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LeeAnn
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| Posted: Jan 11 2010 at 12:08pm | IP Logged
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Are we discussing ch. 2 soon? :)
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my four children are 17, 15, 11 & 8 - all now attend public school - we read many 4Real recommended books at home
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stellamaris
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| Posted: Jan 11 2010 at 12:56pm | IP Logged
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Actually, LeeAnn, I am wondering if everyone would prefer to move on to Ch. 2 and Ch 3? Chapter 2 is more about the impact of our over-loaded culture on children; Chapter 3 is specifically about decluttering the environment in our homes, which seems to be the topic we keep coming back to.
I think I'll go ahead and start a new thread for those two chapters, but if you still wish to discuss the "vision" idea, feel free to do so on this thread. Please try not to highjack the thread too far off topic; specifics on scheduling, environment, rituals, etc. can all be discussed as we cover the other chapters. There will be a thread for every one or two chapters, and I hope that will make it easy for ladies to search for the specific information/discussion they are interested in. So let's kept the discussion focused, please!
I found this article on Yahoo! news this morning. It seems to bear out what KJP is saying...our culture, especially the emphasis on external values such as wealth and beauty, are creating higher levels of stress and anxiety in young people.
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to  dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: Jan 11 2010 at 1:02pm | IP Logged
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I "read" through most of the book, but I was having a really hard time getting totally into it. I found some parts very repetitive, and (sorry disappoint) but I didn't feel like he addressed special issues of homeschooling or large (more than 2 kids) families. I think I'm going to get much more out of these discussions then the book itself, although I did find a few gems.
It was a great idea to observe and think about triggers. TOO MUCH STUFF is a big one, and as others have mentioned, I thought I HAD pared down but see where more paring needs to be done. The house is ALWAYS a wreck.
It is very hard to pare down the kids' toys, though, because 1)I have multiple age groups with another one on the way and think I will "need" it for the next baby and 2)my older kids (especially my oldest) get really angry when I get rid of things even if they have outgrown them or rarely play with them. I hear about it sometimes for weeks or even months later.
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| I'm able to trace the cause of this loss of family peace to my level of fatigue (which I think is probably the greatest constant symptom of my fibromyalgia). |
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It's not just your fibromyalgia. I find motherhood exhausting, especially when I'm pregnant again.  And this is definitely a HUGE trigger for me as well.
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| Flashpoints for our family are definitely meal times, bed times, and the like, when tasks need to be completed in a timely manner. |
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Meal times--I am not a very good cook and have a hard time coming up with foods everyone will eat. Some nights I short order cook because I know if the kids refuse to eat we'll have emotional meltdowns later due to hunger.
Bed times--Part of this is because by bedtime I am wiped out and short-tempered. And sometimes it is hard find that fine line between not tired, tired, and over-tired.
Morning Appointments, especially Mass
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Barbara
Mom to "spirited" dd(9), "spunky" dd (6), "sincere" dd (3), "sweet" dd (2), and baby girl #5 born 8/1/12!!
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: Jan 11 2010 at 1:12pm | IP Logged
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One thing that kind of bothers me about KJP's theories is that he seems to discount temperament. He blames things like picky eating, sensitivity to clothing textures, emotional meltdowns, etc. all on hectic and cluttered lifestyles. But these things are most prevalent in only 1 of my children, my oldest who has a "spirited" temperament.
Now I am not saying that mistakes that we made early on may not have exacerbated her temperament in ways, but some of her responses are natural just to her. And she also has a likelihood of having an anxiety disorder with a genetic component. It's silly to think that "fixing" everything in her environment is going to make it all magically go away.
It is hard too when she is the one most likely to impede the simplification process. For instance, it is hard to guard her from TOO MUCH INFORMATION because if my husband and I try to discuss anything privately (even something completely innocuous) or I need to make a phone call about anything my daughter gets paranoid and panics. What are you talking about? Is it about me? Is something happening to me? Is it bad? We can hold her off sometimes, but other times she half-hears something as she walks in a room and if we don't explain she gets upset.
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Barbara
Mom to "spirited" dd(9), "spunky" dd (6), "sincere" dd (3), "sweet" dd (2), and baby girl #5 born 8/1/12!!
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: Jan 11 2010 at 1:14pm | IP Logged
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| I am always so grateful for the prayer in Mass which asks that we be "protected from all anxiety". |
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I know exactly what you mean. Even though I know that that prayer is talking about anxiety over Christ's return, ever since I was a preteen that particularly part of the Mass has gone through my mind regularly in a different context.
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Barbara
Mom to "spirited" dd(9), "spunky" dd (6), "sincere" dd (3), "sweet" dd (2), and baby girl #5 born 8/1/12!!
Box of Chocolates
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MicheleQ
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| Posted: Jan 11 2010 at 2:20pm | IP Logged
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Barbara C. wrote:
| One thing that kind of bothers me about KJP's theories is that he seems to discount temperament. He blames things like picky eating, sensitivity to clothing textures, emotional meltdowns, etc. all on hectic and cluttered lifestyles. |
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I didn't feel like he was blaming those things on a hectic cluttered lifestyle so much as saying that they will exacerbate those issues. He admits children are quirky and have different issues but makes a good point in saying that stress will bring out those issues in a bigger way and I have to agree.
I also really liked the point about not letting ourselves become "harmony addicted" because conflict and struggle are important for development so that children can find ways to cope with difficult situations and know that they can.
I love the correlation that "building character and emotional resiliency is a lot like developing a healthy immune system." So true!
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Michele Quigley
wife to my prince charming and mom of 10 in Lancaster County, PA USA
http://michelequigley.com
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stellamaris
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| Posted: Jan 11 2010 at 3:01pm | IP Logged
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Quote:
| I love the correlation that "building character and emotional resiliency is a lot like developing a healthy immune system." So true! |
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Yes, Michele! Just as our immune systems need exposure to dirt (lots of recent research pointing to our super-hygienic lives as a factor in increased allergies and asthma), so our children's characters are strengthen by dealing with the necessary difficulties of life. But just as our immune system can be compromised or overwhelmed by exposure to too many "bugs" at one time, so our children can be overwhelmed and negatively impacted by "too much, too fast,", and, I'm going to add here in anticipation of our discussion on rituals, "too random" of a life. Maybe there is a distinction to be made between "necessary" stress and "unnecessary" stress. For instance, a move is really stressful, but it may be "necessary" stress, something that just has to happen because that's the way life is. However, having so many toys (or, speaking to myself here, books and art supplies) that you spend most of the day picking up isn't really necessary, but I do get 'stuck' in thinking it is!
I don't think KJP thinks just de-cluttering or establishing a schedule is the solution to every parental difficulty, but I do think he believes (and I agree with him) that an orderly, reasonably predictable environment makes every day life easier for both parent and child. Some kids do have more difficult temperaments than others; you have to work with the child you have.
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In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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4Real Forums : Book Club
Topic: Simplicity Parenting: Intro and Ch. 1
