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JodieLyn
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Oh and something that was a bit of lightbulb moment for me.. One priest I spoke with, pointed out that God knows our lives and basically that you can pray while doing other things.. weeding the garden, washing the dishes, folding the laundry.. and that that is ok.. talk about a relief from feeling inadequate for not carving out time to do nothing except pray.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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10 Bright Stars
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Andrea,
I can completely understand where you are coming from. What you are experiencing is, well, growing pains. Moms get them too! With something new like homeschooling you are being stretched more than you have ever been stretched before and yes, it can be painful. The stress you are feeling is trying to do, as someone else astutely put it, things the way you have always done them. Well, as with any new job, other things will have to be weeded out. Just because you are home, doesn't mean that things are the same. What you ahve come to think of as "must haves and must do it this way" will change REAL fast with homeschooling and a growing family.
Quick reality check too. Your kids are SOOOOOO young. If you just read a few good stories to your daughter each day, spend time on simple catechism, maybe spend some time in nature and then go over her abc's and numbers's with her, WOW!, you have done more than she really needs each day! Don't put that baby down! Before you know it he/she will be running in the other direction anyway. I remember well with my 2nd child and with my 5th child (for some reason) this overwhelming sense of stress while nursing and how it was "holding me up from all the important things I needed to get done." So, a very normal feeling, but just relax. That is a GREAT time to go over things orally with your Kindergartener! Read to her and the 4 year old about the faith, little saint stories etc, flash cards with abc's and numbers. Just sit back and relax. You will regret not taking advantage of that time. Make it fun for you and your children, but not stressful fun where you think they aren't getting enough of this or that. That is YOU interjecting your guilt feelings or thoughts on what this experience will be. Remind yourself that they don't have that perspective given their age. (Gee, why isn't Mom getting me out and about in play groups more? What a drag. I mean, doesn't she get that I am a social girl and need time to hang out with like minded/aged kids?"  See what I mean? She and all the others don't care about that. Sure it might be fun once in awhile, but what they really want is a happy mom, a secure home and a few good toys! They'll be happy as lambs!
As far as laundry goes, the one system I have found that is foolproof is doing one room a day. Put a laundry basket in each child's/(children's)room (if they share.) Put one basket in the bathroom or whereever else laundry acumulates in your home. (maybe even the family room! W We always end up with a ton of little kids clothes in there!) Then, make a little schedule. Gabrielle on Mondays, Seraphina's on Tuesday etc. I do one load of wets (dishrags and bathroom towels each day as well.) So, I wash, dry, fold, put away, one persons (or one shared room if kids share a room) each day and each night the laundry room is completely cleaned out and I am actually "done". You have no idea how amazing it is to feel as if you have "finished" with the laundry for the day since it is a never-ending job. The next day, I just go and collect the other kids' laundry. I usually have to look for laundry to do most days now as I am always caught up, and I have 8 kids with one on the way!!!!!! It took me years to figure this out, but now my laundry room is not a storage room for dirty laundry as it used to be, but a working, functioning laundry area where clothes go in and out in one day for each room. Anyway, you get the point, but I can't tell you how much this has helped me. I think the thing that finally clicked mentally with me is that this job won't ever be "finished" so I had to stop acting as if I could get it "finished". I could do all the laundry in the house one day, maybe 8 loads or so, and be "done" for that minute, and then I would blink and the launry room would be overflowing with dirty laundry again.  I do LESS laundry just doing one room/or one person's laundry each day and accomplish more. Crazy, huh? The secret is to not mindlessly pile laundry into the laundry room and mix everyone's up together. Keep them separated so there is practically no sorting, and just do a small amount each day, while done faithfully, accomplishes more. I put the laundry in right when I get up in the morning, switch it to the dryer during 10:30 snack break, re-load washer, fold stuff and rotate again quickly during lunch, and then finish the whole job at 3. It sounds like a lot, but I am only in the laundry room about 5 or so minutes at a pop, and I actually consider that room sort of a comforting haven right now since it is a consistantly successful area of the home and it is CLEAN! 
As for the meals, make a set meal for each day of the week and stick to it. Spaghetti on Sat., chilli on Tuesdays. If you have company twice a week, have a plan for that, make sure you have the stuff on hand, and then stick to it. (Maybe just rotate a few meals.) Also, with so much entertaining, it must drive you nuts to have to keep your house clean. I would have designated play areas so the areas that guests use are usually clean for the most part. (If this is possible.) We have a school room/play area in our basement that we play in/school in most of the day which helps with the messes upstairs.
Back to the original thought though....This time will pass. You are learning on the job, which I hope doesn't sound patronizing, it is just the truth. The kids are changing each day, you will be learning new things as you go along. I think you would probably miss out on a lot by sending the little one to school, but that will be figured out with prayer.
And, finally, my fail proof tip. Get up a little early and say a Rosary. I say a Rosary in the morning, and then one with the family at night. I cannot tell you how much this has changed my life. If I don't say the Rosary, my day is a mess. This is not saying that the Rosary is "magic" like some sort of box to be checked etc., but I think in some way it shows our humility, our plea for help and an admitting that we CANNOT do this...alone or by our own power. Yes, this job IS too much! When I say the Rosary and ask for help for the day and for school, things go so much more smoothly and I feel at peace about what I am doing. This is the first year I have not been plagued with self-doubt about every little decision to do with school.
Enjoy this time! I laugh a bit at the old me, so stressed to do "real school" with a 4 year old and 5 year old. You can see by the ages listed below where I am now, and I do wish I could go back in time and tell the younger me to chill out! I would just be a happy mom for them and not worry about getting through this or that workbook and always be in a state of self-doubt. You have the grace to do this and you need to trust your instincts. If school is making you feel stressed, them maybe you are trying to do too much schoolish school. Just have fun and enjoy your growth and theirs. Also, if the house is messy on a Wednesday and you are freaking out about it, by all means stop and clean it! You can always do reading to the kids later in the afternoon, or do some math games on Saturday. Your time right now is SO flexible.
Good luck!
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Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
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Erin
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Andrea
Everyone has already given you such wonderful advice, so I'll just add 
If you want to remind yourself that homechooling can be kept simple yet very effective I have gathered many Simple posts here they are currently helping me very much.
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Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
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allegiance_mom
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Andrea,
Just wondering, do you have outside help (ie babysitter) when you entertain? Could that be re-worked to take some more of the burden off of you? Like maybe transitioning from a babysitter to a mother's helper who would also do some chores? Could some of the entertaining be shifted to a local parish hall or campus facility? Does it all *have* to be in your home?
I might take a week and keep a journal of all of my waking hours. Not detailed, just jot down what you've done and how long it took. Then, at the end of the week, sit down with dh and go over what you did and the things that didn't get done. He may have no real idea of the stress and time constraints you're under.
Good luck! I'm sure it will all work out!
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Allegiance Mom in NY
Wife 17 years
Mom to two boys, 14 and 8, and one pre-born babe in Heaven (Jan 2010)
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DaniW
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Andrea,
I tend to lurk here and don't often reply to threads, but I read your post earlier and have felt the Holy Spirit nudging me to reply, so I came back on this evening to do just that. I know everyone has already offered such great advice; I hope some of what I add is helpful, too.
The first year of homeschooling is a learning curve in itself without throwing a newborn into the mix. You must have started school around the time you welcomed a new baby into your family. That's a lot at one time, for everyone! Even veteran homeschool moms with new babies take some time off to adjust and rest. Your daughter will not be set back if you just take a few months to regain your sense of normalcy after adding another baby to the family and hold off for now on any formal schooling. I know others have said it, but read, play, and talk and you'll have a perfectly adequate preschool and K curriculum!
However, I thought I could post a couple of things that I found helpful for my son, who is the same age. I know you mentioned your daughter still needs help with her letter formation and she's a perfectionist. I hear you! One thing I found to work wonders was printing out alphabet tracers (I use Jan Brett's, free on her website.) and inserting them into page protectors and using dry-erase markers. Then you can have her do just 1 or 2 letters a day, but with the added bonus of being able to wipe them clean, she may not feel like each attempt is so "permanent" and won't feel the anxiety of getting it perfect. Then, too, she will know that she will have multiple attempts at practicing that letter, rather than trying to "get it right" the only time it's offered in a workbook. Also, this system allows me to hand one sheet to each child--different letters--but they all feel like they are doing the same thing. My 3 yr old really takes his time and is more meticulous than my 5 yr old!
Maybe you could abandon the CHC curriculum for now and do more informal activities that everyone can be involved in. For instance, for math, we do calendar math, and I have several activities that are specifically for each child, including simple pictures of weather in a page protector that the littlest gets to circle each day for his contribution. It takes us about 10 minutes. Then school work feels more like a fun family time thing than something that's taking mom away from everyone else to focus on one person for an extended period. And for reading/phonics, I admit that I have found a saving grace in using an online program! My son thinks it is great fun, he can do his lesson independently while I tend to something else or someone else, which helps a lot! Even if it's a crazy day and we can't do much else, at least he can still get this done
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Servant2theKing
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Andrea, have you shared your feelings and the things you expressed here with your husband? The title of your post really struck a chord in my soul, especially when I read your second post. Surely your dh would never dream of leaving his beloved wife to drown, in order to minister to others, especially if he truly realized the depth of your discouragement. Can the two of you prayerfully consider ways to share the duties of your homelife? Our FIRST mission field must be our family. Homeschooling automatically increases the load within the home and family...wherever possible both parents ought to share the load. If every homeschooling father was asked to be exclusively responsible for homeschooling their children, while still performing the duties of their occupation, they would have a renewed sense of all that their wives have undertaken and rush to their aid at every opportunity! Perhaps the Lord can guide you and your husband toward ways you can decrease some of his outside duties and increase his ability to assist you in the home, until you no longer feel you are drowning in your responsibilities. Our family life and homeschooling was once similar to yours...I always felt like our life was focused on mere survival, rather than the joyful journey of learning I yearned for, UNTIL my husband came alongside and started becoming involved in the teaching and chores to a much greater degree. We took WAY too many years to arrive at that point. Younger, hopefully wiser, families can learn from burned out veterans and pro-actively avoid the pitfalls of learning through trial and error. Fervently pray together for wisdom and grace to know how you can embrace homeschooling together, as a team! The Holy Spirit Novena is a wonderful prayer for just such intentions! May the Holy Spirit enkindle in your lives a renewed sense of all that He truly desires for your precious family.
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Elena
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"It just breaks my heart when I sit with my baby to nurse, and all I can think about is when I can put her down so I can get something else done."
Dear, there will come a time when everything else is done and you'll wish you had a baby to nurse!
Your child is one year older than my youngest and I think at that age some of the best things you can do with her are let her follow you around and help you. Little girls love to help mommy. And you have a baby she can change and play with and help feed! She can learn a lot this year just by helping you with cooking, cleaning and the baby - and at 5 it is a lot easier to have her do those things than it may be when she's 15!
Stop stressing, take one day at a time, and enjoy every moment. It will all work its way out in the end.
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Elena
Wife to Peter, mom of many!
My Domestic Church
One Day at a Time
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happymama
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have your dh read this thread!! :)
consider every single thing your oldest does as part of her education... peeling carrots... looking at the fallen leaves outside... putting her own laundry away... learning to share toys...
of all traditional education subjects, I vote for ignoring all of them formally except for phonics. My 6yo can read for 3 hours straight, and read to his younger siblings - it's obviously a big help to me.
I know other FOCUS married men, and it always makes me shake my head in amazement. I have a few good friends who are married to protestant ministers, and their lives are such a witness to the practicality of an unmarried priesthood! The wives & children are basically on their own. I hope that FOCUS does better than the protestant churches and realizes the importance of giving your husband sufficient time at home to be your partner. I second the vote for delegating a subject to him to teach your daughter!
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happymama
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Oh, and if you are entertaining college students, I have come to the belief that you & your husband would be doing an actual dis-service to them if you are trying to present married life to them as all sweet, tidy, uncomplicated, quiet, peaceful... How I wish when I was in college I had gotten a better idea of what real married life was like... We can surely share the ideals we strive for while still admitting how far from them we typically fall... I find it all but impossible to have good conversation with multiple toddlers in the house!
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Michiel
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Andrea,
This is my first full year of homeschooling, and I'm only homeschooling one child. So I don't have the expertise that all these other wonderful ladies have, but I did want to put my two cents in.
If I had known then what I know now, I would have started both my boys in homeschool. As it is, I am only homeschooling the younger ds, as the older wishes to remain at Catholic Elementary. It is a fine school, but do not disillusion yourself. How I wish I could have both at home! In addition to our homeschooling, I also must oversee homework, get everyone up early, get everyone ready to take older son to school, interrupt the afternoon to pick him up, deal with the raffles, scholastic book leaflets, food drives, etc. They are all good things, but how much simpler and more relaxed our lives would be if we were all at home.
As to the social aspect: it isn't all it's cracked up to be. Some children come from more permissive and/or affluent homes than others, and the kids all compare notes. Shows that we don't watch, electronic devices that we don't have, etc. all are status symbols with the children. There is a lot of keeping up with the Joneses in school.
When I was feeling overwhelmed earlier this year, I talked to a homeschool friend of mine who told me that she told her dh that he could have educated kids, clean underwear in the dresser and dinner on the table, or he could have a clean house. The choice was his. I relaxed and lowered my expectations for myself after that and am much happier.
Nuts and bolts: I have a cleaning lady come in once a month. That little bit helps tremendously. I email my grocery list to my dh and he picks up what we need on the way home from work. Mondays are leftover night. It is a bright spot for Mondays. I have a sitter come on Thursday afternoons. If I had a baby, I'd take baby with me. My ds LOVES the sitter (a guy). They go out and do things that i normally wouldn't do, so I see it as education in another form.
I read somewhere to just do the next thing, whatever that thing is. Not looking ahead helps with tranquility. So when you nurse the baby, that is what you're doing. After that, do the next thing.
Peace and blessings
Michiel
mother of Michael 98 and Matthew 01
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anniemm
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I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back with you all on this post. I can't begin to tell you how immensely helpful it has been to me, how your prayers and support have given me peace, and how encouraged I am right now.
Someone hit the nail on the head with the fact that I'm trying to do everything like I always have. That hit me hard, and really made sense to me. I no longer have only very small children who nap for 3 hours every afternoon when I can get both quiet and time for housework.
I have printed out the entire thread, highlighted all the wonderful suggestions, started implementing most of them, and have set aside CHC for the time being. I realized that I have been results-oriented and that may be overkill for our first year and for kindergarten.
I've clicked on every link offered, read every article, and started re-reading Mother's Rule of Life.
I've talked with my wonderful husband and he has been so supportive and helpful. He's taken over Math for me, and is doing it with her before they go together to daily Mass every day. She loves the time with him and he understands some of my frustrations a bit better and we can work together on them.
I am trying to RELAX and simplify, and I know I have a long road ahead of tweaking and finding out what works best for our family.
Thank you all, so so very much for all the time you put into supporting me and making suggestions.
My prayers are with you all! God bless you!
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Andrea
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Wife to Charlie (03)
Mama to four little girls (04), (05), (07), (09),& my 1st little guy 11/11
www.hiswillmypeace.com
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Mimip
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Andrea,
Isn't God amazing!!!!!!!!! 
I am so glad that you have found such a peace within in your home!
We'll be praying for you!
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In Christ,
Mimi
Wife of 16 years to Tom, Mom of DD'00, DD'02, '04(in heaven) DS'05, DS'08 and DS '12
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martinas6
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| Posted: Nov 13 2009 at 7:22pm | IP Logged
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As a homeschooling mom of 8,with our oldest 2 taking on highschool at home ....I say...put away the books! time goes by fast and once they reached the age where schooling is required(about 7) there is no going back..I would be happy just doing read alouds and perhaps get yourself a little (lap sized) dry erase board and show her in 5 minute lessons on the sofa the beginning of phonics.God Bless and hang in there.Martina DeRose in IL
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Zeliemum
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| Posted: Nov 25 2009 at 6:50pm | IP Logged
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Dear Andrea,
I can relate to so much in your post. My husband also works for the Church and we do a lot of entertaining also. I don’t know if this would be suitable in your situation, and I know that other ladies have mentioned it as well, but if you could mention to your guests, to bring something, if they asked “would you like me to bring something”, maybe ask for a dessert; or maybe some nibbles or the meat, drinks, some BBQ chicken for a chicken salad, a bake or salad. They could bring their speciality. Every little offering helps and will be greatly appreciated.
I am a person that loves to do it all too but I have found that I have to accept the help if and when it’s offer, with 9 in our family our dinner parties or luncheons can get big.
I also had 4 dc in 4 years, we lived in the middle of nowhere for the first years of home schooling. I started with simple writing practice/phonics and numbers, dressing up - plays, stories, learning about Our Lord and Mary - simple prays, colouring in and loads of Lego building and play dough. It got me through and they didn’t feel pressure at all as I changed things up according to what I could handle for that week. I now have a timetable to keep me on track, yet I will still change things up depending on my burnout or not. I make up a course of study with our material and I have a record book that keeps me accountable with time. Don’t worry, I do this now that I home school 2 high schoolers, 2 middle graders, 1 first grader and 1 kindy aged child.
I have 7 children and I start my younger ones later rather than sooner. I find by doing this, they get concepts quicker; they have more self control and focus.
My daughter will start next year (she is 51/2 and she is an eager beaver too) I have had to tell her that her time will come soon and we are nearly there. She sits with me while I do phonics, we incorporate her into our science lessons, she does colouring in and collage and a couple of other basics but that is all. I started my son at 6 as he turned 7 later in the year and he’s going great guns.
I also have a very destructive and roaming toddler that keeps us all very, very busy.
I recommend gates if you can. I am currently living in my first home that I can’t gate my kitchen and schoolroom off and it’s very difficult. My boy is just beautiful and a blessing to our family, I know this is just a stage that we have to endure the best we can.
I have been told that H/Sing is a form of white martyrdom, which I agree too. I guess we can accept white or red or burn off our temporal sins in purgatory. I’m growing to believe that h/sing, being open to life, a big Catholic family; with its struggles and difficulties is a way to accept the crown of white martyrdom.
In saying this the good that it does for our children souls, the protection we can offer them from the secular culture in fighting to keep their purity and innocence, and help build self confident faith filled young Catholic adults certainly is the biggest blessing of all, and we are fulfilling our role as the Church militant effectively in working toward our salvation.
God Bless you, your family and mission.
C
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Mother to seven with five in heaven...Spiritualmotherhood for Priests
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Topic: Drowning.
