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Angel
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I had a hard time thinking up a subject for this thread. What I mean is, how do you continue to provide for more than the basic needs of your little ones when you are down (ill, pregnant, new baby, etc.) for more than just a few days? When it becomes hard to plan activities? When "just reading aloud" and "letting them play" doesn't provide their brains and hands enough to keep them occupied, and it starts to show up in their behavior?
My 4 yo twins do present me with a special situation, because they are at the VERY ACTIVE end of the "boy" spectrum and we live in a cold climate which means they can't get outside as much as they need to. If I don't keep them busy, they start inventing games like seeing how far they can jump from the top of their bookcase. I also have a 2 yo who absolutely *yearns* for Montessori work. (Unfortunately, his absorbent mind is being instructed in the ways of his brothers right now.) And I have an extroverted 6 yo who would like to do science experiments and engineering every day who unfortunately ends up moping around "bored" a lot.
My problem is that I don't feel good enough on a regular basis to have a regular time to maintain shelves, rotate and plan activities, make trays (even simple ones)... with any kind of reliability.
Any tips on how to deal with this through a long, snowy winter???
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Angela
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Paula in MN
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Oh, Angela, I wish I had some good ideas for you. My ds7, while active, can play with his rubbermaid tub of Legos for hours. When he gets bored with them, it's Tinkertoys and then Lincoln Logs. Sending hugs your way. 
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 Paula
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julia s.
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Angela,
Just thinking out loud, but do you think your older son or daughter could implement any ideas with the little ones (like you come up with an idea, but they follow through on it). Or come up with ideas to do with them on their own. I know my older son was a help with my then 2 year old when I was pregnant last time creating obstacle courses for him or just playing the games he liked to play.
I would "pay" him in video game time (better than money around here).
Is there any time during the day that you do feel somewhat OK? Maybe set that aside to work with or plan for them, eventhough I know it is tempting to want to get more practical things done like cleaning and cooking.
Is there anyone who could come over and take them out on a regular/semi-regular basis?
Sometimes when I couldn't think of things to do going out somewhere he could blow off steam, but in a confined area (like a McD's playland or a petting farm) was easier than being home trying to entertain him. This time of year there are train gardens too.
I'll keep thinking and remember even if it is crazy it will be OK in the end. It is just a season and it will get better. They will be better for having the brother or sister in the end and they will grow up and be less active and more able to be constructive (hopefully sooner than you think).
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julia
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JodieLyn
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I guess it depends on the exact situation.. when I'm really down sick.. I'm down.. if my 12 yr old can keep everyone fed and the babies changed.. it's wonderful.
Then there's the rest of the time when I don't feel great but don't have to be down.
Something inside for keeping the 4 yr olds moving would be a good thing.. what about one of those bouncing trampolines made for using inside for instance?
Dress them in warm clothes and send them outside.. even 10 minutes outside can make a difference in their behavior inside.. plus the cold will sap more of their energy so what wouldn't be enough time in summer may be enough time in winter.
A bath often will redirect energy.. toss in the things like multi-size containers and funnels and such and you have meaningful play while they're in there. Adding water can change attitudes for the better.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
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Erin
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Angela
I'd try getting the older children to take a half hour block each teaching to their strengths, ie. cooking, science, art or a Montessori lesson.
But I need to be honest, do you remember when I wrote about my older ones teaching my younger ones for half hour blocks? Well the novelty wore off (I wasn't really surprised) Still enjoy it while it lasts, and anyway perhaps your children have more staying power than mine.
Look at your day in half hour blocks, and break it into active blocks and quiet blocks and then flesh it out into low key activities that you can manage from the lounge.
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Erin
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theresa-lynn
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Angela, I feel your pain  I will certainly be watching this thread for help of my own.
there's just something about twin boys isn't their. Mine are so similar to yours, and I'm at my wits end trying to occupy them for more than 3 min at a time too. I can only imagine what scary games they would come up with, with an indoor trampeline to play on while I was resting 
I do love the idea of baths, although that does require more supervision than I often have time for.
Messy as it is, playdough and paint (washable) will keep them busy for quite some time. TV doesn't really interest mine, but sometimes they will play on the computer for awhile (they like starfall.com). Playing with a big kid is always a hit with them too... i might try the suggestion from Julia to enlist the bigger kids to help entertain/supervise.
I hope it gets easier for you.. don't forget to offer up the stress for a really good intention... and ask for the intersession of Saints Cosmos and Damian (twin saints).
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Melanie
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DominaCaeli
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I feel your pain too. The morning sickness this time around while dealing with the littles just about did me in--not sure how I got through it.
I do limit the the toys my "twins" are allowed to play with, so we had quite a few things that were "out of rotation" and hadn't been played with in ages--those were brought out day by day to add something new to the mix. Novelty goes a long way, thank God! I also allowed meal times to go longer than I usually do--any thing that keeps them sitting! 
Actually, it was the physical demands of my baby (rather than my 3yos) that was most difficult. How to handle a baby who wants to be held and rocked all day when you're so nauseous you just want to spend the afternoon on the sofa?
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Celeste
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Angel
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theresa-lynn wrote:
there's just something about twin boys isn't their. Mine are so similar to yours, and I'm at my wits end trying to occupy them for more than 3 min at a time too. I can only imagine what scary games they would come up with, with an indoor trampeline to play on while I was resting
I do love the idea of baths, although that does require more supervision than I often have time for.
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Exactly. This morning I found them in their bedroom trying to make a bridge between their beds out of brooms and mops. They had every intention of walking on this contraption, too.  Right now they are all running around the house as fast as they can playing some version of "scary robot movie" (they aren't allowed to watch scary robot movies). Part of the problem is that all the games they want to play on their own are destructive -- i.e. bashing each other with foam swords, etc. Honestly, I feel like I'm in the middle of a permanent boy slumber party.
I did let the big kids watch all the little boys outside in the snow yesterday and the day before, and though there was some crying over snowball fights, it mostly went well. I was also able to do some art with them yesterday morning, so that helped.
Everything just seems so disordered, chaotic, and out of control now... I feel like at some point I should be confident that at least I sort of know what I'm doing -- I'm mean I'm pregnant with my 7th child! -- but all I seem to do is come back here and continually ask for advice. 
Thanks to everyone for your ideas. 
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Angela
Mom to 9, 7 boys and 2 girls
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Tina P.
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Angel wrote:
| bashing each other with foam swords, etc. Honestly, I feel like I'm in the middle of a permanent boy slumber party. |
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They sound like normal, healthy boys to me. 
Angel wrote:
| Everything just seems so disordered, chaotic, and out of control now... I feel like at some point I should be confident that at least I sort of know what I'm doing -- I'm mean I'm pregnant with my 7th child! -- but all I seem to do is come back here and continually ask for advice. |
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Every pregnancy and every child is so different. We're expecting our ninth. Until yesterday, everything was great. Then the doctor called and told me I have a low functioning thyroid. My husband quipped, "I was waiting for *something* to worry about this one."
My saving grace is snow and a hill in our front yard. Instant sledding just outside the front door! Praying for you, Angela!
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Tina P.
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BTW, that bridge thing is very cool. They're little engineers!
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Paula in MN
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Okay, I have to tell you a story about my nephews. They are not twins, but are only 11 months apart. When they were 6 and 7, they lived in a 1906 two-story home in the middle of St. Paul. One day, their older brother was babysitting and fell asleep. The neighbor came over to tell him that the younger boys were trying to parachute out of their window. Luckily they were caught in time, and it turned into quite the family tale. Oh, and these same boys used to play outside, get hungry and walk into neighbor's houses and help themselves to food in their refrigerator.
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julia s.
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Paula in MN wrote:
| Okay, I have to tell you a story about my nephews. They are not twins, but are only 11 months apart. When they were 6 and 7, they lived in a 1906 two-story home in the middle of St. Paul. One day, their older brother was babysitting and fell asleep. The neighbor came over to tell him that the younger boys were trying to parachute out of their window. Luckily they were caught in time, and it turned into quite the family tale. Oh, and these same boys used to play outside, get hungry and walk into neighbor's houses and help themselves to food in their refrigerator. |
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That's funny the same thing happened to my father, only he was a baby and his cousins had him in a basket and they were going to parachute him out of the third story window. Luckily an older cousin walked in the room just as they were ready to make lift-off. Again, a great family tale, but leaves you with a sick feeling at what could have been.
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julia s.
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Angel wrote:
Exactly. This morning I found them in their bedroom trying to make a bridge between their beds out of brooms and mops. They had every intention of walking on this contraption, too. Right now they are all running around the house as fast as they can playing some version of "scary robot movie" (they aren't allowed to watch scary robot movies). Part of the problem is that all the games they want to play on their own are destructive -- i.e. bashing each other with foam swords, etc. Honestly, I feel like I'm in the middle of a permanent boy slumber party.
Everything just seems so disordered, chaotic, and out of control now... I feel like at some point I should be confident that at least I sort of know what I'm doing -- I'm mean I'm pregnant with my 7th child! -- but all I seem to do is come back here and continually ask for advice.
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Angela,
I think sometimes it is the 'boy-ness' of it all that can just drive me nuts around here some days. I just don't get the whole gist of why they find somethings so interesting and have to take everything to extremes. I love them to pieces and actually enjoy their wild and enthusiastic nature normally, but I would like there to be more downtime too.
Angela, I read your blog and even when you think it is all out of control I still think your a great mom you give your family so much love and that is what matters. I don't have any more advice for you (I wish I did).
I was thinking about John the Baptist the other day at mass (OK he was the topic), but I thinking about him as a small baby and how he leaped just at being near Jesus. I love that image of John so young and innocent. Still, he turned his life over to Jesus and preparing the way and he had to live in the desert and he was eating locust and wearing rough camels hair clothing. Such a rugged and brutal life and so far from the sweet new baby who leaped in his mama's womb for joy. Yet, when we choose our paths for God we choose the desert, the locust, the camel's hair garment.
I know you know this, you can't see how this is going to work out because you're on the path. Only sinner who relish their sin are truly happy and live well organized contented lives because they chose their kingdom to be here on earth. You chose heaven for yourself and your family. You will be ok. You walk with God always.
Ok, I've got my own brood starting to riot here.
Have a great day.
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julia
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Tina P.
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julia s. wrote:
| Only sinners who relish their sin are truly happy and live well organized contented lives because they chose their kingdom to be here on earth. You chose heaven for yourself and your family. You will be ok. You walk with God always. |
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Oooh, I love this. I'll have to remember this when I walk into others' perfect homes. 
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
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Maddie
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Tina P. wrote:
julia s. wrote:
| Only sinners who relish their sin are truly happy and live well organized contented lives because they chose their kingdom to be here on earth. You chose heaven for yourself and your family. You will be ok. You walk with God always. |
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Oooh, I love this. I'll have to remember this when I walk into others' perfect homes. |
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Wow, Julia. I'm going to have too read that one a few more times and let it soak in.
My pregnancy this year was awful, I was very, very sick right from the beginning and then had a severely rotated 4th lumbar that left me unable to walk for about 6 weeks.  My kids were wild and I am still trying to recoup all the discipline I lost when I was down.
I used a lot of library movies and I am embarrassed to say  our day revolved around good movies, meals and schoolwork (workbooks-Seton). I also got them to bed at night by letting them listen to CD after CD of books on tape, then they slept in a bit in the morning for me.
Are you usually sick for the first 3-4 months? Maybe it will help if you have an approx. time when you know you'll start to feel better, then going into crisis mode won't frustrate you so much as you know it is coming to an end around such and such time?
If you have the money, maybe buying a new toy set would occupy them?
Help them build a tent in the living room and then crash on the couch nearby?
Hang in there!
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~Maddie~
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SeaStar
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I know a wonderful mother of 11 who once told me that when she was pregnant she would lock the rowdiest children in her bedroom with her and they had to watch movies while she napped- or at least rested in bed.
I thought that was a brilliant strategy.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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Angel wrote:
| how do you continue to provide for more than the basic needs of your little ones when you are down (ill, pregnant, new baby, etc.) for more than just a few days? When it becomes hard to plan activities? When "just reading aloud" and "letting them play" doesn't provide their brains and hands enough to keep them occupied, and it starts to show up in their behavior? |
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I'm going to take a stab at this, Angela. I'll say up front that when I'm down - I'm TOTALLY DOWN. So, my ideas are borne from the extreme sickness I experience, but I'm going to brainstorm with you hoping you can take something here. I'll say up front that I DON'T attempt to provide more than the basic needs of the little ones when I'm sick, but I do put a lot of effort into maintaining a sense of routine so that there is something for them to do that is constructive and supervised by older children. This time is temporary. I'll be able to slowly do more and more as a pregnancy progresses, but in the beginning, it's about survival. I'm not sure where you are on this scale - so take it with a grain of salt, and do what you can.
The other ladies have offered many of the suggestions I would have. I brainstorm this to the nth degree with my husband and older children before/as soon as I get pregnant. Some of the things we have learned:
** Expectations get scaled WAY back...DRAMATICALLY so!! Montessori work is not in my vocabulary for the first 6 months of my pregnancy. Period. Our goal is survival. That means: food, clean clothes, and consistent discipline - no matter how hard it is to carry this out - this is the one thing I save my energy for. That's it. I do not do any formal school during the first part of my pregnancy. At all. That's because all older children are drafted into service. If you are somewhat functional, I could see attempting a very simple form of school - reading, catechism, coloring/art, more reading, done. Add in some narrations and a bit of copywork which can both be done from your throne - the couch - and you have yourself a really great day!
** Toys/small parts/toy weapons/noisemaking gizmos are severely and quickly purged to locked closets or the garage for supervised "daddy play". Other toys are organized by the older children to rotate in and out - collections are kept together and offered one at a time.
** Big kids are in charge of breakfast and lunch, washing 1-2 loads of laundry a day, 1 quick tidy, gathering picture books for the reading basket and read alouds, movie selection time, the toys set out for play and rotation.
** Daddy is in charge of grocery shopping, dinners, supervision of laundry (picking up any slack at night), meeting with big kids in the evening to see what is needed to make days smoother.
** I am in charge of reading to the littles, maintaining basic discipline during the day (this is extremely important for littles who will self destruct without consistent and firm but gentle guidance. This need is magnified when Mommy, normally energetic and attentive, is now very sick.) I also sometimes help brainstorm, but when I'm very sick, my brain cells are SUPER LOW FUNCTIONING, so the family knows they're on their own. We do as much preparing and practicing and rehearsing ahead of time - we treat it much like a coach would train his team before a big game.
** We go to great pains to find one room - usually my bedroom - to keep the entire family self-contained during the day. A small toy area is set up. Tv with DVD player, small table for eating, book basket, napping palettes. My big kids "freshen" the toy area every couple of days. The toys there are quite limited - usually only 2 or 3 collections kept on a small shelf. It keeps the mess limited and interest piqued as the offerings are kept fresh.
Here is a typical day during pregnancy survival:
** Wake up - big kids get simple breakfast together. We do make use of convenience foods when I'm pregnant. I don't like it, but I accept that it's what we have to do. Big kids wipe up littles and escort them to bedroom - shut door. They do dishes, clean kitchen, do morning chores, get little people dressed.
** Morning movie time - I nap, littles watch movie, biggers read or color in art/coloring books - we're all together in the same room. I make use of netflix nature docs and favorite movies. I DO NOT cave on my tv rules during this time - in other words, they don't get to watch something I wouldn't normally allow. But, they do watch A LOT of tv. I don't like it. But, it allows me to survive. And it's temporary.
** Short play time with big kids supervising. Quick tidy. A short PBS show is sometimes allowed so the big kids can grab lunch and bring it back to the little table. One year, we just used a big vinyl tablecloth and ate picnic style (well, they ate, I ) - after lunch the kids would take the tablecloth outside, shake it out, roll it up, and it would await our next meal.
** Lunch - We always make use of paper plates during this time. Big kids do cleanup while I read aloud on the bed to the littles.
** Naptime - Big kids settle the littles on their napping palettes or in my bed. Big kids are allowed to read, color, or play quietly in an adjoining room.
** Playtime - Big kids supervise.
** Daddy gets home, checks on laundry status, starts simple dinner (sometimes I have meals frozen, sometimes we make use of Costco convenience meals, sometimes he brings home pizza for the clan - it's a lot of convenience food ick.) He checks on kitchen status and chores status.
** Dinner in the kitchen. I sleep more.
** Evening prayers - everyone piles onto the bed with me.
** Daddy and older children discuss the next day's plan -
:: check toys (are they boring? rotate)
:: book basket (freshen with new picture books)
:: meal plan (Rob discusses with the big kids EXACTLY what they're supposed to make for breakfast and lunch)
Now, I don't have as many children as you, Angela, or the challenge of twins, but I know you can do this! Drop your expectations WAY back for a while. Be gentle on yourself. Review in your mind what your basic rules of the house are - DON'T STOP ENFORCING THOSE! Spend some time considering if you can find a "common room" or even a "common area" that allows all of you to stay collected during the day. And, DELEGATE to those big kids! They can do a lot. Remember, this is temporary. Brainstorm ways to be more effective so that the little men will have constructive things before them in a contained environment and DELEGATE!!!!!! Restrict what the little men have access to - even if you have to grab stuff and toss it into the garage - get it out of their accessible space. Limit their opportunities to get into dangerous spots!
to you, Angela. I know how tough it is to do ANYTHING during this time. I'm saying a prayer that you and your husband and big kids can come up with some kind of temporary plan that gets you through the winter!!! I hope there's something here you can use to help.
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Jen Mackintosh
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MarilynW
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Dear Angela - most of what I would say has been covered - but I would add a couple of things
1) I have a fairly open plan main level - so I usually park myself on a sofa in the living room - and I can generally supervise what is going on in the kitchen, dining room, school room and living room. Also our tv/dvd is in the living room so I can keep tabs on that.
2) We do audio in a big way - 2 year olds up love to sit in the audio corner and listen to Jim Weiss, Usborne tales etc - usually whilst drawing or doing some building activity
3) I plan activities (when I have some energy) and organize them in large ziploc bags for easy take out and tidy up
4) I try and keep everyone together as much as possible
5) Often the older will do more focused schoolwork in the evenings when dh is home and can help with the littles
6) Our existing chore lists and rough MOTH schedule are adapted and posted so everyone is aware of what has to be done
7)Lots of board games that can include everyone - our two year old plays too paired up with an older one and is given jobs like moving the game piece or holding cards
I really agree that keeping the house more or less clean and laundry under control are priorities.
One more thing - I find that when I am out of commission my very littlest ones are a little disjointed and more likely to misbehave - so I really try and have some one on one time - either playing a game or reading or just sitting holding them.
Hugs to you
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Marilyn
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julia s.
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Tina P. wrote:
julia s. wrote:
| Only sinners who relish their sin are truly happy and live well organized contented lives because they chose their kingdom to be here on earth. You chose heaven for yourself and your family. You will be ok. You walk with God always. |
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Oooh, I love this. I'll have to remember this when I walk into others' perfect homes. |
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Umm...I think I should clarify that I meant people who refuse to take up the cross God gives them. Who limit their lives and only give when it suits them (What Saint Therese[I think}said that without love even the greatest act of kindness is nothing.) I wasn't implying an organized house or life was a sign of sinfulness (on the contrary). Only that you could have an easier life if you thought only in terms of self and comfort.
OK sorry for hijacking backing to Angela.
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mooreboyz
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Hi Angela,
I'm 24 weeks pregnant with my 6th boy now and I remember that first trimester. You forget just how insanely tired you get. I was sick all day as well. It was overwhelming and we were right in the middle of harvest/canning time and school starting. Man, it was rough. Try to remember that it will pass soon. Really after about that 13th week I felt so much better. That in mind here's a few more ideas:
First of all explain to everyone what you are going through. Your kids seem like mine and so you could explain what is going on inside you from the hormones and such. Emphasize how important it is that you stay rested and keep the house as calm as possible so you can stay calm for the itty bitty baby inside you. Remind them often of all of this. A little guilt now and then can work too..."you really want you little brother hearing all this fighting????"
Take a nap in the afternoon. Square everyone away with a movie or pbs show for 1/2 hour to an hour and beg the older ones to hold down the fort.
My 2 year old would do dishes or even wash play animals for like an hour happily. Maybe yours will too.
My nearly 5 year old at the time really liked helping me. Maybe your twins would too. Say something like "Mommy could really use you big boys to help out folding these towels" and even if they don't do such a great job at least they are busy for 20 mins or so.
My 12 and 10 yr old sons helped out a ton too. Ask them to put together some activities once in a while....helping 2 yr old cutting strips of colored paper and using a glue stick to put them on paper or organizing a coloring contest between the twins.
I know it was really nice to send them outside in the fall; but, now that winter is here I can understand where the thought of all the boots and gloves and mess coming in is too much to bear right now for you. Have your older son bring in a bucket of clean snow, dump it in the tub, give the twins and 2 year old mittens and let them play. It'll give you 1/2 hour or hour. When they're busy you could even hold lessons with the others in the bathroom while you rest on a blanket.
I was always falling asleep early too. Do what you need to. Take care and I'll be thinking of you.
__________________
Jackie
7 boys - 1, 4, 7, 10, 13, 15, 17 years
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4Real Forums : Nurturing the Years of Wonder
Topic: keeping little ones busy when mom is down
