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LisaR
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| Posted: Jan 02 2010 at 6:16pm | IP Logged
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Claudia, I am so very sorry.
I've had two miscarriages in the past 15 months, and lost one of twins 3x before that.
losing each twin was far easier physically, then the first single M/C was a natural loss, but it took weeks.
I passed out in the bathroom a few times, and was literally tethered to the bathroom at home for many days on and off during those weeks.
I do have two genetic bleeding disorders which almost certainly caused my extra bleeding/clotting, even though I was on my medications.
The second miscarriage I scheduled a D and C.
Recovery physically and emotionally was 90% better, if there is a better in this situation.
I scared myself and still do when I read up about uterine scarring due to D and C's, and I have not been able to conceive again since then.
However, had I bled out again, (on my own) I would have had to go in and I was facing the very high chance of a Uterine Ablation or Partial hysterectomy.
many prayers,
love,
__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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onemoretracy
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| Posted: Jan 04 2010 at 7:33am | IP Logged
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Claudia,
I am so sorry for your loss. I pray for peace for you and your family. May you have a clarity of mind and a peace in your heart with your decision.
I had a D and C and went on to have twins and a singleton.
__________________
Tracy
DH Lee
DS Jake-10
DS Ryan-9
DS Luke-6
DD Laine-6
DD Mary Clare-3
DD Sara (Dec.6 '08)
My Blog
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crusermom
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| Posted: Jan 04 2010 at 8:04am | IP Logged
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Claudia,
I am praying for you. I have been through this and it is so hard. On the other hand, it has opened my heart to all the other women who have experienced this. I pray that you find peace in your decision.
__________________
Mary
Army wife and Crusermom to 8 wonderful children!
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12stars
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| Posted: Jan 04 2010 at 12:13pm | IP Logged
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Thank you all so much, I keep saying this but you all don't know how much you have helped me gather my thoughts trough all this. My real life catholic homeschool friends have also been a blessing to me.
My body still has not under gone any change other than cramping.
So I am waiting.
yes you are right Mary, I feel the same way. I have been able to connect to all you that have went through this. It is so hard, the way I cope is by talking about it, not incesstantly but being able to share my thoughts and feelings has been very therapuetic.
__________________
Claudia in Southern California
Wife to George,
Mom to DD 14, DD 10, DD 7, DS 4, DS 2, 1 in heaven, and now due 5/11.
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12stars
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| Posted: Jan 06 2010 at 11:54pm | IP Logged
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Hello just wanted to update, so far all is the same and nothing with me has changed. On the other hand my blood pressure has kept dipping and has made me feel very tired. I was scheduled for a DNC for this up and coming Monday, and I am already backing out, with no support from my loved ones.
I think if it were not for pre existing ailments, my family would let me wait.
part of me wants to be done and the other part wants to try and wait. But it seems evident that that might not be the best.
Today has been rough emotionally, just thinking of the baby and what will happen to him or her. Ontop of family members hoping I get over this very quickly.
Yesterday I went to talk to a priest and he really helped me sort out my feelings about many things. so that was good really good.
But I still feel as though my body is not agreeing with what my mind wants to do. My trust in the Lord has grown immensely, so that is where I am at now. Hoping that God will come down and tell me what to do and how to do it  Just kidding.
Really though I know this is in His hands.
__________________
Claudia in Southern California
Wife to George,
Mom to DD 14, DD 10, DD 7, DS 4, DS 2, 1 in heaven, and now due 5/11.
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JodieLyn
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__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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hylabrook1
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| Posted: Jan 07 2010 at 8:43am | IP Logged
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Dear Claudia -
Praying for you; this is so hard.
Peace,
Nancy
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Nina Murphy
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| Posted: Jan 07 2010 at 12:56pm | IP Logged
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Claudia,
Praying for your peace----no matter what. Read that St. Francis de Sales quote Christine posted on the Simplicity Parenting thread. It is helping me every single day to push by the Evil One and ignore his barks.
If a D/C is necessitated, all will be well----don't worry. God wants you to take care of yourself for those other people in your life, too.
__________________
God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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JennGM
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Nina Murphy wrote:
| If a D/C is necessitated, all will be well----don't worry. God wants you to take care of yourself for those other people in your life, too. |
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Yes, Claudia, don't view this as a weakness or something wrong. Sometimes we have to do things medically that we wouldn't usually want to do, but it's in our best interest, or for our and family wellbeing.
It's hard for me to let God be in control instead of trying to control the situation. This was one of those situations for me.
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Lisbet
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The decision is SO hard, and sometimes it's a good thing when it is taken out of our hands. Lay it all our Our Lords feet - and lean heavily on your husband and his thoughts on it. I am so so sorry Claudia. Many prayers for you.
__________________
Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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LisaR
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JennGM wrote:
Nina Murphy wrote:
| If a D/C is necessitated, all will be well----don't worry. God wants you to take care of yourself for those other people in your life, too. |
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Yes, Claudia, don't view this as a weakness or something wrong. . |
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Claudia, I've been through it both ways, and know that if I lose another little one, I will have to have a D and C.
for me in so many ways it brought peace I never thought imaginable, and we also have to take care of ourselves.
Monday is still some time off. Many prayers for you and all that you are up against physically, emotionally, spiritually.
Peace of Christ,
__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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crusermom
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Claudia,
If you have a d and c, you can ask for the remains. I did that and then we had a ceremony and buried the baby by the grotto at our parish. They acted as if was an unusual request, but they were very good about it. You are in my prayers.
__________________
Mary
Army wife and Crusermom to 8 wonderful children!
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Waverley
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Claudia,
I am glad you were able to speak with a priest. I hope he answered your questions. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as well.
Please take care of yourself.
__________________
Waverley
wife to Dh for 19 years, dd (16), dd (11), dd (8), ds (6), dd (4), dd (9-13-1996)
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melanie
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Prayers, Claudia.
I used to be an OB nurse at a Catholic hospital...don't know if that's an option for you...but anyway, they had someone on call 24 hours a day to help families with infant death, no matter how early. It was very, very common and encouraged for families to want photographs, to see the baby, hold the baby, etc. The hospital would make little footprints and such, whatever the family wanted. Some wanted very little, some wanted more. We were taught to roll with what the family wanted to do. If the mom was earlier than 20 weeks along, it was considered a miscarriage and generally she could take the baby with her if she wanted to make arrangements, at least that's how it was at the time I was there. After 20 weeks it was considered a stillbirth and had to be delivered to a funeral home. This may vary from state to state a bit, but I think it's close to the same age. At different hospitals, you may meet some resistance or something about wanting to see the baby or bury him or her, but I just wanted you to know that that's not the case everywhere and you can tell them so.
Here's the website of the hospital I worked at, the page for the SHARE program. It says it's a international program, maybe there's one near you even?
http://www.mercy4u.com/services/Outreach/SHARE/
As far as personal experience, I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks when my now 13yo was a year old. I had a D and C right away, and I didn't get to see the baby or anything like that. It never occured to me to not have a D and C or to ask to see the baby really. I was very young and didn't know any different. I wish I had. I would have liked to have some kind of closure instead of just being pregnant one day and not the next. I literally just went into the ER with some bleeding and left the next day after the D and C.
With my nurses hat on, I will say I think 12 weeks is on the late side to go it naturally, but then you don't want to go by what nurses think necessarily. We only see the complications, kwim? I never meet the women that did it without complications on their own. So, that's for whatever you think it's worth.
__________________
Melanie
homeschooling Maria (13yo), Kain (10yo), Jack (5yo), Tess (2yo), and our newest blessing, Henry Robert, born 4/23!
slightlycrunchycatholic.blogspot.com
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rose gardens
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12stars wrote:
Hello just wanted to update, so far all is the same and nothing with me has changed. On the other hand my blood pressure has kept dipping and has made me feel very tired. I was scheduled for a DNC for this up and coming Monday, and I am already backing out, with no support from my loved ones.
I think if it were not for pre existing ailments, my family would let me wait.
part of me wants to be done and the other part wants to try and wait. But it seems evident that that might not be the best.
Today has been rough emotionally, just thinking of the baby and what will happen to him or her. Ontop of family members hoping I get over this very quickly.
Yesterday I went to talk to a priest and he really helped me sort out my feelings about many things. so that was good really good.
But I still feel as though my body is not agreeing with what my mind wants to do. My trust in the Lord has grown immensely, so that is where I am at now. Hoping that God will come down and tell me what to do and how to do it Just kidding.
Really though I know this is in His hands.
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Praying for you.
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12stars
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After a few days of heartache and feeling cornered. I wanted out of the surgery because I was not being heard. Today I had to go in and do the labs and admittance paperwork. Instead I called the doctor directly and plead my case one last time. Come what may if I did not get an answer to my request of the remains, I was going to wait as long as I felt it was safe day by day if I had to, and go natural. Part of my health is my mental health, and after reading this I was able to get some much needed clarity. It is a great article that deals with healing it is called Miscarriage and the Dignity of the Human Body. My husband read it as well and he felt the same way I did after reading it, he fully supported my decisions.
So after a long long afternoon today the Dr. called back and let me know that they will be able to release the baby's remains and on top of that he was going to take great caution with the body and help us with what we had requested. So I scheduled a mortuary to go a few days later to pick up the body and they will cremate. We will have the ashes for a bit...
Because our local Catholic cemetary is so so expensive, we have to wait to get a hold of maybe another one that is farther but we will be able to bury our baby there.
So sorry for a long vent, but I know you all understand.
Please please keep us in your prayers that all goes well.
__________________
Claudia in Southern California
Wife to George,
Mom to DD 14, DD 10, DD 7, DS 4, DS 2, 1 in heaven, and now due 5/11.
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JodieLyn
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Claudia, I'm so glad you've managed to get cooperation and have some peace about your decision.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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stellamaris
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Praying for you, Claudia.
__________________
In Christ,
Caroline
Wife to  dh 30+ yrs,ds's 83,85,89,dd's 91,95,ds's 01,01,02,grammy to 4
Flowing Streams
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melanie
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I'm glad, Claudia. Good for you for making yourself heard by your doctor. And you've made it that much easier for the next woman who comes behind you with such a request.
__________________
Melanie
homeschooling Maria (13yo), Kain (10yo), Jack (5yo), Tess (2yo), and our newest blessing, Henry Robert, born 4/23!
slightlycrunchycatholic.blogspot.com
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12stars
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| Posted: Jan 13 2010 at 1:40pm | IP Logged
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All went well with the surgery, better than I expected. In the end the Dr. was able to get the baby out completely, because I chose not to send the baby to pathology. The mortuary director was called in right away to take the body, the Dr. didn't want the baby to linger at the hospital and have people question as to why it was done that way.
We will have the baby cremated and I am still looking for a burial place. But I am taking one thing at a time. I am still tired. I am just so grateful for the Dr's compassion and for the funeral directors response to our requests. Also for everyones concern, prayers, and love. I know this is the internet, but all of you ladies helped me to cope and discern what God's will was for us.
With my husband and family along with your experiences I felt the purpose of respecting and allowing what God wanted for me and my little one.
We named him or her Mary Francis, my 10 yo DD felt called to name the baby that name. So we did.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
Claudia
__________________
Claudia in Southern California
Wife to George,
Mom to DD 14, DD 10, DD 7, DS 4, DS 2, 1 in heaven, and now due 5/11.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: I have never been through this before
