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stellamaris
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| Posted: Jan 16 2010 at 7:50pm | IP Logged
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Quote:
| The subtle lie is that if I have the right toys, my child will be happier/smarter/more peaceful and that morphs into I must have this, and this and this. |
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Susan, I think this is why I liked KJP's book so much...we are surrounded by this very constant pressure that tries to convince us that more STUFF = happier LIFE and more LOVE. As parents, we want the best for our children, and these pressures play upon our fears. We certainly don't want to give them "less", but at some point most of us (including myself) get caught up in giving them "more"...more stuff, more activities, more books. It is as if our best parenting instincts are being twisted and used against us! What we really want for our children is more eternal happiness, wisdom (not necessary knowledge), and a deep love of God; we want them fit to know, love, and serve in this world and the next-which doesn't take any toys at all!
Sometimes I wonder for myself if the toys are my crutch...I have more time to pursue my own interests when my boys are busy with their toys. Without the toys, what would we do? I'd have to spend many more hours interacting with them in ordinary life situations...oh, wait! that's what I wanted to be doing  !
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to  dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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SeaStar
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| Posted: Jan 16 2010 at 8:11pm | IP Logged
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Willa wrote:
Melinda, my boys were absolutely fascinated with your "clutter"! |
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Ack- Willa, that gold chair in that picture is at least 30 years old, and it is one of the things my ds is so attached to. He calls it "old gold", says it's the cat's chair and becomes hysterical if we mention giving it away  . I'm so glad the neighborhood possum and Peanutbutter Cup, our cat, are so comfortable out in the garage.
Caroline-
That is an interesting point you make about relying on toys to entertain our children instead of spending our own time. Not that we can (or should) be the entertainment committee, but I can see numerous examples of times when I'd rather be on-line than reading to my dc- things like that.
Teri Maxwell, in her book "Holding Our Children's Hearts" makes the point of saying how we often think we are looking after our children's hearts because we are home with them, but in reality we are busy with our own agenda and leaving them to their own devices. Instead of taking the time to read to them or engage them in real work with us, we look for toys or other things to occupy them (and then get mad when that doesn't work... ie, the old: you have so many toys; find something to play with!  ).
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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stellamaris
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| Posted: Jan 19 2010 at 2:24pm | IP Logged
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OK, I'm starting the next thread on Rhythms.
Also, I decided over the weekend that I can't possibly take everything in my house that would be the children's (especially books) and put it in one pile. I just couldn't face that without totally melting down. So I decided that whenever I'm at the VA home, I'll do one "section". I'm thinking I'll start with reference books. I'll go all over the house looking for reference books and I'll pile THOSE up and sort through them to get to a reasonable level of books we actually USE frequently and are planning to USE again! I'll have to keep the Encyclopedia (can't convince dh to get rid of it), but otherwise I think I can pare down quite a bit. Then, I'll designate a place for those reference books that the children can access. I'm just going to do this process a million times with each "group" of books/games/and toys. (So when I do the "language arts" group, I'll also sort out all the "language" games like Scrabble, Boggle, Sea of Vowels, etc.)
At least I got the children's rooms in VA down to just a few toys and books. So that's great! 
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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Marcia
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| Posted: Jan 19 2010 at 2:36pm | IP Logged
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I haven't read that Maxwell book, but I agree that we need to be more mentally present to our children instead of just physically in the same house with them.
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Marcia
Mom to six and wife to one
Homeschooling 10th, 7th, 5th, 2nd, PreK and a toddler in tow.
I wonder why
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happymama
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| Posted: Feb 02 2010 at 9:11pm | IP Logged
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Well, I got the book from our library over the weekend & read it... and was surprised he didn't mention Montessori, because so much of what he was trying to say, she already did. That aside...
I was inspired to make 2 big changes here.
(1) to NOT donate toys to thrift stores that I just don't like. Trash it, and try to limit what comes into my home to begin with. (most of it comes here from relatives.)
(2) I completely cleaned out ALL the clothes my kids had - the 3 boys had 35 pairs of pants. sheesh, no wonder my laundry piles get so high. In the morning they will each find 6 winter outfits that fit them well in their drawers, and 1 church outfit hanging up in the closet. Everything else went to storage. Lovely. I put my 3yo's outfits each into a gallon-size ziplock, to keep pants & shirts that match together. I don't really care if his clothes match or not, but by reducing the total # of articles so much, it would be more tricky to find matching partners. Instead of picking out his own shirt & pants, he can pick out his own bagged outfit.
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Karen T
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| Posted: Feb 02 2010 at 9:59pm | IP Logged
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happymama wrote:
(2) I completely cleaned out ALL the clothes my kids had - the 3 boys had 35 pairs of pants. sheesh, no wonder my laundry piles get so high.
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Wow, I can so relate to this. I just went through my ds10's clothes today and was shocked at how much was in his dresser drawers - no wonder he can never fold his clean clothes and put them away. T shirts were the big thing here - he had a lot of old T shirts that were hand-me-downs from big brother, then he's always getting new ones at things like scout events, baseball games, etc. He tends to wear mostly the same things over and over and now I see why - it's easier than digging through it all. I pulled out everything from each drawer but one drawer at a time and went through it. I culled at least 3/4 of the shirts and he still has 10 short sleeves in the drawer along with 5 long sleeve ones. I'm embarrassed by how much is left  but figure it's a good start. All the ones left are in really good shape, no holes or stains, and most are fairly new and mean something to him so I didn't have the heart to dump even more. I did the same with his other clothing but nothing else was so overwhelming.
Tomorrow I'm going to try and get dd's dresser done, although hers is not nearly as excessive b/c I'm better about going through things at seasonal changes with her. I've also done some purging of my own closet/drawers but thorough enough yet.
We haven't done the big toy purge yet either. Ds is working on putting together many of the special Lego sets he's acquired over the last year, which were fun to make once but are not very "replayable." all the pieces had gotten mixed together, from about 8 different sets, so he's been sorting them, putting them together and then listing them on ebay to sell. I will be glad when those are gone. I love Lego but prefer the random blocks to build anything with - he will still have a big box of those.
Karen T
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4Real Forums : Book Club
Topic: Simp. Parent. Ch 2 & 3: the environment
