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SeaStar
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Maddie-
How brave you are, struggling through this. I am praying that Our Lady will lead you in this and give you comfort. God is so full of love and mercy, he will bring good things even from this sorrow.
And good grief, how can we be judged as adults for things that we did when we were sixteen? I will also be praying for your relatives, that God will keep them busy with other things and leave you in peace.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
SQUILT Music Appreciation
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Angie Mc
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Maddie, thank you for trusting us with your request and for letting us know that you feel protected by your anonymity. I'm praying for you mightily and hope that you can find peace for yourself and your family.
As to your questions, I would want control of how/when this information was shared with my children. I would assume that "someday" they would know so I would want that someday decided by me and my dh - not a relative bent on doing me harm. I know what it is like to have a relative who is eager to cause me harm. I wouldn't want her connected to the situation in any way or to be a part of my child/ren's memory of learning about his/her sibling in heaven. I wouldn't want this relative to have any power (real or perceived) over me.
I have a friend who was in a similar situation. Their family talked about all of their children in heaven by name, one through abortion and several through miscarriage, but they didn't discuss the detail of miscarriage or abortion until they felt each child was ready. It has worked out for them.
I don't feel that I have been much help, but I pray the Holy Spirit is helping all of our prayers and words to move you closer to the right decision for your family. May you and your dh be protected and supported during this difficult time.
Love,
__________________
Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
About Me
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Nina Murphy
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I think you have received great support and advice and I don't I need to leave any, but that I would seek counsel from a holy priest (if you don't know any personally, there are so many saintly "public" priests who I know would respond to you if you called or emailed....like Fr. Vincent Serpa, Fr. Ed Silvia, Fr. Mitch Pacwa, Fr. John Corapi, Fr. Thomas Euteneur, to name just a few.... or a female spiritual adviser-----Rosalind Moss, Johnette Benkovic, Mother Angelica come to mind as types I'd trust in lieu of a priest). I think it would give you peace to hear what someone who has had pastoral experience with these situations would advise. We have had to deal with some painful family situations in our lives, as well, and even though I need and follow the advice of my husband and respected fellow Catholics, there is a certain peace that only comes, for me personally, when I have received spiritual guidance from someone invested with that special authority.
I want you to know how very loved and admired you are. You have so much to be proud of. We are all sinners and we all need the same blood shed for our sins. While we were YET sinners, he died for us. He came not for the righteous, but for sinners. We all need to be humbled and brought low and bear great afflictions, pain, sorrows, humiliations, rejection, and unworthiness to be made worthy of Him. So, rejoice, in so far as you are wounded. I bet you are a compassionate, humble, merciful, sensitive woman because of it. I bet you are spending all of your days now pouring out and proving your love, painfully aware of your own insufficiency and weakness, and how MUCH you need Him. That is a good place to be.
You are loved. We all love you. Your (true) family loves you. Your Family in the Body of Christ loves you. And don't ever doubt how much your children love you! XOXOXOXOXOX
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God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
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aussieannie
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Beautiful Nina...I'm crying here  ...just so true..
__________________
Under Her Starry Mantle
Spiritual Motherhood for Priests
Blessed with 3 boys & 3 girls!
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Maddie
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I can not tell you all how much your words here and the pm's I have received have touched me and helped me. I have so much to say and comment on, but as luck would have it, my computer is shot and at the shop. I'm at the library and don't want to cry here, nor can I compose in peace.  I have much to say, hopefully my computer will be back later today.
For now, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all the support and love you have sent my way. You are all in my daily prayers and I look forward to someday hugging you all in Heaven.
__________________
~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
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Marcia
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I would third the Rachel's vineyard. I don't have any personal experience with the personal effects of abortion, but I have several friends in the same position as you. They think of this baby everyday. My priest is one who does Rachel's vineyard and knows the helps that it has done in the past. You can even consider doing the retreat with your older children! What a witness that would be. A friend of mine went with her parents about six years after the abortion. She really felt it helped her. Know of my continued prayers for you! My heart breaks for you, but I can't really understand the trama that you must continue to endure! Assuring your children how much they are loved and their ability to ask prayers from a silbing that is already in heaven may bring comfort to them.
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Marcia
Mom to six and wife to one
Homeschooling 10th, 7th, 5th, 2nd, PreK and a toddler in tow.
I wonder why
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guitarnan
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This is such a beautiful and caring thread! I learn so much from all of you, every day, but this thread, to me, is what 4Real is all about. Love and caring and prayers and wisdom...
How lovely to think that the forgiving love of Our Lord is so apparent here!
Maddie, I am thankful you're finding such comfort from everyone.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Tina P.
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Maddie:
You are a very brave woman to have shared this with us. With God's grace, you'll only be stronger than you've proved you already are. You will make the right decision at the right time, I'm certain of that. Know that we are praying for you!
__________________
Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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Maddie
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Dear Friends,
My computer is back, but sadly it is minus the last 4 years of pictures.  I knew I should have backed them up but it was just like the box of pictures sitting in a box under your bed. You mean to put them in albums but never do...
I have so appreciated all the kind words here and in the pms I have received. I have decided to put off making a decision for at least a few more weeks as I feel as if my head is being held under water right now and I am afraid I am not thinking clearly to deal with this well. The anniversary is tomorrow and all I want to do is curl up in bed and stay there, I just feel frozen right now.
Unfortunately, it is not just one family member who would take pleasure in bringing us down. My family is full of alcoholics and adult children raised by alcoholics, so I'm not exactly dealing with your normal relative conflicts. We do avoid and limit contact with these relatives, but I have older teens now and I can't always control their environment and who they talk too.
It is just overwhelming to think of telling them. I can't tell you how many times my children have scooped up a newborn sibling and exclaimed, "How could anyone not want one of these and have an abortion?" We have always encouraged them to have compassion on the parents of aborted babies too as most of them were lied to about their babies. They agree, but they are still so innocent and just can't imagine something so evil. I am so afraid of how it will effect them.
I really liked the idea about talking to someone from Rachel's Vineyard about how to tell the baby's siblings, that is an excellent idea.
I am sadly amazed at the levels of grief I have gone through. There is the immediate, when you realize what you have done, of missing that little baby. But now, I have children from NB to 18 and I can see all the ages and stages I have missed and even a slight glimpse into the future generations (grandchildren) that I have destroyed. Abortion is truly a weapon of evil from the devil, just like the line in the St. Michael prayer says of the devil prowling the world, seeking the ruin of souls.
I have read and reread your kind words and they have been balm to my soul. I truly appreciate the prayers. I will be seeking out some professional help from Rachel's Vineyard to see if they can offer some guidance with this particular issue.
Thank you all.
__________________
~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
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JodieLyn
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Maddie I read this before and have prayed for you. And I completely understand needing some time when you don't have to make the decision..
But as I was reading your post a thought occurred to me on how to approach the topic and while I know you don't want to go into it right now.. I thought if I posted it, you'd have time to let it "stew" in your brain and maybe help you find a way to say something so very difficult.
This line here "We have always encouraged them to have compassion on the parents of aborted babies too as most of them were lied to about their babies."
Would give you a familiar spot to start a discussion from.. "you know how we always encourage you to have compassion for the parents of aborted babies.. well it's because we know first hand how things can get twisted up in your mind and.." then come back to how you know now how wrong and how sad it makes you.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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amyable
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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mary theresa
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I am praying very hard for you, especially tomorrow on the anniversary. God bless you and hold you close.
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Mary Theresa
mother to 3 little girls --March '06, Dec '07 and Jan '10
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Mattie
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Lots of prayers and hugs Maddie.
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Mattie
Maman to 4 beautiful mountain kids in CO
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MaryM
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Yes, praying for you especially as the anniversary approaches.
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Mary M. in Denver
Our Domestic Church
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Mackfam
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I'll be offering Memorares for you tomorrow, Maddie! Know that you are loved dearly by God, by your precious saint, by your husband and children, and by all of us! May God make His mercy known to you tomorrow and all your days! He surely sees the beauty and sincerity of your heart! The evil one would love to take this and twist it further by making you feel worse or less than, but you must know dear Maddie how much heaven rejoices to hear your beautiful testimony of contrition and sincere love. I will pray as you take all of the thoughts on this thread, so sincerely spoken by women who love you and are praying for you, to your heart in prayer pondering with Our Lady and your husband the way He would have you communicate this to your children.
to you, Maddie. You will be remembered and held in prayer tomorrow and beyond as you contemplate this.
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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SusanJ
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Many, many prayers for you tomorrow, Maddie. For comfort, healing, discernment, and peace.
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Mom to Joseph-8, Margaret-6, William-4, Gregory-2, and new little one due 11/1
Life Together
[URL=http://thejohnstonkids.blogspot.com]The Kids' Blog[/UR
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julia s.
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Maddie,
I'm praying for you. I know how anniversaries of past mistakes can take their toll. But the Lord God does forgive.
Some resources for rest and grace spiritually are the Blessed Mother she is the best place to go. And another that I've found personally a soft place to go is St. Jude. At the time (for another reason) I felt quite desperate and pretty lost and I started praying to him. He's a very caring and generous saint and patient.
We're human and we fall sometimes. But that is not where God leaves us. He wipes us clean and gives us new clothes and will offer you His kingdom to live with Him. It isn't a fairytale -- it is a simple Ave like Mary. Sometimes it has to be made minute by minute to make it through a day, but if you ask for this grace it can be gotten through and brought to something beautiful.
I will keep praying through this season for you. Peace.
__________________
julia
married to love of her life
with ds12 ds8 ds3 and ds1
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RamFam
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Maddie,
I will keep you in my prayers, especially tomorrow.
Peace,
__________________
Leah
RamFaminNOVA
Tom ^i^, Kyle (my Marine), Adeline '00, Wyatt '05, Isaac '07 Philip '08,Michael '10, and John Xavier Feb '13
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JenPre
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Maddie you will be held up special in my prayers tomorrow. My heart goes out to you and all you've been through
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Jen
Mommy to Marie-Therese born 12/4/09
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insegnante
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Will also be praying for you (still) especially as you deal with this painful anniversary.
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Theresa
mommy to three boys, 3/02, 8/04, and 9/10, and a girl, 8/08
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Topic: need your sage advice*sensitive
