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CrunchyMom
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| Posted: Aug 20 2009 at 1:28pm | IP Logged
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Yk, I felt like that a lot as a teen, but it was because *I* wasn't interested in the same movies, music, and topics as my peers. I recall being made fun of for the television shows I watched, and my parents did have more rules about such things than other families, but they weren't that strict.
Frankly, that is still often true as an adult, though I now have more genuine friends than I have at any other point in my life, I don't really have irl peers who are interested in discussing a lot of my biggest interests.
Unless they are genuinely *interested* in the things of which these other children speak, I don't see how your relaxing your standards would make your children fit in better (or feel as though they fit in better--its entirely possible for the teen who looks normal and watches the normal movies to feel the exact same way but just find it easier to "fake" it, iykwim).
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Stephanie_Q
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| Posted: Aug 20 2009 at 3:58pm | IP Logged
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LML22 wrote:
Actually, it is not so much about our rules and standards. They agree with most of it. HOWEVER, they feel like they don't have a close friend due to these beliefs. They feel left out of the talk because the other kids will be talking about this band or that movie (that we don't do) and so they don't feel like they don't have much in common. My ds mentioned some music that he likes and the other kids laughed and said it was awful music. Doesn't make a teen feel real good when that happens. Also, a lot of these kids do video games/Wii and we don't. My dc like to talk about their hobbies (musical instruments and building/animal projects) and most of the talk is over guitar hero or something like that. It gets frustrating to them. |
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I see what you mean. My husband was home schooled through high school and feels like he "missed" out on a lot of the high school experiences that some of our friends and aquaintances talk about. As someone else mentioned, it is much easier to be friends with an individual - they can find things in common to do or talk about. When we get in a group the conversations tend to turn to "remember when", especially where everyone went to the same school. My dh feels really left out, then. As someone from 'outside' the group, it can be hard for me, too. For example, my SILs went to highschool together and I'm several years older than them and from out of state although sometimes I can relate a story from my own high school experience more easily than my husband would be able to. There are lots of instances where we don't fit in to a group and not just because of our beliefs, but, as someone mentioned, because of our interests and in other cases, because of our experiences. Maybe pointing that out can help?
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Willa
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| Posted: Aug 21 2009 at 9:43am | IP Logged
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CrunchyMom wrote:
Yk, I felt like that a lot as a teen, but it was because *I* wasn't interested in the same movies, music, and topics as my peers. I recall being made fun of for the television shows I watched, and my parents did have more rules about such things than other families, but they weren't that strict.
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Ditto, and that is important. It's not just about being homeschooled, or being too traditional or too strict.
Plus, sometimes the kids that look like they "fit in" don't really feel like they do.
Bringing Up Geeks is a good book on this topic.
I think homeschooled kids sometimes think it is homeschooling that makes them "different" when probably a lot of kids shared the "I'm different" experience in the teen years but figured it was something to do with them personally -- awkwardness or different interests -- or that their family was stricter or poorer than others. In other words, feeling "different" isn't just a homeschooled or traditional thing but those particular differences give the teen something to pin it on.
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Willa
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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: Aug 21 2009 at 11:07am | IP Logged
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Willa wrote:
I think homeschooled kids sometimes think it is homeschooling that makes them "different" when probably a lot of kids shared the "I'm different" experience in the teen years but figured it was something to do with them personally -- awkwardness or different interests -- or that their family was stricter or poorer than others. In other words, feeling "different" isn't just a homeschooled or traditional thing but those particular differences give the teen something to pin it on. |
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Definitely. Homeschooling, or dresses only, or whatever, becomes the easy thing to blame. And teens seem to want to find something to blame. I would make a point of trying to connect with the family who has made similar choices a bit more, if you can. The other thing is that sometimes it can help a teen to do something for someone else when they are focused on their own needs. Volunteering at a local thrift store, the library at story time, etc can be a distraction and help them to pull out of a funk.
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Stacy Y
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| Posted: Sept 11 2009 at 6:08pm | IP Logged
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I followed the same standards as you (except the latin mass  ) when I was a protestant and found it much easier to find fellowship with other like-minded people. Since I have converted to Catholicism, and only naturally kept my very conservative standards, it has been very, very frustrating to find like minded friends. I have a very small few, but nothing like what I experienced as a protestant. We had whole colleges and family camps and conventions full of thousands of likeminded people. It was a whole culture, almost, something I long to give to my children.
I am curious if there are more conservative diocese where I might find more fellowship, maybe just because I am in Los Angeles where our bishop and most priests are so liberal? I love being Catholic so much and would rather die than leave the church or go back to being a protestant, but I do miss the conservative fellowship so very much.
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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: Sept 12 2009 at 8:38am | IP Logged
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LA? You are going to have a harder time finding that sort of community. 
If you don't mind driving, try this parish. I think you would find that community you are looking for. Its a magnet parish with lots of people with similar values to the ones you describe. The priests are traditional, the ccd is trustworthy, the church itself is beautiful, and there are tons of homeschoolers. People drive up to 2 hrs each way to attend there...even from the high desert!
Fwiw, I converted from the same kind of protestant-ism that you are describing, too, only I wasn't raised that way. Its definitely a different world, huh??
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Topic: too traditional
