| Author | |
florasita
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 06 2007
Location: Canada
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 907
|
| Posted: Jan 18 2010 at 9:08am | IP Logged
|
 |
|
well today we are staying in our pjs , eating leftover pie and gingerbread . does that make me fun ? 
our older children have said they feel sorry for our younger two because they never go camping , out to festivals etc. like the older 4 did . I know we parent a lot more slack now because we are older . I took ds9 camping this summer for the very first time ! my goodness how could that be from being the mum who had no problem hopping on a greyhound going to MX with a babe on her hip camping in the jungle to staying at home for the last 12 yrs  ! I think we go through fazes . I think I fell into being a bit of a catholic prude myself for a few yrs . sort of had this image of what a real , good catholic should be .I now know prudence has nothing to do with being a grump maybe other converts have had that problem too . Anyway I thought since when does being a catholic mean you can't have fun and must be serious and grumpy all the time .
I used to dance with our children almost everyday then I just stopped . I used to do yoga each morning and same thing I just stopped .
it is like I am alive again being me I'm dancing again etc. being His child but not childish having balance every now and then my child will say " your mean " it is always in regards to not getting what he wants I think from what I see so many people in mainstream society have fallen into we need to give our children everything , never say no or we are somehow mean , bad parents because our children need to somehow feel happy all the time . associating love with the feeling of happy . if my children are not happy they will feel they are unloved therefore people begin to be walked on , go into debt etc.
so I think finding a good balance being in the middle is where I am always most at peace
so yes today I guess I am fun mum . pjs ,pie , gingerbread and watching tintin dvd on a cloudy winter day 
__________________
May I rise & rest with words of Gratitude on my Breath
May I have the Heart & Mind of a Child in my Depth
May I forever remember to be a Light
May Peace Love & Hope be My Sight
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Paula in MN
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 25 2006
Location: Minnesota
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 4064
|
| Posted: Jan 18 2010 at 11:21am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I read all the posts, and then asked my kids, "do you think I am fun?"
They said, "YES!"
__________________
 Paula
A Catholic Harvest
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
SeaStar
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 16 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 9068
|
| Posted: Jan 23 2012 at 1:36pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Bumping this thread up, as I have recently realized that my mom self has not been very fun lately.... I have a case of serious-itis.
What have you done lately that is fun??
This weekend in the garage we rediscovered my grandmothers old black rotary phone from 1938. Black and heavy- you could club a burglar with the receiver . We plugged it in and have been using it! That has been fun- dialing, hearing the crazy old-fashioned ringer, holding that hefty receiver and having to stand in one place to talk.
My kids want to call everyone and see if they can guess what they are calling with: will we sound different, etc?
Dial EVevergreen6-0699. PLease wait for the dial tone!
__________________
Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Jan 23 2012 at 4:18pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I made a really cool birthday cake for my 9 year old.
One thing I notice is that fun is the first thing that falls away when I'm tired. So one of the things to watch for if you feel like you're not being very fun is.. are you getting enough sleep? are you feeling depressed? are you getting good nutrition (taking vitamins)? Are you praying? Are you doing all the things that would contribute to your feeling energized mentally, physically, spiritually?
I know I've recently had a bout of insomnia followed by a bit of a headcold and I just feel blah and not much fun at all.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Mackfam
Board Moderator
Non Nobis
Joined: April 24 2006
Location: Alabama
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 14656
|
| Posted: Jan 23 2012 at 8:11pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
SeaStar wrote:
| Bumping this thread up, as I have recently realized that my mom self has not been very fun lately.... I have a case of serious-itis. |
|
|
I have a hard time envisioning you with serious-itis, Melinda. You always bring such refreshing levity here, it's just hard for me to imagine that dampened. You always make me laugh here! 
My own personality is a very strange mix of crazy/spontaneous and motivated/focused which means I'm a drill sergeant one minute, and belting out the opera version of SchoolHouse Rock Interjections the next minute.
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JennGM
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 17702
|
| Posted: Jan 24 2012 at 8:16am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Melinda, I do find you are one of the most fun on the board.
I know I'm a serious gal, and terribly not-fun.
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
SeaStar
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 16 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 9068
|
| Posted: Jan 24 2012 at 9:16am | IP Logged
|
|
|
JennGM wrote:
| Melinda, I do find you are one of the most fun on the board. |
|
|
Well, that is interesting, because according to my kids, I am the Meanest Mom in the world
But also, Like Suzanne said in the beginning of this thread, I would rather organize my desk than do other "fun" things.
Sometimes I sit down and try to think of something fun to do... and I can't even think of anything 
This is a sure sign that I need help. Because, you know, not everyone's idea of fun is cleaning out the garage ( I know- hard to believe... )
__________________
Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Kathryn
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 24 2009
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1520
|
| Posted: Jan 24 2012 at 9:32am | IP Logged
|
|
|
SeaStar wrote:
| you know, not everyone's idea of fun is cleaning out the garage ( I know- hard to believe... ) |
|
|
Well, humph! That's why I get so many grunts and groans when I say it's time to clean out the garage! Like you, that's MY idea of fun! Cleaning and purging...the family just doesn't understand what a stress reliever that is for mom I guess.
__________________
Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Kathryn
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 24 2009
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1520
|
| Posted: Jan 24 2012 at 9:33am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Mackfam wrote:
| My own personality is a very strange mix of crazy/spontaneous and motivated/focused which means I'm a drill sergeant one minute, and belting out the opera version of SchoolHouse Rock Interjections the next minute. |
|
|
Again...WHEW...glad I'm not the only one that falters between Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde occasionally. 
__________________
Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
cathhomeschool
Board Moderator
Texas Bluebonnets
Joined: Jan 26 2005
Location: Texas
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 7303
|
| Posted: Jan 24 2012 at 9:36am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Every time I think of 'fun mom' I remember Lissa, who once wrote something along the lines of not being the best XYZ (can't remember that part) so she was determined to be the "fun mom." That has popped into my head several times over the last few weeks. ...I'm a lot like Jen -- drill sergeant one moment and singing old songs in a silly voice the next. Like Melinda, my kids say I'm the Meanest Mom in the world (I guess you and I will have to duke it out for the outright title, Melinda! ). Like Suzanne, I'd rather be organizing...  BUT my kids' friends (from teenagers down to littles) say that I'm so fun! I do think that part of it is perception. (Your own mom can never be as laid back as someone else's.) And part of it is that my attitude changes when we have friends over or are out somewhere. I often *am* more laid back and fun when we're around others. I'm not focused on chores or the mess or ...work. I'm focused on the kids. I've thought about *that* a lot lately too and want to change that. I guess the silly songs are a great start. I just need to do more of that and less of the drill sergeant. I have a friend that makes a list of all that needs doing before an event or for regular Saturday morning clean up. When the kids finish one task, they just look on the list. I think that would help me be less drill-sergent-like (because for me a lot of the problem is in my tone).
Melinda, maybe a reward at the end of the garage clean-out would make it fun, or fun music while you're cleaning. Maybe fun breaks during the cleaning. (My 17yo was on cloud nine a couple of weeks ago because I dueled with him -- using nerf swords -- in the house during a short break from the evening routine.) You could ask the kids what they think is fun and make a list.... that could be a can of worms though! (One of mine would say things like Disney... )
__________________
Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
10 Bright Stars
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 16 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 728
|
| Posted: Jan 24 2012 at 6:31pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Just a quick thought...we had an similiar issue around here this past year. I think one thing to consider is a foundation of discipline that might be missing that will make it impossible for even the most "fun" activity to get lost in the shuffle of bickering and lack of respect for one another.
I recently had a horrible, HORRIBLE case of food poisoning. This happened over the Christmas and New Year holiday and continued on for over a week after that.  This meant that my husband had to take care of EVERYTHING AND EVERYBODY for over two weeks while I...well...was busy being very ill. Anyway, I think the Lord used this opportunity of my being out of the way to make some serious and good changes around here. (Since, I must admit, I sometimes get in the way of my husband's authority as the head of household.  ) So, because my husband, who is always very helpful anyway, had to really be on duty 24/7, like a mom is, and not escape to do any of the fun stuff Dad's sometimes get to do, he got to really immerse himself in our family in a bigger way. Anyway, he noticed that this job is very, VERY hard!!! We talked about this when I was well and he made several observations. He noticed there was a general rhyme and reason to our day, but not REAL order. This led to kids sort of wandering aimlessly in school and in life more than he thought was good. (Even little kids just being left to freely play in the same room...he thought they needed more direction/directing) Anyway, he also said..and he left this up to me, but said, "There is no way that a mom of 10 has ANY TIME to be on the phone with other homeschool moms, check into facebook several times a day, or do anything else like that online. OUCH! That hurt.) He also came up with "code violations and the level of "wrong" that the violation was" For example: Hitting a sibling is a level 3. This means I look at the chart...CALMLY tell the child which code they broke (or ask them..they seem to have memorized them) and then set a timer and they go and sit in the corner for 5-10 minutes, depending on their age. The WORST violation..a level 5...(direct disobedience) gets the dinner dishes....ALONE. (age 10 and up) Now, anyone else who is the mom of a large family KNOWS that this is bad. The strange thing that happened? Dad took this seriously..so THEY took this seriously! He even had the "lovely" megaphone his "funny" sister got him for Christmas for added effect..."Now here this...now here this...these are the new rules for how we will live and behave as a family." The kids REALLY responded to it!!! They thanked their dad for putting them in the corner..this was a 4 year old..then my eldest, when I was finally well said, "MOM, make sure you follow the codes Daddy made...they really do make a difference." ????? I was stunned. Kids LIKING and THANKING us for rules and better functioning order? Again, perhaps a temperment thing. I am NOT naturally ordered but my husband is. HE made the rules...I follow them. I HOPE, and I actually said this to God, that in following the schedule my husband made up, and the rules and, gulp, by being obedient to them and self-disciplining MYSELF, I prayed I would earn graces for our family that way. The house is clean..even MY mother..who you just have to trust me on this...is a little bit of a white glove, complimented the kids on this fact today..school is getting done in a MAJOR way now. I am focused on them...THEY can TELL that I am serious. I put them before my friends, (usually 1-2 calls per day from someone) before all the things "I" think is fun..and they know this; kids aren't stupid. They saw that their Dad respects and honors what they do each day, takes it seriously enough to care about, and gave them a sense of self-respect. THey see that I am willing to let go and sacrifice my "fun" for them and discipline myself, even though I do miss the social contact. Perhaps again a certain temperment thing for each family, but they wanted to know that what they did each day was more important than anything else in the world to us..but don't we do that too? We get on here to share what we do each day..we have blogs to show the homemade whatever..WHY? Because we NEED feedback..We NEED someone to care. Now, we should be doing it "for God" and all that noble stuff, but if we are honest, that can be a little hard for "the rest of us normal Janes", right? So, even though I was doing school, even though I "thought" things were ordered, even though I thought that I had rules etc, even though I lectured the kids when they were wrong, ad nauseum about how they should "love" each other...did I act like that when I hollered at them to not hit each other??? (Angry that I was having to say it again...or not to call each other names and to "be nice" when I had lost my temper??? Anyway, now, I calmly look at the code..I set the timer...calmly..I don't talk and lecture and seem disappointed...again..I just say, "What code did you break" Kid says, "#3" What does that code say?" Kid says, "Not to call my sibling bad names" "O.K. I set the timer for 5 minutes..Go sit in the corner and you can get up when it dings.." I go about my day...they sit for a bit...it dings..they get up and go play. MAGIC! I would not believe it if I hadn't seen it work. And, I don't mean the time out. That's not the point. I mean the "codes" because doesn't God call us to follow HIS codes??? Why? For our "happiness". They know the limits now...these are the limits for our family...and within the safety of those limits of behavior...fun..peace...joy...security.
So, long story short, since I know that is how you like it (I say this as a joke to my husband because I tend to be wordy!!! ) Perhaps you need to re-establish ORDER and SELF-RESPECT as a family with each other first. Morale seems to be low from the sounds of it. That's what it was here. If no one respects each other..then no amounnt of Monopoly is going to bandaid the situation until that problem is fixed first. AND, it didn't take much effort!!! My husband did this..took time to train kids in jobs....gave everyone chores and made sure they were completed correctly..for one week. ONE WEEK!! Then, they just need to be followed through as far as checking them or caring. Also, as far as the kids..he thought the littles needed more directed play instead of my just letting them play. So, in the morning, after breakfast and a quick clean-up, two middle aged girls read books to their siblings. I sometimes do too, but this is mainly for the older girls to DO something for the younger kids. I provide the good picture books, the 7 year old reads to the 2 year old boy, the 10 year old girl reads to the twins (6) and the 4 year old. This is valuble learning for each of the groups, and I get to watch it all unfold. These "little teachers" do their school after these sessions with me. (My husband is also very advanced in the art of delegation...which I am trying to learn.) Anyway, then we switch to writing or school/workbooks etc. with Mom, but there is a spirit of giving now.
Anyway, have to run. Do you understand what I am saying? Are there areas of your life that are undisciplined that make the children lose respect for you...? I had to think about this. Are they having trouble respecting each other because they do not respect their day or life in some way??? Sounds like an odd thought, right? But, they need to know that what they are doing each day is PROFOUNDLY important!!!! This leads to a deep seated respect for what they are doing, for each other, and for you too! I hope I am making sense. I don't mean "punish" for the sake of punishment...but order, which leads to peace...which leads to love and....fun and happiness. Unless you build your house on a firm foundation.....THEN everything you do will be fun, and you will be at peace and because of this...more fun!
God bless,
A former killjoy!
__________________
Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Angie Mc
Board Moderator
Joined: Jan 31 2005
Location: Arizona
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 11400
|
| Posted: Jan 25 2012 at 6:26pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Kim (the former killjoy), you crack me up! I definitely agree that having a strong foundation (I have a WHOLE family binder committed to just that) and an order to getting things done (Yep, a WHOLE other binder), and meetings to communicate and organize (I have a CLIPBOARD for that ), and a calendar to glue it all together helps.
Yet, even with our family being pretty ordered, respectful, and disciplined (of course we are always striving to better ourselves in these areas), I can STILL be a needless wet blanket. I mean it. Needless.
I've been thinking on this topic for some time...years I suppose...and for me, I've needed to admit that I sometimes play it too safe, under the guise of order, discipline, and what not. In some circles, I will get more support or encouragement when I appear to be a bit somber and serious (and as a choleric I have these tendencies.) So it is a safe choice to do just that.
But there is a fine line, for me, between all this seriousness (rightfully as I strive to fulfill my vocation and hopefully see heaven) and a sort of dimming of myself. When my dh and I first met, he was, in part, attracted to me because I was fun! And funny, and willing to risk being those things. For example, it can be a big risk to....tell a joke. No kidding. When was the last time anyone here cracked a joke? Risky, huh? Will it be taken the wrong way? Will it not be sensitive to the feelings of others? Will it offend? So we don't say anything at all. Yet, good humor can be so uplifting! My children are very funny, in part because they are allowed to be. Surely they miss the mark sometimes, but I honestly feel badly for people (any age) who can't make or take a joke. I have such fond memories of my parents and their friends, sitting around telling jokes and laughing...really laughing out loud! My brother and his high school buddies still stand as some of the funniest (and most fun) people I've ever known. My sister (who might throw tomatoes at me if she reads this) is one of the funniest people I know - making me laugh with her spot-on takes on things from mothering to...anything! My college friends were HE-LERIOUS! They really taught me how to enjoy people and feel rich while being poor! I now have friends who are, along with my family, committing to having fun together. What a blessing!
Right now, my pendulum is on the end of having fun. Sometimes I get a bit anxious about it (did I laugh or cheer too loudly, did they get the joke, am I too old for this?) But I'd rather err on the side of trying to be fun, funny, happy, joyful, than to play it safe.
And...here's a shout out for Melinda and Jenn (and all the moderators who I'm privileged to know well)...you are very fun and funny as far as I'm concerned! You have made me laugh and lightened my load!
I don't think everyone has to be the same kind of fun/funny...THAT wouldn't be fun!
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
About Me
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Angie Mc
Board Moderator
Joined: Jan 31 2005
Location: Arizona
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 11400
|
| Posted: Jan 25 2012 at 6:35pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I got so wrapped up in my (deep and meaningful ) philosophy of fun that I forgot to add how I have fun!
Some recent examples:
Our family attends baseball games. Lots of them. I cheer and whistle. Loudly.
We went to the zoo with friends. I tried to do pull-ups (like a monkey?) surrounded by 12 kids cheering me on loudly. I didn't do one.
We watch movies. Some really lackluster movies. Like Get Smart last night.
We dance. Yep, I'm learning how to "Every day I'm shuffling, shuffling."
Several couples went out to a new local pub. I drank craft beer. Stayed out too late. And confessed that I knew a pom pom routine to Santana's Oye Como Va.
And you?
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
About Me
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Jan 25 2012 at 7:57pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Yesterday I went outside with the kids and helped set up the paths in the snow in a "wagonwheel" shape and played Fox and Geese (tag game, we played that when the fox tagged a goose the goose became a fox and the last goose was the first fox for the next round) and yep I ran around and played tag too. It's hard to run fast on snow (that's good) plus staying in the paths and making the corners makes for a slower game of tag but still fun.
And then we came in and ate the gourmet boy scout popcorn I've been saving for a special treat while playing the North American Wildlife Memory Game with 100 cards it's big enough for a larger group to play. Even the little ones can participate (actually my 5 yr old is one of the better players) and age isn't as much an indicator of ability here as it would be in other games. bonus: the pictures are really great and it's made in the usa.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
CatholicMommy
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2007
Location: Indiana
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1254
|
| Posted: Jan 25 2012 at 9:45pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
One thing that has always been a save-the-day-scheme in our household is that the drudgery is always followed by a fun thing of some sort.
It doesn't have to be a reward - it can be something like "As soon as the living room is cleaned up, we can play that game you've been asking about."
Or "after evening chores, let's do (whatever it was he was asking or I'll suggest something)".
So there is the clear pattern that we don't *have* the fun if the work isn't done, but there is definitely a time and place for it.
I like playing games, but I see all the clutter and the projects - and I also feel a sense of satisfaction when these things are done - so they are "fun" - as many of you have mentioned :)
But the kids don't see that big picture and have their needs to be fulfilled in the here and now - "our" fun will still be there when the kids are grown. Just something I remind myself every time I see he's grown ANOTHER inch!
__________________
Garden of Francis
HS Elementary Montessori Training
Montessori Nuggets
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
SeaStar
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 16 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 9068
|
| Posted: Jan 26 2012 at 11:50am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thank you everyone, for sharing.
This has all given me food for thought. Over the past couple of days I have realized that I often feel un-fun because of timing. For instance- I just sit down to eat my lunch (I read aloud to the kids during theirs) and my ds comes in and begs me to go out and watch a new trick he has learned on his skateboard. Now I have just spent 4 hours with him and just want to eat my lunch, so I say I will be glad to watch after my lunch. But it makes me feel un-fun all the same. Somewhere in my brain I recognize that it will not harm him to wait ten minutes, but I still feel like a whiner: just let me eat!
And he is persistent, so in that ten minutes he has come in and asked me four times will I come out and watch? Arghh
__________________
Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Angie Mc
Board Moderator
Joined: Jan 31 2005
Location: Arizona
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 11400
|
| Posted: Jan 26 2012 at 1:00pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Melinda, I totally get that! My 12yo is my worst offender .
I have a few breaks where I need the children not to interrupt me. I get up very early to have 2 hours to myself and my duties.
Earlier this month, I started a hard break between 11:30 and noon (right now) where I find something "mother culture" to do...check in at 4Real, Twitter, make a phone call, etc.
I often take a nap later in the day, too.
During these times, my children are old enough to know not to interrupt. And they know exactly when I'll be available again. This is very good for relationships! Sometimes they still goof when I'm at the computer, but a simple "no" nod is enough to remind them.
So its not that we're not fun, its just that there are times when we need breaks to refuel. No fuel...no fun.
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
About Me
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
SeaStar
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 16 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 9068
|
| Posted: Jan 26 2012 at 2:03pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Angie- I think that is where Kim's household discipline fits right in... establishing guidelines. I need to establish my lunch hour (30 minutes) as a "no bugging mom" zone.
__________________
Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
10 Bright Stars
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 16 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 728
|
| Posted: Jan 26 2012 at 3:02pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I was going to say the same thing. If you say, "Mom will come out in 10 minutes to watch..do not ask me again until then..." He should listen and you should not feel guilty about wanting to eat your lunch, esp. since you entertained them during theirs with stories. This is that old trickster, the Devil, trying to make us mommies feel guilty about EVERYTHING!! We do have the right to eat without beinng disturbed, especially if you are packing it down in 10 minutes anyway! We DO have the right to use the restroom without everyone banging on the door as if you haven't done anything for them in a month! I think my kids can tell when I feel guilty. We have to respect ourselves for the kids to respect us, something I am learning late in life and that my husband has been preaching for the 17 years I have been a mom! Anyway, this is normal for moms because we lay down our very life every day for our children, wouldn't have it any other way, and really, deep down, love it! BUT, we DO have to take care of ourselves...set appropriate boundaries, and let the kids remember that we are human. I remember laughing recently when I cut myself and my 17 year old, half-joking, but half-seriously said, "YOU bleed?" I just started laughing. He has also laughed about moms going to confession. He says, "What do you guys possibly have to confess??" Funny, right?? So, this would be a good opportunity for you to be calm and firm, and say something like "mom needs to nourish herself well too so that she can do all the things she needs to do to take care of you! Now go out and play and I will there in 10 minutes. If not, I will not come out and watch." I would only tell him this once, because otherwise you would fall into my trap of talking to them so much, they just tune out your voice! When he comes in again to ask, I would tell him you are sorry that you cannot come and watch him now because you asked him nicely to let you eat your lunch, and now there is no time etc since your lunch was interrupted. Be calm...actually follow through, and say you hope it goes better for you both tomorrow. (or something similiar.)
It sounds like you are burnt out like I am. I remember once when my son was in the hospital a few years ago, a priest came to visit and said in response to my not wanting to leave the room to go and get dinner with him (fast food) while my husband stayed with the baby (we were both staying with him) that, "Kim, you have to take care of the caretaker and you ARE coming to eat with me." He was right in retrospect. Respect for authority and for rules and boundaries IS loving our children. Sometimes it isn't all fun and games. So, set boundaries, so that when we DO want to have fun, it can actually be fun, instead of disappointing because the kids don't know how to behave. (Not saying yours don't, just reflecting on our family vacations sometimes or outings as a family that fell short in various ways due to complaining about this or that or kids arguing etc.)
Anyway, kitchen and bathroom rights are a must! Recently, I tried to take a bubble bath...a rare event...(I do shower!) and all the little girls were banging on the door, asking when I would be finished...asking to come in. It was crazy! Not at all relaxing. We have a rule that kids do not go in the mom and dad's bedrooms now, so that should take care of that. I used to let the littles come into our room and use our stuff, brush their teeth in there...toothpaste on my mirrored closet doors, the carpet..I would let them use our big tub (which we should have just put in the kids bathroom to begin with), and they would leave a huge puddle of water on the floor, not hang up the towels, use all of my shampoo and conditioner, and it would drive my husband nuts! But, "I" was being "fun" and "nice". They preferred our tub, so who cares if it bothered me and irritated my husband as long as they got what they wanted. I can see that I honestly used to think this way, and it is WRONG! We have a right to a clean and tidy bathroom. My husband has to get up and go to work in the morning to support the family and he needs to not live in fear of breaking his neck in a tub covered in a layer of conditioner from the little ladies bath the night before that he knew nothing about. Grown ups are grownups and kids are kids. I think when we homeschool, the lines can get blurred sometimes because we are with the kids all day, want to let them have fun, maybe even want to be their friends a little. Being friends is fine, but not at the expense of our authority and "station" as Mother and Father. These are noble positions which deserve respect and admiration. There should be a sense of awe and reverence for mom and dad, don't you think? If we always give them whatever they want or feel guilty about giving them everything in our being and them some anyway, then we will be left bone dry and won't have anything left to give to them! All in balance. We don't spend 24/7 on our knees in prayer...that is balanced with our day even though we try to stay in the presence of the Lord. So, we don't spend all day being fun. There are dishes to do, laundry to fold etc., but we stay ever present to our children, meet their needs, and yet still keep our dignity intact by setting proper boundaries. VERY much an interesting thing for me as I am learning to set proper boundaries in the home and the outside world. I returned a drink to Starbucks the other day and asked for a new once as the one I was served was lukewarm and tasted awful. My kids watched amazed as I walked in and asked for a replacement. You would have to know ME to know this was a big deal. I felt their respect for me as I returned to the van with the new and fresh coffee. I respected myself and in turn, they respected me. It takes a new way of thinking about ourselves. We are children of God. In taking care of ourselves, we take care of the children. By creating boundaries and respect for authority, we set up a safe haven to have fun.
__________________
Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Angie Mc
Board Moderator
Joined: Jan 31 2005
Location: Arizona
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 11400
|
| Posted: Jan 26 2012 at 3:40pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Here's a neat link to an article on fun: The Happiness Project, 3 Kinds of Fun
Quote:
I had to break “fun” into three types:
1. challenging fun
2. accommodating fun
3. relaxing fun |
|
|
Looking at it from this perspective, we moms do a lot of accommodating fun.
Quote:
Usually less challenging, but still requiring a fair bit of effort, is accommodating fun.
Going on a family trip to the zoo is accommodating fun. Sure, it’s fun, but you’re really there because you know your kid wills love it. Was it Jerry Seinfeld who said, “There’s no such thing as ‘Fun for the whole family’”? Of course, you don’t just accommodate your kids. Going to a family Thanksgiving dinner, going to a firm outing, going to dinner and a movie with friends, all require accommodation. You’re strengthening relationships, you’re building memories, you’re having fun – but perhaps not as MUCH fun as you’d have if you dictated the terms. Accommodating fun takes a lot of energy, organization, coordination with other people, and, well, accommodation. |
|
|
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
About Me
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: are you fun?
