going on within the context of her particular community.
As Jenn shared, we have some limits here and we may be getting into territory that is beyond our mission. Maybe it would be helpful to start 2 new related topics. The first can be, Being Available - friend and mentor and the second can be, Local Resources - how to find and share. I'll get those started and come back here and edit in direct links.
Michaela, I sure hope that I haven't taken your original post into a direction that is overwhelming or missing the mark. Please know that every member here so wants to be of help! We are sharing personal experience but none of us are there  . Take what you feel will help and know that we're all praying mightily!
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Michaela
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| Posted: May 11 2010 at 9:28pm | IP Logged
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Angie Mc wrote:
Michaela, I sure hope that I haven't taken your original post into a direction that is overwhelming or missing the mark. Please know that every member here so wants to be of help! We are sharing personal experience but none of us are there . Take what you feel will help and know that we're all praying mightily!
Love, |
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 You are all always so helpful and caring.
The internet certainly does make it challenging to communicate. So much can be left out for various reasons. I thought my original post was too long, but looking at it now, I see how short and choppy it is. With my children in the room, I was jumping around in my thoughts so they wouldn't see too much.
This young mom and her baby have been taken care of since she opened up to me on Mother's Day. Family have intervened to care for her and her baby.
I sensed my posts (probably my 3rd post) covered two separate subjects and the original reason for posting was getting muddled. My own fault. My mind was on the fact she was told I am too busy to help and she believed that even though I talk to her often, see her during get togethers, and often text just because I'm thinking of her. What was said about not being able to read minds jumped out at me. I don't always know when someone needs help.
Thank you for all of the advice on how to show that I really really mean it when I tell family and friends I am willing to help. More action on my part.
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Being Available
