4Real Forums: Simplicity Parenting

Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.

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Topic: Simplicity Parenting

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joann10
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Posted: Dec 29 2009 at 11:01am \| IP Logged

The big brown truck just brought me a copy of the book!

I hope it can help me---I just seem to move clutter from one spot to another, but more importantly, I want to remove the clutter from my heart.....

SeaStar
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Posted: Dec 29 2009 at 11:12am \| IP Logged

What I am liking about this book is it speaks to me more of the motivation behind simplifying... not so much the "how to" (though there is that as well).

One example given: parents note how their little girl is an "organizer". She loves to arrange her toys, group them, organize them. Well, as it turns out, she has so MANY toys that regrouping them, lining them up, etc is the only way she can figure out to relate to them. She is SO OVERWHELMED that she can't even play with them!

That spoke to me directly, as my dd is also an "organizer". She has a wooden doll house that we have gradually added furniture to over the past three years- all kinds of neat things from a Ryan's Room collection. She keeps all this furniture and the accessories in a heaped basket beside the house. Then she takes it all out to "organize". Is she playing with the doll house? I see now that no, she is not. She merely arranges the furniture, trying to cram it all into the house in some kind of orderly way.

Now I understand that I would have done better to stick to a few basic pieces of furniture and let her imagination do the rest. As the book points out, just because a child loves a particular toy, that does *not* mean they are going to love having duplicates or every single add on to play with. In fact, that can be quite stressful.

I wish I would have read this book, say, three years ago

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Molly Smith
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Posted: Dec 29 2009 at 11:18am \| IP Logged

LucyP wrote:

What I really really liked when I read an excerpt was how it focussed on making changes to protect and bring peace to our children - rather than just cool ways to store stuff for my own gratification.

Precisely! It's a whole new way of looking at "stuff". And it's not just about "stuff", it's about simplifying food, time commitments, filtering out adult things (like the news), and other things that I never really considered. Right now I'm jumping all around the book, but I'm looking forward to letting it all soak in.

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KackyK
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Posted: Dec 29 2009 at 11:27am \| IP Logged

I ordered my copy...should be here sometime this week, can't wait to start.

And Molly Smith, I'm looking forward to the stuff about food! I'm having a hard time in this area actually.

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KackyK

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Beginning With the Assumption

Nina Murphy
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Posted: Dec 29 2009 at 4:24pm \| IP Logged

Can someone give me an example on what the book is referring to as simplification in the area of food? I would be most appreciative--thanks ahead of time!

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~~Nina
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amyable
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Posted: Dec 29 2009 at 4:58pm \| IP Logged

Nina Murphy wrote:

Can someone give me an example on what the book is referring to as simplification in the area of food? I would be most appreciative--thanks ahead of time!

I jumped to the middle chapters, so I may have missed something, but he is talking about: involving children in preparation of meals, making family dinners a priority, limit the choices children have regarding food, and simplifying tastes by avoiding too much sugar and processing. (he says, "How can a carrot compete with Hot Wings and Blue Cheese Doritos? Next to such extreme flavors most foods can't attract your child's attention, much less their interest." and "Food is meant to nourish, not entertain or excite"). Having a rotating menu. He gives ideas and examples of all these things.

HTH

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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of

The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler

hylabrook1
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Posted: Dec 29 2009 at 5:02pm \| IP Logged

The more you ladies who have the book talk about it, the more I can't wait to get my copy and start reading!

Peace,
Nancy

SeaStar
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Posted: Dec 29 2009 at 5:03pm \| IP Logged

One of my grown-up nieces recently gave me a quote that I have found very helpful to keep in mind:

Our bodies need real food. If something has more than five ingredients, it's not food. It's a "product".

The quote came from a nutritionist she knows.

Very interesting theory for a label reader like me

I have not yet read the food chapter, though. I am trying not to get too far ahead from the start of discussion.... and because I am still wrestling with massive decluttering.

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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)

SQUILT Music Appreciation

Marcia
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Posted: Dec 29 2009 at 6:28pm \| IP Logged

My book is here! Yippee!

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Marcia
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I wonder why

Nina Murphy
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Posted: Dec 29 2009 at 7:06pm \| IP Logged

amyable wrote:

Nina Murphy wrote:

Can someone give me an example on what the book is referring to as simplification in the area of food? I would be most appreciative--thanks ahead of time!

Perfect. Thank you much, Amy!

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~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met

Gloria JMJ
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Posted: Dec 30 2009 at 1:59am \| IP Logged

I cannot buy this book and, alas, my library doen't have it

. But I would love to evesdrop on the discussions and glean what I can from them

if you all don't mind.

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Paula in MN
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Posted: Dec 30 2009 at 6:28am \| IP Logged

I'm already getting ideas just from this topic and I don't even have my book yet!

I was reading a very minimalist blog yesterday and came across this...

"The rise of clutter has given birth to a whole industry: organizing. We now have legions of professional organizers, whole companies that sell organizing products such as closet organizers, magazines and blogs on how to get yourself organized, and of course, the hand-held notebooks we call organizers -- and their digital equivalent, PDAs and mobile devices. And while I have nothing against professional organizers -- they help people to find peace in lives of chaos -- I don't think they're necessary ... if you adopt minimalism. Organizing is only necessary when you have too many things to easily find what you're looking for. Think about it: when we organize a collection of books, it's because when they're not organized, we can't find the books we want. But if we had, say, five books, we wouldn't need to organize."

I have been thinking about those words all day. I love to organize. I purge so I can reorganize. I have empty baskets and containers in my storage area waiting for my next organizing day.

In my quest to simplify, I have made my home life much more complicated. And I can see it affecting my kids.

I can't wait to get this book!

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Paula
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Bookswithtea
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Posted: Dec 30 2009 at 7:49am \| IP Logged

Paula in MN wrote:

In my quest to simplify, I have made my home life much more complicated. And I can see it affecting my kids.

I can't wait to get this book!

I totally agree in many ways with this. But...5 books??? That would never work for the homeschooler.

Now in the kitchen and bedrooms? That's another story. I'd like to read that blog. Can you pass on the link?

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~Books

mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and

due 9/10

amyable
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Posted: Dec 30 2009 at 8:04am \| IP Logged

Bookswithtea wrote:

I totally agree in many ways with this. But...5 books??? That would never work for the homeschooler.

Now in the kitchen and bedrooms? That's another story. I'd like to read that blog. Can you pass on the link?

I'm pretty sure it was from here: mnmlist.com

And ITA - five books would be very difficult for today's homeschooler! But do we need five hundred? Thousand?

(thinking five hundred thousand books sounds like my idea of heaven, if only I had a personal librarian to deal with them all!)

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Amy
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The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler

LucyP
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Posted: Dec 30 2009 at 8:08am \| IP Logged

I just ordered the book.

I could have only 5 books if I needed to. I even think I know which 5 it would be. Personally I am constantly weeding out books. We used to have thousands and are now down to maybe only 800, something like that, and the VAST MAJORITY of those belong to my husband. I personally have about 100 books, including spiritual reading that is mainly used by me and educational reading/planning resources used by me to help educate the children. I could do with culling a few more books, especially from the children's collection (I have a "library cupboard" of seasonal choices, read-alouds in waiting etc - about 200 books)

Now I have 101 books, I suppose!

Paula in MN
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Posted: Dec 30 2009 at 8:49am \| IP Logged

amyable wrote:

I'm pretty sure it was from here: mnmlist.com

Yes, that's where I read it. I could NEVER go with only 5 books, homeschooler or not!

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Paula
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Mackfam
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Posted: Dec 30 2009 at 10:22am \| IP Logged

I was hesitant about jumping into this conversation. I do share all of your desires in seeking a simple parenting philosophy. It's a journey for me. A process. I decided to jump into this conversation and maybe inject my thoughts that are a little more general and directed to the idea of simplicity. I thought it could be helpful in general, but also for those ladies that are following along that may not have this book.

I should probably say first, that I don't have the book referenced either. I have been very influenced in this area though. The idea of Simplicity is a very Catholic one - it's called Detachment. Ideas from this reach out into "Simplicity Parenting" naturally.

I'm offering some quotes. These have been so helpful to me that to say that seems an understatement. They have been formative. These quotes come from In Conversation With God, Volume 1, Advent and Christmas:

St. Josemaria Escriva wrote:

"The best examples of poverty are those mothers and fathers of large and poor families who spend their lives for their children and who through their effort and their constancy - often without complaining of their needs - bring up their family, creating a cheerful home in which everyone learns to love, to serve and to work." (Conversations with Monsignor Escriva)

Quote:

The poverty that God asks of all of us is not a matter of squalor, meanness, slovenliness or idleness. Virtue does not reside in these things. In order to learn to live detachment from things in the midst of the world of men, we have to look to our Model, Jesus Christ, who "for your sake...became poor, so that by his poverty you might become rich."

(emphasis mine) wrote:

The poor to whom Our Lord promises the kingdom of Heaven are not just those who happen to suffer need, but those who, whether or not they have possessions, are detached from them and do not find themselves imprisoned by them. Such poverty of of spirit must be lived in all life's circumstances.

Quote:

Man can direct his life towards God, whom he can reach by using material things as means;

...the Christian has to be on guard when it comes to his use of material things, and she admonishes her children to "see that they direct their affections rightly, lest they be hindered in pursuit of perfect love by the use of worldly things, and by an adherence to riches which is contrary to the spirit of evangelical poverty...

(emphasis mine) wrote:

The Christian way of life demands a radical change in attitude towards earthly things; they should be procured and used, not as an end in themselves, but as a means of serving God. Because they are only a means they are not worth putting our hearts into; true goods are something else altogether.

Quote:

We have to recall in our prayer that effective detachment from things demands sacrifice. Detachment which we do not find hard is not detachment.

(emphasis mine) wrote:

Poverty's detail and ways of living it.
Therefore (the Christian) should examine himself frequently....does he possess things as a means for doing good and for living ever closer to God?

We always can and should be sparing in the supplying of our personal needs...being aware of the tendency we all have to create false needs...

...the ordinary Christian (should be) using all created things in order to solve the problems of human life and to establish the kind of spiritual and material environment that will foster personal and social development.

I know that's a lot to unpack, but the general theme is that it is HARD to detach, it is a necessary spiritual good, and that material 'things and tools' are not bad in and of themselves as long as they are used to serve God. It does mean a voluntary poverty, which is a simple living philosophy. But, it also points to virtue and the possibility that material possessions (books, curriculum, toys, beautiful things) can be good, which is a balance of the ideas.

There is one idea that Paula brought up from a blog that I wanted to address - which is a minimalist idea. I think that rightly ordered, this could be considered a voluntary poverty which is good, but if you have a family of 8 (any) children whom you are homeschooling, there are going to be some tools you will need in your home to assist you.

Organizing and maintaining order are good things. They assist us in being good stewards of the material blessings God has given us. It is wasteful to NOT use a material "tool" we already have just because we can't put our hands on it, or find it.

This is a constant process for me. I can't just organize and be done. I purge - brutally - twice a year, every Advent and Lent. I look to living spaces, learning spaces, as well as our time and how it is managed. I look with an eye to streamlining and keeping ordered in heart and home the best of the best. This is how I extend the idea of being frugal - a frugal use of space allows for the best of the best and maybe a little good and not much else. I seek to maintain spaces that offer some quiet - both in their visual appearance and the level of audible noise! This is Simplicity Parenting to me. It extends into every corner of my home and family life. It sounds very simple for me to type these words here and list for you all that I seek to do - but in the end, I can know it...but I must live it. It all comes back to self discipline for me. Guarding the senses. Guarding the home. Guarding against excess noise of all kinds - visual, audible, emotional - so there is a place for silence.

Our vocations were not meant to be static and unchanging, so it's unrealistic to expect that one shift and we're done, one purge and we're done, one book and we've got it - our vocations constantly challenge us to grow in holiness. This is one of the ways that has challenged me to grow and I hope it was ok to share some of my thoughts even though they don't fit **exactly** with your focus on "Simplicity Parenting".

And, I'm sorry once again for the length of this...but you all expect that from me by now, right?

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Jen Mackintosh
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, ds 11

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Paula in MN
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Posted: Dec 30 2009 at 10:43am \| IP Logged

Mackfam wrote:

And, I'm sorry once again for the length of this...but you all expect that from me by now, right?

It could've been longer....

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Paula
A Catholic Harvest

MicheleQ
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Posted: Dec 30 2009 at 10:47am \| IP Logged

Mackfam wrote:

This is one of the ways that has challenged me to grow and I hope it was ok to share some of my thoughts even though they don't fit **exactly** with your focus on "Simplicity Parenting".

This isn't my thread so I can only speak for myself but, I think it does fit because really how can we have this conversation about simplicity parenting without looking at it through the lens of our Faith? I did order the book though with some hesitation because I see it is Waldorf influenced and frankly I'm not a Waldorf fan, but before it arrived I started re-reading Fr. Dubay's Happy Are You Poor because I wanted to refresh my understanding of simplicity from a Catholic viewpoint and let that be my starting point. HAYP is a beautiful (and challenging!) book and I highly recommend it. What really stuck with me this reading was seeing that difference between pleasure and joy. Pleasure being temporary, limited and while not generally bad in and of themselves they can lead to evil if not tempered. But joy perdures and the deeper it is the longer it lasts. Pleasure is fleeting, joy is lasting. An abundance of "stuff" can bring us pleasure, but simplicity (and that detachment Jenn wrote about) leads us to joy.

I'm reading Simplicity Parenting now and I do like it as it reaffirms much of what I have been pondering and gives some practical ideas on moving towards greater simplicity. I look forward to the conversation.

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CandaceC
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Posted: Dec 30 2009 at 11:00am \| IP Logged

Jen, I also think what you wrote out is very fitting. For me personally, most of the battle is actually the detachment. And that is most certainly my prayer...I don't want to "love" my stuff. I don't want to want MORE stuff.

I also have been pondering, praying and thinking over this phrase:

Live more simply so that others may simply live.

I am so convicted, again and again, about how very much we have. And how so many around the world are dying from need. There is a balance in being thankful for our blessings, yet helping the poor and needy, that I have yet to find in my own heart...but I'm searching and praying for God to give me peace in all this.

If anyone is interested in an outreach project along these lines, check out what some friends and I are doing on January 30th!! I am SO excited!

Yard Sale - Give Away

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Candace - wife to David since 2000...mommy to Hannah (Feb. 2002), Emily (April 2003) and Caleb (March 2005)

His Mercy Is New

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