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Babs
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My oldest son is getting married in New Orleans this year and when they got engaged I googled Mother of the Groom responsibilities because this is our first child getting married. I was so excited to see this was something we could do (we have all boys) but his fiance informed me she will be making the cake. After more research it seems that now it has become more common for the bride to make the cake instead of the groom's mother.
It really is too bad since the groom's cake and the rehearsal dinner were the only two things the groom's family could do for the wedding. One site offered the mother of the groom advice to "show up, shut up and wear beige."
It would have been nice to do something special for him on the big day.
God Bless,
Barb
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Matilda
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| Posted: Jan 20 2010 at 8:46pm | IP Logged
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I have never heard of the groom's cake being served at the rehearsal dinner, but if it is, I think it would be entirely appropriate for the groom's family to provide it. I can't really believe that in today's day and age people would be so stuck on protocol as to deny a family the opportunity of contributing in some way to their child's special day. If good lines of communication are open, then everything should be up for discussion, but then... my oldest is only 12.
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Charlotte (Matilda)
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Mary K
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i've never heard of a groom's cake, but it would have been a pizza or ice cream, not a cake-dh doesn't like them.
as for idle curiousity...forget that, we want details cay!!!
mary-ny 
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MaryM
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Babs wrote:
| One site offered the mother of the groom advice to "show up, shut up and wear beige." |
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Having mostly boys here, too - with some getting closer to that possibility in age ...gee, I can hardly wait...   
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Mary M. in Denver
Our Domestic Church
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KC in TX
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| Posted: Jan 20 2010 at 8:58pm | IP Logged
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This might give us an answer.
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KC,
wife to Ben (10/94),
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And, my 2 angels, Rose ('08) and Mark ('09)
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Babs
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| Posted: Jan 20 2010 at 9:00pm | IP Logged
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I am sorry I wasn't clear, the groom's cake is served at the wedding. That and the rehearsal dinner were the two things mentioned for the groom's family to provide, so now just the rehearsal dinner.
We don't know the bride's family yet, as we live in Maryland, but she is a lovely girl. Wedding tradition is just set up in a way that leaves the groom's family as spectators. Maybe because he is my first to get married or maybe because I have all boys, I just think it is sad.
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JennGM
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| Posted: Jan 20 2010 at 9:06pm | IP Logged
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MaryM wrote:
Babs wrote:
| One site offered the mother of the groom advice to "show up, shut up and wear beige." |
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Having mostly boys here, too - with some getting closer to that possibility in age ...gee, I can hardly wait... |
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I know. It helps if you're handy in DIY and handicrafts and creative (and local). If the bride is trying to save money, THEN the groom's family might be more involved!. We were always helping in the liturgical music, decorating the hall, making cakes, calligraphy for the invitations....
The groom's mom needs to be supportive but not opinionated. So hard!
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2  '07
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MaryM
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| Posted: Jan 20 2010 at 9:07pm | IP Logged
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KC in TX wrote:
| This might give us an answer. |
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hmmm, it would seem so ....she better get right over here and answer our questions, by gosh!!
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Mary M. in Denver
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Babs
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| Posted: Jan 20 2010 at 9:15pm | IP Logged
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It is too bad we are so far away, we would love to help. She has had five sisters get married so far so they pretty much have the wedding down to a science! I don't think we will have to be worried about being opinionated since we are not involved, I guess that could be considered a blessing?
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Matilda
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| Posted: Jan 20 2010 at 9:16pm | IP Logged
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Actually, Babs, I was thinking about something I read in one of the links Jennifer provided. It said that the groom's cake is sometimes served at the rehearsal dinner.
Here:
The groom's cake can serve many purposes, from dessert at the rehearsal dinner to an alternative choice to the bride's cake at the wedding.
I have always hated the "sit down, shut up and just wear beige" approach, but then again, I have also hated "the wedding day is the bride's big day" approach as well. Now granted, a groom's mother who insists on things that she is not offering to provide or that are contrary to the wishes of the couple is not appreciated.
Maybe you could offer to do a "groom's cake" at the rehearsal dinner, but call it something else?
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Charlotte (Matilda)
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JodieLyn
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Well then Cay, it sounds like it might be a nice thing to *offer* to the groom's family without requiring it either way.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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JennGM
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Although there are traditional roles and etiquette has the "who pays what", they are all suggestions. Talk to the bride and her family. Ask if you can help somehow. Maybe pay for a special dessert if not the groom's cake that would add the flavor of the family?
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Jennifer G. Miller
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Mackfam
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| Posted: Jan 20 2010 at 9:29pm | IP Logged
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Well....I'm dying here!!! All this talk of groom's cakes...
Cay??????????? Clue us in!!!!!!!
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Jen Mackintosh
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Cay Gibson
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Thank you all for the info and suggestions. Weeee, I've learned a lot in a short amount of time.
This might have been something I gathered from my side of the family but the groom's cake was always supplied by the groom's god-mother. It was a special task assigned to the "Nanny."
I had no idea this was a Southern tradition. I thought everyone did it. Around here the groom's cake is usually centered around something the groom enjoys, a hobby, etc.
I have no recollection who paid for Mark's groom's cake but his was a chocolate layer cake with a duck flying over a marsh (because he hunted) and it read: "Your quacking days are over."
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Cay Gibson
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Babs
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| Posted: Jan 20 2010 at 9:35pm | IP Logged
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That's a good idea Jennifer. After I mentioned making the groom's cake (before I knew she intended to) and being told no, I have been very concerned about not getting off to a bad start. The last thing I want to do is step on anyone's toes (even unintentionally) so I have been hesitant about saying anything else. I guess I have been leaning too far the other way in an effort to not upset anyone. Thanks for your advice, I am going to give this some thought.
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Cay Gibson
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Cross-posting, Jen. 
Yes, Kayleigh is engaged. This will be my first to marry and it isn't a boy. I'd much rather have been "broken in" by marrying off a son first. 
I've made no secret to anyone that I'd like them to wait until next summer. This fall she will start clinicals in nursing. We've heard how hard that is. We'd really like her to finish. Even if they waited until next summer at least she'd only have a year of college left.
As it stands, they're planning on this summer.
I'm trying to respect their privacy (and lots of discernment and decision-making) so I'm keeping focused on groom's cakes and color schemes and "sitting down, shutting up...and finding myself a ???-colored dress."
See, Barb, there isn't much difference.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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Cay Gibson
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Kayleigh's fiance requested a chocolate layer cake with an LSU football field scene. I feel like I'm ordering a b-day cake.
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Cay Gibson
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KC in TX
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Congratulations, Cay! Kayleigh will make a beautiful bride and you a beautiful MOB (Mother of the Bride).
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wife to Ben (10/94),
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Michaela ('01)
Emma ('03)
Jordan ('05)
And, my 2 angels, Rose ('08) and Mark ('09)
The Cabbage Patch
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Matilda
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| Posted: Jan 20 2010 at 9:44pm | IP Logged
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Cay Gibson wrote:
This might have been something I gathered from my side of the family but the groom's cake was always supplied by the groom's god-mother. It was a special task assigned to the "Nanny."
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OK, now come to think of it, in the Hispanic culture, they have "padrinos and madrinas" that are honored by being asked to provide certain portions of the wedding celebration. Godparents are almost allows honored in this way. Perhaps it is the Cajun culture to extend this duty to the godmother in a similar way?
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Charlotte (Matilda)
Mom to four (11, 10, 9 & 5) an even split for now
with bookend boys and a double girl sandwich
Waltzing Matilda
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Babs
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Charlotte,
I somehow missed your post. This morning my father suggested serving the cake at the rehearsal dinner since we would be providing dessert anyway. I will have to speak with the bride, I don't want her to think I am trying to go against her wishes since she is making his cake for the wedding. I think I will take your suggestion and call it something else when I speak to her.
Cay,
You are too funny!!
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4Real Forums : Our Lady's Loom, Larder, and Laundry
Topic: Groom's Cake
