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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 07 2010 at 4:09pm | IP Logged
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Oh Laura, I must appologize, I completely forgot you'd said your dh did quite a bit. I was trying to address the idea that it's not necessarily anyone's "fault" but that sometimes things just change and we don't notice.
And yes sometimes it is hard to discuss a topic that people have preconcieved notions on. You last post made the conversation you were hoping for much clearer.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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folklaur
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| Posted: Jan 07 2010 at 4:36pm | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
| Oh Laura, I must appologize |
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no need, it's no biggie.
(i wasn't going to reply on the thread anymore - but i didn't want you to think i was ignoring you!!)
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melanie
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| Posted: Jan 07 2010 at 5:38pm | IP Logged
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Well...should I reply? Do we really want the thread to die? I think it's a good one!
I liked MOTH, maybe because my dh doesn't do much housework wise? How can I tread delicately here? He's not the type of guy to come home and sit on the couch and bark for a beer, he's really not. I don't want to give that impression. He's wonderful, and he works a lot of hours at a demanding job, and he spends lots of time with the kids which I think is wonderful. But he's very, erm,,,absent-minded professor like and is a definite ADD adult, and he doesn't like housework, is very very slow at it, he doesn't cook *at all*, I mean, he ruined a box of macaroni and cheese the other week  , and frankly, I'm happy if he keeps up with mowing the lawn.  So, really, I do have to do all the housestuff. I do all the housework, the meals, shopping, laundry, bills and budgeting stuff, etc, and a lot of the yardwork as well, though I do delegate more and more to the older kids. My dh's big help is that he is always willng to do things with the kids to allow me time to catch up, and that really is a help...I can get much more done around the house in that time than he can, so it is really just the best for us that way. reading MOTH and putting it all down on paper forced me to be realistic about how many hours there are in a day and what I can really expect to get done. I tend to be rather absent-minded myself, and I lose track of time easily. It helps to keep me on track. I think the catch is to look at the schedule as a goal, something flexible that helps me prioritize and see where the day is going. I don't walk around with a timer and a whistle and go, "2:31, drop those books and hit the snack table!" It also allows me to feel less guilt about things I don't have time to do, because I really can see that I *don't* have time for them, quite literally.
That being said...homeschooling IS a full-time job. Absolutely. Gregory Popcak says that all the time on his podcast, that homeschooling should be treated as a full-time job and the household chores should be split evenly between the spouses if mom does all the homeschooling (while I struggle not to collapse on the floor in hysterical laughter  ).
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Melanie
homeschooling Maria (13yo), Kain (10yo), Jack (5yo), Tess (2yo), and our newest blessing, Henry Robert, born 4/23!
slightlycrunchycatholic.blogspot.com
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KauaiCatholic
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| Posted: Jan 08 2010 at 2:26am | IP Logged
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Laura, I just now read this thread. and I have to say THANK YOU FOR STARTING THIS!!!  I actually skipped over much of the MOTH debate, but love your original question, and picked up enough in between that made me want to thank all of you who helped put my heart at ease and gave me food for thought.
Janet: I want to print out your response and hang it somewhere I will see it regularly.
I still think we need a new title ... "homeschooling mom" doesn't carry as much cachet as it should to those who aren't in the trenches.
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 Viviane
Grateful mama of Jonah Augustine ('01), Sophia Marie ('05) and Luke Dominic ('10)
We can do no great things; only small things with great love. -- Blessed Teresa of Calcutta
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guitarnan
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LOL - I wish I had a dollar for everyone who's said to me, "You must be saint to homeschool - I could never do that!" (I could hire a cleaning lady with the money!)
I think there's a big tendency in the U.S. to turn to self-help books/shows/whatevers when we feel inadequate or overwhelmed. I'm not sure whether that is good or bad; I think it depends on the person.
Having a group (IRL or online) to turn to, one that offers real support and community, is an alternative that works better for me.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Willa
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guitarnan wrote:
I think there's a big tendency in the U.S. to turn to self-help books/shows/whatevers when we feel inadequate or overwhelmed. I'm not sure whether that is good or bad; I think it depends on the person.
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This is a good point. Plus, the self-help books have a natural tendency to make a strong case for what they are presenting as a remedy. Understandably so! But that has to be kept in mind whenever you read a "how to" book -- I learned that the hard way.
I also had to learn that these books are often written by choleric/melancholics so they would describe details from their lives that went way beyond the minimum call of duty. Not that it's not good to aspire high -- but that THEIR road to perfection might not be exactly the same as mine. Their excellences could become my meltdown or burnout.
One more thing I realize -- is that the more counter-cultural a "self-help" book is, the more it tends to make its case in very strong terms. It has to, because it has to convince readers that it is worthwhile to do things this way rather than the conventional way. Nowadays homeschooling is relatively mainstream, and I've noticed that the newer books don't put nearly the psychic pressure on the reader that the older ones used to do. They are more comforting and affirming. But things like a MOTH time schedule are still sort of out of the mainstream -- partly because not all homeschoolers have large complicated families, etc -- so the case the author makes is supported by lots of Bible verses. She never says this is "THE ONE RIGHT WAY" but she does certainly recommend it as a good way and for some readers, that amounts to a feeling of pressure and anxiety if they don't "measure up".
If you balance out these things before you start reading you can often find very good tips without feeling you have to adopt the system wholesale.
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Jan 08 2010 at 12:30pm | IP Logged
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Willa wrote:
| If you balance out these things before you start reading you can often find very good tips without feeling you have to adopt the system wholesale |
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Oh yes Willa. You can even skip some of the information. Like when I've read A Mother's Rule of Life.. I have NEVER not once even looked at the schedule she came up with for herself.. just skipped those chapters. It made it much easier to read the information for what it was without putting expectations on myself that would not likely be met. 
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: Jan 08 2010 at 2:12pm | IP Logged
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Willa wrote:
Nowadays homeschooling is relatively mainstream, and I've noticed that the newer books don't put nearly the psychic pressure on the reader that the older ones used to do. They are more comforting and affirming. But things like a MOTH time schedule are still sort of out of the mainstream -- partly because not all homeschoolers have large complicated families, etc -- so the case the author makes is supported by lots of Bible verses. She never says this is "THE ONE RIGHT WAY" but she does certainly recommend it as a good way and for some readers, that amounts to a feeling of pressure and anxiety if they don't "measure up".
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This is really insightful, Willa. I never really thought about it consciously, but you are right. There is a sort of psychic pressure to deal with.
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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teamommy
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I know in my own life, I have spent a lot of time reading books on homemaking, scheduling, homeschooling, and getting it all done. These books have been very helpful in clarifying what I am doing, and really helping me think about my vocation. I have gained a lot from them. However, I had to realize (after having my dh point this out to me) That no system in the world would work for me if I did not become a better person! In other words, MOTH might be a great system that helps lots of ladies do it all, but it is not a magic system! I still have to do the work, have to overcome my mile wide lazy streak, have to do as I should, not as I want!A book might give me ideas, or help motivate me, but I am the one who has to make it happen! That realization has helped me more that any book I have read! I have also learned that to my family, food is important. They would rather have a home cooked meal and then all pitch in to do the laundry after dinner.My dh would rather eat well than sleep in a nicely made bed, and so that is my focus.
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melanie
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| Posted: Jan 08 2010 at 3:27pm | IP Logged
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This is very true for me as well. I know half of my own problem (at least half!) is my own difficulties is making myself do what I don't feel like doing. I'll do really well for a while, and then backslide...it's a struggle to overcome my own sloth.
My husband would also much rather eat well than worry about housekeeping, . He really doesn't care what the house looks like. He wants to have good meals, and he wants laundry caught up enough so he can find easily what he needs for work and such. That's pretty much it. *I'm* the one that wants the house cleaner!
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Melanie
homeschooling Maria (13yo), Kain (10yo), Jack (5yo), Tess (2yo), and our newest blessing, Henry Robert, born 4/23!
slightlycrunchycatholic.blogspot.com
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MNMommy
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teamommy wrote:
| I still have to do the work, have to overcome my mile wide lazy streak, have to do as I should, not as I want!A book might give me ideas, or help motivate me, but I am the one who has to make it happen! |
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I had this eureka moment about two years ago. Why is the obvious not always obvious?
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Jennifer
Tired mom to - 10yo dd, 7yo ds, 6yo ds, 4yo dd, 2yo ds
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Sarah M
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Willa wrote:
| I also had to learn that these books are often written by choleric/melancholics so they would describe details from their lives that went way beyond the minimum call of duty. |
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Wow- I've never noticed that before, but you are so right.
So why the heck aren't more sanguines writing books?
Oh. Right. Because if I was to write a book, it would say something like, "Just pour yourself another cup of coffee and relax. Most things aren't that big of a deal in the scope of life." And that just doesn't do a whole lot for people who are trying to amend their lives, does it?
In all seriousness, I do appreciate your advice, Willa, to keep perspective when reading a book- to think about where the writer is coming from and their intentions for writing in that particular way. It helps to remember that this is just one person sharing a way that works particularly well for them, not a dictate that advises it will work well for everyone.
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Willa
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| Posted: Jan 09 2010 at 1:24pm | IP Logged
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Sarah M wrote:
So why the heck aren't more sanguines writing books?
Oh. Right. Because if I was to write a book, it would say something like, "Just pour yourself another cup of coffee and relax. Most things aren't that big of a deal in the scope of life." And that just doesn't do a whole lot for people who are trying to amend their lives, does it? |
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Perhaps the sanguines are the ones who come in on the second stage, to affirm the "relax and keep your perspective" message and dilute the effects of the hyper-intense first wave!
I usually try to read sanguine or phlegmatic books in between choleric/melancholic ones because it levels me out.
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Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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CrunchyMom
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Sarah M wrote:
Willa wrote:
| I also had to learn that these books are often written by choleric/melancholics so they would describe details from their lives that went way beyond the minimum call of duty. |
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Wow- I've never noticed that before, but you are so right.
So why the heck aren't more sanguines writing books?
Oh. Right. Because if I was to write a book, it would say something like, "Just pour yourself another cup of coffee and relax. Most things aren't that big of a deal in the scope of life." And that just doesn't do a whole lot for people who are trying to amend their lives, does it? |
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More likely, I would say that to myself WHILE WRITING the book, maybe start another book or three, and never finish any of them, lol.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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Sarah M
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CrunchyMom wrote:
| More likely, I would say that to myself WHILE WRITING the book, maybe start another book or three, and never finish any of them, lol. |
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Ha! Good point! Because then I'd start talking about all three books I was writing and then, well, there goes the afternoon .
OK. That was totally a thread-hijack. Back to the real topic, then...
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JodieLyn
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Sarah M wrote:
CrunchyMom wrote:
| More likely, I would say that to myself WHILE WRITING the book, maybe start another book or three, and never finish any of them, lol. |
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Ha! Good point! Because then I'd start talking about all three books I was writing and then, well, there goes the afternoon .
OK. That was totally a thread-hijack. Back to the real topic, then... |
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Oh totally accurate.. it's so much more fun to talk to real people than write to "imaginary" ones Gotta get that feedback you know
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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melanie
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I've never been able to figure out which of those personality types I am...I think because I *want* to be one of the more type A ones...I figure if I could ever *make* myself become one, my life would be way more together and my house would be cleaner for sure. I mean, does anyone else, when a child suddenly becomes quite ill or their husband is late coming home and I'm starting to wonder if he's ok, one of the most pressing issues on my mind is, "Oh, I hope I don't have to have paramedics or police officers come into this messy house." "What if I suddenly went into some kind of baby-having emergency and my in-laws came up here and saw the house looking like this?"
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Melanie
homeschooling Maria (13yo), Kain (10yo), Jack (5yo), Tess (2yo), and our newest blessing, Henry Robert, born 4/23!
slightlycrunchycatholic.blogspot.com
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guitarnan
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LOL Melanie - I am very type A but tend to get distracted by whatever hot issue is happening in my household, so our house is chronically messy. It's not about being type A. I sure wish I knew what it was! 
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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