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MNMommy
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lapazfarm wrote:
Fun comes from joy. When you are filled with joy the fun just kind of bubbles out effortlessly, like a bucket of suds overflowing.
The reason I know this (at least about myself) is that I have noticed the times when I am not filled with joy (when I am troubled or depressed), the fun is the first thing to go.
So, my suggestion would be to work on filling up the joy bucket first. The fun will follow. |
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This completely resonated with me. Often I am so focused on all the many things I *need* to do, the gravity of raising children, and the constant 24/7 noise, chaos, and movement that my joy is almost nonexistant.
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Jennifer
Tired mom to - 10yo dd, 7yo ds, 6yo ds, 4yo dd, 2yo ds
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Veronika
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I completely identify with Kathleen and truly thank her for starting this thread. My children behave exactly like hers...especially the "spitty and venemous" parts...and I admit that I'm at wits end. My first question, though, is how to go about filling up that joy bucket!?!
I admit that I'm the serious, almost down-right monastic type that does not make for much fun in the first place, but it's who I am...and I like me  .Yet, for the sake of my family, I know that I should lighten up a bit, because despite the pressures and concerns of raising a good bunch of kids, I need them to "like" their life here at home! The older they get, the less competant I feel. When they were toddlers I loved doing little crafts and plays and orchestrating fun events that they ate right up! Now, I'm just "dumb old mom acting like we're two years old" again. I'm discouraged. This thread has given me some hope though. I'm going to add a bit more "forced joy" and hopefully it'll translate well and the feelings will follow...for me and for them! Thanks for all the good ideas, ladies!
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Veronika
devoted wife and Apostolate of Holy Motherhood Mom of 5 precious children: daughter '94, son '96, son '98, and twin daughters '02...
and one little girl in heaven
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Veronika
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Oh, by the way, Suzanne, I'm definitely going to try to say "you've GOT to be kidding" alot more often!
I can think of at least ten times a day that I could around here, but I just hope I can pull it off the same way you do! God bless you!
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Veronika
devoted wife and Apostolate of Holy Motherhood Mom of 5 precious children: daughter '94, son '96, son '98, and twin daughters '02...
and one little girl in heaven
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JodieLyn
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Veronika don't forget.. you can give the kids hints when they're not sure how to take you.. you give them that exagerated "You've GOT to be kidding" and they look at you with that "is she serious or what", pretend you're on stage and do that stage whisper to the audience "that was supposed to be funny with a smille and wink".
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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teachingmyown
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I am not a "big fun" mom. I am too low energy for that. But I do think I am fun, at least part of the time. Fun we have around here usually consists of singing, usually something silly. We watched a video Danielle Bean had on her blog recently of a group of guys singing "
the Twelve Days of Christmas"and have been singing it ever since. I often break into song when things get stressful.
We love to look at Hallmark e-cards, especially Hoops and Yo-Yo. We also like to watch funny you-tube things people send us. We play guess-the-movie-line games, and tend to quote movies throughout the day.
I figure we have to keep it light or we would all go insane. Or as Jimmy Buffett says, "If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane."
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Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
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Veronika
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Oh they won't know how to take me alright, Jodie! With the atmosphere being what it has around here lately I'll have to clue them in! I'm afraid that, if I do this right, the children will all wonder who I am and what I've done with their REAL mother!
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Veronika
devoted wife and Apostolate of Holy Motherhood Mom of 5 precious children: daughter '94, son '96, son '98, and twin daughters '02...
and one little girl in heaven
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Bridget
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I have been reading this thread with interest since I am so not a fun mom. But in thinking about it I am not sure I can ever be 'silly' fun.
What I can do, is be cheerful and facilitate fun. If I do the grudge work then my husband is freed up to be fun. Fun comes much more naturally to him. I can set up fun events and activities that let everyone have their fun. I can be the cheerleader for fun. 
Does that make sense?
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Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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DominaCaeli
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Bridget wrote:
What I can do, is be cheerful and facilitate fun. If I do the grudge work then my husband is freed up to be fun. Fun comes much more naturally to him. I can set up fun events and activities that let everyone have their fun. I can be the cheerleader for fun.
Does that make sense? |
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Absolutely--I like this perspective, Bridget! This actually works well in our home since by the end of the day, I am happy to have a break from the littles and let hubby take over with them for "fun time" while I do the dishes and evening chores--and Daddy is all too willing to have silly time with the kids while I do the drudge work.
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Celeste
Joyous Lessons
Mommy to six: three boys (8, 4, newborn) and four girls (7, 5, 2, and 1)
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MNMommy
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In the spirit of being fun, I blew up balloons and played balloon games with the kids this morning. We do need more of this.
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Jennifer
Tired mom to - 10yo dd, 7yo ds, 6yo ds, 4yo dd, 2yo ds
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Veronika
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Just thought I'd give you the report: I made several attempts at good humor when confronted with teenage "venom" this evening...it seems to be working...who knew? 
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Veronika
devoted wife and Apostolate of Holy Motherhood Mom of 5 precious children: daughter '94, son '96, son '98, and twin daughters '02...
and one little girl in heaven
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JodieLyn
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good for you Veronika, it takes a lot to change an established pattern 
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
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stefoodie
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I *am* a fun mom, when I take the time to be. When I am too focused on "getting things done" as in "accomplishment" and "output", then fun goes out the window. When I sit and relax and just be in the NOW of things, I am able to have more fun.
So for me, how it works is to be 50-50 -- some days I'm really really strict, and it eats at me, and while I'm doing my examination of conscience at night I realize we could have had a better day had it not been for ME, so the next day I switch and have a relaxed day instead. Not easy, and there are days I still forget.
You know how sometimes God has a way of reminding you though, when you're being dense? So sometimes I lose my voice, or get a cold sore, or a headache, or an aching shoulder, and have to be "down". That's when I'm able to focus on the now. I feel ashamed that it takes these things to slow me down, but that's how I am. I've gotten a bit better through the years -- I am MUCH MUCH MORE MELLOW now than when we first got started, so there has been improvement, but you know, when you started out from a really bad spot, every little thing towards gentleness is still progress.
And fun here is -- Mom cracking jokes (they LOVE my jokes), Mom taking things lightly, Mom not being so serious and "educational" about every little thing, Mom just enjoying the boyness of the boys and the girlness of the girls, Mom just taking each moment as it comes and seeing the joy in it.
Sorry for the rambling, baby had half my attention as I was writing this, so I need to get off now. Hope you found something there that helps, though.
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stef
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lapazfarm
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Bridget wrote:
I have been reading this thread with interest since I am so not a fun mom. But in thinking about it I am not sure I can ever be 'silly' fun.
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There are definitely different ways of being fun. I'm not really a silly fun mom, either. It's not my style.
My style is more of a spontaneous, "let's go see something cool", "let's get our hands dirty", "lets see what happens if we...", and "what can we make, draw, build, launch, try today?" kind of fun. A Mrs Frizzle kind of fun. Kwim?
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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anitamarie
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Before answering this, I asked my kids if I was fun. I really would have said no. Surprise! They all said I was fun. My 5 yo even jumped in my lap and said "Cause you play with me a lot!", which is totally ironic because I beat myself up for not playing with him enough. So, maybe some of it is perspective. Ask your kids, their answers may surprise you! 
I know I could be more fun with them and I have been working on it. When my dd was 3 (now 8) my Mom was visiting and helping her make her bed. Grandma was being silly and she said "You're funny! Daddy's funny. Mommy is NOT funny."  (In my defense, I had a baby at the time who thought sleep was totally overrated, and I am not fun when sleep-deprived. )So, I have made a conscious effort to be fun. We're all happier when I lighten up.
God Bless,
Anita
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missionfamily
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lapazfarm wrote:
| A Mrs Frizzle kind of fun. Kwim? |
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Theresa--You are so Ms. Frizzle--How did I not notice that before? We simply must get matching earrings for each outing!
I just wanted to add that sometimes we perceive that kids need us to be goofy to make things fun, when really small acts of love and affection lighten their emotional load and bring joy to their days. I'll admit, I'm rather a ham by nature, as I have a strong sanguine side. But as a mom, I am much more prone to function in choleric drill sergeant mode. However, I can do things that make the kids know my work and my focus is about them, and not my agenda...like sitting on the floor in their room as they make their beds and helping little ones put on socks and shoes rather than standing at the sink and making them hop and down on one foot while I try to slide on a sock with sudsy hands.
Letting little ones play in soap bubbles while I wash dishes.
Inventing character voices when we are reading.
Inviting someone to help me cook dinner.
Tousling a head of boy hair as I check a school assignment.
Pinching the cheeks of older kids like I did when they were babies.
These actions for me are more organic, shows of affection and attention, and don't make me feel quite so out of my mommy element, yet they still seem to imbue our house with an air of joy and levity. Perhaps those of you seeking to be fun but a bit scared off by the thought of trying to be funny can aim for affection and attention instead? Maybe it will suit your temperment more and still achieve the mood you had in mind?
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Colleen
dh Greg
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kathleenmom
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What good stuff. Thanks Ladies.
Yes,Suzanne, you are right. There is a distinction that I did not clarify....fun stuff and fun way of being. I, too, like some others who have chimed in can do fun stuff. I can even joke and try to jolly my very serious children out of not taking things so seriously, but the truth is....their mother takes things seriously. Probably too seriously. So, I guess the fun way of being is the thing I must truly work on. I like your thoughts too Colleen. I am not a silly, goofy mom, but my children derive such joy and connectedness from my just climbing out of my head a bit and truly noticing them, tousling a head, sitting on the floor with them while they talk about their latest Lego creation.
I think my main failing is in my own lack of levity and I've passed it along to them. I take everything too seriously and they do as well. However, this is really who I am. I'll have to find ways to make myself slow down and lighten up. Keep the comments coming.
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Mackfam
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missionfamily wrote:
| I'm rather a ham by nature, as I have a strong sanguine side. But as a mom, I am much more prone to function in choleric drill sergeant mode. |
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This is me to a T!!!
One of the reasons I enjoy home education so much is because I can find a place in my day for my very strong sanguine side. One of my favorite books is The Christian Imagination: Chesterton on the Arts, and there is a favorite quote of mine in that book that I think applies:
Quote:
| "What was wonderful about childhood, was that anything in it was wonder. It was not merely a world of miracles; it was a miraculous world...like a hundred windows opened on all sides of the head." |
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Thomas Peters, the author, goes on to say,
Quote:
| "As children, we were much more comfortable with astonishment than we are as adults, and it is our unfortunate corruption that brings us to associate wonder with unreality." |
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I frequently wonder aloud with the children, viewing myself less as the person in the home that is supposed to impart great wisdom, and rather someone that wonders aloud as a child seeking after truth and learning for the love of learning. It tends to be infectious. It's not forced, it feels very organic and natural for me. My sanguine side is a very, very good balance for my choleric side which tends to take things very seriously and see things very black and white. My sanguine side says...
...oh, look at that pretty birdy, wonder why he's hammering his seed like that? let's watch/make a movie/sketch...
...and did you see that cool cardboard tube that came in the Amazon order? that's way too cool to throw out. what can we do with THAT?
I'm mentioning these as a sort of follow-up on Theresa's comments:
lapazfarm wrote:
| My style is more of a spontaneous, "let's go see something cool", "let's get our hands dirty", "lets see what happens if we...", and "what can we make, draw, build, launch, try today?" kind of fun. |
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This is very much my style as well. If you find stepping out of your temperament all at once feels too forced at first, perhaps just allowing yourself to wonder aloud as a child with your children will bring some naturally spontaneous moments you can follow through on.
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Jen Mackintosh
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Wildflowers and Marbles
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MNMommy
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missionfamily wrote:
I just wanted to add that sometimes we perceive that kids need us to be goofy to make things fun, when really small acts of love and affection lighten their emotional load and bring joy to their days.
I can do things that make the kids know my work and my focus is about them, and not my agenda... |
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So true! I saw this today with my crew. I spent some time this afternoon teaching the crew how to dust our downstairs. They had such a great time that my 5yo ds spontaneously hugged me when we were done. Who knew that dusting could be so wonderful?
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Jennifer
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AnaB
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I'm a total melancholy personality. Is Eyore fun? I take things way too seriously and find that I need to incorporate some light activities during the week or I will go bonkers.
Reading aloud funny books, playing fun music, tickling, jostling the older children... these are things I used to do more often. I used to chase the children and play hide and go seek and other fun games, but I have NO energy lately.
My mom is such a fun person. She continually laughs at herself. She creates her own fun. Being around her helps me lighten up and not take myself too seriously (which is my tendency). I want to be more like her.
One thing she has taught me and us to do is to laugh at ourselves. This alone keeps us busy most of the time. I wish to grow in this area as well.
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His By Grace, AnaB blessed WIFE to Jeff and mama to 4 blessings!
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drmommy
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My children say that I am fun, and so do my friends, but I find my thoughts more serious...hmm. My Mom was kind of depressed and never laughed, and I wanted to be the opposite. Which I am. But, I expect a lot from my children also.
However, I wish I was better at sitting down playing games with them. I hate games (I get nervous when they start goofing around...having fun...and then I think of a million other things I can do). I need to force myself to play games with them. But, I do love to read to them in silly voices and lots of hand motions. Oh, and I do love to play outside (our big backyard is the ocean..I am a beach mom...with sun damage and all!).
I am not fun at work though....need to be, um, "professional"!!
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: are you fun?
